Day 01 - 12/23/2015

Part 01

My legs are dangling from the edge. I jump. Hit the tiles without falling over or backwards on my butt. Pain makes it's way from my ankles upwards to my thighs and I hiss. I'm on the pediment, the hood roof thingy over the entrance door. Thanks for the architect who designed a balcony over the front door. And thanks Ishizu who let me have the room with it, calculating that the sun would set right in front of my window, allowing me to enjoy more brightness. No thanks for the Christmas decoration on top of the door roof: two long neon wires, one red, one green, hanging over the roof, catching one of my boots in between. I untangle it and jump again.

I have to be quick. Want to catch the train at 9:45pm, enjoy a night out in the city and return before Dad wakes up. Our house is big, but the mornings are terribly silent and once he's awake he hears every single thing going on in it. So if I return too late, he'd hear me come through the door and ground me for at least two weeks.

His reasoning for grounding have been once better, now it seems he just does it because he hasn't done it in a while.

I run down the empty road, just hopping in in time. The train's fuller than I expected it to be. It is Wednesday, middle of the week after all. And my birthday by the way, the 23rd of December. I am sixteen now but I feel like a small child. Being expected to go to sleep at half ten, but sneaking out to wander around in the big city all alone.

I leave the underground and step out into the loud night. I love the smell of cold air, but the sting of it in my lungs feels unpleasant. I walk in a hurry. There is not much snow on the streets yet, just a few ugly mud chunks here and there that quickly crumble away under my boots. This corner of the state is weird, the real snow fall comes usually far after January, leaving the streets in chaos and angry drivers. Before that everybody acts blissfully unaware as if they never experienced winter here before.

Gah, forgot to write to Ishizu. I pull out my smartphone and tap onto the Whatsapp logo, waiting for it to load. Ugh, I forgot my gloves as well. Stupid day.

My eyes glance over the last conversation whether I want it or not, rereading it.

I check when she has been last seen: 9:02 PM. Right after she left the house, after the fight with Dad. Can't blame her for doing that. I text her:
Marik: Hey, where are you? (10:06 PM)

Not long and she writes back:
Ishizu: at the apartment (10:11 PM)
Marik: Of your boyfriend? (10:12 PM)
Ishizu: yes (10:12 PM)
Ishizu: Rishid told you what happened? (10:12 PM)
Marik: Yes (10:12 PM)

She is online, I am online. This is weird. She never mentioned her boyfriend before tonight and I wished I could talk to her face to face.

Marik: I'm sure he is mad at himself for slapping you (10:14 PM)
Her next message comes right after mine so it is not a response to my last message.
Ishizu: I'm sorry I never said anything before (10:14 PM)
She writes more:
Ishizu: no Marik don't excuse his actions! (10:14 PM)
Ishizu: I had enough of this (10:14 PM)
Ishizu: this is no way one should treat someone he loves! (10:14 PM)
Ishizu: I am pretty sure I am not pregnant but even if I was it is not an excuse for hitting me in the face and wanting me to have an abortion! this is my body and my decision and he has no say in this! (10:14 PM)
I agree, but what can I say? She is angry and I let her be angry, let her fume and put her anger into words. Maybe after a few days the world will look much more promising and she will come back home.
Marik: I am sorry that this happened to you (10:15 PM)
Marik: But you're not pregnant? (10:15 PM)
Ishizu: no most likely not. he just overheard us talking and overreacted (10:15 PM)
Ishizu: as usual (10:15 PM)

I feel a bit left out. She has been talking to Rishid in the living room, well, more whispering. But stopping, once I passed them. So I went upstairs, preparing clothes for my night out. Putting on golden jewelry and make-up. I'm a boy by the way. But whatever, I was upstairs, when I heard Dad yelling and Ishizu crying out. I rushed down the stairs and heard the slap. A loud smack, the sound a hand makes when it lands on skin. I stood in the door, watched Ishizu's eyes tearing up, her lips shut tightly, her palm on her cheek. Rishid was just staring, Dad was staring as well, but with more determination on his face. Ishizu left the room, passing me and went upstairs. Later, Rishid explained to me that Ishizu was worried about being pregnant and that Dad wanted her to have an abortion. Later again, Ishizu left the house with a bag but no words of goodbye for us.

