Disclaimer: I laser beamed my name onto this paper clip I took off the street, but other than that, I own nothing.

All Bets Are Off:

Natasha started it.

She always started it.

Steve was in the lounge with her and Tony after one of their recent missions and they were making their best attempts not to dwell on the fact that they still hadn't located Loki's missing scepter. It seemed she was in rare form today because it just sort of came out of the blue, between shots of vodka for her, beer for himself, and scotch for Tony.

"How about Hill?" the suggestion came completely out of left field and he choked on the swig of beer he had just taken as he looked over at Natasha. As per usual she looked completely nonchalant about it as she sipped the vodka in her glass and gave him a rather innocent flutter of her eyelashes. Steve could actually hear the billionaire in the next seat over tittering into his glass of scotch at the redhead's next comment, "She's got that aggressive and commanding personality that you're so fond of."

Playing Natasha's games were a little like playing with fire. Someone always got burned, there was simply no accounting for who it was that actually would feel the simmering affects, or when.

"Every time you set me up on a date it goes mind-bogglingly awful..." he reminded her.

She scoffed a little, "Name two times."

He could name a lot more than that, so he did, "Katie."

"Which one was that?" and he sort of thought that should be the point right there.

"The one with the cats."

Natasha smirked, "You like cats."

"Not that many."

Tony barked out a laugh almost immediately.

"Accepted. Name another," she ordered as Tony refilled her glass.

"Monica."

Her eyebrow arched a little at that, "That the one that giggled every time she looked in your eyes?"

"That's the one..."

And Tony was sniggering into the scotch this time.

"Anymore?"

Tons... and he named them, "Sherry, Kelly, Helen, Barbara, Loraine—"

Natasha grinned at that last one, "I liked Loraine."

"Loraine was insane," Steve insisted with a groan.

Tony grinned, "That rhymed."

Natasha was chuckling at that, "It did, keen observation skills there, Shellhead." Then her eyes turned back to Steve and he was a little scared when he saw her lips part to speak again, "So she had a few carnal desires, she's still a great girl."

"A few?"

He could see Tony's eyes flitting between them in curiosity and then the words Steve wished hadn't come out practically poured down on them like rain, "Do tell."

"I thought we were going to a party..."

"You did go to a party," Natasha reminded him as she snickered into her glass of vodka, "It just wasn't really...your kind of party."

"No kidding," Steve retorted dryly as he gave her an exaggerated roll of his eyes.

"I want to know about the party," came Tony's rather unhappy comment as he shot them both dirty looks.

Natasha waved him off, "Just an orgy."

"Good God," Tony sputtered out in a laugh after spitting his scotch back into the glass, "A lady brought this old pile of bones to an orgy? And she didn't think she might be instigating mild heart failure?" and Natasha was smiling as Steve groaned and then Tony asked the question Steve never knew the answer to, "And why do you continue to accept these dates?"

"Because he's too polite to say no," Natasha answered with a chuckle, "Tell you what, we spar for it. I win, I get to set you up with Maria."

Steve narrows his eyes at that, "How is that fair?"

"You get to choose something if you win, name it."

"Fine... I get to set you up."

Her eyebrow quirked just slightly and Tony guffawed at the very idea of it. Natasha just gave a little shrug before she inclined her head, "Alright."

Steve felt like that was just too easy, so he upped it, "And you have to wear a sundress."

That seemed to ruffle her brow in frustration for half a second before it disappeared, "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Of course, Natasha being Natasha, she had to say the one thing that would rile him up a bit, "Do you even have enough friends to do this? I have a feeling I'm going on a date with Wilson if I lose."

"I'm not that cruel," Steve deadpanned, "I happen to like Wilson."

Tony looked stunned by the joke, even more so when Natasha let out a real laugh in response to it. Her actual verbal response made the billionaire's face only grow more shell-shocked, "That's good. I like him too but I would chew him up and spit him out." Then she held out her hand, "Deal."

