I don't own Harry Potter sadly, it belongs to the fabulous J. K. Rowling

This is a Christmas story for Cathcer1984, Happy Christmas hun I hope you enjoy your story x. I got carried away with this one, it will have two chapters.

Summary: They say you never know what you have got until you lose it, or you never know what you have got until you have nearly lost it. Severus and Harry find this out the hard way.

Warnings: malexmale, mpreg, infidelity, angst but happy ending.

I apologise in advance for any mistakes I may have made

Severus apparated to his and Harry's home, into the living room but couldn't find his young lover, searching through the house Severus felt his heart in his throat when he saw Harry in their bedroom, waving his wand as his clothes flew into cases. "Harry no please."

"I have to Severus." Harry turned to face the man he still loved so much. "Do you know after seeing you fuck that bloke I came home and cried myself to sleep, I was actually going to stay with you as I knew leaving you would finish me. But the more I thought the more I realised, I couldn't do it, if I stayed I would be forever knowing you are having sex with someone else and it would break me, I would no longer be myself. Ginny once said when she broke up with her boyfriend that she would rather be alone than be in an unhappy relationship and I agreed with her, I still do. Severus knowing you are fucking men in the day it will get to me so much and make me so sad and unhappy I will end up being only a shell of myself."

"I know that Harry. That is the last thing I want. I don't want anyone but you. You are the only reason I am carrying on, why I get up in the morning, reason I breathe. Harry you are my world."

"I heard what you told Draco. I will be having words with Ron. See they think nothing touches you, nothing bothers you, they don't know you like I do. Mind you after what you have done to me I am not sure even I know you anymore. Seeing you with that man I know it does hurt you to be doing that to me, you wouldn't even let him say my name."

"Of course I wouldn't, it would only make me see what I block."

Harry did a double take. "Block? Merlin Severus you block it all out don't you, you get to the point where you only know your name and what you are currently doing don't you. Albus told me about that with you during the war, when I worried that Voldemort would be torturing you, he told me you learned a technique, when he tortured you you created a block so strong it kept away the worst of the pain, all you knew was your name, the people around you were bad and you had to look as though you were in pain to get out of there alive."

"That is true. The bloke kept coming back, thought he must find me attractive in some way to keep coming back, at least I won't be lonely if you agree with your friends and leave me."

"Fuck it Severus how dare you! That bloke only comes to you because he wants a fuck and coming to you is easier than going out to pull someone! I come home to you every night! I shower with you every morning! I eat with you every day! I want to make love with you every night! All because I love you and will never leave you, because I want what we have for life, not just because doing that is easier than going to pull someone to fuck me!"

Severus didn't bother to hide it, he let his tears fall. "Harry please, no stress."

"Don't. Don't you dare tell me how to act after finding out the man who is my life is fucking other people, I heard you with him Severus, you like fucking him because of his tight arse."

"Damn it Harry I don't even know who I am when in that state!"

"You know who you are before getting yourself into that state though don't you. You know you are Severus Snape, living with me, in a relationship with me, happy with me."

"Please Harry, you will never know how sorry I am, how much I hate myself for doing this to you, how much I regret it. I will never do it again."

"I am still leaving Severus, I stay here I will always be wondering, I will be moving in with Draco."

Severus moved forwards and took Harry's hands in his. "Please Harry, there has to be a chance for us, there has to be. Please? I can't lose you. I just can't."

"I don't trust you Severus, after what you have done it will take a while for me to let you have my heart again."

"What do I need to do? Please Harry I will do anything."

"You give me my space, you start believing that I love you with all that I am, that I do not listen to everything my friends say and do everything they think I should do. We start from the very beginning, get to know each other all over again. And the most important part, you have no one Severus, I mean it, if you truly love and want me, you stay faithful, you do not go with anyone, you wait for me."

Severus dropped to his knees and rested his head on Harry's flat stomach. "I will. I promise Harry, I can't lose you, both of you."

Harry stepped out of Severus' hold and after shrinking his things down and putting them in his pocket he looked down at the man he loved so much. "I will see you soon."

"I love you Harry."

"I know you do." Harry answered before disapparating.

A week later Severus was standing outside of Draco's flat, he hadn't seen Harry since that day, he had missed him so much, he knew Draco would be at work so he took this time to know Harry would be on his own, taking a deep breath Severus knocked on the door.

Harry answered the door to see Severus standing there with a look on his face he had never seen before, he looked nervous. "Severus?"

"Harry. I know you told me to give you space and I am keeping to what I promised, its just that..." Severus put his hand in his pocket and unshrunk the items. "I have your potions."

"Thank you." Harry said as he took the potions from the Slytherin.

