Joker

Allen Walker

"Poker."

The word, so familiar to me, had my head shoot up before I could even think to control myself. Poker had been one of the few things I'd found fun prior to my release from that hellhole, and I still held a penchant for the game. I was good at it too. It may have been awhile since I'd played against other people -years, in fact-, but I knew without a doubt that I could outplay anyone in this room. Four survival's sake, I'd engrained winning into my very being.

Tiedoll had decided to visit again the following Tuesday, bringing with him both of my boss' brothers and his own PA. They stood directly in my line of site, forming a circle in the area that connected the main hallway to my office. Unlike the rest of the group who were engrossed in the conversation, my boss was openly staring at me, most likely having noticed my reaction.

Instead of striking up a conversation of our own that would most likely leave me irritated, I ignored him and kept my focus on Daisya, who was chatting to the only redhead in the group about setting up a game. What was, annoyingly enough, difficult to ignore, was the screwed ball of paper that clipped my head, rebounded and landed on my desk.

"Is the space cadet present?" Kanda snidely asked, and this time I looked at him long enough to notice that he was sporting his usual semiformal suit. The only real thing different was that the hair rope he wore today was white.

"Was that really necessary?" My expression soured into a scowl while I rubbed my forehead. "Brat," I grumbled under my breath, grabbing the ball and dropping it in the trashcan at my feet.

His quirked brow prompted me to repeat my mutterings. "What was that?"

I plastered on a bright smile, becoming the picture of innocence just by widening my eyes and acting confused. "What was what, sir?"

Kanda's forehead smoothed when the muscles around those dark eyes tightened with his glare, which was what normally happened whenever I gave him these smiles. "I called you twice and you didn't respond."

"Oh? Well you should have tried for a third time. I've heard three time's the charm," I said, sarcasm thick in my voice as my patience wore thinner and my smile became brighter and more forced. This was exactly why I hadn't wanted to speak to him; being rude to my superiors was a good way to get a pay cut.

Both of his eyebrows rose this time, and he opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Lavi's enthusiastic, "Let's have the Short Stack join in!"

If I'd of had less control, I would have thrown my mouse as Lavi for following my boss' lead and coming up with new nicknames that insulted my height. As things were, I simply turned my very fake smile on him and tried not to let my eyes show just how much I wanted to hit him with my keyboard. For insurance, I also tucked my hands into my lap. "I have a name, sir. I also have plenty of work to do, so I'll decline your offer." Even though you never actually offered.

Every feature on Lavi's face seemed to slacken as disappointment took hold of them all. "Are you behind?"

My jaw nearly dropped. The notion that I wasn't up-to-date with my work was an incredulous one; I couldn't believe he thought that I would let myself fall behind in something like this. I wasn't Komui Lee. "Of course not," I icily informed him, my nose scrunching up in displeasure.

Like a flipped switch, Lavi was suddenly all smiles, suggesting to me that I may have been tricked. Or that he was just a tad bipolar. "Then you're fine!"

"I can't play with you," I reaffirmed, stonier with my rejection than before. I was also rather irritated because I had most likely just been played.

"No need to be so uptight." Lavi strayed from the group and walked over, his inquisitive green eye making me feel as twitchy and self-conscious as it usually did. "We'll definitely have you unwind with a game." He moved around my desk until he was behind me, and his hands clamped down on my two shoulders, which he rubbed and squeezed as a friendly gesture of goodwill. I kept the shudder hidden, but when his bright face appeared too close to the right of my own, I couldn't subdue the minute jerk that Lavi undoubtedly saw. He was close enough for me to be able to hear him breathe, close enough for me to be able to feel the warmth emanating from his body. "Doesn't relaxation sound good?"

I doubted that anyone could see it since my legs were partially hidden the desk, but my fingers had dug into my thigh when my gloved hand clawed once anxiety set in, the light pain enough to keep myself from making too big of a mistake by forgetting where I was or who I was talking to. My mouth was dry. I wanted to play, the need so bad that it felt almost like an old addiction that required sating. The main problem was that I was deeply concerned about prolonged exposure to Lavi. He was exactly the kind of person I tended to avoid; I'd never been good at hiding things from the curious types that were fond of physical contact and noticed more than they should. I mean, Lenalee was a good example of that. The only main difference between him and her was that Lavi hadn't spoken a word to me about my problems despite having quickly found them out. Maybe it was because he was an adult, whereas Lenalee had not yet been one at the time.

