A large, dark cloud had been covering the moon for the past few hours, plunging Eientei into darkness. Kaguya had been sleeping fitfully, tossing and turning, her face contorted into an expression of anxiety.
Eientei. I am standing in the central courtyard. Eirin, Tei, and a group of rabbits are with me too. The sun and moon are spinning fast, too fast; night and day are succeeding each other in an instant. The bamboo is growing, reaching up into the sky, but now it is starting to whither. The rabbits have gone, and now Tei has, too; first their flesh disappeared, then their bones, and now there is only dust. Everything is rotting away, except for Eirin and I. Eientei, the ground, the sky, all of it is decaying into nothing, and now only the two of us are left in a black, empty void, as the sun and moon spin around and around, forever and ever, as we drift there for eternity in the dark, spinning, spinning...
She woke up, gasping for air; she was trembling, and a cold sweat had formed on her forehead.
The same dream again.
She tried to calm herself down by taking deep breaths, waiting for her heart rate to slow down, before attempting to go back to sleep. However, her mind was still lingering on her dream; that, coupled with the fact that she knew it was a full moon, had her far too tense to sleep properly. To the residents of Eientei, the full moon was like a giant eye opening up in the sky, searching for them, staring right through their windows, laying bare the privacy of the only place they could call home.
When the cloud finally moved on, the pale light of the full moon shone through Kaguya's window and onto her face, tearing her from her half-asleep state with a start.
The full moon. They're coming !
She jerked upright as that thought blanked out everything else in her mind; she sat there for a few seconds, breathing heavily, gathering her bearings. A night of a full moon for her was a constant stream of interruptions and feverish dreams, punctuating the night with gasps a cold sweats.
No, I'm safe. I'm in Eientei, I'm still protected. Of course, her fears were unfounded. Eientei is still hidden. Nothing has changed.
Nothing will ever change.
Hours later, the warm glow of the sun replaced the harsh light of the moon. Nobody had came for her. They were safe for another month; her spell over eternity had kept Eientei hidden for another month. Like every night of a full moon, Kaguya had slept terribly, which was evident thanks to the dark rings under her eyes, made only more obvious by her pale skin.
Why do I still worry so much ? There is nothing that they can do to us now that Eientei is frozen in time. We will remain here, hidden, until...
She stopped in her contemplations, as if she had hit a dead end, unable to go any further along that train of thought. She was still rubbing her wearing eyes when she heard footsteps getting closer to her door; breakfast, most likely. The door slid open, and to her surprise, it was Tei that greeted her with her usual mischievous grin. "Rise and shine, Princess. Breakfast's a little different from usual today, so you're gonna have to get out of bed, I'm afraid."
The princess said nothing, trying to gather up the will to rise out of her warm bed; she hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep but knew full well that she wasn't getting any more rest today, so she tore herself from the warmth of the blankets, in search of her clothes. Tei, leaning on the doorframe, contented herself with simply watching her, not helping her get dressed like most of the rabbits would. Kaguya didn't mind; she considered herself perfectly capable of dressing herself, and knew it would be against Tei's nature to actually be helpful. Although, after last night's sleep, some assistance wouldn't be unwelcome...
"Ready ? Let's go then. You're in for a treat." Tei started walking down the corridor with Kaguya wearily traipsing behind her.
Arriving at the dining hall, she was greeted by the sight of a young rabbit girl standing proudly, hands on hips, in front of a beautifully decorated bowl of pineapples, all cut into an impressive arrangement. The sweet smell filled the air, making it obvious to Kaguya that they had only just been cut; a large kitchen knife further down the table, still dripping with juice, confirmed her suspicions.
Pineapples. How long has it been since I last ate one ? It feels like it's been...
"Ta-dah," Tei chanted in a flat voice layered with sarcasm, "pineapples. Betcha weren't expecting that, huh ?" The young rabbit noticed the sarcasm in her voice; slightly offended, she retorted : "Hey, these pineapples don't usually grow in Gensokyo, you know. They took forever to find."