Severus nodded before clearing his throat. "Are you keeping well?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh a little. "Yes. I was going to come and see you about the potions actually, plus it is Draco's birthday next week, I wondered if you had any ideas on what to get him?"

"I will have a think. I have been thinking Harry about you living here with Draco. It isn't fair that you moved out, I was the one who did wrong, it should be me that leaves. I will find elsewhere, I will move above the shop, just move back home, please? You shouldn't have to leave because of what I did."

"I don't know Severus."

"I just thought it would be easier for you, I mean you still have messages coming to the house where mine all go straight to my shop, and if your friends or family come over you are there."

"I guess it would be better. I will let Draco know when he comes home and thank him for everything and pack, I will be home tonight."

Severus smiled. "Thank you Harry. I will leave everywhere tidy for you and remove all of my things."

"No."

"No?"

"Not all of your things Severus, just your clothes."

"As you wish." Severus answered before leaving.

"What a dump!" Draco said as he looked around the small poky room about the potions shop.

"It has a bed and a bathroom that is all I need Draco, I will eat out or down in the shop."

"Severus you can't live here, come and live with me."

"No Draco, what if that Luke comes back."

"Luke who?" Draco frowned as he used a cleaning charm on a chair before sitting down.

"He was there when I floo called that time."

"Severus that was Harry in disguise."

"Oh..." Severus cleared his throat, "well I have work to do so come on down into the shop, you have seen where I am sleeping so you can stop going on about it now."

Severus and Draco had just entered the shop when Joseph walked in. "Severus, it has been well over a week since I have seen you."

"Fuck off." Draco said, "you are going nowhere near my godfather again."

Joseph rolled his eyes. "Severus can speak for himself, come on Severus, turn the sign to closed. What do you say?"

"I say my godson got is right."

Harry was on his way to see Severus to talk about Draco's birthday when he saw Joseph walk in the shop. Taking a deep breath Harry doubled back and after casting a disillusionment charm on himself he sneaked in the shop at the back and heard Draco telling the man to fuck off.

"Never again Joseph. I never want to touch you again, see you again I don't even want you in my shop."

"I can bring a lot of business your way Snape."

"I don't care, my business is nothing, I have already lost what is the most important thing in my life."

"Wait until I let everyone know about your little trysts with me."

"Oh I don't think so." Severus said as he raised his wand. "Obliviate."

Harry stepped out of the back room in time to see the vacant look in Joseph's eyes who blinked rapidly before focusing his attention on Harry. "Harry Potter, big fan of you, winning the war like you did." he said.

Severus snapped his head around to see Harry standing there looking at him. "Harry... I swear I didn't."

Harry put his hand up and looked at Joseph who looked around in confusion, wondering what he was doing in a potions shop before shrugging his shoulders and leaving. "I know Severus, I was on my way to you when I saw him enter so I came in the back way. I heard it all. You cleared his memory of you."

"I did. I want nothing more to do with him. With anyone, just you."

Draco looked at them both before clearing his throat. "Okay I am going to leave you both alone and go upstairs and clean that hovel you are sleeping in," Draco shuddered. "You should just move in with me Severus." he said as he left Severus and Harry alone.

"Hovel Severus?"

"You know how Draco exaggerates and how clean he has to be. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company Harry?"

"Draco's birthday I wondered if you thought of anything."

"Yes I have." Severus smiled and started to tell Harry his thoughts on what to get his godson. Severus had just finished when Ron walked into the shop. Severus saw the redhead look at Harry who glared at him before swallowing and looking straight at him.

"Severus, Harry has told me you heard all that I tell people and I honestly didn't know how much it got to you, well, he didn't tell me, he yelled, a lot, my ears are still burning, I am sorry Severus, I should never have said any of those things and given you all those glares, it was wrong of me to do so, I have never seen Harry as happy as he is with you and that is all that matters, I am sorry my actions nearly split the both of you up."

Severus frowned. "Um..."

"Well it did Ron." Harry cut across. "I have never seen Severus in that state, he was on the verge of leaving me, it took me hours to talk him around." Harry added who then walked across and wrapped his arms around Severus' waist, resting his head on the Slytherin's chest.

Ron nodded. "I am sorry Harry, and to you Severus, I didn't know, it was wrong of me to do so and act like that, pettiness should have stopped with the war, I should be more adult and I will be. Forgive me." he said and after nodded to them both and getting a nod from Harry, he left.

"You didn't tell him about what I did."

"No Severus, that is no ones business but ours, and Draco of course, that is how I want it Severus." Harry said as he moved out of the older man's arms. "No one is to know."

"But if we are to pretend we are still together that tells me sooner or later we will be together."

