If You Had To Choose

A/N. It's hard to make a children's show sound like serious writing. I know the concept is a bit far-fetched, and you'll probably figure out the ending, but don't pretend you haven't had thoughts like this about people you know either. If you had to choose. We all have thought that.

The concert was brutal. The crowd was tough, the stagehand messed up the lighting in the middle of her performance, the fire alarm was pulled during "Rock Star" and everyone had to be evacuated from the concert hall. And to top it all off, the limo blew a flat on the way home. At least she had "Lola" to gossip with her about which celebrity from last week's charity event was hotter, or which teacher they heard was planning a pop quiz tomorrow. It definitely eased everything. But it was when Jackson pulled by in his car after a date (that clearly didn't end how he wanted, since he was alone in the car) and offered them a ride home quicker, that made up for things.

When she finally got to her room, Miley barely had time to get the Hannah wig off and was asleep practically before she even hit the pillow, the roar of the crowd at the end still echoing in her ears.

~/~

It was different. Something was definitely strange about this dream, she could tell from before she even saw anything. The smell was different. She doesn't recall ever being able to smell in her dreams before. It smelled earthy and damp. As she raised her head, all she saw was blackness. Not- not entire blackness, actually. More like a deep, earthy brown. Like she was underground or something. But not quite. There was a large open space in front of her, but no light source other than a soft glow coming from somewhere, that didn't prove useful in illuminating anything.

Something appeared in front of her. Somehow, she came to the realization that it had been there all along. It was a figure, like a person, but it had no face, or shape. But it had a voice. A very real voice.

"Choose." It said.

The voice was not quite male or female, nor was it even out loud. It just kind of… happened, in MIley's head, like telepathy.

"Choose what?" She tried to say, but her words were converted into pure energy as soon as they left her mouth. The energy drifted towards the figure, and was absorbed. It understood.

"It will be explained to you, eventually. But for now, you must make a choice. What do you value more? Friendship, or family?"

"What kind of a question is that?" She said, and once again, it was converted into energy and absorbed by the figure. "What am I choosing?"

Suddenly, two floating screens appeared in the middleground of the vast emptiness, almost as if from a projector. The one on the left showed her brother, Jackson, sleeping in his bed. The one on the right showed Lilly, sleeping in her bed, as they probably were in real life at this moment.

"Choose between Lilly and Jackson? For what?" She asked.

The figure absorbed it and thought for a moment. "Life or death. One for each."

"Wait a minute! You want me to choose between my best friend and my brother over who gets to live? This is the most messed up dream I've had in a while. Too much Loco-hot cocoa before bed-"

She was interrupted. "Each will present their reasons for why you should let the other live. They are not allowed to express why they themselves should live. Hear their testimonies. Decide."

"Crazy spirit wack-job say what?"

But suddenly Jackson was standing before her, maybe eight feet away. He looked upset. He must've known what was going on. At least this dream version of Jackson.

He began speaking. "Miles, listen. I- I know we get into fights a lot and, I'll be honest," He gave a small nervous laugh, playing with his fingers, "the thought of you having to live without either me or Lilly devastates me. You and I fight, and you and Lilly fight, and that's just what keeps the natural balance of things. But the way that you and Lilly fight, is… it's a sister kind of way. And one of the things I love most is watching you guys make up. When you and I make up, it's just not the same. I believe deep down, even if you may not, that you can't live without her. And she can't live without you. If you choose me to live… I can already see it now, Miles, you'll never be happy again. If you choose her… she'll be there to comfort you. I know it. And, heh, let's be honest here, she probably has a better potential for getting somewhere in life than me. I mean, I can't even get into college! Listen… you guys have something special. Something I only wish I had growing up, something everyone wishes for but only a small number of people actually get. A best friend. A true, real best friend. They're hard to come by. I-I can't be there for you to talk about shoes and fashion and, and gush over the cutest boys with you if you choose me over her. She's your rock in your male-dominated life. I mean, me, dad, Oliver… if Lilly's gone, who do you have? You've… you've already lost mom. I don't want to see you have to lose the next person you're closest to."

"Jackson, wait," her voice was on the edge of tears, but the energy released when she spoke vanished just as he had. She looked towards the ground and let a few tears fall. When she began to lift her head, she saw Lilly's sneakers. She picked her head up all the way, and there was her best friend, looking just as upset as Jackson, if not more.

"Miley, I don't know a better way to say this but… you've gotta choose Jackson. He's your brother, you've known him your whole life. I'm saying this because I know you're already considering me. Don't. It's selfish, Miley. Your family has already suffered a huge loss with your mother. If you lost your brother too… do you know what that would do to your dad? Think about other people, Miley. I won't be missed as much as Jackson."

Miley tried to shout "Yes you would!" But again it left her mouth as energy and drifted towards Lilly. It struck her in the shoulder, and she flinched away from it, as if she had been hit, as if it had hurt her.

"No!" Miley tried to say again without even thinking about it, wanting Lilly to know she hadn't meant to hurt her. But the energy again struck Lilly, and she flinched away even more than the first time.

"Miley there's… there's something you should know. You kept the Hannah secret from me for a while, but I have my own secret that I've been hiding even longer." She laughed weakly, as if something was unfair. "It's so much easier for you, because your secret isn't embarrassing, or scary, or illegal. Things… haven't been great for me at home. Ever since my mom won custody of me back… well, there was a reason she lost custody in the first place. She was… she was abusive Miley, and she still is. That's why my dad divorced her, and he kept me away from her, but now that he can't do that anymore, for the past few years she's been back to her old ways. I…" She sniffed, and tears began spilling. "I've tried to… I've taken some pills, more than once. Just wanted it to be over. It didn't work." She was all-out crying now, and so was Miley. "Things have been rough at home like you don't even know, and I don't want you to know. But the reason I'm telling you this is… think about it Miley. If you've got two identical ships, one of them sailing better than ever, the other sixty percent under water and continually sinking… which are you going to keep? It's not like you can save it… the sinking boat's the one that's been pulling itself under. So now you know my secret. And that's why you should choose Jackson. He's family, Miley. And I'll be better off."

Miley tried to reach Lilly before she vanished but of course it was futile, as she knew it would be. "NO!" She shouted, jumping startled when her voice actually made sound, and echoed throughout the cavern.

"Make your choice." The voice said.

"Can I at least have a minute to think?!" She cried, but wasn't answered, so she took that minute. Lilly was right, Jackson was family, and family always comes first, right? Lilly had even called herself a sinking ship. But Miley had learned about depression and stuff in school. It wasn't hopeless, she knew they could be brought back with the right amount of friends and support. But he was her brother. Miley began crying so hard she didn't even know how to stop. "Can't I pick someone else!?" She sobbed.

There was a digital clock floating in front of her. It was counting down from ten.

"When it reaches zero, they both die."

"Fuck!" She shouted, a word she's only used out loud twice before in her entire life. As the clock reached four, she shouted, "Jackson!"

~/~

She shot straight up in bed, gasping hard and drenched in sweat. She looked around the outlines of her room in the dark. She took a solid minute just to catch her breath, then began whispering to herself, "Just a dream, just a dream. It was just a dream."

But even just thinking back on how horrifying the dream was in concept, she began crying. Who had she even chosen? Not that it mattered, it was a dream. But still. She had said Jackson, but did that mean she wanted to choose Jackson to die or choose Jackson to save? Even she didn't know what she had meant.

She swung her legs around and dropped her feet to the floor, tip-toeing across the hall as the first hints of morning light filtered in through the windows. She peeked her head into Jackson's room, holding the door so it wouldn't creak. There he was. Asleep, perfectly fine.

She rushed back to her room and picked up her phone on her nightstand. She dialed Lilly's number faster than she ever had. It rang five times. Finally, Miley heard the groggy voice, "Miley, do you have any idea what time it is?"

She was speechless for a second, overcome with relief. "Lilly, you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice."

She could practically hear Lilly frown over the phone, if that was even possible. "Did you have another wacky dream? Did your dad give you Loco hot cocoa?"

"Yes. Yes he did." Miley smiled.

"Goodnight-morning. Now go back to sleep. Don't you have a concert today?" Lilly said, and the line went dead.

As relieved as she was, she was still drenched in sweat. Miley took a quick cold shower as if to wash away all the horrible emotions that came with that dream. A few things occurred to her in the shower. A: she didn't have a concert tonight, that was last night. and B: what dream-Lilly had said wasn't true. That was a huge relief. Lilly and her mother were close. And Lilly would never commit suicide, she was too much of a positive person, more like the person who would pull someone else back from the ledge.

She hugged Jackson before she left for school. He pretended to be grossed out. She hugged her dad too.

She hugged Lilly when she got to school, and Lilly as always, gladly hugged her back.

In History class, the teacher dropped the globe while looking for Kashmir, and it rolled across the floor. Miley leaned across the aisle to Oliver. "Deja-vu, am I right?" She groaned. He just nodded.