Speaking of adults, as one, it would be highly unprofessional of me to engage in a game of poker during work hours and in the office. Additionally, I would prefer not to embarrass my superiors. "I don't th-"

"He'll play," Kanda said, speaking on my behalf even though I hadn't given him the right. Paying him a fraction more attention, it registered that he had not looked away from me since Lavi had butted in. It was possible that he too had seen me flinch. He was much more of an idiot though, so I wasn't as worried. If anything, he would chalk it up to me being startled or something of the sort.

I opened my mouth again to protest, but snapped it shut. It was no use. My boss and the redhead were both stubborn ones. "Alright then." Besides, maybe it would be a good opportunity for me to unwind. Being on pleasant terms with the heads of a company never hurt anyhow. That in mind, I turned my head to politely ask Lavi to remove his hands from me when I realised all over again the proximity of our faces and, as a result, gripped my leg harder.

Lavi's playful smirk made me uneasy. It also made me regret my decision to play almost immediately. "That was quick. I'd almost think you wanted to play." Before I could react to that, his arms encircled me from behind, causing my body to lock and become as stiff as stone, as if I had peered into Medusa's cold eyes. My suddenly chaotic mind could not comprehend anything until Lavi stealthily grasped my wrist and pulled my hand away from my leg. "I bet you do, right? You're just being a shy Beansprout!"

Though my throat felt thick, I took the time to note that no one had caught on to the byplay. Lavi was just that good of an actor.

VWV

Tiedoll and his youngest had some calls to make before the game could commence. That had left the four of us remaining to move to one of the conference rooms on this floor via one of the few doors that lined the hallway to my office area. We currently sat at the circular table in the centre of the room, Lavi between Marie and Daisya on the latter's right, followed by two empty seats, me, and then another three empty seats between the brunet and I.

I made sure to act normal, lest Lavi attempt to bring up what I'd done to my leg. He may have noticed me watching him. He also may have noticed that I'd attempted to keep a minimum distance of three feet between us after what had occurred earlier. The aftermath of that encounter filled me with a nervous energy that I ensured was kept hidden by one of my brighter smiles. I had to be more careful.

If this small incident had taught me anything, it was that I should not hurt myself again while Lavi was in the room.

"Kanda's less snappy today," Daisya said out of the blue, starting me so bad I almost jumped. "He usually protests more."

"He's still grumpy though. The only thing he willingly agrees to play with us is paintball, and that's only because it gives him an excuse to shoot us." The redhead overdramatically sighed, folding his arms over the table and using them as a surface to prop his chin on while I inwardly grimaced at the thought of what a paintball tournament against Yu Kanda would be like. "He has such a pretty face. It's too bad about his personality."

"Satan was an angel, so he had a pretty face even though he was the ruler of Hell," I offhandedly chimed in with a small smirk that I tried to hide. When it went quiet, I looked at the group to find them unabashedly staring at me. My eyes went wide as I replayed my last words in my mind. "Woops." I slowly craned my head to look at the door, and when I saw that neither Tiedoll nor Kanda had returned, I said, "Not sorry." I didn't care if Kanda heard -that ass already knew how I felt about him-, but Tiedoll was nice, so I was unwilling to upset him by accidentally having him overhear me badmouthing one of his sons. Personally, I'd destroy anyone who insulted my children, so I wasn't very eager to know what Kanda's father would do in the same situation.

Daisya let out bark of laughter as a big grin split his face, before he teased, "Tell us how you really feel."

Though I dropped my gaze when I felt my cheeks heat up, I sheepishly smiled. Daisya was especially nice, and I suspected that he was well aware that his brother wasn't the most popular person.