Forever. Kaguya shuddered; she felt sick, but blamed it on the lack of sleep.
"Yeah, right. Eirin found them for you. You just had to go fetch them." Eirin, standing at the back of the room, showed no reaction; she seemed to be watching Kaguya intensely, as if she could tell how the princess was feeling. At Tei's words, the remains of the poor rabbit's pride withered away, as her ears and shoulders drooped back into their usual humble position.
"You're right, Eirin located them for me, I just picked them up where she told me to go... Still, it must have been an eternity since the Princess has eaten any, right ? Here," she said, handing a slice to Kaguya, "try one, they taste great !" She looked hopefully at the princess, who usually had a kind word and a glowing smile to offer the rabbits. It quickly turned into a look of worry upon seeing the princess, though : she was somehow paler than usual, and drops of feverish sweat had formed on her brow, and she stared emptily at her hand, holding the slice of pineapple. "Princess ?"
It must have been an eternity... yes, when was the last time I ate a slice of pineapple ? Memories following her exile from the moon flashed before her eyes : the bamboo cutter who had found her, the tales of her beauty that spread all over the land, her ascension to nobility, and from there onwards, the noblemen vying for her hand in marriage. She remembered the gifts they brought her, none of which were up to the standards of her five impossible requests, but that interested her despite her feigned lack of interest. One of them, a nobleman of the Fujiwara clan, had presented her a rare, exotic fruit. She had reached out for a slice, held it in her hand... All this seemed like another lifetime, so distant and ancient, and yet here she was, centuries later, holding another slice in her hand, her cold, white hand that was identical to how it was so long ago, unchanged, eternal. I haven't changed. So long has passed, and yet I am identical to how I was back then, the same as I will be in another thousand centuries, the same as I will always be, forever...
"Princess !"
She became aware that everyone had drawn closer to her, all visibly worried. "Are you all right, Princess ? You seem ill..."
Still shaking, the princess tried to smile. "I am fine. Please do not worry about me, I simply did not sleep well." Her voice was unsteady, causing more worry than reassuring them like she had hoped; even Tei had lost her usual grin as she saw the state the princess was in. Kaguya looked around, aware now that everyone's eyes were on her; her vision had started to darken, and everything she heard sounded distant. "I am fine," she insisted, and, trying to reassure the people around her, she bit into the slice of pineapple.
Her teeth cut into the juicy flesh of the fruit. She experienced it as if her senses were magnified; the crunch of the flesh, the juice coating her tongue, and, when she swallowed, the chunk of fruit and juice sliding down her throat, burning it with its acidic flavour. She fell to her knees; her vision had gone dark, and she could only vaguely distinguish Eirin ordering everybody else out of the room.
Kaguya saw herself as if from a distance, floating in space, an infinite expanse of darkness, yet at the same time, she felt like she was space itself; she couldn't distinguish who or what she was anymore. The only thing she was truly aware of was the fruit she felt passing through her, down into her stomach, into an infinite abyss. The fruit was so alive, so transient, and as it slid down her throat, it made her painfully aware of her own body, her undying body, which would forever remain unchanging, consuming so much but never being consumed, never becoming part of the cycle. She was a black hole; if she kept eating, over the eternity ahead of her, she would be eating planets worth of food, disappearing into her eternal, unchanging body, all being wasted into the emptiness that was her body. The juice kept running down her throat, and she was aware of every drop. She was mixing life with eternity; she could feel how out of place it was inside her, scorching her insides, reminding her of her own body, forcing her to be aware of how fundamentally opposed she was to anything alive.
I can't... I can't go on. I need to get it out...
Eirin had crouched next to her, holding her by the shoulders, trying to get Kaguya to hear her. She noticed the princess mouthing "get it out" over and over again, and, even though she knew Kaguya couldn't hear her, she told her she was going to fetch some stomach cleansing medicine right away. Kaguya, now alone, was groping around blindly near the table, completely unaware of her surroundings, her insides torturing her.
Get it out... Get the life out of me...