"Not necessarily, it just tells me that I want no one knowing my business and that I don't want them knowing anything until I am ready."

Severus nodded. "Of course, it was silly of me to jump to conclusions like that."

Harry cleared his throat but the small smile Harry had when he left gave Severus hope.

Harry was just getting ready for Draco's birthday dinner when the sound of apparation sounded in his home, walking through the rooms Harry found Draco in his kitchen. "Draco? Something wrong?"

"Um... It will be just me, you and Blaise for my dinner."

"Why? What's wrong with Severus?"

"Nothing. He just didn't think it fair for you to be seated with him all evening and play the happy couple when you are still hurting with what he has done."

"But he is your godfather, he should be there more than me."

"I know Harry but you know as well as I do he is a stubborn man, all I can get out of him is an apology and that he will make it up to me tomorrow."

Harry sighed. "How about we eat where he lives? He can't not come then."

Draco pulled a face. "I am not eating in that hovel he calls home."

Harry smiled. "You do exaggerate you do."

"Me exaggerate? Have you actually seen where he is sleeping?" Draco shook his head. "Look it doesn't matter, just finish getting ready I will see you at the restaurant."

Harry walked into the living room and saw a picture on the wall that was of him and Severus, Harry was wrapped in Severus' arms who leaned down to whisper something into Harry's ear, a smirk on his face as Harry in the picture blushed and smiled. "You are a stubborn man Severus." he said and concentrating on Severus he disapparated.

Harry appeared in what he knew to be the flat above the potions shop and immediately scrunched his nose up at not only the smell but at the state of the place. The walls looked damp, paper was hanging off the walls, the floorboards looked uneven and just a small rug lay on the floor at side of the small single bed which was the only thing that looked tidy in the room.

There was a side table at the side of the bed with a thick book and a pair of glasses there, Harry looked towards the only other door and knew it must be the bathroom and hearing the shower run told him Severus was in the shower, deciding to wait Harry sat down on Severus' bed and stroked his stomach. "How can your father sleep in a place like this baby?" he whispered.

After twenty minutes of the shower still running and no sign of Severus Harry stood up. "Oh come on Harry you have seen it all before." he told himself before walking into the bathroom and stopped when he saw Severus stood in the shower, he wasn't washing, he wasn't doing anything, he was just standing under the shower head his head down. Taking his wand out Harry stopped the water.

Severus looked up when the shower stopped and saw Harry stood there looking mad. "Harry!"

"What are you doing? I do not fancy bring up our child with only one parent, you will catch your death standing there like that, the water is cold you will catch your death. Get dressed, we will be late for Draco's birthday dinner."

Severus stepped out of the shower and dried himself with his wand before wrapping a towel around him. "I am not going I have already told Draco this."

"Yes and he told me the reasons why you are not. Severus this is Draco, who you look on as a son. You can not and will not miss his birthday dinner."

"I am only thinking of you Harry, how am I to give you space if we are to spend the evening together acting like a happy couple in front of Blaise, it still hurts you so much, I see it in your eyes every time you look at me."

"Of course it still hurts Severus, I need time, it is getting easier, I don't feel like breaking down whenever I see you." Harry said as Severus got dressed. "You are coming to this dinner, we are doing this for Draco and tomorrow morning you are moving in with Draco. I do not like the thought of you sleeping here."

"I am fine here Harry."

"Well I am not fine with you being here. Move in with Draco."

"As you wish."

Harry nodded and linked his arm with Severus when the older man had finished dressing. "Right then, show time." he said before disapparating them both to the restaurant.

As the weeks went on Harry and Severus saw each other more, Severus moved in with Draco the day after the blonds birthday to Harry's delight, they both went out for a meal twice a week and just talked about their week, the baby, how Harry was getting along with the pregnancy, Severus had made all the potions that was needed and extra ones for Harry to take that made the pregnancy more comfortable for him.

When Harry was twelve weeks gone he and Severus told everyone to be at the burrow and told everyone when they arrived the happy news that Harry was pregnant, Severus had stepped out of the way and let Harry's friend and family gather around him and watched the man he loved with a look of longing on his face.

Harry accepted all of the hugs and congratulations and seeing Severus standing to one side surprised the former potions master by taking his hand and pulling him into the centre of all those that had surrounded Harry to congratulate him. "I didn't do it on my own you know." he told his friends and family who then apologised to Severus before shaking his hand and congratulating.

"You didn't have to do that Harry." Severus had said once he had dropped Harry off at home.

"Why not? You may have hurt me deeply Severus but you have given me something I never thought I would have given my preference in men. Night Severus."