Before anyone else had the chance to comment, Kanda and Tiedoll entered the room to hear the last of Daisya's unmuffled snickering and snorts. Kanda shot Daisya a look of disdain, whereas Tiedoll simply seemed amused when he took the seat next to his eldest.

Kanda sat with a free seat on either side, between Marie and I, and he was anything but impressed. He sat back in his new chair and crossed his arms, glaring at us all like we'd offended him somehow. "Let's get this over with."

What crawled up his butt and died?

Encouraged by the verbal prompt, Daisya pulled a box of cards from a pocket in his trousers. "So who's playing?" He opened a flap on the side of the box and then tipped it so that the deck slid out onto the table.

I raised a hand, and Lavi did the same, only with much more vigour.

Daisya gathered the cards together and then began to shuffle them in an amateurish way that made my inner poker-player cry. "Alright, so us three."

That surprised me. From the way everyone had talked earlier, I'd thought they'd all be playing. Once I finally got over how sloppy Daisya shuffled the cards, I looked to my right at Kanda, only to find a frown already directed at me. "Can I help you?" I asked without averting my gaze.

He made one of those usual dismissive noises and looked away. "I'm betting on the Sprout."

My shock was interrupted when both Lavi and Daisya cried, "WHAT?" They gaped at Kanda, providing enough of a distraction for me to calm myself -hopefully- without being seen. Daisya stood up and pointed at me, which I would have found insulting any other time. "Why him?! You know how good I am!"

If his shuffling skills are any indication of how he plays poker, this'll be an easy win , I thought, keeping myself from rolling my eyes. Still, I had to admit that I was also surprised; and here I was thinking that I'd hidden myself well. Not even Lena knew how well I could play poker.

"Calm down," Tiedoll said, smiling that kind, parent-like smile of his. His soft brown eyes then fell on his middle child. "I'm betting on Daisya."

Lavi gave our group a pitiful expression. "Where's the love?" He whined, burring his face in his hands. "I thought we were friends!"

"Then I'll go for Lavi," Marie said as Daisya sat back down, before Lavi could start faking tears.

"I see how it is," Lavi wailed accusingly. If it were anyone but him, I would have been concerned. "You're picking up the leftovers!"

"If the Sprout wins," Kanda cut in, pushing the conversation along to get it and Lavi's episode over with, "I don't have to go to any of those dumb weekly lunches for the rest of the year."

Tiedoll reeled back in his seat and sucked in a breath, appearing pained by the terms his child had proposed. "Yu…" The heartbroken way in which he spoke Kanda's first name gave me yet another reason to hate my boss.

"For the month," Daisya quickly amended, shooting his father a worried glance. "Or the old man'll cry." He stared at Kanda, silently pleading for him to accept the modified condition.

I could understand why Daisya wanted to fix this fast. Tiedoll seemed to be a very emotional person. Then again, seeing my children every day was my joy. If one of them acted like Kanda did, I didn't know what I'd do. I was aware that my boss was required to have one lunch with his family per week. Aside from that, the only times Tiedoll could see Kanda during the day was when he came in to sign important documents or, like today, when he caught my boss when work was slow.

Kanda's mouth twisted uglily with a grimace, yet he nodded anyway. "Fine. The end of the year isn't that far off anyway." He uncrossed his arms and stuffed both hands into the front pockets of his stupidly-expensive trousers.

"If Daisya wins, you'll have four dinners with us a week," Tiedoll said, facing Kanda. He still sounded upset, making me wish I could nail Kanda in the shin.

My boss made a aghast face before he hurriedly countered with, "Two a week." By the sound of his tone, he didn't seem all too pleased with that number.

"Deal," Daisya finalised with a clap of his hands that signalled the end of their exchange. He then turned his attention to his other brother. "Marie? What about you?"

Marie took a few moments to consider this, wrinkles creasing his bare brow. "I don't have anything I especially want, so I'll make my bet the same as Father's."

Kanda's openly uncomfortable expression became one of displeasure, like he'd eaten something he'd expected to taste nice and it had gone off, leaving a foul flavour in his mouth. Or like his older brother had just betrayed him for their father. "The heck?"