She felt as if she was about to throw up, and wished she could, but the burning reminder of her eternal body remained firmly lodged inside her. Her hands then came across something sharp on the table; she winced in pain when she realised she had cut her finger on whatever it was.
Then she realised she had found the kitchen knife.
Get it out of me !
When Eirin returned, it was too late. The knife lay on the floor, drenched in the blood of her princess. Kaguya was sprawled out on the floor with a gaping hole in her stomach, one arm reaching inside it, drenched in red up to the top of her sleeve. She was dead.
Eirin rushed to her side, kneeling down in order to lift the princess's onto her lap. Kaguya's eyes were half open, staring blankly ahead of her. Eirin pulled her closer, embracing the deceased princess's head between her arms, seemingly oblivious to the copious amounts of blood she was getting on her. "Kaguya..."
The calm of her voice had gone, replaced by a plaintive sob as she repeated the princess's name. She remained with the princess in her arms, crying quietly; the erratic shuddering of her shoulders were the biggest proof of her grief. Little by little, the blood stopped flowing out of the wound, and a few minutes later, a pale glow surrounded Kaguya; the light enveloped her, and after it had faded, the hole in her stomach had closed, without so much as a scar. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and was greeted with a sight she had never expected to see.
"Kaguya, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
The princess said nothing as Eirin's tears rolled down onto her forehead. She had died, but had been dragged right back to life. There was no escape. She would forever be stuck in her unchanging body. There was nothing left to say now. All she could do was exist; whatever she did or did not do would be irrelevant eventually, anyway. She could only let herself get carried along by time, like a bottle floating in the sea, forevermore.
Let her cry for me, for I no longer think I am able.
Kaguya hear a sniffling sound in front of her, snapping her out of her memories : Mokou had flung herself into Kaguya's arms after she had started crying, and the sight of her tears had plunged the princess into her past. Those tears... Eirin has hardened herself to the outside so much since then.
She felt empty : the memory of when her despair had first gotten then best of her was something she had buried away for quite some time, and it resurfacing now was draining to her. At that time, I could only see darkness ahead of me. It took a long time before a light appeared at the end of the tunnel...
She looked down at Mokou, who was still crying. Kaguya hesitated for a second, before tentatively wrapping her arms around her rival. As she did, Mokou tightened her grip, burying her face into the folds of the princess's clothes. She felt a rush, a sensation she hadn't felt in her many battles; holding her fellow immortal in her arms, passing her hands over her back, feeling the bumps of her spine through her thin shirt, sensing every one of Mokou's shudders as she cried... Kaguya felt powerful : like a hunter about to finish off a young animal separated from its mother, holding its life in her balance, she felt in control. She has her guard down. Right now, I could do anything to her, snap her neck, crush her skull, tear her apart, and it would only be more delicious after her letting herself go like this... A shudder of pleasure ran down her spine at the idea. And yet, I'm content with simply holding her like this...
Mokou's grip tightened around her waist, sending a surge through Kaguya's heart, as if something was filling it, raising it up in her chest. Still hesitantly, she lifted an arm, placing it gently on Mokou's head. She looked up at Kaguya, her eyes red and her nose running. What a pathetic sight, she thought, before realising with surprise the tenderness with which she thought that. Neither of them said anything; the only sounds were Mokou's sobbing, which blended into the chirping of cicadas as Kaguya absent-mindedly stroked her head, waiting for her to calm down. If she hadn't found me, I might have never recovered from that period. In truth, I owe my life to her.
Mokou's crying had died down : slowly, she sat back up, eyes still puffy and red. She opened her mouth as if she was about to speak, but closed it again, looking away. She stood up, stretched, still avoiding eye contact with Kaguya.
"I... thanks," she said, her voice still choked up. "It's just... you're the only one who knows. I haven't met anyone like us in so long, I just felt so..." She couldn't finish her sentence; she didn't need to. Kaguya tried to smile, despite the melancholy she felt due to her flashback. The truth is, I need her.
