A/N: Yes, JCMMS is back too! You didn't think I'd let Tina stay banished forever, did you? ^_^ I hope you enjoy the Two Towers edition of Just Call Me Mary Sue. None of which I own, other than Tina herself. Please do not sue me. Just Call Me Mary Sue was originally inspired by "A Short", by Firebird. If you do not enjoy Just Call Me Mary Sue, you will certainly not enjoy "Suedom", a story of two unwilling 'Sues on an epic quest to save Middle-earth from the threat of Mary Sues, by Andy and Saphie, of which I am the Andy half.
Chapter 1: Did Someone Get the Number of that Truck?
"Damn."
Tina Carson pushed back her computer chair and shoved the keyboard into her desk. Another day, another Mary Sue. It was enough to make a pre-movie fan scream. Tina switched her computer off and made her way to the kitchen for some sustenance. However, the kitchen was sporting a disappointing lack of corn dogs, frozen pizza, and microwaveable macaroni and cheese. There wasn't even any bread left. Tina sighed and grabbed the grocery list. Mom was on vacation in Fort Lauderdale, Dad was on a business trip in New Orleans, and neither of Tina's siblings would do anything as responsible as grocery shopping. If any of them were going to eat that night, someone would have to make a trip to the store. Despite her lack of wheels, Tina supposed that someone was her.
Tina grabbed her coat, stuffed the list into her pocket, and started out on her way to the grocery store. The wind whipped through her short dark brown hair and down her collar. She shivered.
'Not having a proper drivers license righteously sucks.' she thought, pulling her coat tighter around her lean frame. It was winter, and a dull gray day, the kind that should have been spent reading a good book with a cup of tea or hot chocolate. Or coffee. Tina licked her lips. Mm, coffee. . . the elixir of life. A night-owl writer's best friend. Edible black gold. Sweet, sweet caffeine. She had to add that to the list, she thought, as the "Don't Walk" sign across the street changed and she stepped out onto the road. A discarded newspaper flew thought the air and landed on Tina's left side. She grabbed the paper and was about to flip it into a trash can when a headline caught her eye. She held the paper at arms length to skim through it as she continued across the street, though slower than before.
"Mm, recipe for coffee cake . . .," she remarked as the rest of the pedestrians power-walked across the road and left her behind as the sign changed to "Don't Walk". Tina turned a page of the newspaper, but nothing else looked interesting, so she tossed the paper aside. And looked up into a set of headlights.
Coming at her way too fast.
Tina shrieked and tried to jump aside, but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. The truck veered to the right with it's horn blaring (though it was a little late for that, Tina thought, or would have thought, had she not been terrified out of her mind), but it clipped her and sent her flying through the air and down the street, where she landed with a thud and lost consciousness. The last thing she heard was the sound of the horn, still blaring, and the combination of squealing breaks and tires as darkness flooded her mind and she landed on the hard asphalt.
Something was jutting into Tina's back, right in her spine. Rock? Couldn't be. . . why would she be sleeping outside, on a rock? Tina never slept outside. There weren't any rocks in her bedroom. And someone was prodding her. Probably her brother, Bill. She moaned and swiped at the hand prodding her.
"She's waking up!" a voice that was definitely not her brothers said.
"Thank the Valar," another, a deeper unmistakably male voice added.
"What would so beautiful a maiden be doing in this area?" another wondered. Tina frowned. Who said "maiden" anymore, anyway? What were so many people doing in her bedroom? Oh wait, this couldn't be her bedroom. There was a rock in her back. Right. Tina opened her eyes.
Five people were surrounding her, and all of them were male. Tina would have screamed, but they all looked very familiar, and Tina was aching all over. What had happened? Oh, right. . . hit by a truck. At least she was still alive. Tina sat up, but the largest member of the group, a tall, ruggedly good looking male placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to force her back down.