Yu Kanda greatly confused me. Why was he doing all this if he didn't like it? Was his family making him participate? Or was he doing it for the chance to gain more freedom from them? Either way, I suddenly came down with the urge to lose. Downplaying my skills and losing just for the sake of getting back at my boss for the hell he'd put me through sounded like an amazing idea. It helped that everybody else in the room seemed to be teaming up against him too.

Kanda must have seen something in my expression, because his intense stare was soon turned on me. "If you purposely lose…" He began, but left the threat hanging and scowled again. "If you win, I'll give you whatever you want. Within reason."

I sat up a little straighter in my seat, eagerness appearing on my face. "Thirty sticks of mitarashi dango? From Jeryy?" If I could get that, I'd gladly push down my dislike for my boss and win this.

Though his countenance was dominated by disgust, I saw a hint of relief appear in his eyes. "Sure."

Competitive Mode Activated.

Daisya let out a laugh, his own ever-present grin growing larger. "You look more motivated."

That fool wouldn't be smiling for much longer.

VWV

"Are you upset because I won?" I asked Kanda on the way down to the cafeteria. As expected, I had completely obliterated my opponents. It may have taken me one or two hands to get back into it, but the game was like riding a bike; to me, it wasn't something that could be forgotten. What I did not understand was why Kanda was acting grumpier than normal. He hadn't even so much as tried to mess with me yet. "That doesn't makes sense. My win was your win."

Ahead of me by two strides and without glancing back, Kanda snapped, "Just shut up and get your damn food."

"Sheesh." It honestly amazed me that was such a douche. "Did you want me to lose?" I probed, the question a genuine one and not tainted by the sarcasm I was bottling away for later in the event that he continued to act like the rude jerk I knew him to be. Maybe he had wanted me to lose. Maybe he hadn't been aware that I was experienced in playing poker. "I mean, I can understand wanting to spend time with your family-"

Kanda snorted, effectively cutting me off mid-sentence. "Hurry up."

Judging by his reaction, my theory appeared to be wrong.

Not that it mattered once I stepped into my favourite room in the building. It was big and rectangular, with plenty of space and two rows of several tables. I was at the counter almost instantly, gripping the smooth bench and peering into the kitchen. "Hi Jeryy."

The Indian cook turned at the sound of my voice, his face lighting up as he abandoned a head of lettuce on a chopping board and came up to the other side of the counter to talk to me. Just like the last time I'd seen him, his hair was in two tight braids and he wore his sleeveless chef's outfit and sunglasses. I couldn't blame him for the sunglasses because the lights in the kitchen stabbed at your retinas with the same ferocity as that of a raging wife repeatedly plunging a knife into the gut of her cheating man. I didn't know whose idea it had been to use mini suns instead of light bulbs, but what I did know was that they were stupid. The cooks would go blind at this rate. "Hey cutie." Jeryy leant himself against the counter, and when he saw Kanda, he looked even happier. "It's rare to see you here."

I tried to subdue the visible sign of anticipation, but excitement caused a grin stretch my lips. "Kanda made a bet. Now he owes get me dango. He's here to make sure I don't order more than what we agreed on."

Jeryy shook his head in disbelief. "How much?"

By this point I was positively beaming. "Can I please have double my normal serving?" I'd wanted to say that for a long time now, but my funds had been going somewhere far more important than to my food. I had to save enough for the kids' school and college tuition.

"Are you trying to terrify the boss?" Jeryy teased while he wrote my order down on a notepad. He appeared amused by the whole situation. "It'll be ready soon."

"Thanks. And it's not like I'm eating a whole meal. He shouldn't be scared off that easily."

"Mhmm. We'll see about that," Jeryy said, before he flashed me one last knowing smile and returned to the bright depths of his kitchen.

I left the counter and sat at the closest empty table. Kanda followed and sat down beside me, and it didn't take long for me to notice just how off he was. He seemed incredibly stiff. It was when I felt eyes on me that I cast a discrete look around us and noticed the glances of a number of people in the room. I guess it really was odd for the Vice Chairman to eat in his own building's cafeteria. I could have said something, but since it didn't affect me, I ignored everything and waited. My silence was interrupted barely a minute later when the man I'd elected to ignore chose to speak.