"This last century has been a dark one for me. I didn't realise it until you came back, but I need you too, Mokou. I need someone who know what immortality feels like, the despair that comes with knowing that no matter what happens, you'll always have an eternity ahead of you." At this, Mokou turned round to face her. Her tears had tried, and she had started to regain her natural fiery glare.
"You've had it easy. You've never really been alone like me. You've had Eirin. She knows what it's like. And all around you, you've got the rabbits, you've got Tei, people you can call friends, or at least company. I only had myself, and as I realised that I had forgotten the very reason for which I fought with you, I felt like I was losing even that."
Kaguya shook her head. "Eirin is... different. She's already lived for far longer than both of our lifespans combined. I feel like she's used to the idea that she will never die; unlike us, she doesn't feel the same crushing boredom, the desire to escape from life like we do. Besides, after seeing what the Elixir had done to me, she's grown so distant... the guilt she feels has made her no longer consider me as a friend, but as someone she owns her life to in reparation to what she allowed. Even though she owes me nothing... As for the rest, it may seem like we're friends, and I do value their company, but I just can't allow myself to get too close to them. They are all going to die, like everybody else I've known who isn't immortal. How can I truly call someone a friend if I know that they'll be gone one day, and that in the eternity following their deaths, I'm bound to forget them ?" Mokou's gaze softened; for an instant, she thought that Kaguya might have been steering the conversation into something else. She drew closer, crouching in from of Kaguya. "What about before I found you ? Before our daily fights ? How'd you cope back then ?" Kaguya stared back up at the moon, and shivered. "Back then... for a while, it was the fear that kept me going. We were in hiding, fearing the very sky above us. It was restricting, and yet... it gave some kind of purpose to our lives : we weren't simply living, we were hiding. But that couldn't last forever : Eientei was sealed in time, and after long enough had passed, I realised that I was probably safe from them. As the fear started to fade, it left an emptiness within me, which in turn filled with despair, as I realised that I had trapped myself in an unchanging, eternal life of ennui. I would have completely lost my mind, if it weren't for a ray of light descending from the sky and tearing the boredom from me." As Kaguya finished talking, she started Mokou in the eye, smiling almost imperceptibly. Mokou held her gaze for a few seconds, before grunting as she turned to escape her gaze, crossing her arms. "Don't thank me. Back then, I hated you. I wanted you to suffer for the dishonour you brought on my family." Uncrossing her arms, she hesitantly added : "Doesn't that sound like such a stupid reason now ?"
"I always considered it a stupid reason. For all I cared, I could have murdered your whole family, or simply insulted your fashion sense, what mattered was that you fought me, over and over again, which gave me something to do. You feel that way too, do you not ?"
"I'm not even sure. For a while, I fought you for the sake of it, forgetting any reason I had for fighting. But one day, I took a step back and though about our feud, and that's when I realised..." Mokou stared off into the distance, before adding in almost a whisper : "You know, I do still try to remember sometimes. But they're gone. My memories of him, I mean. That's why I left. I wanted to find something to help me remember, something to re-ignite the fire that kept me going for so long. Without a reason to hate you, we had no reason to fight, and so I had no reason to... to live. After all, I only drank the Elixir to be able to get my revenge... But out there, everything has changed so much; it's as if time evolves differently to in Gensokyo. Yeah, I wasn't just wandering around Gensokyo all this time, I was finding a way out. But nothing is the same out there. Maybe that's why it's so difficult to get there..." She seemed to grow sad again. "There was nothing that could help me remember. I came back empty handed and still lacking anything that could reignite my fire. That's why, when you reminded me on him, I..."
Kaguya had started to grin during Mokou's speech : getting on her hands and knees, she started to advance towards Mokou, who was still crouching in front of her, now looking surprised.
"You say you no longer had any reason to fight with me anymore, and yet, you are here now, are you not ? You must have come back here for something..." She continued to advance on Mokou, who fell over backwards when trying to move; the princess was now looming over her, grinning. "Why did you return ?"
