Father's New Girlfriend

The Wayne boys are on their way to meet Bruce's new girlfriend. Damian is not impressed with the prospect.

Notes: Just pretend that all of Batman's former Robins are a few years younger and Buffy is in her late twenties, so that things are less weird and ishy.

Feels incomplete, I know, but I'm too lazy to finish this. If you want to do so yourself, have at it.

"Tt, I am unable to understand why my presence is pertinent, Grayson," scoffed an unhappy ten-year-old. "In fact, why is it that we are all going?" He glared at Tim Drake. "This is a family matter."

Tim was rolling his eyes. He took in the lush, wild forest scenery that they passed on the car ride through a secluded, wooded area of Scotland. Dick had fondly smiled at them and chose not to focus on their negativity. He would have rested a warm, brotherly hand on their shoulders if he wasn't already occupied with driving. Damian Wayne was displeased about this particular trip across the Atlantic. He had yet to meet her – and that was unfortunately about to change.

"Dami, Bruce wants all of us to meet her. As a family. I think even Jason has been coerced into joining us," grinned an ever-chipper Dick.

"I am sure that this is going to be nothing but wasted time. The despicable trollop is just another one of Father's bed warmers, used to maintain the viability of his philandering secret identity. Her ridiculous name is all the proof required to verify that fact. And she looks similar enough to the rest of his beautiful, brainless bimbo brigade to fit that description."

"Beautiful, huh?" Tim smirked. "That sounded awfully like a compliment for someone you supposedly hate on principal."

"Pfft – as if that was a compliment, Drake. I was simply providing an apt, objective description of the tart. It was in no way intended to compliment her. The ability to voice honest opinions that may or may not be in favour of people I dislike is a skill that generally challenged imbeciles like you would be hard pressed to comprehend."

"But you admit it. The Demon Spawn 'objectively' thinks his future mommy is pretty."

"That harlot will be no mother of mine! A hateful, unimpressive commoner – formerly branded as an international terrorist – that's what she is."

Tim burst into laughter. He couldn't help it. The little demon had made this too easy. He would have nailed the irritable kid with some snarky wit but couldn't because of the paralysing stitch growing in his side. International terrorist – that, coming from the son of Talia al Ghul.

"Grayson, why is the brainless imposter making that unappealing sound?" flatly said Damian, crossing his arms.

Dick's big blue eyes bugged out. There was no way on Earth – or any neighbouring galaxy, for that matter – to make him touch the obvious truth aloud with a fifty-foot pole. Not in this lifetime. For once, Dick Grayson had decided to keep his endlessly chatty mouth shut.

FIN.