"What did he mean? You're too small to be able to eat as much as he was suggesting."

My good mood brought on by the promise of dango was dampened as my irritation spiked. My height was fine. The problem was that Kanda was unaware of how to speak without insulting someone in the process. "My metabolism works fast," I said in a curt, cold tone, crossing my ankles and looking down at my hands. "I need to eat more than most people to stay healthy."

After that it became quiet again. With nothing to fill the silence, I was left with nothing to do but awkwardly stare at anything but the general direction of my boss. We were not the kind of people who'd naturally be drawn together as friends. Without work as the topic, conversation between us struggled to exist.

I felt his eyes on me and wished they'd go elsewhere. Why he hadn't departed yet was beyond me. It wasn't like he was obliged to stay. "You don't have to wait with me."

Without moving from his spot, Kanda responded to my veiled prompt with, "They might still be in my office."

"Ah. Yeah." That's how he'd gotten out in the first place; Kanda had used the fact that he had to buy me mitarashi dango as an excuse to hightail it away from his teary-eyed father. Although I would have liked my boss to find somewhere else to hide out until his family went home, I refrained from telling him that.

"Sweetie," Jeryy called from the counter, "Your food's ready. Tell me if you want anything else, m'kay?"

By the time the last word had left him, I was already up and hurrying to collect my prize. "This is just a snack. I don't want to spoil my appetite for dinner." On the counter were three large plates which, in total, held thirty sticks of beautiful white balls slathered in a brown soy sauce glaze. "Thanks for the food."

"No problem, Honey."

"Why is there so much?" Kanda asked, his repulsion and complete disbelief directed at the contents of my plates. He wrinkled his nose and looked to me for answers that I couldn't care less about giving him.

I retook my spot and removed my right glove to avoid the possibility of getting sauce all over the material again. I'd thrown out a pair for ruining them that way once.

"Our Allen's stomach is a black hole," Jeryy joked from the counter behind me. He sounded thrilled, like this was a topic he enjoyed talking about. "Just be grateful you aren't watching him eat 'til he's full. Most people end up skipping out on their lunches."

I seized the closest stick of dango and half turned to squint at Jeryy disapprovingly. "That's going overboard."

"Honey," Jeryy crooned sympathetically with pitying eyes, "You have no idea how many people I've watched either throw out their meals or ask for a doggy bag after seeing you eat."

My face fell at the news, before warmth crept up from my neck and worry clouded my features. "You're lying." Holy heck did I hope he was. If people were actually horrified by my food portions to that extent… That would be humiliating.

"I'm not," he assured me in a low, matter-of-fact tone. "But don't you worry. I love how much you eat. It especially fun when you order a larger variety."

Swallowing an embarrassed retort, I shoved ball of dango in my mouth and faced forward so I couldn't see Jeryy. Lenalee was fine with the amount of food I consumed; she would happily eat by my side and never seemed the least bit sickened. Everyone else was just weak.

"You know it's bad when the cook likes you because of how much you eat," Kanda taunted from the other side of the table. His lips were forming that godforsaken smirk and his eyes were filled with dark amusement.

Once I finished chewing, I looked Kanda in the eye and responded with, "Close your mouth and return to Hell, demon."

Like the asshole I knew him to be, all he did was quirk a brow and remain quiet. The way he watched me eat made me feel like a bug under a microscope.

I did my best to pretend as if he didn't exist, eating my favourite dessert and enjoying the sweet flavour that made my tastebuds sing praises. On my fourth, I saw a hand reach across for a stick. As a result of this, I very nearly speared my boss with a skewer. "Don't touch," I muttered threateningly while shooting a fierce glare at his hand, because no one touched my food. Not unless they were my children.

Kanda withdrew his hand, mild shock and anger melding together until they gave way to contemplation. "What does that crap you're inhaling even taste like?" There was no mention of his near impalement.

"It's kinda sweet," I said, and then dragged another ball off the stick with my teeth.