And Steve shook it, "Deal."

They took their deal to the gym in the tower and onto the sparring mat, Tony following them, obviously too in awe at the entire situation to stop watching now. As always, Natasha pulled out all the stops and there were moments where he thought she might actually lay him out. He had to remember not to hold back, especially if he wanted to win this bet, and after a good fifteen minute round he finally took her down.

Natasha didn't sulk over it, she didn't give him any dirty looks when he pulled her back to her feet, she just smiled. "Alright, a bet's a bet, go get me a date," she told him as she headed for the door of the gym and waved over her shoulder.

"Don't forget the sundress!" he called out after her.

That wave became an obscene gesture that had Tony laughing and Steve watched as the other man moved over towards him, "You are the master and I bow to your genius."

Steve chuckled, "Yeah... except now I gotta find her a date."

And that became the real problem over the next few days. Anyone he knew, she knew, and apparently... everyone was too scared of Natasha to agree to go on a date with her.

"Why so glum old chum?"

Steve glanced up from the kitchen table as Tony and Bruce wandered inside, the latter moving to the stove to make a cup of tea. He was far too used to Tony's jokes to be offended and instead sighed a little as he answered the ridiculously worded question, "Nobody is daring enough to take up the adventure of dating Natasha."

There was no actual noise coming from Bruce at the stove but Steve could see the way his shoulders shook with silent laughter.

"In other words, everyone is terrified of her," Tony translated.

"Pretty much...which is a problem since the date is supposed to be tonight."

He watched Tony's eyebrow arch up slightly, "Jeez. You set it up before you actually found her a date?" Steve shot him a pointed look but Tony just waved it off, "Alright, relax. I got your back, old timer."

"I think if you show up for that date, Tony, she'll shoot you...or maim you," Bruce offered up from the stove.

Steve laughed before he could help it and watched as Tony rolled his eyes, "I'm not that masochistic. Bruce, take a shower my man, you've got a date."

"W-what?"

Steve stared open mouthed as Bruce fumbled with the teabag in his hand and turned to look at them both.

"And wear a clean shirt," Tony added.

"Me? You want me to go?" Bruce looked absolutely bewildered and if Steve wasn't so desperate then he might have actually taken pity on him.

Instead Steve did the most deplorable thing. He pleaded with Bruce's good will, "She thinks she has a date, Banner. I don't want her to think she got stood up..."

Tony nodded right along with it, "Be a bro, Bruce. Help the good Captain out of this rather unfortunate pickle."

He watched as Bruce looked between them in some mixture of horror and fear.

"Jeans, wear jeans!" Tony added next, "Those black ones, preferably. They work with that plank you call a rear end. And the purple shirt."

"The purple shirt is a good one," Steve piped up, watching as Bruce looked absolutely terrified at the idea. "Please, Banner? I never lie... she'll think I lied."

"You did lie," Bruce pointed out with a furrowed brow.

"He's got a point," Tony added with a shrug. "But it's only a lie if you say no, Brucey-boy. Say yes, go take a shower, and get your game face on. Better yet, get your game on!"

"I don't have game," Bruce insisted with narrowed eyes.

Tony waved that off, "Sure you do, I've seen you make Romanoff laugh. You can handle one night on the town with her."

Bruce looked more than a little uncertain and it only made Steve feel worse. The scientist's unsure question was surprising however, "You think?" Apparently Tony's eager nod put Bruce more at ease with the entire idea, "Uh...where's this date at?"

Thank God... "The Palm Breeze Bistro...nothing fancy," Steve informed him.

"Oh," Bruce sounded ridiculously relieved at that, "Uh...alright. I'll go."

Steve blew out a breath of relief, "I owe you."

"Actually, you owe me," Tony informed him and Steve watched as Bruce shook his head in amusement, "I owe him." Then, of course, the billionaire made it awkward, "Unless of course you get a little Natasha-nookie, in which case, you both owe me."

