Part III

Cold.

That was the first thing Tony noticed as he started to wake. It was unusually cold in the room, or maybe just the bed. He wasn't sure. The second thing he noticed was how sore his body was. He ached with a familiar ache that usually brought back pleasant memories. He had a little bit of a hangover going and he was struggling to fight through the haze that the drinks the night before had gifted him but thankfully everything wasn't a total blue. Or maybe not so thankfully.

He'd had sex the night before. He felt it first and then he remembered it. He'd gotten wasted and had drunken sex with his boss and now, since they were both still at his father's house, he had to go downstairs and celebrate Christmas with the man. He had to face Leroy Jethro Gibbs after begging to be fucked into the mattress the night before. Tony wasn't sure if it was that or the alcohol that making him sick to his stomach.

Fuck.

Tony laid perfectly still in the bed, listening for Jethro beside him. Several seconds passed and he didn't hear the man but he was too afraid to open his eyes and see for himself. He didn't want Jethro to know he was awake, at least not until he had time to figure out what the hell to do about what they'd done the previous night.

Fuck!

A sharp pounding on the bedroom door put an end to Tony's game. He startled in such a way that there was no possibility of feigning sleep but when he opened his eyes, he realized the bed next to him was empty. Jethro wasn't there.

"Anthony," Senior bellowed from the other side of the door, "it's time to get up, Son. Everyone's waiting on you."

Tony opened his mouth to respond but before he could, he could hear his father's heavy footsteps getting farther and farther away. Apparently the impatience Tony had experienced in his childhood hadn't yet been completely worked out of Senior's system, despite all the other changes the man seemed to have made.

He sat up in bed and rubbed tiredly at his eyes before once again looking at the empty spot in the bed next to him. That explained why he was cold. There was no Jethro radiating body heat next to him. Why wasn't Jethro next to him? Had he simply gotten tired of waiting for Tony to wake and gone downstairs without him? Was he disgusted by what they'd done the night before? Ashamed and not interested in facing Tony?

Fuck!

Tony's chest ached with regret. He adored Gibbs and couldn't bear the thought of losing the man. It would kill him if things grew awkward to the point of it being uncomfortable to hang out. He was beginning to understand the reason for rule 12 and he'd never hated himself more for breaking a rule.

"I am never drinking again," he muttered to himself. "Never." And that wasn't the same declaration every hungover person made when they woke up feeling miserable. No. He was serious.

He rolled out of bed, mentally scolding himself as he did, and headed for the bathroom. After a quick shower and shave, he dressed himself and cautiously made his way downstairs. He could hear talking and laughter coming from the dining room and looked longingly at the front door, wishing he could run through it and never come back again. He was good at running; at avoiding his problems at any cost. It was an art he'd mastered long ago.

"Hey," Jethro said. His voice was gentle but it startled Tony enough he visibly jumped. "You coming? What's wrong?"

Tony opened his mouth as answer after answer filtered through his brain. He finally settled on, "Yeah, just… looks like it snowed last night. I was taking a second to enjoy the view."

Jethro watched worriedly as Tony ducked his head and hurried past him towards the dining room. He knew Tony well enough to know something was wrong. He also knew the man well enough to know he'd get nowhere if he confronted him right then.

Tony plopped himself down in the chair at the table that had unofficially been his for the past few days and thought back to the night before as Jethro took his place next to him and his father and stepmother continued talking about whatever they were talking about. His thoughts were quickly distracted by the set of eyes on him though and when he looked up, he found Lynn watching him with a knowing expression on her face and if that didn't give her away, she wiggled her eyebrows teasingly at him.

Tony deflated slightly as he realized, once again, that it was impossible to have a private moment when there were other people in the house. Lynn knew. Of course she knew. "What?" he demanded when she wouldn't stop grinning at him.

"Nothing," Lynn replied innocently. "Somebody just had a late night last night, that's all."

Tony reminded himself to keep his cool and not panic, even though he was sure his face had turned the darkest shade of red it had ever been. "Don't start," he grumbled uncomfortably.

"Too much to drink last night?" Lynn's tone turned sympathetic when she realized Tony wasn't in the mood to be teased.

"I'm never drinking again," Tony muttered.

Tony's breakfast was delivered with a full glass of water and a couple pills to help with his hangover. He wished there was something he could take to help with the shame and embarrassment he felt and to maybe fix all the damage that had been done to his relationship with Jethro. The man probably hated him for dragging him into this mess to begin with. If it weren't for him, Jethro would be at home with his boat and bourbon in his basement, not off kissing and fucking and pretending to be lovers for a family that could only be described as distant, at best.