"Fair maiden, pray rest some more. I do not think you have yet recovered from your fall from the sky." he said. Tina glared at him and slapped his hand away. Who did this guy think he was? Familiar or no, Tina didn't want some stranger touching her, especially not after getting hit by a truck. Her day wasn't exactly going well. Fall from the sky? What was this guy talking about? And WHY was he talking so weird? No one with any sense called Tina "fair maiden". Mainly because she wasn't one.
"Get off me, I'm fine. Did anyone get the number of that truck?" Tina said, sitting up and pushing the man's hand away when he again tried to force her down. She was greeted by blank looks from the rest of the small group. WHY did they all look so familiar? Suddenly it hit Tina like a ton of bricks. DUH.
"H-hey! You know, you remind me a lot of Aragorn!" Tina said, pointing at the tall man. She turned to the four smaller people and pointed at them as she rattled off the names she could list in her sleep. "And . . .and Sam and Pippin, and Merry . . . and . . . Frodo . . ." Tina slowed down as she came to her favorite hobbit. He was just as adorable as Elijah Wood had portrayed him in the movie. That same dark, curly hair and gorgeous eyes. . . pretty eyes. . . the ones she could stare into for days at a time. . . Tina suddenly realized she was drooling. "You know, like from the movie." she finished. The five stared at her, slack-jawed.
"You. . . you know our names?" the Sam-impersonator finally said.
"Cut the act already." Tina said, rolling her eyes with exasperation. She was getting a bit impatient, and she felt dazed. As a result, she was even snappier than usual. "Look, it's great to meet fellow fans, but I was just hit by a truck and I'd kind of like to know what's going on."
"Truck?" the Aragorn-impersonator asked. It looked as if he was earnestly confused. "I know not of any 'truck'. What manner of beast is this 'truck'?"
Tina cocked her eyebrow. The dazed feeling was fading and she was starting to feel more awake.
"Dude. You can drop the Aragorn act now, you're scaring me. Besides, you're not doing it very well." she said, backing up. The Frodo-impersonator stepped forward.
"Fair maid, it was not our intent to frighten you. We only wish to find if you are unharmed by your descent from the sky, and to thank you for your assistance in frightening away the Nazgûl who were attacking us." he said, and Tina had to remind herself that this wasn't the real Frodo, no matter how small his stature, or how convincing his prosthetic feet, or how beautiful his eyes . . . Tina shut her mouth, which had again dropped open. 'Not the real Frodo,' she reminded herself. 'Not the real Frodo.' Suddenly she registered his odd, un-Frodo-like speech and glared at him.
"You know, you may look like Frodo, but you don't know the least thing about how he talks. And furthermore, I don't see any Nazgûl, and if there were any it would be EXTREMELY unlikely, not to mention non-canonical, if I scared them off, and you are freaking me out, and I probably need medical attention, why am I sitting around talking to you? Someone get me to a hospital, I was just hit by a truck, for Elbereth's sake!" Tina said, ending in a yell. She turned around, away from the Frodo-impersonator and his beautiful eyes.
"Hello? HELLO! Can someone lend me a cell phone so I can . . .call an ambulance . . .or something . . ." Tina's voice trailed off as she got a look at her surroundings. She was standing on top of a vastly tall rock in the middle of a scrubby plain. The sky was dark, and far away she spotted nine dark shapes, riding away on black horses. Tina stared around with wide eyes.
"Weathertop. . ." she murmured. "But why are the Nazgûl riding away? Frodo hasn't been stabbed."
Tina spun around and walked up to the hobbits and the man, who were all staring at her as if either stupid, or under some sort of enchantment. Pushing aside all thoughts of etiquette (but still picking the person who she thought would be the least likely to get mad), Tina reached out and tugged on the Pippin-impersonator's pointed ear. It held, but Pippin kept staring at her. Tina's hand dropped.
