May 4, 2014

Extreme Rules tonight. Nice.

I'd call it hardcore, but that word seems to only be used by teenagers who skateboard without helmets and call themselves hardcore for it.

Everything's set. Cena and Bray Wyatt get a steel cage match (why do they call it a steel cage match? Are there other types of cages? Do the men have the opportunity to fight in a cage made of rubber or bubble wrap? Sign me up.) Tamina and Paige. Cesaro, Jack Swagger and Rob Van Dam.

Oh, and guess what's a thing again?

Evolution.

A-yup. Trips is still pretty pissed off the Shield turned on him. Hard feelings were to be had. He reformed the group with Batista and Orton. Then he's like, "Six-man tag match at Extreme Rules." Ric Flair came out and was all, "The Shield exemplifies power", something something something. I think the guy was drunk. He was pretty wobbly. But he endorsed us and shook our hands and pretty much told his old team we were better. Heh.

Can't wait for the match. Just remember, Hunter: you asked for this.

May 4, 2014 (still)

Of course we won! We're the Shield! You didn't stress too much over it, did you?

We sent every member of Evolution out of the ring even before the bell rang. That's how you know it's gonna be a hell of a time.

Seth was targeted almost immediately, of course. Rollins is our guy. High-flying, swift-motioned brainiac. I helped him out of the jam. My fists were flying. I clocked everyone. My ass was handed to me for a while on, but I finally got Roman into the ring. We triple powerbombed Batista. I got thrown down a flight of stairs. And not even two finishers could keep the Samoan warrior down. A Superman punch and a Spear finished off Batista. Goodnight.

Anyway, we're back at the hotel. Seth had one too many from the minibar. Celebrate good times. He's trying to get Roman and me downstairs to karaoke night.

Maybe we'll go. If he doesn't pass out before we make the decision.

May 5, 2014

Okay, Evolution? You're kinda starting to piss me off a little bit.

We won last night but what does that matter? Trips is the man in charge. He told me tonight I had to defend my United States championship in a 20-man Battle Royal. As a bonus? Roman and Seth were out. Come the hell on, old man! Green isn't a nice color on you.

But I dominated the entire time. It was down to me, RybAxel, Swagger, and Sheamus. I got the others out of that ring by myself, then Sheamus Brogue kicked me and scooped up my title.

Yeah. Kinda hate Hunter even more now.

Because then he comes out like, "Ha ha, screw you guys, you have a match tonight against the Wyatts?"

Bitter old man. Not my fault your wife looks at me the way she hasn't looked at you in over ten years.

Swamp monkeys thought it best to isolate Seth in the ring and keep me and Roman on the side. Of course. Good strategy, clever bastards. I tried to protect him. I couldn't. I really let him down tonight.

Roman stepped in and tried to raise a little hell but a little while later we learned it was way too late for us. Guess who showed up? Uh-huh, Evolution. Six-on-three. Crap, crap, total crap. We did our best. But Wyatt caught Roman distracted and Sister Abigail'd his ass.

Trips was elated.

My shoulder is killing me.

Seth pointed out I was two weeks shy of holding that title belt for a year. Thanks, Seth. You're a pal.

Maybe I'll join him at the minibar tonight.

May 6, 2014

Seth, Roman and I got trashed last night. If there was anything we earned, it was surely that.

Roman says kick the dust off our shoes and gear up for Smackdown. Not sure what to expect but I am ready to kick some ass.

I almost got into it with him though. He tried telling me I didn't "utilize my potential" last night when defending my title. Okay, what? First of all, it was a freaking bombshell Triple H dropped on me regarding that match. I had 0 prep time. Second of all, I held my own pretty well until literally the last man standing. The hell does he mean, I didn't "utilize my potential"? Of course, we were all sauced so I don't even remember what I said back. Seth had to separate us to cool down. Roman ended up passing out in the bathtub during his "cool-down." Seth and I just kinda giggled at stuff I can't even remember. I think we were looking up stupid videos on Youtube or something. I just remember laughing a lot.

We passed out on the same bed. Roman was giving us shit for it all morning. I just called him a rubber ducky. He didn't get the joke. It wasn't even that funny. I think Seth just laughed at it to make me feel better.

Flight's at 1:19. Why do flights take off at such obscure times?

Hello, Buffalo.

May 7, 2014

God, Buffalo is boring. There's a ton of art museums to visit and stuff but who's up for that? Roman and Seth are arguing about a misplaced suitcase. Apparently it was neither of their faults. I remember when we used to argue about crap that mattered.

I don't care about misplacing any of my suitcases anymore. Not since I lost my title.

Guess I'm bitter, too. But at least I'm not an old man.

Shoulder still hurts. Hope it's not too screwed up.

May 8, 2014

Ended up going to the Buffalo Zoo. Seth got lapped by a really aggressive giraffe. Apparently his blonde and brown hair makes him look like a graham cracker or something. That giraffe wanted all of him. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

Things have calmed down. No fights today. Good. We don't need that hostility before tomorrow.

Or maybe we can "use it" to "utilize our potential."

Sorry. I should just forgive him by now. Just. Have a little faith in me, Roman.

