I'm not sure where the 'flashback' scene came from, maybe a last bit of unfinished business or maybe Leo didn't want to stop talking either. I know this is the last chapter and I promised happy… but this may have a minor tissue alert…

Chapter 58

"Shall we go put this on?" Harry asked Leo. He wriggled out of Nikki's arms and ran off to his bedroom, Harry hard on his heels. Jack watched them go, then turned back to Nikki.

"What?" Jack asked in response to her stare.

"What's that look for?" she asked.

"This isn't a look."

"I didn't know you still went."

"Went where?" Jack asked.

"To see Leo. You left flowers… and wheelchair tracks."

"So the card didn't give it away," Jack added insolently. "Clarissa hadn't been before. It's always been too wet to take her, but we'd had a dry spell so we went a few days ago, before the weather changed, just before the anniversary. You went that day?"

Nikki nodded, there was no need to specify what day. They both knew. Sally had agreed to take Leo to nursery so they dropped him off early and went before work. It had been a while since Nikki had visited. She'd gone often in the beginning, many times not even making it out of the car before the overwhelming sobs wracked her body. She didn't want Leo to see her like that, so she stayed in the car until she recovered and then often drove away without even setting foot in the cemetery. She'd never known grief like it. She'd been a child when her mother had died, that had just left her cold and empty but Leo's passing, it wasn't just a void in her life – it was like a black hole; sucking all light and matter into it and to its destruction.

- o -

She'd held Harry's hand as they walked together to the grave. They hadn't taken flowers. They'd taken each other. Leo would have been delighted to have seen them together.

"Leo said that 'love was all that remains, after we die,'" she said to Harry as they had stood there hand in hand. "Before we left for Afghanistan, that's what he said: 'all that's left of us is love.'

I wasn't left with love when he went!" Her voice took on that desperate note that Harry feared above all others. "I've not been able to love for such a long time. I thought he was wrong. But he's right isn't he Harry?" She began to tear up. "We remember him. We still love him. We know he loved us." Her tears started to fall and with Harry next to her she buried her face in his chest and allowed the sobs to come. Whereas before the tears had always left her empty and exhausted this time, as she stood there wrapped tightly in Harry's arms, she felt at peace and refreshed for the first time in years.

"It's alright, isn't it? It's alright he's gone?" Nikki asked.

"I don't like it." Harry admitted. "But I think it's time to accept it." He wiped her tears away with his fingers, and smoothed back her hair.

"You have to forgive him." He half whispered, still stroking her hair and in a voice Nikki recognised as the one he used to calm Leo down after an anxiety attack. "You told me to forgive myself… It's hard Nikki; I know it's hard, but you can't let this keep such a hold of you anymore." He wiped away the tears that still flowed.

"You do understand, don't you?" He added.

She took a deep shuddering breath, reread the inscription on the gravestone, turned back to Harry and nodded.

"I'm sorry I've been so angry with you, Leo," she sighed and rested her head back on Harry's chest. "Thanks for helping me to love again." She snuffled half to Leo and half into Harry's shirt.

"He taught us both about death and he taught us both about life." Harry stated.

Nikki snapped up her gaze to look him in the eye.

"That's exactly what I said in my eulogy," she said querulously.

"I know." Harry nodded sadly and rubbed his hands over her shoulders.

"But…" Nikki stuttered.

"Mum went for me, she couldn't stay afterwards, she had a flight the day after to come and help Laurie and me, with our Leo. She didn't know anyone except you and it wasn't the time…"

"Anne was there… For you!"

Harry nodded again and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. It was the best I could do."

"I thought…" Harry put his finger to her lips and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I never made it before now," Harry added looking towards the headstone, the emotion thick in his own voice. "We've got a new Leo, we hope you don't mind. We won't forget you."

"What do you think he would say?" Nikki asked.

"About us?" Harry guessed. He saw her nod.

"About time too?" Harry suggested.

She let out the tiniest of chuckles.

"He would tell us to live, to love, to do what we do best…" Harry continued as Nikki's eyes welled up again.

"He always thought we should be together." Nikki added, surprised that Harry had chosen that moment to remove his arms from around her. She watched him bump his upturned fists together twice, it took her a while to work out what he was saying.

"Leo. You're something special," Nikki said. "Something special," agreed Harry.

