A/N a.k.a Bonnie's foreword: This is a One-shot mastered from our daily sessions and... yeah, enjoy!
WHEN FATE IS LAUGHING
Bonnie entered the bungalow she shared with Freya and Kai and had been staying in for almost a month of their prolonged vacation, heading straight to her beautifully decorated bedroom. There she eased onto her haunches beside her packed travel bag in a fatigued daze, a plastic carrier in hand. She was unable to believe how out of control things had gotten a few nights ago. She'd been all over Hawaii local, doing last minute shopping before their return to Mystic Falls to congratulate Kai's sister on her fruitful delivery. Sentimentality that appeared cozy to anyone whom might inquire and gave the illusion of them being one big happy family, but in truth, Bonnie knew, this visit—amidst their perpetual holiday time—had more to do with checking out the competition.
Kai for all his bluster was still apprehensive about being devalued, about losing his place in his family, a spot he'd sacrificed too much to claim and was born for. Bonnie hadn't the first clue of the inner-workings of what he'd suffered at the hands of his disturbed father or what drove Kai to the point of mass murder as he never spoke about it. Bonnie hadn't wanted to probe. He was still too defensive, to the point of being frustratingly indifferent to what the innocent portion of his family must have suffered. Thinking about it even now disturbed and wounded her in a way that risked the stability of their seemingly affable relationship in light of the fear that he might do it again. He hadn't dealt with any of it, he'd brushed it under the rug, along with his insanity, and pretended that seeing his sister, talking about his father and his ordeal was something he could look upon as a survivalists joke. That by partying, fucking and making the best of his freedom he was sticking it to his father's belligerent principles and the eighteen years of hell he'd endured at his covens hands. Part of her pitied him, especially where Luke was involved. Another of his victims and the only thing keeping him on the straight and narrow, or so she believed. Not that Bonnie would ever admit it aloud or to anyone but herself, but that part frightened her most. In her head, Kai was a ticking time-bomb of unresolved issues and his father only needed to breathe in his direction to set it off. Unless she now held that power? Unless what Bonnie had to tell him would be the thing to break that fragility.
She pushed that thought from her head, refusing to concede to her old thinking and removed the three items from inside the plastic bag, preparing to stuff them into the top of her clothes bag for safe-keeping.
"I think your obsession with Miss Cuddles has reached a new low, Bonsy," Kai said appearing beside her, a smile in his voice and eyes as he peered down at her crowded lap.
"I err… I didn't know what they'd like. The twins, I mean…I thought I'd let them pick and choose and keep one for myself."
Kai remained uncharacteristically quiet, narrowing his eyes as if he could read through her lie. Bonnie averted her gaze, completing her task, and zipped up her bag.
"Are you feeling all right?" he asked once she straightened to a standing, leaving her no room to run away like he knew she would. And had been the past few days. "Because if you are, I'll need an explanation as to why you've been avoiding me."
Bonnie recoiled slightly, brushing her thick hair from her eyes as a means of doing something with her trembling hands, her gaze guiltily latching onto a spot on the tiled floor.
"There's only so much I can do to play along and give you space. My patience is not always that lasting." And she knew he meant that.
For an instant lightheadedness overcame her, their intertwined naked bodies springing to mind in vivid play by play. Bonnie reached for the nearest furnishing to steady herself, her hand brushing the back of her desk chair. How could she have been so dumb? How—when she'd promised herself she wouldn't do it—wouldn't succumb to his charm during his superficial womanizing phase and add another notch to his bedpost, did she end up experiencing one of the best nights — three hours — of her life?
It sounded corny, like one of those overly sappy lines you read in cheesy romance novels, but the comparison was scarily apt.
Why the hell couldn't he just leave her alone? Why did he have to become her friend? Why did he have to immerse himself in her life to such an extent that she couldn't imagine existing without him anymore? And where the hell did he find the time to perfect his—
"I'm pregnant," Bonnie said, the words tumbling from her lips before she could finish her lustrous train of thought or think to stop the bomb from dropping.
