Author's Note: Last day of the year and the last One Shot in this collection. Thanks guys, I'm thanking all of you who have been with me through this month and reading these little stories. I can't really thank you enough for everything.

Have all a good and happy New Year!

For Auld Lang Syne, My Dear

Summary: As the New Year approaches Central City, Barry and Caitlin are faced with the change in their relationship and have to make a decision about their future.

Couple: Barry and Caitlin

Words: 8288

"For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne"

Auld Lang Syne

12 Minutes to Midnight

Barry sulked in a corner of the lab, sipping at his glass of coke. He decided against the expensive champagne Ray flew in from Europe, he didn't feel the effect anyways. Oh, how much he wished he would feel the effect today.

He looked around. His friends seemed happy and relaxed. They welcomed the New Year with open arms and open hearts.

Most of them being superheroes they obviously had a hard year, but none of them seemed to care much that night. They all came together as friends, as one giant, dysfunctional, but yet somehow loving family to celebrate together.

He wished he could enjoy this night along with them, but he couldn't. His mind, his heart they were somewhere else.

He put his glass on a table and looked at his watch. It would soon be midnight and another year would be over. Another year of him being the Flash, another year of heroic deeds, of pain, of friendship, of adventure and fights. He should be happy. His life was exciting, he had great people in it.

Still, something was missing.

He glanced at the improvised dancefloor.

Lisa was whispering something into Cisco's ear that made him blush.

Kendra's head rested on Carter's shoulder.

The Diggles danced together with their adorable little daughter.

Oliver pressed Felicity close to his body, his hand never leaving her now showing baby bump.

Wally and Linda never actually stopped kissing. Barry wondered how they managed to breathe at all.

He sighed. No, he wasn't the only one single at the party and no he wasn't bitter about his lack of a love life, it was his fault after all that he spend the night alone. Because he made a decision he shouldn't have made.

12 Hours to Midnight

"And who are you gonna kiss tonight?" Felicity asked Barry who handed her a decaf macchiato.

"What?" He asked and raised an eyebrow.

She giggled and put her hand on her stomach, looking happier than ever before. "Come on! Don't tell me there's no one in your life right now." She was so happy, she wanted the whole world to feel happy with her, especially one of her best friends.

He shrugged. "You'd be the first to know, so no there's no one." Things with Patty hadn't worked out after all. He liked her a lot, even thought for a brief moment he might have been in love, but Zoom and his secrets eventually had torn them apart. He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth, scared he would lose her and eventually that pushed her away. When she did find out, she felt betrayed and even though she tried to understand and managed to forgive him, things just weren't the same. It was his mistake, his choice and yet, deep down he always questioned himself if he hadn't sabotaged it unconsciously since the very beginning. Maybe he never believed that their relationship would last, maybe a small part in him still waited for Iris to come around. Obviously that didn't happen either. There was one kiss a couple of months ago, she even initiated it. To his surprise however it wasn't the answer to all of his questions, the big dream coming true. It was just awkward and uncomfortable. In that very moment their lips touched he realized that for the first time since he was a little boy, he wasn't in love with Iris West anymore. And Iris? Well, as much as she wanted it, she couldn't change her feelings either. Barry Allen was her best friend, her brother and that was all they were ever going to be.

Felicity snapped her fingers. "Earth to Barry!"

He looked up. "What?"

She playfully rolled her eyes and took his hand. "We will find someone for you. You are handsome, you're a hero, you're smart and you have me as a friend."

"You do realize you sound a bit crazy, right?" He chuckled.

"Well…" She leaned back into her chair, "I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to be crazy."

"And you love it." Oliver appeared behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders, massaging them gently. He then leaned down and put a quick kiss on her cheek. "So, what are you guys talking about?" He asked and took as chair.

"Your wife thinks I'm lonely and wants to turn me into her charity project." Barry said dryly.

"Barry Allen, that is not true." Felicity protested, but Oliver knew her all too well. He mouthed a quick 'sorry' and hoped she wouldn't see it.

