When Puns Aren't Fun 3:

The Christmas Omake

"Why," the Marionette stated. This was not a question, but a statement.

"'Cuz Christmas," Mike replied. The sweater-wearing guard hid his smirk behind another sip of his eggnog.

"But why me, in particular?" it asked. It looked down once again at its body. Its normally black-looking color was now revealed to be a dark purple color, illuminated by red, green, and yellow LED lights wrapped around it.

"Because we only had enough lights for a small animatronic," Jeremy said. The shorter guard was wearing a green sweater, to match Mike's red one.

"Plus, they kept falling off BB and JJ," Mike added.

The Puppet looked down once more at its lights. They weren't uncomfortable, per se, and weren't horrible. Or, at least, they certainly could be worse colors.

"Alright," the skinny animatronic surrendered. "Well, have an enjoyable holidays, you two."

"Yeah, sure," Jeremy said. "You have a Merry-nette Christmas too, Puppet."

Mike laughed and high-fived Jeremy. The Marionette, on its part, didn't make a comment on he pun. Christmas miracle, much?

\_|={^[PUN]^}=|_/

"Hey, Jeremy."

"Yeah, Mike?"

"What do you call a gangly game creator?"

Jeremy looked at Mike suspiciously. The two of them were in Mike's car as they drove home from work. "I dunno. What?" Jeremy asked.

Mike grinned. "Scott Caw-thin," he said through a smirk.

Jeremy looked appalled at Mike, who gave a worried look at his partner. "You alright, dude?" Mike asked worried.

"MIKE!" Jeremy shouted, extremely loud as well as in Mike's ear.

"Gah!" Mike said, surprised. He jerked the wheel and the car swerved. After a minute, the car regained its normal path. "What the hell was that?" Mike questioned.

"You can't just break the fourth wall!" Jeremy shouted at him.

"Why the hell not?" Mike shot back. "This isn't even canon. We're not even supposed to be partners."

"So?" Jeremy said. "You don't just break the fourth wall, Mike."

"Watch me," Mike said. "Besides, most of these jokes the author is using aren't original. They should call him Return-To-Sender-brine."

"Well, at least I don't look like Schmidt," a voice said. Jeremy looked back, while Mike checked the rear view mirror, to see a fifteen-year-old kid sitting in the back, hunched over. Hunched over because he was furiously typing on an iPad, and because the car was not meant to fit people who stand at six-foot-three.

"Oh, a pun on my name. So original," Mike said, in a deadpan. "At least I don't Sn–"

"Hey!" the teen said looking up from behind his glasses. His blue eyes burned holes in Mike's brown eyes. "No giving out personal information!"

"Or what?" Mike sneered. "And since when do I sneer? And doesn't accurately describing yourself count as giving out personal information?"

"I don't know!" the teen, who was also known on as Slenderbrine, yelled. "I'm typing this on a plane going home from Utah! I'm kind of tired and needed ideas!"

"So you turned to self-inserts?" Jeremy asked. One pair of eyes swerved to the FNaF2 guard, while another pair spared a glance before concentrating back on the road.

"Quiet, Fritzgerman!" Slenderbrine, or S (for short), said. "Comic relief, or whatever!"

"My name is Jeremy Fitzgerald," Fritzgerman said. "Stop that! Besides, when is Fritz joining?"

"I don't know!" S said. "He takes place twennty years after Mike's canon-verse. This is a bit difficult!"

"You made a typo with the 'twenty'," Mike pointed out.

"Screw it, I'm leaving it," S said. "Why?" Mike asked, like the idiot he was. "I am not an idiot," he added on.

"So what I'm saying and you're saying makes sense!" S shouted. "Plus it takes up word space."

"So that's what this is about?" Jeremy inquired. "You want there to be more words?"

"Yes!" S shouted. "I always have a goal for myself. If I write anything story related, and will post it, it has to be at least one thousand words!"

"Is that why you deleted '1K' and put 'one thousand'?" Jeremy asked.

"Yes," S said. "Mike take notes. Maybe, if you're lucky,you can learn some stuff from Jeremy, and won't be as dumb as Schmidt."

"This is an omake, and not canon, right?" Mike asked. "Just to double check."

"Of course it is," Slenderbrine said. He tried to sit up straight, but ended up hitting the ceiling of the car. "Ow..." he moaned. "There's no way this could be considered canon."

"Can we talk about pairings, for a second?" Mike said, changing the subject. "I wanna get this off my chest. Or your chest, S. Someone's chest."

"Sure," the teen allowed.

"Can someone please explain 'Microphone' to me?" Mike asked.

"It's a ship between you and the Phone Guy," Jeremy supplied.

"I know that, but how does that work?" Mike asked. "I've never seen him, and he died on my fourth night. Like, what the hell?"

"Well," S said, "I personally enjoy what BJXCBFOREVER did. He killed the Phone Guy,but shoved him in a Freddy suit, so now you can't question his looks."

Mike hit the breaks, sending Jeremy forward and S crashing into Jeremy's seat. Mike turned around and stared at the dazed S. "I'm in a relationship with a fucking Freddy Fazbear suit?"

"Oh, no," S said, waving off Mike. "It's not really a shipping fic. I just enjoy that idea."

"So..." Jeremy trailed off, "what other ships are there?"

"*cough* JereMike *cough*" Slenderbrine coughed out. He must have a cold or something.

"No." Mike said. He just said it. "We aren't going there."

"*cough* MikexFoxy *cough*" S coughed again. He should go take some pills for that cough.

"Not that either!" Mike yelled, startling Jeremy.

Mike thought for a second. "Well, we could talk about Vincent."

"Who is Vincent?" Jeremy asked. "I don't think that name is in our games."

"Vincent is the fandom's name for the Purple Guy," S explained. "He–"

"You just put the 'plain' in 'sex ed'," Mike commented.

Slenderbrine peered at Mike. Then at his iPad. Then back at Mike. "Fuck off, Mike," he said.

"Anyways," the teen said, shooting a glare to the innocent-looking Mike, "Vincent is the fandom's purple-haired, child-murdering ex-security guard who has a fear of needles and loves toast."

Jeremy just stared in confusion at Slenderbrine. "What..." Jeremy said, not being able to find the right words.

"That's how I feel," S said apologetically. "Well, at the end of this sentence there will have been 1082 words," Slenderbrine said.

"So...we made it?" Jeremy asked.

"Yup!" Slenderbrine said happily. "Say goodbye to the readers!"

"Bye!" Jeremy said enthusiastically.

"Fuck off," Mike grumbled.

Slenderbrine punched him.

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Merry Christmas!

~Slenderbrine