"Good night Harry." Severus replied before Harry closed the door. "Sleep well my world." he added to the closed door before disapparating.

The other side of the door stood Harry with his hand against the wood. "Oh Severus."

Severus looked through his notes as he added an ingredient and stirred it ever so carefully, counting his stirs before he started to stir it the other way. "Severus!"

Severus jumped and ended up shaking the potion with the ladle instead of stirring it and backed away when it started to boil and overspill. Turning he saw Draco and Harry stood there, knowing it was too late to save the potion he pushed Draco back and shielded Harry by curling himself around the younger man, wincing and moaning in pain when he felt the potion hit his back and start to burn through his clothes.

Harry pulled back. "Fuck Severus!" he said as he turned to Draco. "I told you we could have waited instead of disturbing him! Get a potion to help the burns and pain." he told the blond who rushed to do as he was told while Harry, with a wave of his wand stripped Severus leaving the older man in just his trousers and shoes.

Severus glared at Draco when the blond came back and snatched the potions off him. "Fool! You know how dangerous potions are."

"I know that but Harry has been stood talking to you for five minutes and you haven't heard a word he has said."

"Of course I heard him, me and Harry know what to do and how we handle things when I am working on something new, he talks and tells me all about it, just because I don't answer because I am busy concentrating doesn't mean I am not listening." he snapped as he took a pain potion and waved his wand over him to cool his skin down.

"That's right, I tell Severus things and he takes it all in and answers any questions I have when he has finished his potions." Harry explained as he took the salve off Draco and turned Severus around to rub it into his back before the ruined potion damaged his skin.

Draco frowned. "Um Harry I can do that you know, I know it has been ten weeks but you are still hurting with what Severus has done."

"Of course I am still hurting Draco, doing this for him doesn't mean I have forgiven him and all is well now, I still hurt Draco but I also still care, I may be crazy and stupid for doing so for what he has done to me but I can not help the way I feel."

Severus sighed. "Draco is right Harry, you shouldn't be comforting me and taking away my pain, I should be taking away your pain being the one that has caused it."

"Yes you have caused my pain and you are very slowly taking it away, you have done what I have asked of you, all of what I have asked you to do." Harry sighed as he finished and looked at Draco. "Severus keeps spare clothes in the back room in case something like this happens, he needs a shirt."

Taking the hint, Draco left.

Harry looked up at Severus. "Cool shower and more salve tonight please."

"I will."

"My birthday is in two weeks, I know what my friends and family are like, they will try and throw me a surprise birthday party, they will no doubt come to you for ideas and try and get me out of the house, please Severus I don't want one. I just want a day out and a quiet night at home."

"Leave it with me I shall try my best to stop their ideas but you do know they are more stubborn than me when it comes to seeing you enjoying yourself."

"I know Severus, I know you will try your best." he said as Draco came back out with a shirt. "We will get back to shopping."

Severus nodded and said goodbye to them both, it was only when they left the shop did Severus banish the ruined cauldron and start again.

As it neared Harry's birthday Harry was right, his friends and family had gone straight to Severus, telling him what they had planned, what his job was, getting Harry away from the house and get him back for a certain time.

No matter what Severus said it made no difference, they would not listen to reason, said they knew Harry better that he would love a party and with him now being seventeen weeks pregnant it might be the last party he has as the future ones are children's parties.

Harry opened the door and frowned when he saw Severus standing there. "Severus?"

"Forgive me Harry?"

"You know I can't yet Severus, I will eventually I need more time."

"No I mean forgive me for what I have done today."

Harry paled thinking the worst. "Oh Severus you haven't? You promised!"

Severus' eyes went wide when he realised what Harry had assumed. "No no Harry. I haven't seen that filth since I obliviated his memory. I got a shop full of people today, all of your family and friends, wanting to discuss your birthday party."

Harry sighed with relief. "You couldn't talk them out of it?"

"I did, but only by telling them that for your birthday I was to take you to Italy for the weekend where I plan to propose on the night of your birthday."

"Severus."

"I am sorry Harry, that was the only thing that they accepted. I was planning on taking you there for your birthday and proposing Harry before everything between us."

"Before you fucked the other bloke you mean."

Severus looked closely at the younger man. "You didn't flinch."

"It is getting easier Severus."

Severus nodded. "We can still go away Harry, all we have to do is pose for a few pictures when we get there and then you have a weekend alone in Italy, doing whatever you want to do, all I ask is that you tell me what you did for the weekend as your family and friends will think we spent it together."

Harry looked closely at the man he still loved so much. "No."

Severus dropped his head. "I understand Harry."

