A/N: This was a history assignment turned fanfiction. We were told to write a narrative of someone from the Middle Ages, and I thought: "Well, that's boring. Lemme spice it up a bit." So it should be historically accurate, and if you wonder why there are parts which seem to just be there for historical information, it's because I was too lazy to take them out.

To my Knightmaster Sir Gildarts Clive:

I submit to you the following report on our most recent mission, the guard duty at the Heartfilia Manor. I warn you, sir, that this will be a somewhat unusual report. Rest be assured that the end results of this mission were never my intention, but it would seem that they were unavoidable. One could go so far as to call it Fate, or the Hand of God. This is my attempt to relay the events of our mission as accurately as possible. Without further ado, sir-

-Sir Gray Fullbuster

From the moment Heartfilia home came into sight, I knew that this mission was to be riddled with misfortune. My fellow mercenary knights murmured in amazement as we beheld the grand manor situated in an island at the center of the vast Magnolia Lake. A narrow stone bridge let to the shining manor that seemed to exude a feeling of happiness.

I heard a low moan from beside me, and turned to see my fellow knight and (regrettably) friend Natsu Dragneel staring in horror at the bridge with a slightly greenish tinge to his face.

"What are you making that face for?" I asked him in confusion. "It's not like it's a rope bridge or a boat—it doesn't even move."

"It matters not to him," boomed the deep voice of Sir Strauss behind me. "Sir Dragneel falls ill even at the mere thought of crossing water, for it conjures up memories of ships." He shook his great head in disappointment. "So unmanly."

"Then perhaps our next mission should be to search for one of those legendary panaceas, eh Natsu?" I nudged him in the ribs.

"Sir Strauss is right. Be a man, Dragneel," Sir Dreyar, the appointed leader for this mission said gruffly as he rode up. "In fact, you can go first." Natsu's face turned even greener.

The knights began shouting encouragement.

"Come on Dragneel, show us how it's done!"

"Are you waiting for someone to serenade you with a lyre? Get a move on!"

"Carpe diem, Natsu!"

I was afraid we would have to launch him in a catapult to get him across, but in the end he swallowed his nausea and, dismounting from his horse, began slowly crawling across the half-mile long bridge, clutching desperately at his precious scale-patterned scarf wound around his neck. I was forced to hold back my fellow knights from unleashing their rage upon him despite my desire to murder him myself. Honestly, and he calls himself a knight of the realm?

Once we finally managed to get the entire company across, we were brought into the manor. The eight of us were given our own rooms (a blessing, that. Sir, you would not believe the volume of Natsu's snores) and after settling in, we met in the main hall with our employer, Jude Heartfilia. A former advisor of the king and one of the wealthiest men in the realm, he was also known to be one of the more benevolent members of the court, exemplified in his fervent following of the Church and the treatment of the serfs under his rule. It was commonly known that anyone, male or female (extremely unusual, but there are oddities everywhere, sir) would be welcome on his lands, and provided they earned their keep, would receive land and protection in return. However, the man was not without his enemies. In two nights from then Lord Jude wished to throw a ball to find a suitor for his only daughter, Lucy. We, the mercenary knights of the Fairy Tail guild, were instructed by Lord Jude to ensure that nothing unfortunate happened to the Lady or to disturb the party in general.

We were given to following two days to recover from our journey and to learn the layout of the manor. Words cannot describe the lavishness and grandeur of that place, sir. Gold, silver, silk, and various foreign objects such as jade statues from India and ancient mosaics from Rome could be found in nearly every room. It is no wonder then that someone would try and take advantage of the ball to sneak in! If not to cause harm to Lady Lucy, then to get their hands on the wealth lining the halls. Fortunately, our only task was to guard the Lady, and not have to keep an eye on the tempting multitude of riches.

Of course sir, as you would expect, Sir Justine could not help but find something to criticize. "There is an appalling lack of Gothic decoration on display in this manor," he sniffed. "It is most distasteful. And where are the gargoyles?" He fingered the cross on his chest nervously. "The fools, the Devil shall take us all!"

"Calm yourself, Freed," Sir Bixlow laughed. "The only devils taking us this mission will be the ones prancing around in dresses at the ball." (So crude. I would recommend you discipline him, sir, but then again you're not much better yourself.)

At the last supper before the ball, we noticed Sir Redfox wearing a new gabardine tunic. "Oi, Gajeel, where'd you get that from?" Natsu inquired, nodding towards it. "You don't have any money to spend on new clothes."

"Silence, knave," the wild haired brute snarled at him. "Keep my financial affairs out of this. And for your information, it was a gift," he added smugly.

"A gift," Sir Dreyar echoed disbelievingly. "Christ, who would give a gift to you of all people?"