Felicity then got up. "I need to pee. And when I get back, one of you better ordered Mama one of these giant chocolate chip cookies."

"How do you live with her?" Barry asked amused.

Oliver smiled. "Astonishingly well."

They sat there for a while before Oliver spoke again. "Is she right though? Are you lonely?"

Barry repressed the urge to roll his eyes. Not him too. "I'm fine. Just because I don't have anyone to kiss on New Year's doesn't mean I'm a sad little boy ready to swear off love forever." Though the idea intrigued him. "Besides, it's just a stupid tradition nobody really cares for." He did care once upon a time, when he still had Patty by his side or waited for Iris.

"Hmm." Oliver mused in thoughts. He raised his hand and ordered a cookie as soon as the barista arrived.

"Cookie!" Felicity clapped her hands excitedly when she returned.

Oliver leaned closer to Barry, whispering into his ear. "You know, it took me a long time to notice what is right in front of my eyes." He nodded towards Felicity who dipped the cookie inside of her coffee. "Maybe you should take a closer look to your surroundings." It was the one rule he preached since Barry became the Flash, but this time with a different meaning, one Barry didn't understand. Or rather one Barry didn't want to understand.

11 Minutes to Midnight

Caitlin spent the most part of the night avoiding him. With so many people there it worked unexpectedly well. Though, she kind of suspected that he wasn't so keen on spending time with her either.

She chatted with nearly everyone about everything. Even Leonard Snart, cold puns aside, proofed to be an interesting conversationalist once Ray's champagne kicked in.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight. She didn't know what to expect from the New Year. She felt like she already screwed it up before it even began and that's definitely something.

She leaned against a wall.

Everyone seemed so happy. She hadn't seen this much happiness in the same room since forever and that with people who all have been through a tremendous amount of pain in past couple of years.

She looked at Sara laughing together with Thea. They acted like sisters, despite Thea being the one who initially, even if involuntarily killed her.

Mick Rory was drinking with Professor Stein. A former villain redeemed and friends with one of the kindest people she had ever met.

She suddenly felt like a stick-in-the-mud for bringing her problems to this celebration. She bit her lower lip only to immediately stop it again. You're doing that biting your lower lip thing you do when something is bothering you.

He always noticed the small details others would overlook. How did she never notice that?

She tugged at her shirt. It was so hot in here. The room suddenly started to spin. Too many emotions, too many thoughts, too much gone wrong.

She needed to get out of there.

11 Hours to Midnight

Standing on an unsteady chair to attach some sparkly garlands to the ceiling was a stupid idea. Caitlin realized that exactly the moment she lost her balance and fell down, wrapped in silver paper letters that spelled 'Happy New Year' or rather 'Appy New Year' now since she was pretty sure she had just torn the 'H' apart trying stand steady.

She screamed out and anticipated the clash with the floor, only that it never came.

She opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was that she was still wrapped in silver paper. The next that Barry was looking at her and that he was holding her in his arms.

"You okay?" He asked.

She nodded slowly, recovering from her little shock. "I think so."

He carefully put her down and within a second the garland was hanging down from the ceiling, the 'H' clumsily repaired with some tape.

"Thanks." She said and adjusted her skirt. "You saved me again."

"Don't mention it." There was something off in his voice, she just couldn't tell what it was. He stared at her, his eyes telling a million things at the same time and yet she couldn't understand a word.

"Did something happen?"

He eagerly shook his head and his trademark charming smile appeared. "No, just glad you didn't hurt yourself." He sounded causal, but that was obviously pretense. She knew him long and well enough to notice when something was bothering him. She wondered what it was and why he didn't tell her. They had just seen each other the previous night, going out for some drinks with Kendra and Carter. They had fun, laughed and even danced. Everything was fine then, so something must have occurred during the last couple of hours they had spent apart.

"How was coffee with Oliver and Felicity?"

He still smiled. She was pretty sure his face started to hurt, but she decided not to say anything. He tried so hard to convince her that he was fine, that she wouldn't push him to talk to her. For now.