He visibly recoiled at that, his face screwing up with disgust for what could have been the third time today. Apparently he was not a fan of sweets. No surprise there. Someone as tasteless as my boss probably had the palate to match.

By the time I was halfway through, my bored boss was tapping a finger against the wooden top of the table. "You should add milk to your diet," he suddenly suggested, stilling his hand and smirking. "Calcium is good for the bones. It'll help you grow ." Kanda pointedly looked me up and down. "You don't look like you've completed puberty yet, so it should still work."

Oh how I wished that I really had impaled my stupid boss.

VWV

Being the PA of the Vice Chairman of a major company wasn't all it'd cracked up to be. There was my boss' personality to deal with, along with the new environment, the work, and did I mention my boss' horrid personality?

I'd admit that this company had made some things better. My previous jobs had payed reasonably well, but once I'd stacked electricity bills, water bills, school uniforms and excursions, my own clothes, food bills, and travel expenses together, there just hadn't been enough to cover it all. As a single parent of three, when I was first allowed to care for my children, I'd often had to skip meals here and there to make ends meet. With Komui, it hadn't been that bad though. He'd helped me get a job with the company and even occasionally invited all four of us over for dinner. This had meant that I'd actually been able to splurge at times.

Right now I was earning even more. With this surprising -but not unwelcome- wage increase came the desire to buy things for my kids. I wanted to get them more books and toys and clothes. I wanted to show them how it felt to be normal – not that I could really relate; it was good that Lenalee was here to steer me in the right direction. The point was, this desire of mine produced a newfound realisation: Katie didn't seem interested in dresses like the rest of the girls her age. I would be more than happy to buy her sneakers and a soccer ball if she asked, but she didn't. Katie never wanted anything more than us. She was the kind of little girl to smile and say that everything was alright even though it really wasn't. It was like having my own personality reflected in her. That was bad. She was still a child.

I didn't want her to be like me.

Watching my daughter now, seeing that beautiful little girl brush her long hair free of tangles and knowing what I'd done, I felt horrible. I was the worst. Luckily that had been only a small part of her life and she barely remembered any of it. And yet that knowledge didn't stop the guilt. Because I'd wanted it so badly that I'd only thought about myself, forcing her and the boys to be born in that shithole. But I would make it better. I'd promised them long ago that I would spend the rest of my life making up for being selfish.

Katerina saw my stare and gave me a smile that I quickly returned. She set her brush on the coffee table and started pulling on her bright red socks.

I turned my attention to Mana, who sat beside me on the couch in his giraffe pyjamas while excitedly tugging on my sleeve, eager to show me his new tooth. Apparently it had already begun to grow in. "Let me see."

At the prompt, his eyes sparkled with childish delight that made the guilt I felt recede a little and he climbed up on my lap. I gently held his chin as he opened mouth. His adult tooth was peeking through, the white standing out against the surrounding pink gum. "What do you think?" Mana's grin was big and white and made me happy to be alive. "Cool, isn't it?"

"I think your new tooth his very cool. However…" I trailed off, and abruptly stood, my hands sliding under his butt to support him as he squealed and looped his arms around my neck. "It's bedtime."

"Eh?" He pouted and shook his head from side-to-side. "Not yet," he whined, "I'm not tired yet."

"If your lay down for a while, you'll start feeling sleepy." I lugged Mana upstairs while he begged for thirty, ten, and then five more minutes before bedtime. Without warning, I dropped him on the mattress and climbed in with him. I tickled him until he cried with laughter, and after giving him a brief moment to catch his breath, I ticked him again. When the other two filed in, I dragged Neah by the arm and tickled him as well.

Eventually we said our goodnights and I retreated to my own room. The dishes and laundry had already been done, so I could rest now.

I crawled into bed and reached for a small leather bag on my nightstand. After plonking it in my lap, I fished around inside for the little bottles that were my antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. My day had been a reasonable one, meaning I wouldn't need to rely on any sleeping pills tonight. Maybe.

VWV

My only excuse is that the sudden drop in updates of all my favourite fanfics made me lose all motivation to write.