My sister and stepbrother have been a bit more closer as of lately. Or so it seems. I'm the youngest child, Ishizu is nineteen and Rishid is already twenty-five. Ten years older than me. No wait, nine years now that I am sixteen. And he's still living with us, mainly because he is the one bringing money home because our father is retired. Not officially, he is too young for that yet but after our Mom died, he had a mayor breakdown, and now he is waiting for the widower's pension. I doubt he'll ever work again. Four more years and he'll get his pension. I sure hope Rishid will leave him then.

I bump into someone, mumble 'sorry' and decide to sit down somewhere to read Ishizu's messages. I find a bench near a playground and take a seat. There is laughter behind me, are there still kids outside? I must admit I have no real idea what normal kids are allowed to do and what not. Being raised by my overprotective Dad, I always had to be home as soon as I got out of school.

Ishizu: where are you? (10:17 PM)
Ishizu: went out? ;p (10:18 PM)
Marik: How'd you know? :o (10:19 PM)
Ishizu: noticed you painting your eyes (10:20 PM)
Marik: I'm busted, eh? But yes, I'm in the city (10:20 PM)
Ishizu: Happy Birthday, Marik! 3 (10:20 PM)
Her next message consists of only heart- and flower-emojis. I chuckle. And freeze. The wind is caressing my skin under the hoodie which is a bit short since I accidentally washed it wrong.
Marik: Thank you :* (10:20 PM)
Ishizu: how does it feel to be 16? cx (10:20 PM)
Ishizu: look into your bag! (10:20 PM)
Ishizu: good night and don't forget to return home (10:20 PM)

The last three messages came in rapidly. She was not expecting a quick reply. My bag? Hah, Sis really knows me too well. I've been carrying the same bag every time I sneak into the city. She knew I would take it with me this time too. It's small enough for my purse and a small bottle of water. Dehydration is important.

I look inside it. There's something squared, wrapped in gift paper. Not Christmas gift paper though, as it is for my birthday and not for Christmas. Pink gift paper with blue stars on it. I grin to myself and unwrap the small thing, expecting it to be a book. It is a notebook, full of empty pages, waiting to be filled. 'Diary' it says in classical letters on the front. I grin more.

This is an inside joke between my sister and me. Years ago, when I was five and she was nine, she was annoyed with me because I couldn't wait until I got into school as well, just like her and Rishid. I was jealous at them, have always been. The curse of the youngest child. Ishizu, a hardworking slave in the school system for four years, mocked me, telling me I'm dumb and that education wasn't as fun as I thought it was. She had bad grades then and twitched every time someone said the word 'school'. Dad laughed at us and asked me why I was so excited for school. I answered 'becoze I wan' to learn w'itin' and reawin' and then I can w'ite in a diary!' This story got repeated several times throughout my life at family gatherings and other meetings, much to my annoyance.
The good thing is, Rishid actually taught me to read and write in that year, so I was pretty good at it when I entered first class in school.

There's more in my bag, a small, slender object, wrapped in the same colorful gift paper. It's obvious. A pencil. I unwrap it and put both gifts back in my bag, then get my phone.

Marik: Best. Gift. Ever. (10:25 PM)
Marik: Finally a way to write down every silly and mean thing my big sis has ever done to me! (10:25 PM)
I reread her last messages and add more:
Marik: Well, I'm sweet sixteen and in the big big city! Might go clubbing! Yolo! xP (10:26 PM)
Marik: Nah, I'll return soon I guess (10:26 PM)

The ironic epilogue of the little diary story is that I never actually started using one after I entered school. I spend my time doing homework and learning. Reading and writing yes, but for school, not for myself. So this gift isn't such a bad idea after all. I might start using it.

I get it out of my bag and flip through it. Blank pages, no lines. Ishizu knows I like to doodle. I always do it when I use the house telephone. I fish the pencil out and write '12/23/2015' on the top right corner of the first page. Then I ponder about what to write next for a few minutes but give up quickly. Now is not the time.

I notice that Ishizu never said when she will come back home and I wonder if she done it on purpose or simply forgot. I wonder who her boyfriend is, how he looks like and so on. We aren't as close as we used to, but then again we're boy and girl and I guess there is girls stuff that never reaches boys.