"The usual. They are very married and she is very pregnant." He laughed. Now that sounded genuine, still the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Where's everyone?" He asked, surprised by the empty lab.

"I kinda threw them out." She confessed, playing with her hair.

"Why's that?" He leaned against a table, his eyes never leaving her. She started to wonder if she still had some paper somewhere in her face or hair. The way he looked at her was definitely not normal. His eyes were so fixed, full of wonder and confusion and it irritated her, but strangely not in a negative way. She enjoyed him looking. Maybe a little bit too much.

"I wanted to decorate and when everyone is talking and laughing and occasionally yelling –" She meant Harry yelling at Cisco but that didn't need any explanation, "I couldn't concentrate."

"And instead you rather be alone and fall down."

"No!" She crossed her arms. "Well yes, but you saved me. Sometimes I believe you actually have a sixth sense when it comes to that." It was meant as a joke, but she realized how true it really was.

"Only when it comes to you." His voice was low, almost a whisper. He suddenly appeared in front of her, taking her hand. His face was only inches away from her."Cait –"

The alarm went off inside of her mind. It wasn't that she never thought about a scenario like that since she met him. Him looking at her that way, taking her hand, maybe doing more. She did kiss Everyman back for a reason, even if it was hard to admit to herself. Still, she suddenly felt nervous. There were such good friends, shared so much trust between them that this sudden change of behavior scared her.

"Mini-sausages!" She suddenly yelled.

He backed off, obviously taken by surprise. "Excuse me?" There was definitely disappointment in his voice.

"I forgot the mini-sausages." She hated herself for breaking up a moment that was clearly meant to be more, clearly worthy of exploration, but something inside her just couldn't go there. She had been burned too many times and her heart couldn't take anymore. Maybe he was going to kiss her, maybe she only imagined the signs and he wanted to tell her that there was some leftover silver 'H' caught in her hair, it didn't matter. If her first thought was correct than change was on the horizon. Change she might deep down inside wanted, but was too afraid to allow. If he kissed her than maybe one thing would lead to another and then one thing turned out to be a mistake and she would lose one of the few people in her life she refused to be without.

"So what?" He looked like a lost puppy dog now.

"You lived with Joe for most of your life, you know how he gets when we have a party without mini-sausages." She made that mess now she had to go through with it. So she grabbed her coat and her purse. "I'll go and get some." She really hoped Barry wouldn't look into the fridge downstairs, because it was filled with mini-sausages.

"I'll join you." He said, even though he himself didn't seem convinced it was a good idea.

She laughed nervously. "Sure." No, not sure at all.

10 Minutes to Midnight

"What happened to you?"

Barry flinched when Joe's hand suddenly appeared on his shoulder. "Joe! I didn't hear you coming." Granted the music was too loud. Whoever decided it was a good idea to let a slightly drunk Iris play DJ should have been put into jail. Half to fully drunk Iris and music meant Backstreet Boys, a lot of Backstreet Boys.

"I noticed." Joe looked something between amused and concerned and Barry didn't like it. "So, why are you hanging around here all alone?"

Barry shrugged. He tried to act normal, but noticed the second his eyes met Joe's that he was fighting an already lost battle. If Joe West wanted to talk about something, he didn't care what you wanted.

"Barry." His voice was calm, yet demanding. He hated it when Joe used that voice. It reminded him of when he and Iris were kids and did something wrong. Like demolishing Joe's favorite bowling trophy. "Don't try to lie to me. Something is wrong and I wanna know what it is."

"Geez. Nothing can fool those Super-Dad senses." Barry said sarcastically.

Joe only gave him a look. That Dad look.

"I'm just tired." He lied. Again without much success. "I'm not in the mood to party." That was closer to the truth. "That happens sometimes." Just very rarely to always positive and fun Barry and Joe of course knew that.

"So, it doesn't have anything to do with you avoiding a certain Dr. Snow for the whole night."

So Joe noticed. Of course he noticed. "I don't know what you're talking about." Barry decided he wouldn't even try to hide his annoyance anymore.

"Did you two have a fight?"