"Come now Laxus, don't be harsh," Sir Jellal said. "I'm sure that there are some desperate serfs around eager for a knight's favor." He ran his finger across the red tattoo over his right eye.

Sir Bixlow guffawed at that. "Well said, sir. It's not like it was a gift from a woman or anything like that."

"Actually," Sir Redfox said, draining his goblet of wine, "It was."

A shocked silence fell upon us. "'Tis a poor time to take up the hat of a jester, Gajeel," Sir Justine said weakly.

"Well I'll be damned," I sighed. "Gajeel's finally gone and gotten himself a woman."

"He's become a true man!" Sir Strauss beamed.

"How did you get one? Here, of all places, and before the ball too!" Sir Bixlow looked grudgingly impressed.

"What's her name?"

"What does she do?"

"Is she fetching?"

Sir Redfox gestured dismissively. "You lot are like a pack of wolves in heat. Calm down." He refilled his goblet. "Her name's Levy, Levy McGarden. She's a fiery little shrimp of a bookworm, works as a scribe for Lord Jude. And," he added with a smirk, "she's a former nun."

Sir Justine choked on his meat. Raising his voice above the zealot's retching, Sir Jellal asked, "How on earth did that come about?"

"Apparently she joined up with the monastery to get a decent education, as that's one of the few ways a woman can get one. The life of a nun never really appealed to her, though, so once she learned enough she left."

Sir Dreyar raised a golden eyebrow. "And they let her?"

Sir Redfox chuckled. "Probably not, but then again, not much can stop Levy when she's determined. She's that much of a spitfire."

I rolled my eyes. Only Gajeel would speak of a failed nun with that amount of respect and pride in his voice. He truly is a brute.

Here, sir, is where events started spiraling out of control. The following day I, together with Natsu and Sirs Jellal and Strauss, were walking through the courtyard to reach our rooms in order to prepare our armor for that night when we met them. The Lady Lucy and three of her friends were taking a stroll, and stopped to greet us. At first the situation unfolded normally with us introducing ourselves, and they themselves in turn.

"I am Lady Lucy Heartfilia," the blond beauty said, curtsying. "This is my dear friend Erza Scarlet,"—she gestured to a stunning woman with flaming hair—"my handmaiden Evergreen"—a stern brunette—"and my cousin, Juvia Lockser." A dark haired woman stood gloomily behind Lady Lucy.

"A pleasure to meet you, my Ladies," Sir Jellal said, bowing low.

"No, the pleasure is all ours," Lady Scarlet replied warmly, smiling at him. (He will deny this, sir, but both Natsu and I swear he blushed.)

Lady Evergreen looked Sir Strauss's hulking figure over once and commented, "Well, you're a great brute of knight. I do hope you have some intellect in that tiny head of yours to help you along, sir."

Sir Strauss swelled with indignation as I clapped a hand over Natus's mouth to stifle his laughter and coughed awkwardly to disguise my own. "How dare you call me a brute, madam?" he exclaimed. "I am quite manly!"

"Believe me, I am not arguing with that," she muttered.

"Evergreen!" Lady Lucy admonished. "Be polite, these brave knights are to ensure our safety this evening. And Juvia, do stop sulking back there, come over and say hello."

"Oh, don't mind her," Lady Scarlet said to us serenely. "Juvia's always been quiet and depressed. She's really happiest when she's alone in the rain."

I glanced over at the dark haired rainwoman and found to my unease that she was staring directly at me. "Er, can I help you madam?" I asked.

"What…did you say your name was, Sir?" her melodious voice asked quietly.

"I am Gray Fullbuster, of the Fairy Tail mercenary knights."

"Gray…Fullbuster…" she murmured, her gaze still fixed on me. "So… beautiful…"

"I-I beg your pardon, madam?" Nervously, I took a small step back.

She continued to stare intently at me and mumble to herself. "Such black hair… such icy blue eyes… Ice…" Her hands clasped her chest. "Juvia is water and Sir Gray is ice… We must be bound by Fate!" She announced suddenly.

Lady Lucy looked startled. "Juvia, what are you—"

"Juvia has finally found her handsome prince!" she exclaimed, and dashed out from behind Lady Scarlet and hurled herself at me.

"What in—get off me, woman!" I yelped, trying to pry her off me, but her grip around my torso was as strong as steel. "Stop it—get off—Natsu, help me!"

I turned to my fellow knight, but to my dismay he was doubled over with mirth, and the others were no better. Sir Strauss was staring at us in open shock, and Sir Jellal had jammed his fist in his mouth in an (unsuccessful) attempt to muffle his laughter.

"We shall be together forever, my prince!" the madwoman at my chest squealed joyously. "Our bond of love is unbreakable; none shall part us!"