Those two words sucked the life out of the room, leaving nothing but the rushing of the sea and birds outside her bedroom window to interrupt. Bonnie couldn't even look at him.
"This is… wrong," he breathed out, pale and pained.
"I thought so too," she responded, unable to control the hint of irritation that laced her tone, the crazy drugstore-lady and her predictions still fresh in her mind. "But it's not…"
"How do you know?" he babbled, railing over her opposition as if he hadn't heard it. "It's barely been long enough to start obsessing. And you what, you couldn't warn me you weren't on pills? Or a potion… or anything!"
As if there was any time! It wasn't as if Bonnie planned to seduce him, it. Just. Happened. She stared at him, his suddenly sunny disposition doing very little to soothe her nerves.
"You're a witch, we're witches, we can fix it right away," he stated, involuntarily reaching to place a hand on her stomach and drive his point across.
Was he talking abortion? About deleting their would-be baby from existence? She didn't care to ask, the thought making her stomach turn.
"Take me home," Bonnie demanded, stepping back and out of the way of his touch. He'd been shuffling the trio back and forth between Hawaii and other exotic mentionable with ease, forgoing the need for planes, traveling cash and taxis. "Actually, don't bother," she continued before he could respond, heaving her bag up off the floor and onto her shoulder with airy determination. "I'll book a regular flight."
Bonnie hardly managed to retreat before the bag's strap was yanked off her shoulder and she was forcibly turned to face him again. Kai looked ashen, the steadying hands upon her shoulders trembling as he stared at her.
"You…" he began once he found his voice again, swallowing thickly as if he had a problem trying to form the necessary words. "You don't wan— You don't wanna keep it. Do you?" Realization dawned on him before she could even think to speak, fear and something unreadable evident on his features. "You wanna keep it? How's it possible…"
Bonnie had been dealing with this problem for over a week and a half, working through the pros and cons and steadily making a list. It wouldn't be easy, she was terrified and longed for her grandmother's advice, but at the same time... she was at peace. This was what Bonnie needed, something to ground her and keep her from taking unnecessary risks.
"Yeah," she answered, putting him out of his misery. "Yes. I'm keeping it. Her. Him. Whatever..."
Kai looked faint, as if she'd told him he had nine months to live. She almost pitied him.
"Look, you can put yourself at ease. I'm not expecting anything from you."
He dragged himself to the bed, dropping onto the edge as if he'd lost the power in his legs.
"You don't understand, Bonnie. I'd never leave you alone but… I… I just…" Kai took a deep breath, struggling to clear his head of the onslaught of concerns buzzing around his head. "Most of my behavior's been built on mimicking. On examples. Especially with things I knew nothing of. Like parenthood. Being a… father…" he seemed to struggle with the last word, dragging it out like it was foreign and tasteless. He looked helpless. "You can imagine what an example that was. Or actually you can't, and it's lucky. But I know nothing else. I can't do this to you."
Of everything she was expecting to come out of his mouth, that was not it - at least not where his shortcomings were involved. She tested the magic he'd used to temporarily fix her in place and slowly strolled toward him.
"You're not doing this to me," she said, though there was a six and a half hour phase where she conjured up various ways in which she'd have liked to murder him. "It was a genuine one in a million printed on the label type mistake." Not that there was a condom involved. His fault. Nonetheless, she liked being reminded that he was human beneath all that selfishness and that like herself, he, too, had his insecurities to train. "I know you spent a lot of time watching me, getting to know the inner workings of my mind in nineteen-o-four and that you think you know me. But there are some things I never bothered to discuss. Like my workaholic of a father and my absentee mother. You're not the only one who's scared of fucking this up."
She moved to take a seat beside him on the mattress.
"Also, I can barely keep myself alive at times, I'm not so sure how well I'd do with a kid."
He kept silent, mulling over what she'd said.
