Twice the Apathy

It is difficult to take anything seriously when nothing makes sense. My life alternates by twos. Let me explain. I live one day as Kensuke and the other day as Kenneth McKinnon. Neither of these identities is real to me, but they are all I have left. I feel like a displaced person, wearing someone else's skin. But I dream of who I used to be, of a life and world that made far more sense than the ones I find myself in.

The last I remember of my life is sitting down on my couch in my apartment and flicking on the TV. Beyond that everything is a blank until I wake up as Kensuke or Kenneth.

oOo

Today I am Kensuke. I'm dressed in what can be nominally considered my academy uniform. I'm thirteen and facing a chunnin who is glaring at me. Dai-san, the chunnin in question, is very upset with me. This is not a first and I care very little. He opens my file and closes it, opens it again and then slams his hand down on it. I jump despite my general lack of giving a damn about anything.

"You've been in the Academy four years and have failed a second time?" he snarled. "Do you think if you keep failing I will take you back to your parents, eh? The same ones who sold you for a few ryo?"

A cold vise grips my heart at the reminder of my parents. My parents are farmers and had children as a way of producing a labor force for their land. I am or was seventh of eight – they may have had more after I left. Dai-san had shown up on our farm one day and spoken to my parents about taking me to Konoha to join its ninja forces.

In the aftermath of the Kyuubi attack, coming so soon after the end of the Third Ninja War, Konoha's forces were nearly decimated. They needed more new ninja than the village itself could provide. So scouts were sent out over Fire Country, to look for potential cadets. It's my good or bad luck that I have enough chakra to have a chance at making a ninja.

Dai-san thought I was worth the good amount he paid to my parents, who were quite happy to let me go. I was one less mouth to feed. Like any child, I was attached to my parents, so it broke my heart to be separated from them. It was only when I slowly started dreaming of my old life, my real life, that I found perspective. My real parents had been loving and would never have sold me. At least that's what I think I remember.

"Kensuke!" Dai-san yelled.

I jumped again, pulled out of my meandering thoughts. "Hai?"

"If you fail a third time you will be booted out of the ninja program," Dai-san said with a glower. "You need to start working hard."

I don't give a damn about being a ninja. Even if I did, the gap between clan raised children and farm raised kids like me was too vast. "Dai-san, I'm just a farmer…"

Dai-san was out of his chair and in front of me before I could finish another word. His hand wrapped around my neck and lifted me in the air. I was going to die; I felt it in every fiber of my being. "You little shit," he growled. "I've been waiting four years for the bonus I'm supposed to get when you graduate. On the other hand, if you don't graduate I will have to pay half your upkeep back to village treasury." He threw me against the wall. The feeling of my imminent death lessened a little bit.

My body screamed in pain but I heard his words as he left me lying in the room: "I will sell you to a whore house to make back my losses, boy. So you better stop being a farmer."

Damn it…Damn it…You can all burn in Hell! You fucking ninja! I wish you didn't exist!

[Life Quest: Destroy the Ninja way. Rewards: Beyond imagination. Failure: Death, Torture, Dismemberment.][Accept][Decline]

"What?" I said under my breath. I was holding my ribs and sitting against the wall I had been thrown against. A screen was floating mid-air in front of my eyes. I shook my head and stood but the screen followed me up. I rubbed my eyes and swiped my hand through the screen. The [Accept] button flashed for a second and the screen disappeared.

Figuring Dai-bastard had knocked my head too hard I promptly put the screen out of my mind. I had other things to worry about, like how I was going to graduate in the next exam. Like last time I will be moved down to the class behind me and will get around four months with them before the exams will be held again. Just my luck that in this stupid ninja world they start ninja classes every four months rather than annually. Have to churn out as many child soldiers as possible.

I shuffled through the hot Konoha streets, slowly making my way to the apartment building cadets like me lived in. Hearing shouts behind me I moved out of the street. A blond kid came tearing down the road, his laughter was easy to recognize. It was that obnoxious bastard Uzumaki, the only other kid than me who had failed twice in a row. We had joined the academy at the same time. He liked sparring against me because he could always beat me, even though I'm taller and broader than him. Fucking bastard couldn't hack it with the clan kids so he made himself feel better by dominating someone like me.

He passed me by and a moment after that a bunch of ninja ran after him. They shouted at him to stop and cursed him out for whatever prank he had pulled this time. I thanked God it wasn't on me this time. I hope they catch the ass. He has ruined several of my things with paint or glue or some other unholy mix. Unlike him I don't have the Hokage filling my wallet whenever something gets destroyed. Apparently my crime, according to Uzumaki, is that I'm too stiff and I need to be 'lightened up' by being humiliated. So I'm a bit anti-social, in my mind I'm a lot older than brats who have barely passed into double digits; they don't exactly make for great company.

I sighed as I start walking again. I was really hoping that they would kick me out of the Academy. Now I'm stuck with another four months with Uzumaki and his destructive sense of humor. Anyway, I have far more serious things to consider. I can't slack off anymore. I have to graduate or Dai will kill me. And once I graduate an enemy nin can kill me instead. Joy.