And what parts of what they were doing was simply pretending? Was any of it real? Would things just go back to normal when they returned to DC? Could things just go back to normal after all the lines they'd crossed?

A hand on Tony's shoulder startled him. He looked up to find Jethro watching him with those concerned, blue eyes that felt like they penetrated all the way to his soul but thankfully the man just smiled softly at him without saying anything.

"Eat up, everyone," Senior said joyfully, "then we can open gifts."

The lights on the tree and in the living room sparkled and soft, holiday jazz played in the background. The electric fireplace flickered and fragrant candles were lit, offering a little extra warmth and ambience as everyone gathered around and opened gifts.

Despite all the oohing and ahhing as wrapping paper was removed from packages, Jethro's attention was far from the holiday festivities. For the first time in he couldn't even remember how long, he'd awakened feeling whole and satisfied in a way he hadn't since he'd lost his girls but his excitement was tamped down by the distraught look on Tony's face.

His made up excuses to reach out and touch seemed to go unnoticed by Tony and the distant, distracted look on the man's face told Jethro they desperately needed to have a conversation but sneaking off on Christmas morning was unlikely and Jethro didn't want Tony to have any excuse to cut the conversation short. He needed time to peel back the protective outer layers and dig into what was really going on in his partner's head.

If Senior, Patty and Lynn noticed the change in their house guests' demeanor, none of them said anything. They carried on with the festivities, giving and receiving gifts and showing genuine gratitude for each one. The look of concern on Jethro's face and avoidance on Tony's went unmentioned as morning dragged into afternoon and Christmas dinner was enjoyed. Naptime gave way to dinner and before any of them knew it, it was bedtime.

"I'm gonna grab a shower tonight since we have to be outta here early tomorrow morning," Jethro said once they were alone in their room. He needed a chance to clear his head and figure out how to approach Tony and he wanted to give Tony an opportunity to get settled.

"Okay," Tony said, grateful for the opportunity to get in bed and feign sleep. He was willing to do anything to avoid the awkward conversation he knew was coming. He really couldn't bear to hear how he'd been a mistake and they'd be better off forgetting about it or, possibly, something worse.

As soon as the water in the shower came on, there was a knock on their bedroom door. Tony grumbled as he hurried towards the door, anxious to get rid of whoever it was and fall asleep before Jethro got out of the shower.

"Dad," he said in surprise when he opened the door.

"We need to talk," Senior said, not waiting for an invitation before he stepped past his son, into the room. "Where's Jethro?"

"Shower," Tony answered, confused about what was happening. "Dad, I—"

"What's wrong, Son?" Senior interrupted. "I know we had a few bumps in the road but I thought we'd gotten past that. We've been having so much fun. I think you've had a good vacation but you seem different today. Is everything okay?"

"What're you talking about?" Tony asked with a dismissive laugh.

"Oh, please," Senior scoffed lovingly. "I may not have always known what to do with you but I've never been as oblivious as you thought I was. Now come on, Son. Talk to me. What's bothering you?"

The smile faded from Tony's face and he dropped his head into his hands and hunched his shoulders defensively. His dad sure picked a fine time to take more of an interest in his life but maybe it would be nice to have someone to talk to. "I think I screwed everything up, Dad," he said, his voice holding the shame he felt.

"How so?"

Tony sat quietly as the pressure built behind his eyes and his nerves made the ache in his stomach grow. "Jethro's not my boyfriend," he admitted quietly.

Senior's jovial laugh had Tony's head jerking up with an angry glare focused solely on the man. "I'm sorry, Anthony. It's just that, I knew that the moment you two showed up on my doorstep and you called him by his surname."

"You did?"

Senior nodded, still smiling kindly at his son. "Why'd you lie? And why keep up the charade, Son?"

"Well, I lied to get out of spending Christmas with you and I kept it up because…" he paused and thought it over for a moment. "Actually, I don't know why I kept it up."

"I think you kept it up because part of you wanted it to be true," Senior suggested.

"It was fun," Tony agreed, "even if it was fake."

"I'm not so sure it was fake, Junior. Never in a million years would I agree to be Gregory's gay lover, pretend or not, and he's my best friend."

Tony's eyes wandered the room, giving the words a chance to sink in. "I think somewhere along the way it turned real for me," he confessed, "but I'm not sure that's the case with Jethro. It doesn't matter though. I'm pretty sure the whole thing got completely screwed up last night."

"I don't think it's possible to screw up something like that in one night. Especially when you're drunk."

"How'd you?"