"You can't fuck this up," he said. "Not you. You're scared and yet you decide to keep it. Against all odds. Deep down you know you won't fail at it. Me… With me it's a guarantee. I'm probably incapable of this… normal, human family stuff. It's something I can't learn. That instinct is dead in me."
Bonnie couldn't help but smile in response to the confidence he seemed to possess in regards to her apparent paternal skills. How or why Kai always has such confidence in her she didn't know. The more Bonnie tried to guarantee him she wasn't perfect, that she was far from the person he'd painted in his mind, the more he insisted against it.
"Don't count yourself short," she said. "You've a fair sense of humor, over-dramatic flare for telling stories and the ability to be perceptive when you want to be. Parenting doesn't just come to you." From Bonnie's experience, from what she'd seen from her friends families over the years that wasn't entirely true. Some had it easier than others. "There is no correct way to do it." Bonnie knew that also was touch and go, that anyone could screw up and it could go to hell, but she liked to think him better than that. He had the potential to be good. A decent human being and a good father, if only he wanted to be. "Besides, you're lucky, you've two squeaky clean Parker Guinea pigs to practice with." Also, this would provide him with the perfect reason to bond with his sister's twins. Bonnie lowered a hand to his thigh, squeezing to show her support and then stood. "Anyway, I should get going." Convinced he needed the space to think.
Every part of her suggestions met resistance inside him, one so strong it made him nauseous to listen to what she said. He could tell her it was not that he couldn't fake it – it's that he didn't want to. He could tell her how he wanted to be away from Jo's offspring rather than around them. He could tell her right here and now how hopeless and impossible this whole concept of participation in this pregnancy was. But somehow he couldn't force it out. Not yet. Especially not when her hand landed comfortingly on his thigh to silently communicate that she understood and encouraged. Without a word, he waved a hand, zapping them back to their Mystic Falls house as soon as she picked up her bag. There was no need to waste hours in flight. And what he needed right now was to try and forget it for a bit. After a while, he got up from her bed and headed for his own bedroom. Bonnie watched him go, making no move to stop him.
About an hour short of dawn Kai gazed up at the stars from the lounging chair on the balcony. It'd been about two or three hours since he realized he wouldn't get a wink of sleep. Not tonight. And it's not some raging thoughts that bugged him, throwing line after line at his brain that felt obliged to sort through them like the mythical fairies were obliged to count grains of salt thrown at them. To be honest, he didn't really see or hear any words forming in his head. It was the energy on those thoughts that did him in. It was murky, ominous, heavy, like a thick grey storm cloud preparing to burst from his head, like being in the eye of a tornado when its power endlessly spins around, ripping houses and trees from the ground, throwing them like a petulant child having a fit. It spun and spun around, and without any words coming through he found it hard to make his way out to calm. Maybe impossible.
Faraway stars kept gleaming faintly in a contrast of the turmoil driving him insane from the inside. A light breath of the night breeze felt like a blow while a distraught power shook within him. Gradually, almost out of nowhere, he started hearing the bits and pieces of his thoughts' screams. They were like terrified travelers caught in the rage of nature's disaster. The voice of denial was the loudest; it shrieked and howled in anger caused by utter disbelief. It couldn't have happened. It couldn't be true. It meant the world had no order whatsoever. Nothing was fair, not even remotely. And once again his life threw something he wasn't able to bear at his feet. When he only just got out and felt a firmer ground under his feet. He was going to lose it, and next time there would be nothing left to build that base upon.
Kai heaved a sigh and rubbed his temples to muffle the voices a touch now that they'd become louder and clearer. Still, the shrieks of disbelief cut through the torn veil of his self-control. He needed to silence it before he could do anything else, before he could find if there was anything to do at all. He needed to know. No, not to know. He needed to truly KNOW, to realize, to believe.
