Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or objects; they belong to Fullmetal Alchemist. I do own my idea.

Author's Note: Long time no see, everybody! I apologize for the lack of updates for Last Order, I'm actually writing this note to tell you my situation concerning that as well. I'm sorry to say that since June I've been suffering from depression (one of my friends knows this already, and if you read this, just know that I'm extremely grateful for your support). It's been difficult for me to do the things I typically enjoy.

I've been doing a little better, but I decided to write this story for those unfortunate enough to be experiencing depression as well. I want people to understand what this feels like...and that it's not just an overreaction. You would not believe how many times I've been told that my depression was a result of overreaction. I don't ask for pity. I hope you like this multi-chapter story and that it helps you as much as it helps me. Thank you!

Against all odds –and his wishes- Roy Mustang was still alive. He thought the regaining of his hearing meant he'd made it to heaven or hell, but the imperfections of echoes and ringing in his ear told him he was in this ugly world. His eyes refused to open, medical tape clamping his lids shut and preventing his knowledge of the time of day. Pain shot through his right leg, making him want to cringe but none of his muscles responded. Only his nerves could tell him he was as tender as a steak at Madame Christmas's shop.

Christmas! Oh damn, what would she think of her son when she found out of his suicide attempt? She would have received the news from Riza, who was always the first to know everything. Did Riza know yet? If he's been here for over a day, then Roy was sure they knew.

The soft sound of the rattling blinds at the window steered his thoughts to curiosity. It was almost like a military tank was storming through the city below. Someone growled, grabbed something near Roy, and sent it flying across the room at the source of the vibration. The object struck –a book, based on the way the pages fluttered- and caused the source to grunt as if he'd just been squeezed like a squeaker toy.

"What the hell, Havoc?" Breda shouted.

"Stop snoring! Lieutenant Hawkeye is trying to get some sleep," Havoc said back. "Maybe you should head to concussion unit? I'm sure they'll need your help in there to keep the people awake."

The click of the door sounded on Roy's left, and the heavy steps of a man made their way to the foot of the bed. "Why don't you all go to the concussion unit?" Rebecca said, the source of the heavy steps. "I heard you guys from down the hall."

"It's alright, everyone, I wasn't asleep anyway," Riza said. Roy's ears perked up when he found her voice was coming from his left. She stirred in her seat, the plastic over the cushion protesting against her weight. "The nurse came in an hour ago to check up on Roy, so I wanted to stay up to talk to her."

Rebecca huffed and made her way to Riza. "I brought him some flowers," Rebecca said.

"Thank you, I'm sure he'll love them," Riza said. Roy smelled Riza's sweet candy perfume as she leaned over him to prop the flowers at his opposite side. Maes once said Roy's scent of cologne and smoke rubbed off on her, from all those hours they spent together. What a shame to have even a trace of Roy Mustang on anything.

"So when did you get to the city?" Breda asked.

"About an hour ago," said Rebecca. "I wanted to come when…this…happened a week ago, but my mom really needed the help getting around her house."

"Don't worry about it. You're here, and that's all that matters," Riza said.

There was a couple of throats clearing and whispering between Rebecca and Havoc –he must've asked her if she unpacked her belongings in his apartment yet.

"Um, Riza?" Rebecca said. Riza turned in her seat beside Roy. "If you don't want to answer, it's alright, but- "

"You want to know how he tried to kill himself?" Riza finished, in her blunt and calm way that only she could pull off.

"Yeah."

"He ran off after a meeting with my grandfather –I think I know why- the fire chief told me he must've set the warehouse on fire and waited for it to collapse on him. Thank goodness it was abandoned, or else it would've made Roy feel guilty."

"What did Grumman say to make him go do something like that?" Havoc asked.

Riza sighed. "My grandfather said he was leaving his position to General Armstrong instead of Roy, as he'd promised. I suppose Roy felt angry with him."

Roy wanted to curl away in a box somewhere, where no one could find him or watch him as he lay motionless at the focal point of the room. He was angry with Grumman, yes, but he'd also felt guilt over how many people he'd let down. He thought of the men and women who risked their lives for his sake.

Elicia Hughes would have a father to hold if it weren't for Roy Mustang.

"Will he be okay?" Rebecca asked.

"I hope so," Riza said, her voice made Roy notice the annoying buzz of machines surrounding him and the tube blowing oxygen up his nostrils.

A moment of silence went by, until someone suddenly began patting their stomach.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I could use a nice coffee and some cookies," said Falman.

"I'll go with you," said Fuery. Wow, Roy hadn't heard a peep from them.

"We're in," Breda and Havoc said in unison. Havoc added, "I've got to shit a load off anyway."

Rebecca groaned. "And now you won't be getting shit in bed tonight either."

"Yikes," muttered Havoc. "You ladies want anything?"

"I think I'll stay," Riza said.

"Come on, Riza, go get some fresh air," Rebecca said. "I'll keep an eye on him."

Riza thought about the offer. "Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes. If anything happens, we'll be in the cafeteria at the end of the hall."

Roy listened to the stampede of bodies as they cluttered out of the room. A nurse came in hauling a cart of all the medical supplies, she greeted Rebecca as Mrs. Mustang. Roy wanted to shiver despite the burns extending nearly to his bones. Rebecca breathed out in relief when the nurse rolled out, then pulled a seat from the corner of the room to Roy's right side.

Roy felt the tension burning hotter than his own alchemy. He nearly had a heart attack when he felt the cool calloused skin of Rebecca's hand on his forearm. Rebecca huffed again and let her free hand pound against the mattress. The sheets beneath him crinkled as she balled her hand into a fist.

"Damn you, Roy…" Rebecca muttered. "Damn you! How could you do this? I swear, if Riza hadn't wanted you alive so badly, I would do the honor of killing you for being so stupid and selfish. How can you fucking forget what Jean did for you? He lost his ability to walk."

Roy listened, silently agreeing to everything. He actually wished she would kill him.

"And he talks about it like he'd do it all over again just for an idiot like you. Why couldn't you face the reality of not becoming the fuerher, and be happy with what you had? We would've accepted you…as long as you tried…but you…" Roy heard the door click open just as Rebecca said her last words, "You're a fucking coward."

"A coward?" Riza said. "Roy is not a coward!"

Rebecca sprang up from her seat, her mouth sputtering apologies like a waterfall.

"What gives you the right to call him that, Rebecca?" Riza asked, her tone leaking fury. "You can't imagine what he must be feeling right now! He needs your support not lectures, and I would've expected you of all people could do that for him after you've seen what happened to me."

"What do you mean what happened to you?" Rebecca asked, thinking. "Roy has a lot of good things in his life, so why does he deserve to feel the way you did?"

"Roy's in depression, Rebecca. And it doesn't matter whether you're at the top of the pyramid or the bottom. All you have to know is that he's weak," Riza said. "You must not have learned to understand if you're calling him a coward."

"I do understand."

"No, you don't," Riza said, firmly.

Rebecca slumped into her chair beside Roy, as Riza made her way to Roy's left. "Riza, I'm sorry," Rebecca said. Riza said nothing. "Fine…Then remind me, so I can understand. Please."

Silence.

Finally, Riza sighed. Roy imagined her head bowed and eyes closed the way she did when she was frustrated. Riza started, "It was after Ishval…"

AN: Excuse the cheesiness, I'm just trying to get my thoughts on paper. I will try to finish this before New Year's. Happy Holidays!

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