"Know you were drunk? It was pretty obvious but Jethro was drunk too so whatever happened probably isn't as bad as you think it is."

"I'm not so sure about that, Dad." He refused to tell the man they'd had sex but he was pretty sure sex made things as bad as he thought they were. There was no going back from it, no undoing it.

Senior patted his son's thigh before standing. "Just talk to him, Anthony," he said with a smile before turning and leaving Tony alone again.

"If only it was that easy," Tony whispered to himself.

The sound of the shower shutting off had him moving at warp speed. He quickly changed into his pajamas and did a Superman dive into the bed as the bathroom door opened and Jethro appeared.

Jethro watched with raised eyebrows as Tony got settled then packed the clothes he'd just taken off in his duffle and crawled into bed next to Tony.

"Well, good night," Tony said.

"You okay?" Jethro asked.

Tony hated the genuine concern in his boss's voice. He didn't feel worthy of it, not after he'd screwed up so spectacularly the night before. "Yeah, 'm fine."

Jethro had watched all day as Tony's distress had grown. He'd given him his space, biding his time until they were alone and could talk in private but Tony was still closed off. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No," Tony answered quickly, "please no."

"Tony, I—"

"I just wanna go to bed. Please, Gibbs?"

Jethro's heart dropped at hearing Tony call him Gibbs again. After a week of being called Jethro, Gibbs somehow seemed cold and impersonal. He reached out and gave Tony's shoulder a little squeeze, wanting to maintain the contact but he was unsure if it would be accepted so he pulled back instead, turned the lamp on the bedside table off and settled in for the night.

It had been a week since Christmas. A week since Jethro and Tony had arrived back in DC. A week of work.

It had been a week of awkwardness.

It had been a week and Jethro couldn't take it any longer. Tony wouldn't look at him, wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't even be still and quiet and listen while he talked. The man was actually avoiding him and Jethro had had enough.

A little after midnight on New Year's Day, Jethro was finally able to put his role as senior supervisory agent to bed and leave the Navy Yard. He'd sent his team home nearly an hour earlier then finished going over his team's case reports while much of the rest of the world had just rung in the New Year with the partiers in New York's Times Square.

With his work responsibilities out of the way, he was on a mission and nothing was going to stop him. He was on his way to Tony's place and they were going to talk. He refused to lose Tony over a drunken decision—whether it was a mistake or not.

After a short drive across town, Jethro parked next to Tony's car and made his way up to the man's dark apartment. He knew Tony was home. His car was in the parking lot and he'd heard him turn down his teammates' invitation to go out for a drink in favor of heading home and hitting the sack early but Jethro didn't care about Tony's bedtime. His patience had run out. He was done waiting.

He knocked on the door and wasn't surprised when he got no response. With the key Tony had given him long ago already at the ready, he unlocked the door and stepped inside. He kicked his shoes off by the door and draped his overcoat over one of the kitchen chairs before carefully navigating the dark apartment to Tony's room.

"Tony," he said from his spot in the doorway, "we need to talk."

"I don't wanna talk," Tony replied quietly.

"Why? What're you afraid of?" Jethro could hear him rustling around in the bed and when Tony spoke again, he realized the man had turned away from him.

"Losing you," Tony answered even quieter.

Jethro didn't move for a moment as Tony's words repeated in his head. The fear in the other man's voice really struck him and Jethro instantly regretted not seeking Tony out sooner. He'd assumed Tony had regretted Christmas Eve and had been coping by avoiding him but judging by everything he was seeing and hearing, that wasn't the case at all.

He pushed himself off the door frame and tugged his polo and undershirt over his head before undoing his belt and letting his pants fall to the floor. Without any explanation at all, he walked over to the bed, lifted the blankets and slipped in behind Tony.

"What're you doing?" Tony asked.

"I told you," Jethro answered, "we need to talk." He reached out and rested his hand on Tony's arm, needing that physical connection.

"I'm sorry I asked you to go to New York with me," Tony said, soaking up the affection for what he knew might be the last time.

"Why?" Jethro asked.

Tony half shrugged. "I dunno. I just wasn't expecting everything to go down like it did. I guess I didn't think things through before I asked you to pretend to be my boyfriend."

"Do you regret anything that happened or just inviting me?" Jethro asked curiously.

"Just getting you all caught up in my dysfunctional family drama."

Jethro's touch turned into a cautious embrace and he was rewarded by Tony practically melting into his arms. "I don't regret any of it, Tony," he said quietly. "Let that sink in for a minute."

Tony stiffened when he realized Jethro was including their night of drunken sex in his statement but let himself relax as the man's words repeated in his head. "Um, do you remember everything that happened? Like, even on Christmas Eve?"