It's getting darker, or maybe it just feels like it does. I get up and continue walking, zipping up my jacket. I should pass the cinema, there may be the new program for the next month. The cinema is full. Oh, of course. Half price today. It's not the first time I studied the price list but you never remember such things from reading alone. I grab the new program and stare at the movie posters. Can't wait til 'The Forrest' comes out! And '400 Days'! And 'The 5th Wave'! Will watch them all on my laptop late at night in the darkness, pretending to be here. I walk away, wondering if cinema's are actually loud inside too. Do people talk much while watching a movie?

I walk until I get exhausted, then rest on a bench again. I check Tumblr, scrolling through my dash until I see something worth reblogable. I don't have much followers but I don't care. I made a few friends here, one is even living nearby. 'JadenSomething'. We started writing messages and discovered that we're living practically door to door. He is actually living in this city. We never met though because he has weird working hours and I am not allowed to set foot outside.

Jaden wrote me a new message. I reply, then post one of my genius thoughts as text post.

I start to feel cold again so I continue walking. I go back now, I feel bad about leaving the house tonight, with Ishizu gone and my Dad surely sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, being completely silent. I feel my phone buzz, a new message from Ishizu? I'll check on the train. What time is it? I get my phone and - Oh, the message is from Rishid.

Rishid: Come back home. (10:55 PM)

Rishid and I never had much in common. Having ten years of age difference between us, we grew up almost solitary from one another. When I was five, dreaming about school, he was fifteen, a rebellious teen - as much rebellious as you could get in this household anyways. When I was ten, beginning to get annoyed at adults and wanting to be a teenager, he was twenty, just leaving the adventurous world of teenage hormones and starting to take responsibility. He was always two steps ahead of me and Ishizu one.
I felt like I had to constantly live up to them - no, be better than them. I was always the third one to do or be or try, things that were new and exciting to me, were old-school to them. That, and the fact that I am the reason our Mom died. I can never make up for this.

Now, I'm fift- sixteen, sorry, and feel... so much. Yeah, that's hormones as they taught us in biology class but for the first time I feel like I am someone. I want to do so much, explore and meet people, I want to go outside and hang out with friends, try on clothes in expensive shops and... I don't know, well, I... I want to kiss another boy.

Yeah, I'm gay.

I do have this girlfriend at school but only because she asked. I'm pretty popular with girls but then again I'm not.
At first, the girl is interested in me, some just establish eye contact and are too shy to talk to me, so they talk about me. Some are brave enough to come directly to me. But soon enough both kind of girls find out through others that I never hang out after school because my Dad doesn't allow it. Every single time the new girl, if she is one of the brave ones, will come to me and ask me why my Dad is so strict. An if he cannot let me go out for 'juuuuust one night!' or 'juuust for me!'

I get, do you get it? They want to 'save' me. First they see my six pack and assume I am strong and independent, then they learn I am vulnerable and caged. I am what a book writer would call a 'round' character. Strong, yet tragic. Doomed by fate, but still fighting.

But I never liked their promising eyes or their half-smiles. It's a good thing I easily get addicted when they grin and smile back automatically without meaning it. I kissed three girls by now. Tracy at the Christmas party in school, that blonde exchange girl from Germany - but then again, she kissed like every guy in my class; and well, my girlfriend. Sarah. I'd say that's a pretty high score for a guy who never gets out. And is gay.

Sarah is pretty, her eyes are big, her hair is black and she is popular with the guys. I guess we look good as a pair. Some guy stole her sports bra after P.E. and I demanded it back. The guy seemed intimidated by me, they all seem to. It's easy when you're muscular and no one really knows what you're like. I hate that. I don't really have a group I belong too. I just hang out with Yuugi, because he is an outsider, like me. A Japanese boy with bad grades, but strict parents as well. Always gets bullied. I protect him a bit by being in his presence. No one beats him up when I'm around.

I gave the bra back to Sarah in the girl's locker. She put on that smile on her face and kissed me. The room was empty and we started making out, touching tongues. I could pretend she was a guy until she started to moan. She grabbed my hand and slid it under her skirt and panties. I stepped back and stared at her. She stared back. Then I left the room and we never spoke of that.