My apartment is a shared one with four others. All the others have graduated and are genin. One of them is dead already. But we keep his things around to show that there isn't room for another roommate. The landlord is batty as Hell and as long as he gets his rent, he doesn't look too closely. Poor Shiro, he was like me, someone purchased from outside the village. He wanted to be a ninja so badly that he hated my laidback attitude. We had never gotten along but I'm always sad when I'm reminded he's dead.

I went to my corner of the apartment. My desk is pushed up against the window. All my scrolls and books are lying on top as they always have. Some have ink stains and food stains, courtesy of Uzumaki. It pisses me off on principle, not like I really wanted to use any of them before today.

Slumping into my chair I pulled the scrolls sitting at the desk toward myself. I better start studying.

[You have found Floating Leaf Style Taijutsu scroll. Would you like to learn it?][Yes][No]

[You have found Essential Three Ninjutsu scroll. Would you like to learn it?][Yes][No]

[You have found Basic Weapon Wielding scroll. Would you like to learn it?][Yes][No]

Hell Yes! I do! I selected [Yes] on all three and got warning messages on all of them. [Insufficient STR and DEX score. Minimum 5 needed.][Insufficient DEX score for Ninjustu Scroll. Minimum 5 needed.]

Well damn. "Stats!" I called out and saw a screen appear with the following information:

Kensuke

Academy Student

Age: 13

LVL 3

STR 3

DEX 2

VIT 4

INT 27

WIS 35

LUK 0

PTS 0

I am so very, very weak. I pushed the three scrolls aside and started searching through my drawers for a scroll I remembered getting early in the Academy. Ha! I shouted when I found it. [You have found Beginners Ninja Physical Conditioning scroll. Would you like to learn it?] I selected yes.

The scroll turned to dust and vanished. I felt a gentle breeze on my skin that went through my mind. My muscles warmed and grew. I stood and fell into a series of stretches that would have left me gasping like an arthritic grandmother just the day before. After absorbing the scroll I was doing them as if I had been doing them for months. Messages popped up about percentage increases in my DEX, VIT, and STR but I was having too much fun doing exercise. This is insane!

For some strange reason I kept working out and going through the different routines. Then I went for a jog all the way to the Academy grounds so I could use the obstacle course. [You have gained 1 point of DEX and STR]. That had taken two hours of working out. Man, if the points come this fast, I'm going to be head of the class in no time. The bump ups in my stats gave me second wind and so when I reached the obstacle course I was grinning in anticipation.

It was right before sunset. The orange light glinted off the razor wire strung over a mud pit. Ropes hung from tall poles that one could swing from to avoid the razor wire and if you weren't agile enough for that you could crawl through the mud pit. For the first time ever I took a running leap and grabbed onto the rope. It swung from the force of my leap, my arms burned but I held on for dear life. A platform floating in water appeared in my vision. I let go and stumbled on top of it. Safe!

With greater confidence I went on to the rest of the course and managed to run the whole thing twice. It was nighttime when I got the message, "Your DEX and STR have gone up by 1."

"Finally!" I yelled and started trudging back to my apartment. I should have enough DEX to learn my other scrolls now. Maybe I'll make a Genin with this Gamer power yet.

[Quest: Place in the top 15 graduates and earn Genin rank. Reward: Chunin Dai will not sell you to a whore house to recoup his costs. Your memories of your old life will be restored. Failure: Your chakra will be sealed and you will be sold into prostitution. All hope of remembering your old life in full will disappear.]

I stared at the quest window for a long minute trying to control my hope. If I succeeded I would remember who I had been, I would remember my family, I already have vague memories that told me I was loved. But I would know for certain if I became a Genin. I accepted the quest.

Suddenly I had all the motivation in the world to be a ninja.

I stopped by the water tank out on the Academy training field to slake my thirst and wash my face and hands. The cool water felt wonderful on my sweaty skin. Maybe for the first time in my life I was experiencing the afterglow of a good hard day's work.

The sound of metal against pavement startled me. I looked up from the tap to find Uzumaki staring at me. He had paint cans in one hand and a brush in the other.

"What are you doing here?" We both said at the same time.

"I was training and now I'm going home," I said. I turned away as quickly as I could. It only took me a few seconds to realize what the combination of Uzumaki with paint on the night he had failed his exam meant: He was going to deface the Academy.

"Yeah, right, you're a lazy stuck-up bastard. You never train." Uzumaki snorted.

"I do now. Unlike you, I'm actually going to pass this time because I'm working for it." I whipped back around to face him. He always got under my skin and I couldn't stop mouthing off either. It's a weakness of mine.

"Go to Hell! I'm going to be Hokage and then you'll be sorry." Uzumaki brandished the paintbrush at me like a kunai. It had orange paint on it.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm sure you will be."

His eyes became round with surprise and a smile crept on his face. "Really? You really think I'll become Hokage." He puffed up his chest. "Ha! It was only matter of time before you realized my greatness."

"Riiiight," I interrupted his pompous daydreaming. "I'm sure you will be Hokage because the Sandaime lets you do whatever the Hell you want. It's not because you're strong, smart, or hardworking. It's because you're the Sandaime's little favorite that you'll be Hokage someday."

A lidless bucket of paint flew at me. I juked to the right and it missed me. Uzumaki had a lot of buckets and before long we were dumping paint on each other. Rolling on the ground, punching, clawing, kneeing, and shouting. He won, of course, he always does.

Why can't I keep my mouth shut?