"If you're referring to both of us getting drunk, you begging me to fuck you into the mattress and me obliging, then yes, Tony, I do," Jethro answered bluntly.

Tony rolled in Jethro's arms, turning to face the man. The stomach ache he'd had for the past week was finally starting to ease and the stress was beginning to fade. "And you don't regret it?"

"Only the alcohol," Jethro answered, "although without that, nothing else might've happened and that would've been a shame."

"Might not've been the alcohol," Tony joked. "It could've been a result of us being deep undercover for too long or maybe you finally just succumbed to my irresistible charm. It's my superpower, you know. It renders people helpless."

Jethro was surprised by how quickly Tony was back to his old self. After a week of worrying about the man, he never would've known something was wrong if he hadn't been there to witness it. "Are you aiming for a head slap?"

"I'd rather have a kiss," Tony whispered.

"No," Jethro replied just as softly. "I don't kiss unless it's for real."

"Are you saying this isn't real?"

"No, that's not what I said at all. I don't know what this is because you won't talk to me. You want a onetime romp? That's fine. We'll forget this ever happened and put it behind us. You want more? We'll explore more but you gotta talk to me or I don't have a clue what you want."

Tony laughed out loud at the statement, interrupting the serious mood Jethro had set. "Sorry but I'm never going to forget one single detail of the week you and I pretended to be a couple. Hey, maybe next year we can go to your dad's for Christmas and pretend to be a couple for him!"

Jethro couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of it, despite knowing that pulling that stunt on his father would have very different results than it had had on Tony's father.

Tony's laughter faded and mood instantly turned serious again. "Or we can go to Stillwater and do it for real. No more pretending because I'll always want your kisses, Jethro, and I think you already know I'm addicted to your touch. I know we were both drunk that night but I remember every detail—at least I think I do—and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I've missed you."

"You've seen me every day," Jethro pointed out.

"It's different. You were always there in New York. We may have been pretending but it felt real to me. Having this support system, someone to take care of and to take care of me."

"I didn't need taking care of," Jethro protested teasingly.

"I get it now," Tony said. "I understand why people commit; why they share their whole self with someone else. I want that with you, Jethro."

"Alright," Jethro said. "That's all I needed to hear. Wasn't so hard, was it? No need to torture yourself over it for an entire week."

"I didn't wanna say goodbye," Tony whispered. "Better to not know than to risk losing you."

"I get that," Jethro said.

Tony rolled onto his back, finally finding the courage to look up into Jethro's eyes. "So it's settled then," he replied comfortably.

Jethro smiled back at the man as his fingers explored the coarse hairs on Tony's chest. "It's settled," he agreed.

"That feels nice," Tony said, making himself even more comfortable.

"You like that?"

"I might."

"Do you want more?"

"I might. Kiss me," Tony requested a second time.

Jethro's smile matched Tony's as he studied the man's expression for a moment before scooting closer, closing his eyes and allowing his lips to find Tony's. Several brief pecks were finished up with a longer one before he pulled back and opened his eyes once again.

Tony's tongue peeked out in search of any of Jethro's taste that might still be lingering on his lips as he watched the man to see what he was going to do next. He brought a single finger up and gently grazed it across the soft lips that had just been on his before leaning forward and initiating another kiss. This time, when he opened his mouth, Jethro's tongue immediately found its way in.

After tasting and exploring, Jethro pressed another quick kiss to Tony's lips before pulling back once again. His eyes, soft from the gentle moonlight lit up the genuine smile on his face. Openness and honesty were written all over his expression and it made Tony's heart flutter. He and Jethro had been through quite a bit over the years. He knew the man better than most people but the man sharing the bed with him was completely exposed and it had nothing to do with him being nearly naked beneath the blankets.

"This is—this is… this is big," Tony whispered. Something was changing. Something was shifting deep inside of him and he couldn't even begin to explain it. He pulled his hips back slightly, moving his erection just far enough away that Jethro wouldn't accidentally bump it.

"Where ya goin'?" Jethro asked.

"Nowhere," Tony answered. "Just trying to get comfortable."

Jethro softened his voice even more and his words shouldn't have surprised Tony but they did. "You're hiding. I don't like it when you hide from me." His hand found Tony's hip and he urged the man forward again, waiting for Tony to get settled back where he'd been moments before.

A shiver tore through Tony's body as the intensity of the situation overwhelmed him. He couldn't break eye contact with Jethro even though he was drowning in the man's gaze. "This is… I feel…" He shook his head in frustration, struggling to get a coherent thought out.