Harry wrapped her back into his arms again and held her tight, they stood together in what seemed like silence after the violence of Nikki's sobs but the birds still sang in the trees and the cars could still be heard on the flyover, and a train rattled by. The sun attempted to pierce through the early morning cloud and faintly warmed them. They both stood still, lost in each other and the moment and listened to the sounds of the world carrying on around them.

"You ready?" Harry had asked some time later? "You'll be late for work…"

"No one will question it today," Nikki replied.

- o -

"So you're glad I didn't kick them out on the street six months ago when they pitched up at the Lyell without an appointment?" Jack asked pulling Nikki's attention back to the present.

"You don't think they'd have come back? Hung around outside until I walked past? Camped out on my doorstep?"

"Knowing what I do now, I can see they wouldn't have given up so easily." Jack admitted.

"So… Will you finally get off my case?"

"Where would the fun be in that?"

They both laughed.

"I'm sorry if I was overbearing." Jack apologised.

"Don't be. I know you were just looking out for me. Thanks."

"I guess, I didn't realise." Jack continued more seriously.

"Realise what?"

"That you need them, as much as they need you. I like that you're happy."

"I do. I am." She put her arm through Jack's. "Thanks," she repeated.

"Ah!" exclaimed Jack.

"What?" Nikki asked staring at him. "What's that look for?"

"What is it with you and your looks today?" Jack tried to look innocent.

"What then?"

"You finally made your peace with Leo didn't you?" Jack asked, ready to move in case he felt her fist instead of an answer.

Instead he saw her nod, and scrub a tear from her eye. Jack did what he did best, he changed the subject and started talking:

"You're right y'know. You should be thanking me. I could have chased Harry and his son away that day. Made sure they never came near you. Told them you worked somewhere else…"

"So, what you're actually saying, is that my happiness is down to you." Nikki was glad of the chance to talk light heartedly.

"Of course! And, don't you forget it!" He grinned and looked round for his cake, extricating himself from her arm.

"Everything alright?" Harry asked, looking from Nikki to Jack and back again.

"Everything's perfect." Nikki smiled and then began to laugh as Leo dressed in his new suit began to run about the room.

Anne returned with a couple of bottles of beer and two glasses of wine on a tray.

"I think it's time for a toast," she announced.

Jack deftly grabbed one of the beers. "I couldn't agree more."

"To a happy birthday?" Harry asked as he reached for the other beer and handed Nikki a glass.

Nikki shook her head. "No. To Leo!"

"Which one?" Anne asked but she was barely heard above the noise of the others toasting Leo and clinking their drinks together.

"To Leo!"

Nikki looked about the room at her 'family': a friend, a lover, a mother and a son. Six months ago all she'd had was Jack and a festering wound in her heart in the shape of Leo Dalton. She would miss Leo, every day of her life but she wouldn't let it poison her as it had. She would choose to love, as Leo would have wanted her to. Noel Hopkins had been wrong all those years ago when he'd told her she'd left it too late to find her own way home. She wasn't abandoned now. She'd been sought out. She wasn't the lost child anymore, and nor were Harry and Leo. They were all home. They belonged together.

She felt Harry press a kiss to her hair and she looked up at him.

"You just seemed far away for a moment." Harry said.

Nikki shook her head and smiled. "No, I'm right here with you."

Leo stopped running in circles around Anne, much to her relief, and ran over to Harry and Nikki. He spread his arms as wide as he could around the two of them. Harry tried to ruffle his hair, but the hood of the minion suit was in the way. Nikki chuckled.

"I'm here. I'm home. We're all right where we belong."

"Amen to that," muttered Jack, toasting his beer bottle towards them and taking another swig.

"Daddy, Nikki, Leo, happy?" Leo asked.

"Very happy," they agreed. Harry picked up his son and held him in his arms between them. "Daddy loves Leo."

"Nikki loves Leo," Nikki added.

Leo smiled at them both, it was a smile of contentment, of security and of the overwhelming feeling that he was loved unconditionally. For the first time in his young life, he felt free. He was free. He was home.

References to Greater Love Season 16 Ep 10 and The Lost Child Season 12 Ep 9

Lots of issues rumbling as an undercurrent or even a main theme through here, addiction, autism, selective mutism, depression, denial, bereavement, infertility, home, family, security, hope, love. I'm not claiming to be an expert in any of these, but I'm always prepared to listen.

1 John 4 verse 20-21

But if we say we love God and don't love each other, we are liars. We cannot see God. So how can we love God, if we don't love the people we can see? The commandment that God has given us is: "Love God and love each other!"

Thanks for reading. Love D