Mokou didn't try to free herself : instead, she raised a hand, placing it on Kaguya's cheek. "I couldn't leave you in the dark any longer. I realised that the reason for our fights was irrelevant, but that it was the fights themselves that gave light to my life. I didn't need the fire of my vengeance to fuel me any longer, since a new kind of fire had been lit, and burning inside me, telling me to return to its source." She caressed Kaguya's face with her thumb; a tear had formed in the corner of her eye, sparkling under the shadow cast by the princess. "...and, I wanted to see, I hoped... that the fire would be shared."
This was what Kaguya had been waiting for. She smiled, and gently took Mokou's hand in her own; she felt the warmth of her rival through her cold, pale fingers as she held it there, pressed against her face. She then lowered her hand, still holding Mokou's, pinning it to the ground. "Your fire is what keeps me warm through the eternity ahead of us," she said, slowly approaching her face to Mokou's. "Mokou, you are the fire that lights my future. You are my ray of light, tearing through the darkness ahead of us. I need you."
At that, she pressed her lips against Mokou's, who, after a brief instant of surprise, opened her mouth, inviting her rival in; as the two immortals kissed, their hands started to travel, caressing each other's faces, down Kaguya's back, onto Mokou's breasts. Mokou's thin shirt was the first to be torn off, followed by the remains of Kaguya's ceremony robes. The princess moved her head downwards, kissing her rival's neck, then further still, down to her now exposed breasts, biting them, revelling in the faint whimpers Mokou inadvertently let out when Kaguya's teeth passed along the sensitive tips. Kaguya's hands followed the same downwards motion, stroking Mokou's firm stomach, down to her hips, and then further still, down between her legs, lingering a little to build anticipation.
"I want to hear you say it, Mokou", she said, sending shivers through Mokou's body by slowly moving her fingers up and down.
"I need you too," she whispered, looking up at the princess longingly. Kaguya grinned, before plunging her fingers in; Mokou gasped, digging her fingernails into Kaguya's back, writhing in pleasure as the princess worked her magic with her fingers, sending bursts of pleasure through her immortal body that had long since forgotten about such functions. After regaining control of herself a little, Mokou's own hands travelled down the princess's body, toying with her breasts, grabbing her round, pale buttocks, then moving over to the front, caressing it, before penetrating into her warm insides. The two were now joined by their fingers, united by a pleasure they had left behind along with their mortality, back when their bodies felt like they belonged to themselves. Each caress, each groan was a rush of pleasure washing over their bodies, reanimating each other's senses as their fingers danced over each other, scratching, grabbing, stroking all over.
The sun was low in the sky, casting a warm glow that filtered through the bamboo leaves, drawing a mosaic of shadows over the two immortals, who were lying naked on the forest floor, panting heavily after having let out a final moan of pleasure in unison. They let themselves collapse to the ground, Kaguya's head coming to rest on one of Mokou's arms, her back lined with red marks where she had been scratched during the fit of passion; Mokou hadn't escaped unscathed either, as her arms, neck and breasts all covered in bite marks. Neither of them seemed to mind, though; as they lay there, regaining their breathes, they smiled. The princess rolled over, draping an arm over her newly found lover, who was still recovering from the pleasure the princess had procured her with her fingers. The tiredness they felt was different to the usual feeling after their battles, but despite not dying and being reborn, they both felt refreshed, reinvigorated, yet exhausted. They lay there, appreciating the warmth of each other's skin, Mokou drifting off to sleep as Kaguya, cuddled up against her, drifted into thought, imagining the new future they were embarking on.
Mokou is all I need. Whether we fight or make love, she'll always be with me, sharing my feelings, understanding them like nobody else ever could. We may spend the next few centuries as lovers, or go back to murdering each other; what counts is how every interaction with her makes me forget about my eternal, cursed body, waking up my senses, managing to make me feel alive again. When everything around us is gone, when Reisen and Tei are long since dead and the immortals are all that's left, when the eternal darkness comes, she'll always be with me to light the darkness.
She will always be my ray of light.