He got to his feet in a swift, fluid move and turned to walk into the room while the world around shimmered and flipped, turning into the interior of Bonnie's room in Mystic Falls, colored by the dark of night. Kai quietly approached the bed, shivering. Energy all but trickled and sparked on the tips of his fingers, scarcely controlled. He had to stand and close his eyes, bringing forth a semblance of calm before he set his gaze on Bonnie's face subtly lit by the timid light of the window. Her features seemed relaxed except for a line between her eyebrows. It held its ground, hardly visible and yet there. Like a brand of trouble growing both in her mind and belly. The thought made him shudder as his eyes traveled down to her stomach. Her hands folded upon them as if already protecting what's there, no matter how much it scared her. She had accepted it, as she'd done with too many fears and terrors and burdens that life had dealt her. It made him want to grab her and scream for her to stop racing to destruction. To stop being a glutton for punishment. To stop with the sacrifices she didn't have to make. Had she even thought of what there was to lose if she kept it? How much of a semi-careless, fun life she would lose to this? How much of light would go out of her eyes? There wasn't much left when she returned from the prison world, and it started to come back just now. Before this happened.
A darker thought trickled in from the background of his mind like a materializing demon. What if he was to fix it for her? She was fast asleep and he could make her sleep through it. She would never know and thus wouldn't hate him – because if she knew, she would never forgive him, not in a thousand years, and he didn't know how to live without that forgiveness. But if he were to do nothing, she would lose more than she would gain, and so would he. He would lose her to this new life she had chosen, and he couldn't afford that either.
Exhaling a shaky breath, he stopped himself from going too far. He needed to stick to the plan before it crumbled. He needed to do what he came here for first. He needed to know. When he did, the next decision would follow.
He closed his eyes briefly and recollected the day he came to Jo. He reenacted every touch they shared, to how her energy felt, to how it came to him. To every sensation of it. When he felt he was ready, he gingerly slipped a hand under Bonnie's, then added another, and began to focus. It took a while to block thoughts and sounds to concentrate on just her.
He became aware of the dawn brightening the room when he realized there wasn't much more – or anything more – that he could read in her. And he still didn't have his answer.
There was something there, all right, but it was different than with Jo. It was strange, volatile, like a ghost you can only glimpse at a certain angle from the very corner of your eye. He didn't know what it was, and he couldn't even begin to guess. He took his hands off her and stepped back, confused and shaken. He'd have to seek the answer elsewhere. Her body wouldn't translate for him. And he didn't quite speak that energy dialect. Yet. He gave her a lasting look, one that spoke volumes of his hidden vulnerability and went unnoticed as he sneaked away, headed back to his room to continue his former stressing.
"I'm finally back, Grams," Bonnie said, pleased the sadness that came from stepping past the familiar threshold was replaced by an encumbering sense of home. She missed it. She missed everything about it. The slight but frustrating growth of mildew in her grandmother's en-suite bathroom – a problem the occults teacher had struggled with for years – the smell of coconut, cinnamon and jasmine that perfumed every room, the sunlight that blasted you on the right side of the house in the afternoons and the rickety porch swing out back. There were so many memories, so many traditions and stories she couldn't wait to introduce her son or daughter to – or both. Who knew with the Parker family genes? Either way Bonnie didn't care. Her house had more than enough space for all of them.
She finished unloading Matt's truck, stacking the last boxes just other side the front door for later distribution. There was a lot of changes to be made to the house and Matt promised to help her over the weekend. Caroline, too. She hadn't told him why. And he hadn't pried. Bonnie guessed he was happy that her relationship with Kai reached a breaking point. He might not come out and say it – or he had once over a few drinks – but he was worried about Bonnie, about why she was there and where it would lead. Matt didn't want her getting hurt. Not by Kai. Not by Mikaelson.
She brushed her hands against the side of her pockets, searching for her phone. She needed to text him, to find out what time she needed to pick him up as her car was still at Kai's. Along with the last of her collectables.
When she didn't find it, she searched the top of the few boxes for her phone, straining to remember when she'd last seen it, and headed for the front door to check the truck.
"Need a hand?" an unexpected voice asked as she stepped out onto the porch.