After that incident rumors start spreading around that she was seeing other guys. She started to hang around with Micah and his friends. We still kissed every morning and after school, but she grew distant. We haven't kissed deeply again yet. I am not sure what she thinks but I don't really care. I wanna kiss a guy and not her. I don't even know why I'm with her.

It is past eleven and I'm almost at the train station. Rishid writes again.

Rishid: Marik, he knows you're out. (11:09 PM)

Wait, what. I freeze in my step.

Rishid: I tried to talk to him. You know he talks after a fight. but then he wanted to talk to you too and burst into your room before I coud stop him (11:09 PM)
Rishid: He's angry. (11:10 PM)
Rishid: I told him you just went outside for a walk around the neighborhood. (11:10 PM)
Rishid: Come home as soon as you can. (11:10 PM)

Ffff... That had to happen some day. But why today? He's already mad enough because of Ishizu. Normally, we kind of take turns with 'bad news' so he won't outrage too much. Leave a few days pass before the next thing happens.

I don't really want to go home now. But I should.

Dad's angry.

It's weird how many things a person does on auto-run. For example, I never remember how I get dressed up and go to school, I just suddenly stand at the bus station and later I am inside the school building. After a while your brain doesn't bother you to ask what to do next because you have already done it a hundred times. You don't think anymore, you just act.
Same with my Dad. He is angry because I am outside, so I return home.

The train needs around fifteen minutes from here to my home station. The next one comes in four minutes! Rishid is clever, he surely didn't tell Dad that he messaged me already, he is talking to him now and waits until I tell him I arrived at our station. This way I can pretend to come home right after he 'messaged' me, thus proving that I wasn't far away. We prepared for this situation.

I stop staring at my phone and put it in my jacket's pocket. It starts ringing, someone is calling me. Dammit. I'm not in the mood to talk, I have to catch the train. I continue walking, I'm almost at the train station. I look at the display and freeze again, right before the first step to the stairs that lead me underground. The street is suddenly so silent that for a second I think I am already back standing on our suburb avenue.

Dad is calling me. He never calls me.

Again, I stare, then I pick up. Or slide up. Really, phone's have changed, language should too. I make a mental note of posting this thought onto Tumblr later. I hold the phone to my ear and gulp. "Dad?" My voice betrays me by trembling.

"Come back, Marik. You die there outside!" He is too loud, too fearsome.

I let out a short laugh. "It's not that cold, Dad. I'm just around the corner. I'm-"

He interrupts me. "Not because of the cold, Marik! Bad people are outside at this hour! You're too small, too weak, you need to be here with me!"

Our voices are a mirror of one another, making me drop my laugh. How I hate it to be so similar to him. What am I afraid of? Yeah, he'll ground me, it's too late now anyways to change anything about that. I am done with being afraid. Ishizu is right. It's enough. He needs to get us off his leash!

Down, behind the steps, the train arrives. I hear the sound, its stopping in its brakes, the doors opening, people pouring out. "Dad, " I say slowly. "I'm home soon. You are overreacting-" I take the first step downstairs but come to a halt as he interrupts me.

"I am not overreacting! You children need me! Come back home this instant or you're grounded for a year!" He hangs off. I am not moving.

I stare at my feet, hear the people coming closer and closer. A man passes me from behind and vanishes downstairs, holding his scarf close to his neck. Then the mass of men, women and children appear below me, dissolve from the shadows and stream upstairs and separate before me. Some brush me, being annoyed at me for standing in their way. Their sound and smell surrounds me and I feel awake.

Enough auto-run. Think, don't act.

I frown and put the phone back into my pocket. Turning around, I find myself in the middle of a group, feeling participating at life. Someone has coffee in a steaming cup, another person starts jogging with his dog besides him. The group quickly splits up, everybody is heading into a different direction and I am going back into the middle of the city.

The streets are still full. I am smiling. I stop and post my superb thought about language and phones on Tumblr, noticing a new message from Jaden. I feel reality hitting me. What am I actually planning to do now? All I know is that I don't want to go home.

A/N: Rewrote and separated the first chapter. So this is part one of the first day. It's still a big chunk to read I guess.

Since this is an (more or less realistic) AU, Marik does not have scars on his back. I also changed Akefia's eyes from being purple to being blue. I left them having white hair because it is an important trait of them. There might be more details I will change, but so far I think this is as close I can get to Marik in this setting.