He wished it would have been just a fight. "No." He looked away. Maybe the avoidance of eye-contact would indicate to Joe that he wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Whatever it is, you should talk to her. She looks like she's about to cry all night." He pulled Barry closer for a second. "And you don't look much better. Go and fix it, I'm sure things will be fine." With that he left and Barry wished it would have been that easy.

10 Hours to Midnight

They didn't talk much during grocery shopping and Barry cursed himself for his stupid behavior. He tried to blame it on Oliver and his ambiguous allusions, though that didn't work.

Oliver only mentioned what Barry noticed by himself for a while now.

He looked at Caitlin who was walking beside him. Snow was falling down from the sky and covering her long brown curls. She briefly looked into the sky and smiled, as if she was thanking the snow for existing. Her eyes were sparkling in the dim sunlight. She looked absolutely beautiful.

'Maybe you should take a closer look'

That he did. Many times before. He wasn't blind and he wasn't stupid. Caitlin Snow was not only beautiful but also kind and generous, graceful, intelligent, funny, quirky in her own unique way and just something else altogether. She was a puzzle he never really managed to figure out.

Back in the lab a part of him wanted to grab her, wanted to kiss her. Her reaction however discouraged him. Maybe she didn't see him like this. Why would she? He was just Barry, her friend. They never talked about anything that hinted of them feeling more than friendship. But moments were there, right? Barry didn't imagine them or did he? Those stolen glances, little touches, subtle flirting?

She stopped at a flower shop and bought a small bouquet of tulips. She smelled at them and looked satisfied.

"Can we take a little turn before we go back?" she asked.

He nodded. "Sure."

She walked on, grabbing his hand and dragging him with her.

A familiar touch and yet so alien. It was like suddenly he saw the world with new, different eyes. It weren't exactly Oliver's words that brought the change, but they probably pushed his feelings to the surface faster than he was ready to accept them.

There was a reason his kiss with Iris meant nothing and maybe it had been the reason things with Patty didn't work out. Maybe a tiny part of him even knew back then.

"Holy crap." He muttered.

He, Barry Allen was in love with Caitlin Snow.

9 Minutes to Midnight

Caitlin decided to take the backdoor out of the lab. Everyone else would soon grab their glasses of champagne and leave through the front door to watch the fireworks over Central City, so she should be save on the other side.

She just hoped no one noticed her leaving the party. That he didn't notice.

The cold air felt good on her hot face. She welcomed the wind and the snow. It hadn't stopped snowing all day and she really didn't mind. The world always looked a little bit kinder and brighter when it snowed.

She let out a frustrated groan.

She re-played the last couple of hours in her head over and over again and wondered that if given the chance, she would have done things differently.

"Probably not." She said to herself. She leaned against the wall of the lab and stared into the sky.

Why did things get so complicated?

After Ronnie died for second time, for real, she made a pact with herself. Don't fall in love again, it will only crush your heart.

It had maybe been a stupid pact to make, because technically the chances of falling in love twice or more in a lifetime were pretty high, but in her broken state she couldn't think about statistics, she only felt sadness and grief and never wanted to go down that route again.

Then she met Jay. He was kind and brave and a scientist like her. He spoke her language and understood her. He was also from a different universe and from the very beginning he made no secret out of his wish to go back home. Jay was perfect to move on. He was a safe choice. He came with a promise of no heartbreak. It was a relationship with a promise of a break up and not too many attachments from the beginning and even though she never wanted to be that woman, she decided to be her anyways.

They dated for a while and it was fun. It was easy and uncomplicated and just what she needed after everything she has been through. She liked him a lot, she cared for him a great deal but she also noticed very quickly that he would never be a man she could completely fall in love with and that was the best part about him.

Unfortunately Jay saw things differently.

So when Zoom was defeated and he finally got his speed back and could go home he asked her to go with him, despite it being against the natural order and balance of two universes. She tried to talk herself out of it, explaining that it couldn't be and just like that he offered her to stay with her.

So she, the one who was afraid to get her heart broken again and closed it off because of it, had to be the one to break a heart instead.

He confessed his love for her and she told him to take care of himself and find all the happiness in the multiverse.

That was it. The short-lived romance that never truly was.

Now she wondered. Was the problem really the promise she made to herself never to love again or was is just because someone else already started to take her heart piece by piece every day without her noticing it?

9 Hours to Midnight

They walked down the cemetery which looked like taken out of a movie during the snowfall.

She was silent and refused to look at Barry. She felt bad dragging him along with her, but she feared she wouldn't make it later that day with all of their friends there and still so much to prepare for later tonight.

When they reached Ronnie's grave she carefully put the flowers down and put a hand on his gravestone. There was no body and yet still she felt connected to him.

"I just wanted to bring these to you." A tear fell down her cheeks. "I miss you." She said nothing more. She didn't have to speak out the words to know that what was written in her heart would reach him. She was telling him how much she loved him and that she wished for him to be there. She also silently pleaded with him to send her a sign that the feelings she suddenly started to realize were alright, that she was allowed to feel them.

Barry offered her his hand to pull her up. She gladly accepted it, because of the slippery ground.

"We miss you, buddy." He told Ronnie before they left. Their hands were still entangled, a soft breeze letting the snowflakes dancing around them. Maybe that was her sign. Maybe she just wanted to believe it was.

Instead of going back to the front gate Barry suddenly took a turn left.

"Where are we going?" Caitlin asked, but only got her answer when he stopped in front of yet another grave.

Nora Allen. Beloved Wife and Mother.

He smiled sadly. "I don't visit her that often." He confessed, squeezing her hand. "I don't like coming here."

She understood it perfectly. Some people felt closer to those they have lost when visiting their graves, others were only reminded of the pain and loss.

"Mom." He addressed her. "This is Caitlin. Sorry I never introduced her before, but I feel like you should know her."

Caitlin leaned her head against Barry's shoulder. "Hi Mrs. Allen. It is very nice to meet you." She glanced at Barry from the corner of eye who seemed surprised but pleased that she went along. "I'd like to thank you, for your son." Caitlin went on. "He is a great man and I'm sure wherever you are, you are proud of him. I know I am."

She felt his lips pressing against her forehead. "Thanks." He whispered.

They walked back. Still hand in hand, like it was the most natural thing in the world, something they did every day.

"She would have adored you." Barry said.

Caitlin smiled. "I wish I could have met her."

"Me too." They stopped at the gate for a moment and looked into each other's eyes. The snow danced around them once more. Change was in the air, Caitlin could feel it.

8 Minutes to Midnight

She wasn't there.

His eyes scanned the whole room and she definitely wasn't there.

But wasn't she talking to Snart just a moment ago? He looked for Leonard, who somewhat awkwardly seemed to try to stop Iris from playing more Backstreet Boys.

No Caitlin.

He walked through the room. Is legs felt sleepy. He hadn't left his corner for at least an hour or so.

He made his way over the dancefloor, kindly yet not without urgency declining Thea's attempt to dance with him.

He accidentally bumped into Oliver's shoulder. "Sorry." He murmured.

"Are you alright?" Oliver excused himself from a protesting Felicity who wanted to be included in the obvious 'guy talk' but gave up quickly after Sara declared she found more mini-sausages. If she had to fight Joe for it, so be it.

"Yeah, yeah fine." Barry wasn't really paying attention. He was afraid she went home and that he wouldn't get to her even with all his speed.

Joe's words sunk in after all. He had to fix this mess, ideally before the start into the next year.

"Barry." Somehow Oliver managed the same Dad-sound Joe had, it was really impressive, even if a little bit creepy.

"Have you seen Caitlin?" He asked finally.

Oliver shook his head. "Not since she and Felicity discussed my apparent inability to paint a room correctly." He said and wrinkled his nose.

If he wouldn't have been so shaken and overwhelmed by everything right now, Barry was pretty sure he would have laughed at Oliver. A lot.

"Okay." He wanted to go on, maybe she was still inside the lab or at least outside, but Oliver pulled him back.

"Is this about what I said earlier?" He asked, actually sounding apologetic. "I didn't mean to startle you or anything. I just think that maybe the two of you –"

"Oliver –" Barry interrupted him. "It's fine. I get it. And you only…scratch that you did nothing wrong." He offered his friend a small smile before finally moving on. He would talk to Oliver and Felicity and if he was in the mood for it even the whole team later on, but first he had to find her.

8 Hours to Midnight

They decorated the rest of lab without much effort. Barry didn't use his speed much, it was actually kinda nice doing things in a regular human pace for once.

It also meant he could spend more alone time with her and he wouldn't miss that. Soon all of their friends and family would be around and he wouldn't have the time to be amazed by his sudden realization of love anymore.

They went back to the usual ease with each other. They laughed and talked and bantered and it felt like nothing had changed at all and that the earlier weirdness didn't occur.

At first Barry thought it to be a good sign. It meant that she wasn't weirded out by his earlier 'sort of attempt' to kiss her and the intimacy that followed. After a while however he decided that maybe he read things wrong yet again. Maybe she acted normal because she didn't care or didn't even notice herself that things – and with that he meant pretty much everything – had changed.

He was considering just asking her. Straight question, no talking around the topic.

He couldn't bring himself to do it.

He was the Flash. He fought villains every day, risk his life for the city and yet here he was not able to confess his feelings to the woman he loved, too afraid to be rejected and to lose her friendship in the process.

"Would you mind running me home?" She asked him when they finished. "I still have some of the food there and I need to change before everyone else comes back."

"Hold on tight." He answered her and she swung his arms around him. He pulled her closer, maybe a little bit closer than necessary but she didn't seem to mind.

For once in his life he wished his superpower wasn't running but mind-reading instead. He wanted to figure out what was going on inside of her mind, but he just couldn't.

7 Minutes to Midnight

Caitlin sat own on the cold, wet floor. It was uncomfortable and she was sure she would get a col out of it, but her feet wouldn't carry her any longer.

She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she would have taken her coat when she fled the party.

Her whole body was trembling, yet she wasn't sure if it was because of the cold or the intensity of the feelings that just hit her.

"It shouldn't have happened." She whispered. "It shouldn't have happened." And yet she couldn't bring herself to completely regret it.

Her mind screamed 'no' but body and soul screamed 'yes' and they were clearly louder.

7 Hours to Midnight

They entered her apartment greeted by open bags, groceries, clothes and toilet articles that definitely should have been in the bathroom.

She wanted to disappear. That was so embarrassing and she was usually so proud her tidiness.

"Did a bomb explode in here?" Barry aske with a chuckle.

She grabbed some of the clothes and folded them. "No, unless you count the combined power of Thea, Laurel and Sara an explosive." She pursed her lips. "Maybe that does count." She said more to herself than to him.

"Right. They stay with you."

They all took some of their friends in for the last couple of days, but unlike Barry and Joe, Caitlin didn't have a huge house to keep guests, but only a small apartment definitely too small for four women living together.

"Not that I don't love them, but they drive me nuts." She confessed.

She put some of their stuff away and noticed that the dresses they picked out earlier were already gone, so they probably already made their way back to the lab. At least that meant Caitlin didn't have to share the bathroom and could get ready quietly.

"Thanks." She said to Barry. "For bringing me here."

He smiled lazily. "You're welcome." He looked around and she wondered what he was searching for. He had been to her place many times before, even owned a spare key by now and yet he always seemed fascinated by her stuff and the way she lived.

"I could wait for you." He offered.

Her heart was skipping a beat. It sounded innocently and was probably without any intention but it still made her feel nervous.

They were alone at her place, with the really big chance for no interruption of any kind and that gave her a feeling she didn't want to have.

"You still have a lot of stuff to carry and I could help you. I can change later in a second."

Of course he only offered to help her with the food. He was a gentleman, not that kind of guy. Still, did she want him to be that kind of guy? What the hell did she want at all?

"Okay. Thanks. I'm going to change." She quickly disappeared into her bathroom, her dress was already hanging at the door. Before closing it behind her she quickly peeked outside.