"Bond of—have you gone mad, madam? Release me!" She was lucky that I am chivalrous man, for another might have struck her. (Or did she attack me with that knowledge in mind? Sir, the minds of females are truly unknowable and frightening things.) I flailed around wildly, hoping to dislodge her, but she was more persistent than the Black Death itself, and only squeezed tighter.

Then, both she and I froze. A dark and forbidding aura swept over us, and we both slowly turned our heads to see Lady Scarlet glaring at us with the wrath of Satan himself. A prickle of fear crept down my spine and I felt Juvia shudder.

"Juvia." Her voice, so calm and peaceful before, had taken a low, dangerous tone. "What do you think you are doing?"

Juvia released me instantly and turned to face the raging redhead. "Juvia is sorry!" she whispered, her former boldness gone. "Juvia will leave you now." She curtsied hastily and hurried away.

Lady Scarlet turned towards me. "I apologize for that," she said. Thankfully, she had resumed her peaceful persona. "Juvia's not usually like that at all, I wonder what came over her…"

The Ladies spoke their farewells before leaving too. The instant they were out of sight, I slapped Natsu across the back of the head. "A fat load of help you were, you flaming ass!"

"What did you want from me, ice brain?" he retorted, rubbing his head. "It was funny! And besides," he added slyly. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're completely mad. And if you think you'll ever earn absolution from this, you can go ahead and think you'll find a bride tonight too." Shaking my head in disgust, I marched off to my room, eager to get away from the oafs I called comrades.

That night, the eight of us gathered in the great hall where the ball was taking place. And what a sight it was! The walls had stunning damasks draped over them, and one wall even had a collection of Fresco paintings joined together to create the Heartfilia emblem. Tables covered in veneer and filled with exotic foods such as artichokes, eggplants, melons, and oranges lined the edges of the room, and servants walked around carrying trays of various alcoholic beverages. Not to mention the meat! Sir, it was a fantastic feast indeed.

I stood by the entrance with Natsu bedecked in full armor (except that wretched helmet—we had no interest in dying of suffocation, sir) and watched the crowd. Sir, some of the most amusing sights of my life came from that night. Sir Strauss had somehow ended up with Lady Evergreen for a dance partner and they were glaring heavily at each other the entire time—and yet, they didn't seem to wish to part. Sir Dreyar hadn't moved from table with the mead for the better part of an hour, but I think it was because of the pretty maid Mirajane rather than the drinks. Sir Redfox had somehow gotten a bard to play a song for him, and the barbaric knight proceeded to sing a ballad for a petite young woman in front of him who must have been Lady McGarden. (Sir Clive, I assure you that you never, ever wish to hear such a thing in all your days. I doubt my ears shall ever recover entirely.) Sir Bixlow was sitting in a dark corner of the hall with at least three ladies by his side, while Sir Justine had gotten into a fierce argument with a priest, a Taoist, and a Muslim. At one point Natsu came back from bringing us drinks and reported that he had seen Sir Jellal and Lady Erza Scarlet dancing for a prolonged period of time and talking for even longer. (Jellal says they were just discussing entomology, but Nastu swears they were holding hands. Entomology my horse's spit.)

The night was drawing to a close and nothing of any great concern had occurred (apart from Sir Justine attempting to strangle Sir Bixlow for eating his beef, causing Sir Dreyar to crack their heads together). I, for my part, had spent the better part of the evening avoiding anything remotely resembling a dark haired woman, but my luck ran out when Natsu disappeared and I went looking for him.

"Sir Gray!" a sweet voice cried out in joy.

I broke out in a cold sweat. Oh sweet Lord in Heaven no, not her… Telling myself sternly that I must be sanguine no matter the circumstances, I turned, and my eyes widened in surprise.

A stunning beauty stood in front of me, nearly blinding me with her radiance. Hair loose around her shoulders and wearing an indigo gown with diamonds sewn into the skirt to resemble the night sky with stars, Juvia Lockser smiled a smile brighter than the sun and held out a goblet full of wine. "Sir Gray looked tired, so Juvia brought him something to drink!"

I blinked. "This isn't some attempt at seduction, or to hoodwink me into spending time with you, is it?"

Juvia looked shocked. "Of course not, my love! Juvia and Sir Gray's destinies are already clear, there is no need for trickery!"

Taking the goblet from her, I breathed a small sigh of relief. I really did need that drink; she'd brought it at the best time. "Eh? What do you mean, destinies?" I drank deeply.

"We are to be married with ten children, of course."

The wine that was in the process of going down my throat seemed to freeze for an instant before coming back up. Retching and wheezing, I stared at her in awe. "You are mad."