"Gilthoniel a Elbereth . . . I'm in Middle Earth . . ." she moaned. She turned back to look at the hobbits and man. They were all staring at her with an expression of rapture and worship. Something was wrong with this picture. Frodo and Aragorn's . . . un Frodo and Aragorn-ish way of speaking, all five of their odd reactions to her sudden appearance, the Nazgûl running away . . . Tina blinked. Frodo was stepping towards her. Tina's heart fluttered. She was here, in Middle-Earth, less than five feet away from the adorable hobbit she idolized even before the movie, with his beautiful eyes . . .
Wait . . .
There was something wrong with Frodo's eyes as well. They were lovely, yes, but they were clouded, dulled over. Frodo looked like he was sleepwalking. Tina jumped back, leaning against the wall of Weathertop.
"Y-you're not Frodo . . . and, and you're not Sam . . .and Pippin, and Merry, and Aragorn . . ." she said, her hands shaking as she pointed at them. A gust of wind blew at her back and blew something like long tendrils into her face. Tina reached to brush them away and seized a handful of . . .hair. Long, wavy, golden hair, very different from her short almost-black hair. Tina looked down at her clothes, half expecting to see her tan trench coat, half not at all knowing what to expect. The sight of a thick emerald cloak tied about her neck with a gold cord that was actually pretty cool looking greeted her. She pulled back the cloak to reveal a pearly white dress unlike anything she owned (or, for that matter, ever would have worn) and a body that most certainly had never belonged to her (and probably not to anyone in her family either).
'Yeesh, who gave me implants?' Tina wondered, raising an eyebrow at her new figure, which she seriously doubted could have naturally developed from her skinny frame. Her eyes opened wide. This was NOT good. She glanced around to find something - anything - to waylay (or support) her suspicions. A sword glittered on the ground next to her, and she pounced on it. Lifting the sword with shaking hands, Tina looked into the blade and was greeted with translucent skin, an elegantly pointed face, a delicately pointed nose, a rosebud mouth, thin winging eyebrows, and beautiful emerald green eyes that sparkled with some unnatural light. Tina's face pulled back in an expression of terror, and she reached up with shaking hands to pull aside her hair. Her ears were pointed. Tina dropped the sword, and it clattered to the ground, her beautiful new face a mask of horror.
"Oh my God! I'M A MARY-SUE!" She screamed, and fell to the ground in a swoon in proper Mary-Sue fashion.
Chapter 1: Did Someone Get the Number of that Truck?
"Damn."
Tina Carson pushed back her computer chair and shoved the keyboard into her desk. Another day, another Mary Sue. It was enough to make a pre-movie fan scream. Tina switched her computer off and made her way to the kitchen for some sustenance. However, the kitchen was sporting a disappointing lack of corn dogs, frozen pizza, and microwaveable macaroni and cheese. There wasn't even any bread left. Tina sighed and grabbed the grocery list. Mom was on vacation in Fort Lauderdale, Dad was on a business trip in New Orleans, and neither of Tina's siblings would do anything as responsible as grocery shopping. If any of them were going to eat that night, someone would have to make a trip to the store. Despite her lack of wheels, Tina supposed that someone was her.
Tina grabbed her coat, stuffed the list into her pocket, and started out on her way to the grocery store. The wind whipped through her short dark brown hair and down her collar. She shivered.
'Not having a proper drivers license righteously sucks.' she thought, pulling her coat tighter around her lean frame. It was winter, and a dull gray day, the kind that should have been spent reading a good book with a cup of tea or hot chocolate. Or coffee. Tina licked her lips. Mm, coffee. . . the elixir of life. A night-owl writer's best friend. Edible black gold. Sweet, sweet caffeine. She had to add that to the list, she thought, as the "Don't Walk" sign across the street changed and she stepped out onto the road. A discarded newspaper flew thought the air and landed on Tina's left side. She grabbed the paper and was about to flip it into a trash can when a headline caught her eye. She held the paper at arms length to skim through it as she continued across the street, though slower than before.