Steve banged his head on the table and he could actually hear Bruce facepalm.

"What time?" Bruce finally questioned out a midst a sigh.

"Seven..." Steve informed him.

Bruce gave a meager little nod, looked at his watch, sighed and walked out without the tea.

"We're gonna watch this, right? Tell me we're going to watch his," came Tony's rather overexcited question.

As loathed as Steve was to admit it, he wanted to see Natasha's face when Bruce showed up. "Yup..."

"Thank you, Master," and Tony bowed.

Of course it was ridiculously hard to be subtle in the back corner of the cafe, not that Steve thought they could get away with it when it was Natasha they were spying on, but the fact that Tony was wearing sunglasses and peering over the top of a newspaper? That definitely didn't help any. The billionaire had what Clint would call a 'creeper' look as he watched her and even Steve couldn't stop staring in amusement as Natasha gave what could only be considered a dirty look to the sundress she was wearing. It was an ivory color with pastel purple flowers and she looked downright uncomfortable in it, but given that the only dress-wear that Steve had ever seen her wear was more formal, that was exactly why he made the stipulation of their bet a sundress.

Then that dirty look flickered in their direction and Steve tried to hide his grin when he watched Tony quickly try to hide his face behind the newspaper. He caught Bruce wandering awkwardly in out of the corner of his eye and he quickly kicked Tony's shin under the table, causing the billionaire to toss the newspaper down and watch the main event.

Natasha looked a little befuddled for a moment as she blinked a few times when Bruce walked over to her. A few words were spoken between them, but enhanced hearing or not, he couldn't hear a word they said. Whatever Bruce said made the corners of her lips curl up into a smile that Steve had never seen from her before. A few more words were spoken between them and then she did something neither he nor Tony expected.

She reached up, gripped the lapels of Bruce's purple shirt, then yanked the scientist down into a not so friendly liplock.

There was silence between himself and Tony for a good five minutes before either of them dared to speak, long after the unexpected kiss had ended and Bruce had taken the seat across from her.

And Tony was the first to break their silence, "Good God...I didn't think he actually had game, I was lying."

The last thing Natasha expected was to see Bruce walk up to her in the cafe, not that she was at all bothered by it, but he was definitely a pleasant surprise. "Bruce," she offered in greeting.

"Hey..." he gave her that awkward little smile, "Apparently I'm your date. Steve said everyone he knew was scared of you."

She felt her lips curl up into an involuntary smile, "That so?"

"Yeah," came his sheepish answer along with a little shrug.

"Well, try not to squirm too much."

He looked a little confused at that, "Squirm?"

Natasha gave a little nod, "Well, you're about to get good rep with the boys, and I get to surprise the hell out of them."

"O-okay."

"So I'm going to kiss you now."

And she only gave him about a second to adjust to that idea before she tugged him down to her level and planted one on him that was less than public friendly. Shockingly, Bruce didn't squirm, too much. There was actually less stiffness in him than the time she did it to Steve to hide in plain sight from Rumlow's hit squad searching for them in the mall. Bruce was actually a little compliant, he even sort of kissed her back.

Natasha released him and quirked a playful eyebrow up at him before she nodded her head to the seat opposite of her. He sat down without a second thought and she eased him into the rest of the 'date', "So they're playing Casablanca at the theater tonight."

"Oh?" it definitely peaked his interest because he smiled despite the awkward fact she had just devoured his mouth. In public nonetheless.

"Thought you might want to go since we're already out and about."

"Sure, I'd like that."

They both vehemently ignored the billionaire and the supersoldier watching their 'date' from the corner of the cafe, and when they left, Natasha made a show of taking Bruce's hand in hers as they exited. Given the fact the poor man had no idea what to do with this newfound addition to their friendship, he was surprisingly easygoing about the entire thing, he even gripped her hand back just a little.

Ahh, it's good to be home after two days away. Hope you got some giggles. Have a nice night.