"Madly in love, yes," she sighed dreamily before taking my arm and escorting me to the dance floor. We danced for several songs, and despite myself I found that I was enjoying her company. When she wasn't fawning over me, I could see that she was really quite intelligent and interesting.

"Pardon me for asking, but why did you look so gloomy before when we first met you?" I asked.

Juvia sighed. "Oh… Juvia isn't a cheerful person. She was raised in England, where it rains nearly all year long. Even when she left, the rain seemed to follow her. It was so bad that people began to call her a rainwoman and said that she was cursed." She fell silent for a moment before adding softly, "Juvia never really had friends before she met Lady Lucy."

Our dance continued in silence as I pondered what she said. When it finished, I bowed to her and said confidently, "Then it was their loss, my Lady." She turned redder than a beet.

We paused to refresh ourselves at the food tables. I was reaching for some fruit when I saw Lady Lucy talking with someone in the shadows. Narrowing my eyes, I peered into the darkness to see her partner. That scarf…no, it couldn't be. The fool couldn't hold a conversation with his horse, let alone a noble Lady. I was about ask Juvia if she saw what I did when someone nearly knocked me over. Glaring at the man, my gaze followed him for a moment before I realized two things. One, that I did not recognize him, and I had been in charge of admitting all the guests into the hall, and two, that he was headed directly for Lady Lucy. I heard Juvia ask me what was wrong, but I ignored her, instead heading straight for the mysterious man. He saw me coming, and with a look of panic spreading across his face, drew his rapier and charged at the Lady.

"Natsu, stop him!" I yelled before rushing after the man. He stumbled and I flung myself onto him, trying to get him away from the guests and Lady Lucy. He cursed at me and slashed with his rapier. I swung my head away, but not fast enough to avoid damage. I felt the tip of the blade slice through my cheek and swore, preparing to wrest the sword out of his hands. Suddenly, an ear-splitting shriek of rage blasted from behind us.

"How dare you hurt Juvia's beloved Sir Gray?!"

There was a loud shattering noise, and I looked up to see a furious Juvia standing over us holding a broken jug and the assassin unconscious in my arms. Chaos was rampant around us, but I had eyes only for the blue-clad woman in front of me. Dear God, I thought. She's like a demoness when enraged. What have I gotten myself into?

I confess, sir, that the rest of the night is somewhat of a blur. I have a vague recollection of the assassin being dragged off to the dungeons and my fellow knights being furious that they missed out on the action, but not much else.

I woke the next morning with a raging headache and a stinging cheek, but went to meet my employer despite my body's protests. It was then that I discovered that the suitor the Lady Lucy had chosen from the ball was Natsu.

"What?!" I cried, stunned. "You? How on earth did you manage that?"

"What do you mean?" he replied, grinning. "I'm a naturally charming gentleman, even if your eyes droop too much to see it."

"Shut up," I snapped. "Isn't there a rule against this, though? I mean, your status and Lady Lucy's vastly differ."

He grimaced. "I talked it over with Lord Heartfilia, and he agreed to give me work here at the manor, even though my brother is a lord. But don't worry," he added hastily, seeing the look on my face. "I'll still be with you all for a while yet. After all, politics are a nasty thing to work out."

I hummed in agreement and turned towards the others, but Natsu put a hand on my shoulder.

"Aren't you forgetting something, ice brain?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Beg pardon?"

Upon seeing that I hadn't the faintest clue as to what he was referring, he rolled his eyes.

"I found a bride at the ball. Remember? You told me you would forgive me for watching you and that crazy woman if I found one, and I did. So, forgive me."

"You are utterly ridiculous," I sighed, massaging my temple. "Very well, all is forgiven." As if you needed me to tell you that. He gave me small smirk that suggested that he knew exactly what I was thinking.

We received our pay (a rather hefty sum, thankfully) and before we left, I stopped by Juvia's rooms to say goodbye. However, the contents of that conversation are of my private business and none of your concern sir, but I knew you'd want to know if I at least bade her farewell. So all I will tell you, sir, is this: we departed on excellent terms, and said goodbye in style. (Please stop thinking crude thoughts sir- you know me better than that).

Thus concludes my report. I would, however, like to invite you to my wedding to one Juvia Lockser next May at the Fullbuster estate. Also, Natsu and Lady Lucy will be wed the month after that at the Dragneel Manor, headed by his older brother Lord Zeref, and I suppose I'm duty-bound as your subordinate to warn you that Sir Jellal and Lady Erza Scarlet will most likely be wed soon after that, and probably Sir Strauss and Lady Evergreen soon after THAT. As I stated at the beginning of this report though- it was most definitely NOT our intension to go bride hunting on this mission! It just sort of… happened that way. I do hope to see you in May sir.

-Sir Gray Fullbuster

Please review! It means more to me than I can put into words.