Bonnie gasped with surprise and stumbled into the door slightly, slapping a hand against the wood to steady herself as if trying to thwart off last minute evil. "What the—" Bonnie spat. "What the hell are you doing here? Are you trying to kill me?"
He smirked, amused by her reaction and obvious ire.
"Better question is: what are you doing here?"
"Living."
"Here?"
Bonnie nodded and self-consciously swept a dark curl behind her ear. She was good with her decision but part of her felt guilty for leaving - like she'd abandoned them.
"Why?"
"It's my grandmother's-"
"I know that," he said, interrupting her explanation, his eyes narrowing. "But why?"
Bonnie stared. Wasn't it obvious? Did she really have to explain?
"I thought you were happy with our previous arrangement."
"Well," she began as she stepped out onto the porch. "I'm not."
"You're mad," he pointed out and hit a nerve. She stomped down the few short steps and headed for Matt's truck. He didn't follow and instead eased around to lean on the railing to watch her. She returned five minutes later, albeit a little reluctantly.
"You're still here," she said, solidifying his earlier theory. "Shouldn't you be off tackling the untouched F and U of your little black book?"
He grinned as he turned to face her. "You missed me."
Bonnie scoffed and rolled her eyes, busying herself with a quick text to Matt as she reentered the house.
"You wouldn't be this angry if you didn't," he iterated as he followed her inside, shutting the door behind him to let her know he had no intention of leaving. He paused for a second, scanning the boxes at the door, testing their weight by picking one or two up. "Did you carry these in here alone? Is that good for the baby?"
"They're not heavy," she argued. And they weren't. She'd made sure they were divided into manageable weights — nothing that would put her at too much risk.
"Besides Matt couldn't take off work and Caroline is away on romantic retreat with Stefan. Their first."
He didn't appear to care about that information and nor did she feel the need to defend it. She walked into the kitchen, turned on the kettle and started to wipe down the counters.
"Are we going to talk or are you going to keep trying to pretend that I'm not here?"
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked without turning to regard him, furiously scrubbing anything she could get her hands on.
"You, the babies— baby, your decision to move out. You could have told me."
"You weren't around."
After she'd gifted him with the news he'd disappeared off the grid for near on a week, quite literally pulling a Houdini. Not that she'd minded, but part of her feared he ran. That Kai was so terrified – or repulsed – by what was to come that he hightailed it. And why wouldn't he? She'd already given him an out and go ahead to do so.
"I know," he echoed, uncharacteristically contrite. "I— I needed a little time to think."
Bonnie lifted her head from her grinding task and studied him.
"And?"
"And nothing," he walked toward her, sensing she was about to pull away from him again and reestablish that wall he'd bashed down over a month and a half ago. "I still feel the same way. I've nothing to offer this kid. Nothing stable. I've told you that and no amount of self-reflecting meditation is going to change that." He boxed her in against the counter, ignoring her detergent covered hand of protest on his wrist and pressed his front against her back. "All I know for sure is that I can't be without you. That in all of this madness you're the only thing I'm certain about. You're all I want and need."
Bonnie's eyes fluttered shut with longing, her hand tightening on the sponge she was holding as though it was a lifeline. He brushed his nose against her ear, her hair and the side of her cheek as if he were reveling in her scent and being close.
"But it's not just me anymore," Bonnie whispered. "It's an us."
She released his wrist and the sponge, taking a step back into his body to make some space and then turned to face him. She needed him to know that she wasn't going to let him talk her out of this – if this was what he was here for.
"And?"
"And... I know you're not—"
He silenced her with a toe-curling kiss, his tongue doing an excellent job of eradicating her thought process and any further protest she might have. Doing his utmost to showcase what she apparently missed from his impromptu confession.
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she began once they broke their kiss. His skilled lips busied with the side of her neck, his hands all but ripping the t-shirt from her upper body.
"We've nothing to lose," he retorted, pulling back long enough to push the useless material off her shoulders. "Why pretend you don't want it? That you don't want me?"
"It's not that," she started, glancing around the kitchen, her grandmother's touch in every nook and cranny. "It's just... I've barely started on making this place my own."
