AN: If you're lazy, feel free to skip to the end of the chapter. The important stuff's there.

Jenny Notaromanname bit her nails nervously. She nervously chewed on a lock of nervous hair. She shifted in her seat.

"I'm nervous," she announced, just in case the reader hadn't picked that up yet.

"Is this bitch for real?" an Avox whispered.

His partner shrugged.

"Hey, Avox?" Jenny asked. "Can you get me some calming lavender tea?"

"Nope," the Avox said. "I'm on break. Later."

Jenny sighed nervously. She was terrified. She had to impress the President after the obligatory disaster that the last Games had been.

"Ma'am, the President is coming," her assistant Hannah said.

Jenny screamed so loud it broke all the reinforced windows and killed two Avoxes, not to mention her assistant.

"Oops," Jenny said.

"Whatever," the Avox said, picking up her corpse and dragging it into a dumpster. "She has literally no personality. The author didn't think about this part of the story until the last minute."

Suddenly, Sabrina, another assistant, magically popped up in her place.

"Ma'am, the President is coming," Sabrina said. Jenny screamed again, but Sabrina, the only Capitolite who had an IQ in the triple digits out of maybe five people in the entire city, had remembered to bring her earplugs.

Jenny was terrified. The President was the most intimidating man in the entire country. There were a dozen rumours about him, each more terrifying than the last. Some said he had been brought back from before the Dark Days via cryogenics. Some said that he could kill a man just by saying something so mind-numbingly retarded that their brain would literally implode. Some even said that what District 13 had produced before it was wiped out was not graphite or nukes, but the President's hair.

Donald Trump walked into the room, holding up a briefcase.

"M-Mr Trump," Jenny stuttered, looking to her assistant for help. But it was no use. Sabrina, who was vaguely Mexican, had jumped behind a desk, well out of firing range. Firing in this case meaning both losing her job and being literally set on fire.

The President licked his lips. "Well Jenny. What have you got for me?"

Jenny sweated. "Well sir, we've just finished the arena. We're thinking of ridiculous, overblown mutts and an unscientific, melodramatic finale device."

Donald sat back in his chair. "You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini," he said, "because you disgust me."

"Mr Trump-"

"Please," he said, waving her away. "Call me Big Daddy."

"Big Daddy-"

"Shh," he shushed her. "You're only a woman. I can't expect you to know better." He stood up and brushed dust off his trousers. "The arena is good, Jenny. I just hope the tributes are up to scratch."

He left, leaving a vague smell of hair tonic, money and human faeces.

"HOW ARE THE TRIBUTES?!" Jenny screamed.

"Jeez, woman," Sabrina said, fixing her earplugs back in. She pulled up the screen with the tribute list on it.

"So?" Jenny demanded.

"Um," Sabrina said, "well, the reapings went off without too much trouble-"

"But?"

"There's just one problem…" Sabrina said. "The tributes…

Sabrina took a deep breath. The room seemed to swell with the enormity of it.

"They're completely shit."

AN:

So, here's the pitch- An SYOT, but, like… bad

Okay, hear me out:

I want you to submit a tribute. Or ten. But not just any tribute, oh no. I want you to submit the worst, most cliched, most over-the-top, most stereotypical, so-bad-it-makes-you-want-to-barf characters you can possibly think of. I want to see your Katniss-clones, your Johanna-clones, your Finnic-clones. I want to see the most over the top, tragic backstories you can think of. I want to see abusive fathers! I want to see tributes who are ridiculously skilled! I want to see girls with violet eyes and pink hair! I want to see no people of colour WHATSOEVER!

(Jk, you can submit people of colour. But in accordance with the laws of cliche, I will only describe their skin in food terms)

Here's the form! It'll be on my profile as well. Happy submitting!

Name:

Age:

Gender:

District (pick 3):

Sexuality:

Appearance:

Personality:

Backstory:

Family:

Friends:

Reaped/Volunteered:

Reaction/Reason:

Reaping Outfit:

Token:

Weapon Of Choice:

Opinion of Capitol:

Opinion of Games:

Suggested Training Score:

Interview Outfit: