Chapter 5 – Best friends forever

The last chapter is finally here. Finally some inspiration came to me listening to classical music last night, Strauss the Father and the Son mostly, and I came up with this (after I spent days and days of molding this conversation).

The words at the start of the chapter are from a pic I found on the page "El circo" on Facebook and it was on Spanish, but I translated it on English as best as I could. I thought it was fitting for this chapter.

Thanks for all the beautiful reviews for this story. We've come to an end.

Enjoy the chapter.

…

"Sometimes, just sometimes…

Retreat doesn't mean surrender

Or being against is an attack

Change is not hypocrisy

And demolish is not destroy

To be alone it's not departure

And silence, nothing to say

To stay still it's not laziness

Nor cowardice is to survive

To immerse is not drowning

Or retreat to get away

You don't go down just by stumbling

Nor you will get Heaven no matter how much you suffer

The sentences aren't eternal

Nor you will die for forgiveness

Sometimes, just sometimes…

You need to let go

Lift the candles, let yourself go

Let it flow, let the wind change

Close your eyes, and stop talking."

…

They were 6. In one of their momentarily homes when the light went out in the current lair. Master Splinter transferred them all one night after the power went out. It was really dark and cold, and with their cold blood it was more difficult. Splinter had found blankets throughout his scavenging and currently tucked his four sons with them to protect them from the cold.

One night during their stay there, and Splinter gone for another one of his scavenging nights, both elder brothers were left to guard their little brothers. Don and Mike were dead tired from chasing around the lair that they were now sleeping on the couch, leaving only Raph and Leo awake and trying to keep the lair safe. Recently Splinter started to teach them the basics of martial arts and Raph could see that Leo enjoyed the training. He noticed the change in Leo as they grew up, and he hated to admit, but he really enjoyed the time he spent with his older brother, when they were alone. You could not describe this as being alone, but their current home was quiet at least.

"Hey Leo?"

"Yeah Raph?" Leo's shy voice asked tentatively as he faced his red banded brother.

Right before Raph could say what he wanted, something shook Leo and his eyes widened as he realized that not only his chair, but everything in the room shook and crinkled as the lights blinked more than once.

"An earthquake." Raph exclaimed as he tried to keep his calms looking at Leo's eyes. "Let's get Mikey and Donnie and get out of here before this place crumbles to pieces."

Leo listened to his brother and he hurried to wake Donatello and Michelangelo as he tried to gather everything they used, frantically, in a garbage bag.

"What are you doing Leo?"

"I'm saving what I can Raph."

"Save your life bro, because everything will go down in a…" He stopped mid-sentence and watched as a large part of the ceiling was forming its way towards Leo's head. "Leo, move!" he yelled, right before he pushed Leo out of the way.

Leo was unable to register what happened, because everything was a blur. He knew that Raph was calling out his name, but all he could see was darkness. He passed out.

…

He always dreamed of that earthquake after he was having severe fights with Raphael. Because he found solace in it.

After that earthquake, Leo felt vulnerable to go even to the toilet alone, for the fear that there would be another earthquake that would end his family, or worse kill his family and leave him alive.

Raphael was the one that pulled him out of his trance and he was forever grateful to his first younger brother, to his once best friend.

This night the dream was different. Instead of Raph saving him that night, the ceiling crumpled and crushed over Raph. He felt dead weight over him, and he hurt everywhere. He screamed repeatedly, pleading Raph to wake up, to open up his eyes and say something. He couldn't hear his own words because his ears were hurt and clogged by the loud thump the now crumbled ceiling did. He fought his way out of the mess on the floor and tried to find the others, but there was no sign from them. He felt a presence and he charged with his good arm and tried to take the invisible enemy.

Which was himself.

…

Leonardo woke up from his terrible nightmare. His vision was clouded and it took him awhile before he could see clearly again. He blinked his eyes few times because the light above his head was overwhelming. Then his eyes focused on something red mingled with green. Soon he found himself eye to eye with Raphael. He was confused to see his hotheaded brother on top of him and he tried to fight his way out of his grip, but it looked like Raph's hands were made of steel because the grip he had on him was ferocious.

"Let… go of me… Please, Raph…" his voice was raspy from the screaming.

"Only if you promise that you won't hurt yourself."

"I won't. You are hurting my left arm…"

"Sorry, Leo." Raph let go of Leo and sat himself on the edge of the bed. He instantly noticed Leo pull back from him. He was still scared and by the looks of it he was still unsure of why he was in his room, on top of him, making sure he won't hurt himself with all the moves he pulled earlier when he actually charged at Raph in his dream. "You were having a nightmare. That's why I was on top of you stopping you from hurting yourself more than you already are." More than I already hurt you.

"Did I wake you up?"

"You kidding me?" Raph growled, but when he saw the serious look in Leo's eyes, he stopped himself from yelling at him. "No, I wasn't sleeping. And I'm sure that the others were wide awake too."

Leo evened his breathing and he continued to look in Raph's body that was seated on the edge of the bed. He looked a little stiff to him, and he saw the tension ripple through the muscles on his arms.

"You want to say something Raph?"

"Damn well I want."

Leo nodded for Raph to continue. He didn't think of him and Raph having this conversation like this in two in the morning, but it was more than Leo could ask from the brother that was always fast on punches, that he gladly took the change in Raph and let his brother speak up first. He could see the need to speak in Raphael's burning eyes.

"I wanted to… um… apologize to you Leo."

Leo kept his silence and urged Raph to continue.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting rashly these past few months. Well, not that I didn't act rashly before…"

Leo smirked at Raph's choice of words and his face expression, but he quickly straightened his face and put on the mask of the leader. Raph was far from finished.

"I want to apologize for all I ever did or say to you. I'm truly ashamed from my acts and deeds, and I want to redeem myself. I want to help, and I want to be your brother again Leo. I want to be… Argh! I hate when I cannot say what I mean." He muttered under his breath, while his older brother observed him. "It's time to be the brothers Leo, and not ninja. It's time for us to settle our differences."

Leo nodded and saw the sincerity in Raph's eyes, and knew that his brother didn't come in his room to fight and he was grateful for the nightmare, because it brought him back Raph, his brother Raph that he once had. His best friend.

"Agreed." Leo said.

"So, that's it, not a word, not a lecture, nothing?"

Leo looked down at his hands resting in his lap. He actually hadn't said anything to his brother, anything that would prove to him that either he was right or wrong. He didn't know what to say.

'What was the nightmare about?"

"Huh?" Leo was jerked from his thoughts.

"I asked you what your nightmare was about."

Leo swallowed the lump in his throat and he spoke so soft and quiet that Raph had to strain his ears and lean closer to Leo to listen to what his older brother was saying.

"It was a dream where I lost you."

"You lost me? How?"

"Remember that earthquake when we were 6?"

"I do."

"Well, I had a dream that instead of saving me, the ceiling crumpled furthermore and crashed over you… You were cut off from my side and I watched you die. I tried to free myself, but there was something holding me."

'You probably mixed that with someone holding you." Raph smirked, but his smirk died on his lips as soon as he appeared, when he saw the sad look on Leo's face. "Okay, I didn't mean to… What's up Leo?"

"You helped me overcome that fear Raph. You helped me return to my old self."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"I mean it Raphael." Leo's stern voice made Raph look in Leo's eyes and startle from the troubling look in those chocolate brown orbs. "You remember how I couldn't eat at ease without thinking that there would be an earthquake and that we all had to be prepared if such thing happened?"

"Yeah, I remember. You were trying hard to hide that obsession of yours from Donnie and Mikey. But, you didn't fool me."

"No, I didn't. I used to leave the door of my bedroom open and look at the ceiling to see if the light bulb that hung from the ceiling was moving."

"Yeah, and you were afraid to go to the toiler more than 1 minute. I remember you once running so fast to pee and returned in a record time, panting even." Raph chuckled.

"It wasn't funny at the time."

"It isn't funny. And it could happen to anyone. I know that. I'm just glad that I talked some sense into you."

"I prefer that than you beating some sense in me." Leo said. It was meant to be something like, touché you are on, but it sounded a lot different.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't sweat it Raph, we are good." Leo winked at him.

"We are far from good Leo. And far from okay, too. You remember what Donnie said once upon a time Leo? If one goes down we all go down. Okay, it was something like that… But, my point is that, you are not feeling well bro, you are troubled, and you need help. You need our help. Your mood affects our mood."

"You sound just like Master Splinter. And you were telling me I look like him." Leo chuckled dryly. The dark chuckle sent shivers down Raph's spine. And the honesty, the purity, the honor in Leo's eyes, gave him the chills. This was an open one on one conversation that turned out in the two brothers telling each other their deepest worries. "I understand you perfectly Raph."

Realization dawned on Leo, and he fought the burning sensation the tears did in his throat. Leo couldn't help, but let a tear fall from his eyes. Soon silent sobs wracked his body as he tried to drown himself in his tears and his sorrow, because he knew that Raph would not say anything to their brothers or their dad. Tears weren't sign of a weakness, but they voiced the pain that was hidden deep inside our souls. He didn't want them to see him like this.

His crying stopped and finally he had the courage to look in Raph's eyes again.

"There, calm down." Raph placed a reassuring hand on Leo's shoulder. "It's okay."

"How did we get this far Raph?"

"We used to be best friends Leo." Raph said in unison with Leo, while he wiped Leo's tear streaked cheeks. Both smiled at that simple act. "You used to tell me everything. What happened to us as brothers Leo?"

Leonardo looked at his red banded brother and thought about his answer. There were too many things going on inside him and he shrugged his shoulders.

Leo winced from the unexpected move of his shoulder. The move didn't go unnoticed by Raph. Raph also noticed Leo shivering and he cursed himself that he hadn't noticed it before. "Leo you are cold." That was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah. This room is a little on the north and I often feel cold at night. But nothing that a few warm blankets won't solve." Leo sent Raph a weak smile.

Raph took one blanket and wrapped it around Leo careful not to jostle his shoulder and touch the injured arm. He then wrapped his arms around Leo and enveloped him in a tight embrace. "Here, I think this is better." He said as he felt Leo adjust his head in the nook under his chin.

"Thank you Raph." Leo mumbled as he tried to warm himself.

"You are welcome Leo." Raph said. "You want to tell me what happened to you Leo?"

'What do you mean Raph?"

"What happened to you? You are very tight Leo. You keep everything to yourself, you tend to care for us, but you don't realize that you are choking us with all that worry you have. You are so overwhelmed by worry that you don't know what you are doing anymore. You have to relax Leo. You have to turn back to normal." Here, he said it. What he meant to say since he chased that nightmare away from his brother.

He listened to his big brother sigh against his shoulder and he decided that he should leave the matter when he heard Leo speak up. At first his voice was barely above a whisper. Later on as he spoke his voice strengthened. Raph was so content that it was actually him to whom Leo opened up about his worries. His big brother.

"I'm sorry Raph. I'm sorry that I'm constantly barking orders, worrying about you, choking you, always wondering where you are at the moment… But, I can't help it. I'm the leader, I'm the big brother and I need to keep your safe. I want to always keep your safe and have you by my side. It's so hard with everything going on in our lives."

"You have me Fearless." He felt Leo's smile against his neck. "You have Don and Mike. You have Splinter. You have all four of us. You should stop worrying so much and you need to share your worries with us for a change. And what's most important, you have to stop feeling guilty about everything that happens to us. You are not a magician to keep everything as it is, nor you can prevent some bad things from happening. The only thing you need to do is to just say something."

"I know that too Raph. But, it's something like a routine now, and I don't know how to start over. I'm aware that I'm hurting you all with this attitude I have, and it hurts me too, but I just don't know what to do to change that. I know that I've always known how with words, but for the first time I actually don't know what to say or how to explain this challenge that the life has put in my path as a leader. And brother as well."

Now it was Raph's turn to sigh. "You have the flair for dramatics Hamato Leonardo." Raph smirked. It actually made him feel better now that he made Fearless talk openly about him and what bothered him. He silently thanked the nightmare. And his own readiness to talk too.

Tonight was made up for changes.

"You know, it's not just the final battle with the Shredder that's been on my mind these past few months Raph." Leo said and by the look in his eyes that Raphael could not see there was hurt, pain, failure, and guilt all mixed up.

"What do you mean by that?" Raph asked baffled. He could see Leo struggling with himself and what to say next.

Suddenly Leo moved his head from his shoulder and he managed to lift himself up from the bed. He felt slightly dizzy and he was really thinking about talking to Don about that. His room was freezing at night and he was afraid that he caught a cold. He paced a little in his room to relax himself and his stiff legs when he sensed Raph's eyes on him. He knew that he started something that he needed to finish and he knew that Raph was waiting for this moment for almost 5 months and he wouldn't pass up this opportunity for nothing in the world.

He turned and looked at his red banded brother. "Do you remember the Ultimate Ninja and Drako appearing in our old lair and teleport each and every one of us in different places with no possible ways of us finding each other?"

Raph watched the guilt stricken face of his older brother and nodded, deciding that he'll not interrupt his brother in his talk unless he absolutely needed to say something.

"Mikey has been transported to an alternate universe where Master Splinter… Well Sliver was the bad guy. You were in some outer space where you raced with motorcycles, Don went to the future where Splinter was dead and we were all changed by the loss and the pain, and the Shredder had the full reign of NYC, and I… I was sent to feudal Japan. I was lucky that I had Usagi by my side while we fought against that snake, Lord Hebi. Then I saw the Daimyo actually holding a grudge against us, and I was scared, I feared for all of us… Master Splinter was in one of the cells. I couldn't get him out. Gyoji tried to help us, but it turned out that it was the Ultimate Drako. I thought I would never ever see any of you, again. It was pretty damn awful Raph. I guess I'm not fearless after all, huh?" He laughed bitterly, shifting his gaze to look everywhere but in Raph. "We were finally reunited Raph and I can't tell you how happy I was that we were finally together, that our family was finally together." He took a deep breath. "And then the Shredder happened once again."

"You know I pushed you down enough to talk Leo, but if you don't want to talk about it, just don't. Leave the matter where it is and I promise I will never make you talk about it."

Leo was surprised from the naked honesty he heard in Raph's voice. "I have to get it out of me Raph. I learned something from Master Splinter today. You have to share your fears and thoughts with someone to make it easier for you to carry them around. I realized that I've been excluding you out of my life long enough. I want that to change. I want us to change. I want us to be like we used to be before. Before the Shredder appeared. Before he nearly killed me. Before he did everything to wipe us off of Earth's face. To forget about every bad that happened, and to start anew, let the good overflow. I want to hit "delete" to my erratic behavior and the dark Leonardo I've become after we defeated the Shredder for good. I want us to be friends like we were, before I was named leader. I want us to be best friends like we once were. And in order for that to happen I need to tell you everything. No more secrets Raph."

Hamato Raphael has been surprised in his life very few times. He didn't like surprises in general and he got one very rarely. But, tonight he was surprised by the openness in Leonardo. He witnessed what unfolded in front of his eyes and he couldn't believe that his brother actually wanted to talk to him. He practically saw Leo stripping off his soul in front of him. And his heart ached because he didn't realize sooner what was wrong with his brother.

"It hurt Raph. It hurt that I had to decide that we should kill ourselves on that damned ship. I knew, we knew that there was no other way out of there, and it was our only chance left to defeat that monster... And that night I learned so many things. I guess that the life gives you lessons in every situation possible."

"Yeah, I guess it does." He looked in Leo's shell now and his eyes fell on that part where his shell was parched and closed in with a soft material that resembled the natural green color of his shell.

"I hated to see that bitch stabbing you Leo. Sorry that I couldn't stop her. I was close behind and I didn't see her coming when the Shredder pushed you…" his voice trailed off. Leo squeezed his eyes shut at the memory. "Sorry Leo."

"That was my price for saving her from a death fall." Leo said.

"Don't say that Leo. What you did was not giving up on your honor and all of that Bushido code thing you always babble about. Come on. Out of all four of us, you are the one that is the most honorable warrior, and nothing would change that. You acted on pure instinct and you didn't know that she was going to do that to you, although I don't think she planned it before."

"Yeah, I think that too. But, still. She betrayed me and my trust. I am really bad judge of character. I should've thought better of her going against Shredder's orders and following through. She was the Shredder's daughter. Her sense of honor and mine were different."

"You are always looking the good in people Leo. Maybe that's why you've been hurt so much in life. But, I believe that no matter what you do or what I say, you will still see the good in them. It's just you. Leonardo." Raph smiled at his brother that now turned to face him directly and finally dropped on the bed next to him, exhaustion clearly visible on his face. He didn't know if it was the conversation with Raph, or the headache he developed, but his body pleaded with him to just lie down in bed and sleep.

"Thank you for this conversation Raph." Leo said. "I needed this."

"I needed this too Fearless. I missed talking to you. I know that most of the time I shake you off my shell and I dismiss you easily, but most of the time I just wish that you stay a little longer and realize that I need you to talk to me and make me understand."

"The thing is we are very stubborn Raph. Both you and me. And neither one of us wants to let go off their grounds." He suddenly shivered and instinctively pulled himself closer to Raph.