But of course she noticed things were off. Lilly told her that Will had flirted with her earlier. "You told me this yesterday." Miley groaned.

"Miley… this just happened in 4th period…" Lilly gave her a confused look.

Miley came to a realization, picking her head up from her locker. "Lilly, what day is it?"

"Pff, I don't know, you think I keep track of these things?"

Miley grabbed the arm of the first guy that walked past. "What day is it?"

"Uhm, the seventh?" The poor kid's voice cracked in bewilderment.

"Sweet nibblets."

"What?" Lilly asked.

"This whole day is just one big déjà-vu."

"What did I tell ya about the Loco hot cocoa?"

"How did you know about that?" Miley asked.

"Um, you told me on the phone this morning, duh."

Right. That had really happened. "So wait a minute…" She lowered her voice. "Hannah has a concert tonight?"

"Yeah, hello! And you're taking me with you."

"Do I ever not?" Miley grinned.

~/~

The same exact things happened at the concert. The lights, the fire alarm, but Miley wasn't worried. She had quadruple-checked that Jackson was really home and alive before she left, and she had been texting him between songs. Lilly of course was back stage cheering her on even when the crowd wasn't.

In her changing room, she said to herself, "If that dream was supposed to make me appreciate what I got, it sure as hell worked."

The limo got a flat. Of course. Her and Lilly had the back seat to themselves.

"These arm bands are so itchy." Lilly muttered, scratching under the sleeve that ran halfway up her arm and wasn't connected to the shirt.

"So take 'em off." Miley tugged on one of them.

"No," Lilly began to protest, but Miley had already slipped one off.

There was a purplish-black bruise on her forearm, and another greenish-yellow one underneath it. Miley took Lilly's arm to get a better look, and Lilly let her. "Lil, what happened?"

"Surfing." Lilly said cooly, as completely casual as if she were telling someone the sky is blue.

Thinking back, Miley had heard a lot like this lately, from injury-prone, daredevil Lilly. But was she injury-prone because she was a daredevil? Or something else? "Lilly, um." Miley began. "Would… would you tell me if like, something was happening?"

"You mean like if I got a date or something?"

"No, no I mean, at home. Are you and your mom… okay?"

"Yeah… we're fine…" Lilly gave her that "duh" frown that made Miley think for a second she herself was crazy.

"But you know I'm your best friend, and you can tell me anything, right? I mean, I told you that I'm Hannah." Miley laughed.

"Yeah. Of course. Best friends." Lilly laughed too. And it was genuine.

Miley brushed it off for a minute, but something was nagging her. "Does your mom ever like… hit you, or, you know, grab your arm, for example?"

Lilly gave that frown again, but her joking façade cracked a tiny bit, and she shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Um, no, why, does your dad?"

"No, no. I was just… Lilly, I know what's going on." Miley said, just to see what Lilly's reaction would be.

"…You do?" Her voice lowered, and her head dropped a little, her eyes shifting.

"Yes. Your mother… she hurts you, doesn't she?"

Lilly took a quick deep breath. "Well, I mean, only sometimes, and it's usually when I deserve it-"

"Don't say that!" Miley cried. "Don't say that, you never deserve it, no one does! Lilly you've gotta get help, you've gotta get away from her."

Lilly gave a laugh that was more condescending now. "Miley, plenty of parents hit their kids, it's how they were raised. It's called discipline. Besides, you think I haven't looked into ways to get away from her? You think my father hasn't? It's not that easy."

Miley suddenly though about what else dream-Lilly had said. She took Lilly's non-injured arm gently but quickly to get her attention. "Lilly, listen to me. You're always worth it, okay? Don't you dare ever think that people would be better off without you, or that your life isn't worth living, alright? Don't you dare, I need you!"

Lilly stared at her, jaw slackened, for a moment, before tears sprung to her eyes. She started crying and dropped her head to Miley's shoulder. "How do you suddenly know so much about me?" She said, practically sobbing.

"I'm sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry." Miley hugged her close and let her cry on her shoulder, rubbing her back gently. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay." her sobs were absolutely heartbreaking, and Miley cried a bit, too.

The door swung open and Robbie stepped a foot in, his phone in his hand, pausing when he saw the two girls crying. His voice was weak. "How did you hear so quickly?"

"Hear what?" Miley asked, swiping at a tear on her cheek.

"…What are you girls crying about?"

"Nothing. Girl stuff." Miley offered.

"…So you didn't… hear?"

"Hear what?"

Robbie sighed, clutching his phone tighter. His head dropped down. "Jackson's been in a car accident."

~/~