"Mm, recipe for coffee cake . . .," she remarked as the rest of the pedestrians power-walked across the road and left her behind as the sign changed to "Don't Walk". Tina turned a page of the newspaper, but nothing else looked interesting, so she tossed the paper aside. And looked up into a set of headlights.
Coming at her way too fast.
Tina shrieked and tried to jump aside, but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. The truck veered to the right with it's horn blaring (though it was a little late for that, Tina thought, or would have thought, had she not been terrified out of her mind), but it clipped her and sent her flying through the air and down the street, where she landed with a thud and lost consciousness. The last thing she heard was the sound of the horn, still blaring, and the combination of squealing breaks and tires as darkness flooded her mind and she landed on the hard asphalt.
Something was jutting into Tina's back, right in her spine. Rock? Couldn't be. . . why would she be sleeping outside, on a rock? Tina never slept outside. There weren't any rocks in her bedroom. And someone was prodding her. Probably her brother, Bill. She moaned and swiped at the hand prodding her.
"She's waking up!" a voice that was definitely not her brothers said.
"Thank the Valar," another, a deeper unmistakably male voice added.
"What would so beautiful a maiden be doing in this area?" another wondered. Tina frowned. Who said "maiden" anymore, anyway? What were so many people doing in her bedroom? Oh wait, this couldn't be her bedroom. There was a rock in her back. Right. Tina opened her eyes.
Five people were surrounding her, and all of them were male. Tina would have screamed, but they all looked very familiar, and Tina was aching all over. What had happened? Oh, right. . . hit by a truck. At least she was still alive. Tina sat up, but the largest member of the group, a tall, ruggedly good looking male placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to force her back down.
"Fair maiden, pray rest some more. I do not think you have yet recovered from your fall from the sky." he said. Tina glared at him and slapped his hand away. Who did this guy think he was? Familiar or no, Tina didn't want some stranger touching her, especially not after getting hit by a truck. Her day wasn't exactly going well. Fall from the sky? What was this guy talking about? And WHY was he talking so weird? No one with any sense called Tina "fair maiden". Mainly because she wasn't one.
"Get off me, I'm fine. Did anyone get the number of that truck?" Tina said, sitting up and pushing the man's hand away when he again tried to force her down. She was greeted by blank looks from the rest of the small group. WHY did they all look so familiar? Suddenly it hit Tina like a ton of bricks. DUH.
"H-hey! You know, you remind me a lot of Aragorn!" Tina said, pointing at the tall man. She turned to the four smaller people and pointed at them as she rattled off the names she could list in her sleep. "And . . .and Sam and Pippin, and Merry . . . and . . . Frodo . . ." Tina slowed down as she came to her favorite hobbit. He was just as adorable as Elijah Wood had portrayed him in the movie. That same dark, curly hair and gorgeous eyes. . . pretty eyes. . . the ones she could stare into for days at a time. . . Tina suddenly realized she was drooling. "You know, like from the movie." she finished. The five stared at her, slack-jawed.
"You. . . you know our names?" the Sam-impersonator finally said.
"Cut the act already." Tina said, rolling her eyes with exasperation. She was getting a bit impatient, and she felt dazed. As a result, she was even snappier than usual. "Look, it's great to meet fellow fans, but I was just hit by a truck and I'd kind of like to know what's going on."
"Truck?" the Aragorn-impersonator asked. It looked as if he was earnestly confused. "I know not of any 'truck'. What manner of beast is this 'truck'?"
Tina cocked her eyebrow. The dazed feeling was fading and she was starting to feel more awake.
"Dude. You can drop the Aragorn act now, you're scaring me. Besides, you're not doing it very well." she said, backing up. The Frodo-impersonator stepped forward.
"Fair maid, it was not our intent to frighten you. We only wish to find if you are unharmed by your descent from the sky, and to thank you for your assistance in frightening away the Nazgûl who were attacking us." he said, and Tina had to remind herself that this wasn't the real Frodo, no matter how small his stature, or how convincing his prosthetic feet, or how beautiful his eyes . . . Tina shut her mouth, which had again dropped open. 'Not the real Frodo,' she reminded herself. 'Not the real Frodo.' Suddenly she registered his odd, un-Frodo-like speech and glared at him.