"Leo, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I already feel better." Raph recognized a lie when he heard one. He knew that Leo wasn't better and that the slight shiver he picked up earlier and the heat radiating off of his body right now, showed him he was right. Leo was feeling worse than he said and he presumed that his older brother had already developed a fever. Leo caught up on the look in his brother's eyes and he decided that he'll follow through with his promise to Master Splinter.

"I feel a little cold. Damn this room is like a fridge Raph."

Raph put his hand on Leo's forehead and he pulled it instantly pulled it off of it. Just what I thought, he said to himself. "You are burning up with fever, Leo. Lay down in bed. I will go and get Donnie. Just stay put. And don't go anywhere."

"Yeah, like I can move."

Leonardo listened to his brother, but it was hard for him to cover himself with the blanket because one of his arms was injured and hurt whenever he shifted positions, so Raph helped him get comfortable in the bed.

…

A week after the event in which Raph hurt Leonardo, everything went back to normal. Mikey teasing Raph. The latter lashing out at his youngest brother, Donatello constantly checking up on Leo to see if the cold was still present.

The fever broke on the second day since he got the cold, but his muscles were still sore and his eyes looked like he cried for days. Big, red and puffy. He was on heavy medication and fluids, and he spent most of his time sleeping with his brothers and father watching over him. He felt safe because he knew they were there for him. It was like something heavy was lifted from his shoulders after he talked with Raph.

Splinter was happy to see that his two older sons made up and settled their differences. But, he was far from letting this issue easily to be dismissed.

Leonardo woke up and lifted himself up from his bed. He felt dizzy and sick, but he decided that it would be nice if he joined his family for the morning. He was prohibited to train, he was prohibited to do anything that will aggravate his injury and he decided that he should listen to Don's orders. After all, he needed rest. With months all he did was push himself beyond limits.

"Morning guys."

"Good morning Leo." Said Don that was nursing his second cup of coffee that morning.

"Morning Leo." Mikey chirped. "Wanna eat?"

"No Mikey, I'm good. Later."

"Fine." Mikey sat on the table.

Soon Raph and Master Splinter joined the rest of the group. As they ate their breakfast Master Splinter decided it was the right time to bring the conversation that he long dreaded to have with his sons.

"Ahem." He cleared his throat, and that got the attention of all. "My sons," he started. "I want to talk to you about something very important. Although this matter concerns Leonardo and Raphael primarily, I want us all to agree on something. You know that we are a tight-knit family since we were mutated. There are few ingredients that are needed for that to exist. The ingredients are simple: love, care, sharing and understanding. And the last and most important thing, talk."

"What's that?" Donatello asked curious.

"I want us all to agree that there will be no more fights between you my sons. At least not fights that can lead to something fatal. If you have some problems with me, or with each other, you will talk with the said person and solve the problem. You are all big now, and you were taught better than this. You will all work on your training, and on your control." He eyed his son Raphael that had his head hung in shame. "Raphael!"

"Yes Sensei?"

"You do realize what you've done a week ago right?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"You caused pain to one of your brothers. And don't think that because I easily dismissed you that afternoon that I will tolerate you lashing out at your brother. Today it's Leonardo, tomorrow could be Michelangelo or Donatello. You really have to decide what you will do with your anger issue. Raphael," Splinter said sternly. "Your rash actions caused the injury on your brother's arm. That's not a thing that will go away in a few days like a bruise. And the words that you said to him-"

Leonardo interrupted his father in his talk. "Master Splinter, if I may?" Splinter nodded. "Father, we made up, please don't be mad at him. We talked and settled our differences, and I think that it's enough talking about this matter as it is. Let's leave it where it is, and not do something that will make future fights between us."

Master Splinter smiled at his eldest and cupped his cheek. He looked at the child that was there. He asked himself about what Raphael said to him that changed them both somehow.

"Okay, I see that this conversation will not make the impact I liked to… Maybe you are growing up and you don't want to listen to your dear old dad." Splinter sighed. "Makes me wondering where I went wrong with you four."

"Why won't you just admit that Leo convinced you Master Splinter?" Raph had that trademark smirk on his face. "After all he's your favorite son. Splinter Junior." Raph elbowed Leo in his right arm and Leo giggled at Raph's teasing. It was good to have his best friend back.

"Raphael!"

The others chuckled at the already familiar pattern between their father and the hothead that they missed for few months now. The chuckle turned into a full blast laughter and the walls in the lair echoed with the welcomed familiarity of the family's antics.