Chapter 1

"I mean…well, I guess it's everything. I've never questioned his feelings for me. Whether or not he loved me. Especially during all of the— the pain. You know I lost my brother and we were all consumed by that for so long, its still so fresh. Coming back to school… Being around him again after so many months, finally being alone with him—I don't know what any of this means. I—I don't want to be inappropriate, but he never wants to snog anymore. It's like he's lost interest. He's really into holding hands and holding me as I fall to sleep… those are romantic things I think…right? It's just—intimately, I don't know him. I've never been with anyone. I fear that he has, and maybe he doesn't want to be with me? I don't know. I crave him constantly, his presence, his attention—and don't know if he craves me in the same way. Just the other night—I-I tried something.. something intimate, and I'm not sure he was enjoying it, he started moaning and telling me not to stop, so I was sure this was going to lead to… you know, my first time. I was excited that I was pleasing him in this way, till he asked me to stop.. I don't know much about men or sex but most men don't want you to just stop after that right? What did I do wrong? Is there something wrong? He asked me to get up and leave. It was humiliating. He kissed me afterwards…but it wasn't a normal kiss. It was a pity kiss! What does that mean? I just—I don't know, I want him to be pleased and want me, and I want—I want things to go back to the way they were…but better.

GINNY P.O.V

After my first session with the new "therapist", I mean can you really call a ball of flickering light a therapist? I don't know. I just know I am feeling a little better after the complete disaster I experienced last night.

What is wrong with Harry? We've been apart 4 months and he hasn't thought of sleeping with me? Maybe I shouldn't have taken advice from Neville about oral sex? Maybe I should've waited and told him that I was ready… maybe I hurt him while I was doing it? I don't know!

I'm freaked out by all of this. My body is out of control. I want him so much. He barely kisses me and all I think about and dream about his him on top of me, us both moaning and screaming in ecstasy and just—

I have to stop all of this and focus on my classes. I am so behind, Hermione will be looking for me to join her in the library. She has been a real pest since she "officially" started dating Ron. She was at the Burrow every day AND night. She really helped mother get through this past summer, I felt useless at times, but all I could think of was Harry and I'd get depressed all over again.

Maybe I should study with her? I wonder if she's still a virgin. Impossible. The way she snogs my brother and enchants his room at night, I highly doubt it.

I have to find Harry and get to the bottom of all of this. Maybe last night was just a misunderstanding.

Or maybe I'm just the last virgin left at Hogwarts.

HERMIONE P.O.V

Who is this damned therapist everyone is being forced to see and why have I been included in everyone? It's just ridiculous. What will the ministry come up with next? Sometimes I regret coming back to Hogwarts all together, we're practically adults for crying out loud.

I guess I'll go to my appointment. Not that I need to, but I can talk about class or Ron. I can talk about Ron. Our relationship is great, he's great. You know we're happy, except for..you know normal couple things.

Gods. It's awful.

Our relationship is awful!

It's boring. I'm boring. He's tried "things" and I didn't like it… I just, I don't like change!

What am I supposed to do? Just completely be someone else because we're dating now and we sleep together ever so often?

Often. That's a laugh. He hasn't wanted to touch me since I refused to give him a blowjob. Really are they so important? Do men think about anything else? Our sex life is exciting enough. We do a lot of exciting things.. Well, missionary actually. That's all. He used to love it, and it's the only position I've felt comfortable with so it's what we do all the time.

Between classes and keeping Harry from sinking into a pit of endless regret and guilt, keeping Ginny company and trying to make her and the rest of the Weasley family feel like they didn't lose a piece of themselves, trying to be desirable for Ron..I just I haven't had time to get comfortable with sex.

I don't know. He's always been loving and easy. It never lasts longer than a few minutes, why would he want anything else?

I guess I could find some way to learn new things, get comfortable with new things? Yes, I will. That's exactly what I'll do! I'll find a book with some information about…sex. Or, someone. I don't know!

This is all so embarrassing, I'm Hermione Granger, I'm good at everything. Ugh.

Ron is always late to dinner. The way he eats you'd think that was impossible. He's been nowhere to be found since Quidditch started up again and Harry is even more mysterious with his time.

I am exhausted, I should rest before going to my session, but first I'll check the library.

HARRY P.O.V

I wanted her, badly, but I knew Ginny would be out looking for me any minute now. I had been waiting around for her for almost an hour, now we would have no time to enjoy ourselves.

"Too bad." She pushed my hands away and stepped back. "I am busy later."

"Look it's just—

"Goodbye Potter."

As she walked away my stomach dropped and disappointment set in. I could really use the type of pick me up she was offering and I loved returning the favor. This relation—Arrangement, I had with her was electric. I'm not sure how it even started. I was walking the halls one night and she appeared, she had a vindictive look on her face and I was not in the mood for a Slytherin show down. I walked past her and she followed me. I asked her what she was doing and she leaned in to kiss me. Five minutes later we were fucking in an empty classroom. She never said much, she definitely does not have a way with words. I love that.

It's despicable, sleeping with her... sleeping with anyone other than my girlfriend, who I don't want to sleep with, despicable and completely out of my character…I think.

I don't even know why I've been doing it. A month ago it was a random Ravenclaw girl, two weeks ago it was an impressionable Hufflepuff 3rd year, I can't even remember her name. This is different. She is different. She enjoys it. Watching her scream in pleasure and thrusting into her every night, it gets me through the day. I crave her.

I avoid Ginny, and her sad eyes. Constantly wanting to talk, to figure out what our next step is. I feel guilty, after losing one of her brothers….the last thing I want is to break her heart.. but I have needs, and she can't meet them. I don't know, I just don't feel attracted to her the way I once did. It's like she's my sister. A second Hermione.. although I'd be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about Hermione ever so often… I know, I'm awful.

Gods, what am I going to do?

If Ginny finds out about her, or any of the others… our relationship will most certainly be over, but more than that, Ron will kill me, Hermione will hate me.

No one can find out.

I have to work through this. Maybe I need to sleep with her. Convince her that everything is fine, that we are fine. That I'm all in for whatever it is she wants from me. I'll suffocate her with affection, till she doesn't want to be around me at all, and I'll be free to do what and whoever I want. An ambitious but doable plan.

A/N: It's going to be a little slow as I lay out different situations but it will get better! I'm shooting for everyone to have a session with the therapist, in the first couple chapters, then different relationships will start to unfold. Open to constructive criticism, no flaming!