"Tell me."

"I don't know," Tony whispered. "I've never felt like this before. I can't explain it. I want to but…" His words trailed off again and Jethro could see his frustration growing.

"Not everything can be put into words, Tony," he said brushing his fingers lightly down the side of the man's face.

"I'm scared I'm gonna screw it up like I always do," Tony said quietly. "I don't wanna lost you, Gibbs. I can't lose you."

"Am I worth the risk?" Jethro asked simply.

"Yes," Tony answered with no hesitation at all.

Jethro leaned closer again, his smile growing slightly and whispered, "I know you, Tony. You can't scare me off. You're not gonna lose me." He finished the statement off with another kiss, as if to seal the words.

The feeling in Tony's chest grew and spread. Jethro opened his mouth into the kiss and let Tony have his turn tasting and exploring and Tony took full advantage.

Words turned to actions and what little clothing they were still wearing soon disappeared. Their bodies were joined and soon doing a familiar dance they'd done once before and hoped to do countless times in the future.

Tony hovered above Jethro, rocking back and forth on his length. Despite being drunk the first time they'd been in a similar position, he still remembered Jethro's cock moving in and out of his body, his body wrapped around it like a perfectly fitted glove—he would never forget that feeling, sober or drunk.

"Fuck, Jethro," he groaned.

Jethro let his legs fall open, allowing Tony to rock all the way down his length and seat himself firmly in his lap. In turn, Tony's eyes rolled back as his head fell back and his mouth opened in a loud groan. Rocking turned to rutting in Tony's desperate attempt to not lose the tingling sensation building at the base of his spine and spreading from the core of his body.

"Play with me," Tony begged.

Jethro blindly grabbed for Tony's dick and found it jutting up between their bodies, pulsing and leaking in excitement.

"Play with me," Tony begged again when Jethro didn't move fast enough for his liking.

Jethro wrapped his fist around Tony's cock and worked him over, cautious of the man's rocking and grinding hips.

"I need you," Tony whimpered. "Fuck, I need you, Jethro."

"You've got me," Jethro told the man. "Ride me. Use me. Take what you need from me."

As if he'd been given permission, Tony's movements became even more determined. He opened his legs as wide as he could in his current position and rubbed himself hard against Jethro's body.

"If you keep doing that, I'm not gonna last," Jethro warned.

"Cum," Tony said simply.

Jethro's hands moved from Tony's most delicate parts to the tops of his thighs. He pushed against them, using them as leverage as he moved himself against Tony at a rapid pace. Tony clenched around him, ignoring his own need in favor of bringing his lover off and in no time at all, he saw the telltale signs and felt the familiar movements that he would never forget for as long as he lived.

With Jethro's cock still putting just the right amount of pressure against his prostate, Tony fisted himself and pumped hard until he was rewarded tingles that warmed and spread throughout his entire body as he spurted lines across his lover's chest. Before he even had a chance to catch his breath, Jethro was tugging him down and taking his mouth in one demanding kiss after another.

"Fuck, Jethro," Tony panted when he finally got the chance. "I can't breathe."

Jethro gently tugged on Tony's lip and nipped at the underside of his jaw. "But you taste so good," he mumbled between nips. He rolled his hips, pushing harder against Tony's body. "And you feel so good."

"Fuck," Tony hissed, grinding back against Jethro.

The two finally settled when the sensitivity became too much and Jethro tugged Tony down against him and let himself slip out. Tony scooted around until he got comfortable then nestled in deeper and even purred when Jethro tugged him closer.

"I never wanna go to sleep," Tony muttered, "never want this moment to be over."

Jethro could hear the exhaustion tugging at Tony's words and doubted the man had gotten much sleep over the past week. A smile spread across his face as he wiped his belly and chest off with the corner of the sheet before cleaning Tony up. "Sleep," he said. "I'll be here in the morning."

Several hours later, Tony smiled as he woke to Jethro's fingers moving softly across his chest. They paused to explore one of his nipples before moving on to play in the coarse hairs over his heart.

"Open your eyes," Jethro whispered. He waited for a moment and when he got no response from Tony, he continued. "I know you're awake. I can feel your heart rate speeding up."

Tony opened his eyes and found the soft blue eyes of his lover looking down at him, highlighted by the morning sun shining through his bedroom window. The look in his eyes was so genuine it warmed Tony from the inside out. His touch was soft but it's warmth penetrated deep into Tony's soul and in that moment Tony realized the same thing he'd been running from for so long, was the very thing he'd been searching for and he'd finally found it.

The End