"What better way to christen it then?" he asked with a teasing smile, sliding his hands down to her waist, the index on either hand slipping into the top of her pants, teasingly meeting at the button. "Just take a minute for yourself and stop thinking, Bonster. Let me be here."
He unzipped her jeans, tossing them to the floor at their feet once she managed to shuffle out of them. Her mouth falling open slightly in anticipation as he crouched in front of her and slowly started kissing his way up the inside of her right leg. Bonnie's fingers locked around the edge of the counter to steady herself as the warmth of his breath played against her panties, his tongue brushing against the wet fabric-once, twice-to taste her before sliding upward, around her naval and briefly inside to imitate his intention. She released her white-knuckled hold on the counter and buried one hand in his hair. Tugging upon his dark locks and guiding him back to her lips, the other finding its way to his crotch to massage him through his jeans. He groaned into their kiss, rocking against her able hand, hissing once she managed to free his cock of its denim confines.
"Oh God," he gasped, hardly able to restrain himself as she took him in hand.
"Missed me, did you?"
"I thought we established that already."
"Did we?"
He brushed his fingertips against the sides of her underwear, the fabric disintegrating and falling away from her hips like dust as he hauled her toward the edge of the counter. His eyes locked on hers the entire time. Neither breaking contact as he brushed her hand off his cock and thrust into her wet welcoming heat. They moaned in unison, taking a couple seconds to adjust and enjoy before frantically falling into rhythm, losing themselves in their need for unspoken expression and subtle swellings of the closest thing they had to love.
It was short and sweet and something they repeated once more before he left-shoved out the door because she was running late to fetch Matt-unimpressed and vowing vengeance.
She looked forward to it. At least in secret.
FOUR WEEKS LATER...
Kai was in the garage when Caroline dropped her off at home, a white mask securely placed over his mouth and nose, his dark hair speckled in a fine dust from sanding down a homemade baby crib. Turned out he was a good carpenter. One of the many skills he picked up in nineteen-o-four during his eighteen-year time to kill. It was a surreal image, a position she'd never expected to see him in. It warmed her heart. He pulled off the mask as she strolled toward him, setting aside the sandpaper, dusting his hands upon his dirty jeans.
"How was your girly luncheon? Bring me anything back?"
"Enlightening. And... you could say that."
He knew her morning sickness had returned but he hadn't known she was going to the doctor. For whatever reason, she'd wanted to do the first visit solo.
"Cryptic. Should I be worried?"
"More than you have been? No."
He'd been good over the last few weeks, making a point of showing up at her house everyday with food, healthy sexcersize tips – of which he showed her – and even going so far as to sign her up for Lamaze classes. The last of which he refused to join her for. That was Caroline's job, and oddly enough, she preferred it that way. Bonnie couldn't see him sitting amidst heavy-breathing mothers to be playing out fake labor scenarios.
She handed him a picture of a sonogram.
"What's this?" he said, carefully taking it.
"That," Bonnie joined him at his side to point at the indecipherable spec in the middle of the picture, "is your four-week-old baby."
Kai stared long and hard, trying to see its face, trying to make out anything to show that there was actual life growing in her stomach, when the information dawned on him.
"Four weeks?" he asked, looking up. "But..."
"I wasn't pregnant, apparently."
"But you—"
"I didn't have an official test. Not with a doctor, anyway."
"But then how did you—"
"I bought a home pregnancy test from that sketchy local. I asked the doctor about that today and she said those things are flimsy when their expiration date is off, that they can give a false reading."
"False?" he parroted, blinking as he stared at her. He looked faint.
"I don't suppose I should have told you. I mean... I am pregnant now."
He looked dazed and as if she'd slugged him, a light smile on her lips as she reached out to brush a hand against his cheek affectionately, wiping off the dust off his face.
"I guess 'we've nothing to lose' still stands, now doesn't it?"
She pressed a kiss to his cheek and then strolled inside.