May 9, 2014

Well it's five days after Extreme Rules and Evolution still sucks. We were forced to compete in individual matches to "redeem ourselves" after Monday's freaking onslaught. And guess who my match was against? Aha, yeah, SHEAMUS. I'm sick of this pasty bastard. I got a chance to get my title back, but he favored my injured arm and boy-howdy, did he go to town on it. He Brogue kicked me out of the ring. I made it back in time before the count-out. But he finished me off anyway. ASSHOLE.

But the Shield did get a small taste of victory when Roman Speared Mark Henry for a win of his own. Hooray, we don't totally suck on our own. Not bad, Roman. Way to utilize your potential. No, I mean that. He rocked it tonight.

Alas, Seth did not. He gave it his all, he truly did, but Batista forced him into the announce table and he lost by count-out. Adding insult to injury, the Animal gave him a post-match Batista Bomb to finish.

I should have been there.

I'm sorry, Seth.

Tonight was not the Shield's shiniest moment.

May 11, 2014

Seth hates airports.

We all do, but he hates airports because fans be trippin' in that place.

It's 11:15 at night and we're just trying to get to South Carolina, man, when these two girls and their boyfriend/brother/whoever start screaming at the top of their lungs. One of the girls tried to tackle Roman. Seth didn't care what age or gender she was—he yelled back. Like, you don't just tackle a superstar. Especially not in an airport where any form of brutality is FROWNED UPON AND ILLEGAL.

Anyway security was on it and they were escorted out. What are kids doing bumming around an airport at 11:15 at night, anyhow? Is that the hip new place to jam?

May 12, 2014

How does the phrase go…

Oh yeah, payback's a BITCH!

We pounced on those cretins tonight. Their limousine pulled up to the Bon Secours Wellness Arena looking all fly. I looked at Seth in the ring and the guy read my mind. We were out. Roman caught on, and the three of us ambushed the brutal beasts. They were nowhere close to ready for us. Hunters became the hunted.

Of course the officials had to come tear us off our competition, but we were pumped full of testosterone and ready to break some bones. I can still feel the adrenaline in my blood.

Evolution had to come out later on and finally gave us what the team's been itching for: a rematch at Payback. Cha-ching.

You should have seen the look on Seth's face when Hunter called me out. Telling me he's gonna humble me? Seth was fuming. "I'll put you underground," I heard him mumble. Seth's got my back, all the time. I tried to tell him he had nothing to worry about, but then Trips mentioned Seth next. He called Seth a hummingbird whose wings he was gonna pull off one by one. Trips, I'll tear your scalp from your skull if you touch him. Of course Roman was their next mentionable target. Hunter's all, "We're going to take our time on you, make an example out of Roman Reigns"…when he said Roman will be the member of the Shield that doesn't come back from Payback, both Seth and I were like, "Hell no." We'd have enough at that point. We charged the ring, Seth taking the lead. Beat the hell out of them all.

Best part of the night? Well, probably that initial ambush of Evolution at the beginning. It didn't end so hot, yet again, but we killed it.

So Batista challenged Roman one-on-one. Roman was like, "Absolutely." I tried to warn him about protecting himself, but he was livid about everything they'd been saying about us. He wanted this so bad. I never lost confidence in him.

Seth and I were watching from the side. Roman was doing well. Then Seth nudged me and said, "What the hell is that?" I glanced over and saw Trips sneaking up behind Roman. He grabbed Roman and dragged him out of the ring before Ro could do a Superman punch. He wasn't going to get away with it. Seth beat me over there and flew into Trips before he could execute a Pedigree. The bell rang, match was over, but the fight had just begun. Seth launched Hunter into the steel steps, then hauled him into the ring. Evolution and the Shield within the ropes once again. God, I was charged. I was ready for blood.

But I wasn't ready for Hunter's sweet honey to send the freaking calvary after us.

Superstars poured out of the locker room. Swagger, Titus, 3MB, Curtis Axel…basically, everybody. Me and Seth were tossed out of the ring like towels, and everyone just started pummeling poor Roman. I was grounded, head swimming from the hit I took coming down, but my vision was just not blurry enough to see Hunter grab a metal chair and get back in the ring.

I could feel Seth tapping my chest. "Dean…Dean…come on…we gotta move, Dean…"

It hurt, everything hurt, and I just wanted to fall asleep, but Roman was in trouble. He needed his brothers. He needed the Shield.

He was pinned in place and Trips was getting ready to annihilate him. Roman managed to free himself before Seth and I could come to his rescue. He Speared Trips, and Stephanie's band of followers started pummeling him again. Seth and I were in the ring at that point. Seth's voice was clear over the commotion. "DEAN! CHAIRS!"

A good suggestion.

Seth and I cleared that ring ourselves. We beat everyone down who dared to harm our brother. I used Dirty Deeds on Fandango right into the chair. Seth used Peace of Mind on Axel, same consequence. There were bodies everywhere. Audience was going nuts for us. The big bad Evolution guys were watching it all go down from way outside the ring. Cowards.

Ryback was the only one left and we triple powerbombed his hungry ass. We tried baiting Evolution to join the party but they steered clear of the Shield.