"You know, you may look like Frodo, but you don't know the least thing about how he talks. And furthermore, I don't see any Nazgûl, and if there were any it would be EXTREMELY unlikely, not to mention non-canonical, if I scared them off, and you are freaking me out, and I probably need medical attention, why am I sitting around talking to you? Someone get me to a hospital, I was just hit by a truck, for Elbereth's sake!" Tina said, ending in a yell. She turned around, away from the Frodo-impersonator and his beautiful eyes.
"Hello? HELLO! Can someone lend me a cell phone so I can . . .call an ambulance . . .or something . . ." Tina's voice trailed off as she got a look at her surroundings. She was standing on top of a vastly tall rock in the middle of a scrubby plain. The sky was dark, and far away she spotted nine dark shapes, riding away on black horses. Tina stared around with wide eyes.
"Weathertop. . ." she murmured. "But why are the Nazgûl riding away? Frodo hasn't been stabbed."
Tina spun around and walked up to the hobbits and the man, who were all staring at her as if either stupid, or under some sort of enchantment. Pushing aside all thoughts of etiquette (but still picking the person who she thought would be the least likely to get mad), Tina reached out and tugged on the Pippin-impersonator's pointed ear. It held, but Pippin kept staring at her. Tina's hand dropped.
"Gilthoniel a Elbereth . . . I'm in Middle Earth . . ." she moaned. She turned back to look at the hobbits and man. They were all staring at her with an expression of rapture and worship. Something was wrong with this picture. Frodo and Aragorn's . . . un Frodo and Aragorn-ish way of speaking, all five of their odd reactions to her sudden appearance, the Nazgûl running away . . . Tina blinked. Frodo was stepping towards her. Tina's heart fluttered. She was here, in Middle-Earth, less than five feet away from the adorable hobbit she idolized even before the movie, with his beautiful eyes . . .
Wait . . .
There was something wrong with Frodo's eyes as well. They were lovely, yes, but they were clouded, dulled over. Frodo looked like he was sleepwalking. Tina jumped back, leaning against the wall of Weathertop.
"Y-you're not Frodo . . . and, and you're not Sam . . .and Pippin, and Merry, and Aragorn . . ." she said, her hands shaking as she pointed at them. A gust of wind blew at her back and blew something like long tendrils into her face. Tina reached to brush them away and seized a handful of . . .hair. Long, wavy, golden hair, very different from her short almost-black hair. Tina looked down at her clothes, half expecting to see her tan trench coat, half not at all knowing what to expect. The sight of a thick emerald cloak tied about her neck with a gold cord that was actually pretty cool looking greeted her. She pulled back the cloak to reveal a pearly white dress unlike anything she owned (or, for that matter, ever would have worn) and a body that most certainly had never belonged to her (and probably not to anyone in her family either).
'Yeesh, who gave me implants?' Tina wondered, raising an eyebrow at her new figure, which she seriously doubted could have naturally developed from her skinny frame. Her eyes opened wide. This was NOT good. She glanced around to find something - anything - to waylay (or support) her suspicions. A sword glittered on the ground next to her, and she pounced on it. Lifting the sword with shaking hands, Tina looked into the blade and was greeted with translucent skin, an elegantly pointed face, a delicately pointed nose, a rosebud mouth, thin winging eyebrows, and beautiful emerald green eyes that sparkled with some unnatural light. Tina's face pulled back in an expression of terror, and she reached up with shaking hands to pull aside her hair. Her ears were pointed. Tina dropped the sword, and it clattered to the ground, her beautiful new face a mask of horror.
"Oh my God! I'M A MARY-SUE!" She screamed, and fell to the ground in a swoon in proper Mary-Sue fashion.