"No Severus I mean no as in spending time apart. Separate rooms yes, but if we are to get to know each other all over again then we spend the weekend together. I mean we never actually went on dates did we. We just fell straight into bed. I don't even know what you are like on dates."

"Thank you my world. We leave next Friday, pack what you need to, I will pick you up at the right time."

Harry nodded . "Thank you Severus. I will be by the shop tomorrow for my potions."

"I will see you then." Severus answered and taking a chance he took Harry's hand in his and raising the Gryffindor's hand he kissed the knuckles before leaving.

Harry closed his kissed hand into a fist and held it to his chest, his other hand covering it as he watched Severus walk to the gate before disapparating.

Hermione jumped along with Ron and Harry when the door banged open and a panicked and out of breath Severus came hurrying in, seeing Harry sat up in bed he rushed over and took Harry in his arms, kissing the top of his head, forgetting that they they were no longer together, forgetting that Hermione and Ron were there. "What happened?" he asked.

"I fell down our stairs Severus, but I am fine, will be fine, the healers, I had about twenty around me working, they just want to keep me here until the results come back, they say I am fine and so is our baby but they just need the results to confirm what they say and then I can go."

Hermione took Ron's hand and pulled him from the room, leaving Harry and Severus alone.

"When Hermione sent me a patronus I have never panicked so much Harry, my heart was in my throat, I haven't even locked my shop up I just came straight here."

"I noticed." Harry sighed as he buried his face deeper into Severus' chest and inhaled deeply. "You smell good."

"I'm sorry I didn't think." Severus apologised and made to move away but Harry held on tighter.

"No Severus. I was lucky Hermione and Ron where there, I was scared Severus, so scared, I didn't care what happened to me, only two things were going through my mind, our baby and you."

"Me?"

"Yes. The healers told me I am lucky, very lucky. As far as I am concerned Severus this was a wake up call for me, you have done all I have asked you to do, you have made this pregnancy so easy for me with the extra potions you have been making, the last couple of weeks I have hated sleeping in our bed as I am there alone, hated coming home as I am alone."

"Harry?"

Harry pulled his head back a little to look up at the older man. "I don't want to be alone anymore Severus. I miss you too much."

"You forgive me?"

"I do Severus. Will you come home to me?"

Severus leaned down and placed a firm but passionate kiss on Harry's lips. "Always."

Epilogue

Harry waved his wand and smiled as the angel floated up and sat on top of the Christmas tree he and Severus had decorated together. Harry was two weeks away from his due date, he held his back and made his way over to the settee and slowly sat down just as the door closed and Severus walked in, shaking himself as snow had settled on his shoulders and hair.

Harry smiled as he saw his partners eyes go to the top of the tree. "Angel my world?"

"Yes. You must have known that when you took the angel down and put the green star up I would swap it back as soon as you left."

Severus walked over and sat down beside Harry. "Didn't take you long either I see. I only left the house ten minutes ago to nip to the local shop." he said as he rested his hand on Harry's stomach. "Speaking if angels, how is papa's little angel?" Severus asked, smiling when he got a kick in response.

Harry and Severus found out that day in the hospital they were to have a girl. Severus took Harry home later that day and stopped the night and never went back to Draco's, only for his belongings. They had taken it slowly, for the first six weeks it was just kisses and sharing a bed only to sleep.

It was in August when Severus got into bed and asked Harry if he could make love to him as it was their fifth year anniversary of being together as they got together after Severus was discharged from the hospital after his bite from Nagini, Harry had spent every day by his side, when he wasn't there he was fighting for Severus' freedom and on the day Severus was discharged he took Harry to his then one bedroom flat he had bought, only Draco knowing about the place, and offered Harry a drink. Only as soon as the door closed behind them they were all over each other.

Harry smiled. "She has been behaving, no kicking at all, Ron flooed before work, just after you left saying to be weary, Fred and George have started to take bets in their shops with their customers that our daughter will be born on your birthday Severus."

Severus groaned. "Nothing stops those twins when something enters their mind."

"What if she is Severus?"

"What?"

"What if our daughter is born on your birthday?"

"Then I have the best birthday present anyone could ever hope and wish for. I honestly don't care when she comes. So long as she is healthy and doesn't have my nose I am happy."

Harry laughed and kissed the tip of Severus' nose. "Merry Christmas Severus." he whispered as he snuggled up to the older man.

Severus lifted his arm up to wrap around Harry and hold him close. "Merry Christmas my world." he answered, kissing Harry's head before resting his head on top of his lovers, holding Harry extra tight. He lost Harry for a few weeks over his own stupidity, he vowed he would never lose Harry again as he promised himself that day Harry took him back that now he had Harry back he was never going to let him go.

The end.

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