Is that all you got, guys?

I swear though, this faction is all I've got going for me in this company. We had most of the main roster on our asses tonight, tearing at us. Granted it was by Stephanie's command, and you have to obey the boss and the boss's lady friend, but in that moment it dawned on me that I have no friends in this business outside Roman and Seth. Everyone was my enemy tonight.

Guess this isn't really the business for friends, anyway.

Still. It's nice to know I have these two.

May 13, 2014

Seth's getting a cold. Weird time of year for that. We're staying in the hotel for one more night so he can rest up before traveling again. Smackdown's in North Carolina next, just a state away. We've got time. Our team's only as strong as our sickest member. Or something along those lines.

He slept most of the day away. Roman and I relaxed by the pool. We tend to just shoot the shit nowadays. Ease our way into discussions about life and work. Not too often we get to just converse about the little things. Helps if we're not fighting all the time. Way earlier this year, it was a big thing. I was a cocky ass, I'll admit it. I was damn proud of my U.S. Title, the only Shield member sporting gold. Karma's a bitch all around. I still miss carrying that thing around.

It was Seth who brought us back together, though. He walked out of a match on me, when I was ready to tag him in. Said he was tired of being the glue that held us altogether. I was so pissed at him.

But Seth's right. He doesn't need that kinda stress. He can't be the Shield by himself. We reconciled live on Smackdown, but it wasn't enough. We couldn't just apologize to one another. We had to work to make a difference.

So I looked over at Roman and said, "Hey. I'm sorry."

He looked confused. "About what?"

"Not being a good teammate in the times I'm really not."

He tried to play it off all casual. "We all have our bad days."

I'm pouring my heart out over here and he just shrugs. But I can't let myself get upset over something so minor.

I tried a different angle. "Roman, what do you want from me? Is there anything I can do to help this team out?"

"Why don't you think you're doing okay?" he asked me.

I mentioned the comment he made when he was drunk. That was the excuse he used for saying it. "I was drunk. I don't even remember that."

I told him intoxication doesn't make us dumb. It makes us honest.

He said it makes us both. Then fessed up to how frustrated he'd felt that night—this was the night we were stomped and shit upon by Evolution, then had to face the Wyatts. Anyway. He said I didn't have his back that night. Then he corrected himself and said, "I FELT like you didn't have my back that night." He mentioned I seemed to be in Seth's corner more than his. I told him nobody should have been "in the corner." Yeah, it was a tag team match, but give me a break, I'm not Seth's personal cheerleader who's going to oversee him and nobody else (the nobody else being Roman.) If you need me, I'm there. He was kind of passive and said I'd really gotten upset with Luke Harper when he targeted Seth. I wouldn't argue that point. I was pissed. They'd seemed to be singling Seth out knowing how vital he is to our team.

Then I had to add, "We're all vital to the team. But you know Seth. He's the architect. We have to protect him."

"We all have to protect each other. We're a team."

"Of course we're a team. We're the best team in the company right now. Evolution can't keep us down. But we make ourselves way more vulnerable to attack when we've got all these cracks. I don't want civil war to break out because of a communication error or petty arguments. We need to stick together. That's when we're the strongest: together."

He couldn't argue that point. Then he apologized for being arrogant.

We fist-bumped it out by the poolside.

Seth's still coughing pretty badly. Sleeping is gonna be tricky tonight. Might run to the store and get him some liquid NyQuil. And a candy bar. Can't go wrong with chocolate.

Yeah. I'm gonna go do that. 'Night.

May 15, 2014

Seth's feeling a little better. Not 100%, but I took care of him as best as I could before it was back to work. I hate being on planes with sick people, so I hope he's okay.

May 16, 2014

Triple H called after we'd landed in Greensboro. Told us to not bother showing up at the Coliseum. Said he had nothing scheduled for us. Thanks for letting us know that AFTER we got on the plane and headed over, Trippy. Could have given Seth a couple more days to rest. Asshole.

We're staying here in North Carolina anyway. Actually, we have Smackdown pulled up on the TV in our hotel room right now. Poor Seth is still coughing. At least his fever has gone down.

Bo Dallas is coming to Smackdown next week. I remember him. Kind of obnoxious, but way too innocent to hate on.

Cena and the Wyatts are still feuding. I hate those guys, all the ones I just mentioned.

Maybe I'm too cynical.

But like I said. Friends aren't a thing to have in this company.

Roman and Seth are just my lucky stars.

Batista has a bone to pick with Dolph Ziggler. Kick his ass, Dolphin. I hate that guy.

Titus O'Neil talked trash to Sheamus and got his ass Brogue kicked. Good effort anyway, Titus. Sorry about, you know, hitting you in the back with a chair the other night.

Smackdown is boring without us.

Seth fell asleep.

I think I'll join him.

Other bed.

May 17, 2014

Seth's fever's gone. His throat isn't nearly as red anymore and he's coughing a lot less. We're traveling again on the road to victory.

And by the road, I mean the plane, over the ocean. We're heading to London for work this week.

Two weeks until Payback.

I can't wait.