Barry was trying to shovel the sofa free to sit on it.

She giggled quietly. She knew she had to get ready but she couldn't help but stare at him. He was so handsome.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, careful to not ruin her dress. Her hand wandered to her chest, feeling her heartbeat. It was fast, nearly out of control.

Whatever was going on between them today, she was sure started much earlier. There were always these little moments, the blink and you miss it kind of moments and for the longest time she chose to blink and not to linger over them.

No she chose to look. Really look. And suddenly a new world was opening up in front of her eyes. A world of glances and touches and gestures and beautiful words and little things no one else bothered to notice.

She touched her lips.

She wished she would have let him kiss her earlier, if that was what he wanted to do. Then she stripped out of her clothe and put the new, dark blue dress on, hoping that maybe around midnight he would wrap his arms around the soft fabric covering her hips and kiss her as the clock strikes twelve and ushering a New Year.

6 Minutes to Midnight

Barry left the main part of the lab and went looking for her. Besides Oliver and Felicity no one probably noticed him leaving and he was pretty sure that Oliver would cover for him if someone, say Cisco, would look for him or Caitlin.

He could hear the laughter from the party and the sudden change of music. The Backstreet Boys were now replaced by the Spice Girls and as he looked back over his shoulder he only caught glimpse of the newfound girl group consisting of Iris, Laurel, Kendra and Thea performing Wannabe.

"Caitlin!" He decided to yell.

No answer. Even if she heard him she would probably ignore him. He deserved it.

"Caitlin!" He yelled again.

No answer again. He clenched his fist and rammed it into the wall next to him. Using slightly too much speed he caused a little hole, he later needed to explain. Exactly what he needed.

"Caitlin!"

No luck.

He decided to quit walking around like a fool and decided to run. He needed to find her and that quickly.

6 Hours to Midnight

Barry knew they would be late to the party. He didn't mind it that much. He liked spending time at her apartment.

"Help please!" He heard her yell from the bathroom.

He speeded over and opened the door, expecting her to be hurt or something. Instead she was standing there, her back to the door, her dress open so he could clearly see her bare back, dark blue bra and matching panties.

He blushed and immediately turned around. That situation was all too familiar. Except for one thing: Last time he didn't want to 'take a peek' and this time, he wanted more than that.

"I can't reach the zipper!" She complained. "Little help?"

He gulped. "Sure."

His hand was shaking as he grabbed the zipper, only briefly brushing her bare skin.

"Barry." She suddenly said and turned around, her dress only half zipped.

"Caitlin." He tried to read her eyes, but was scared that he got the wrong message. She looked at him so vulnerable, yet excited, a passionate spark inside of her and so much love. His hand was still on her back, but his eyes wandered all over her body.

She licked her lips.

He thought he was going to lose it. In a split second the dress was completely unzipped again, Caitlin pressed against the bathroom door and Barry's lips pressed on hers.

She swung her arms around him, pressing him closer.

The dress fell down, she stepped out of it. Somehow he managed to lose his shirt. He didn't even know how.

His lips wandered down her body, finding her neck, her collarbone, her chest.

She moaned his name in between kisses.

He couldn't think clearly anymore, his mind was clouded by the feelings he tried to ignore, tried to push away for so long.

He unclasped her bra, she tugged at his jeans. One of her legs wrapped around his hip as he pushed her last piece of clothing down.

She pulled his lips back on hers, he pressed his body even closer to hers.

This was happening and neither of them was going to stop.

5 Minutes to Midnight

The first fireworks started. She never understood why people couldn't just wait until midnight. It was the whole purpose of it wasn't it? Celebrating the New Year.

But then again what did she knew about waiting?

She buried her head in her hands and closed her eyes. As much as she wanted it to happen and as amazing as it had been, what followed wasn't and she blamed herself for it.

She should have had stayed in control. She had never been the one to give into her urges, so why all of sudden did she start now? You know why. Her inner voice told her and as annoying as she was, she was also right.

Of course she knew why. Because it was him and she wanted him for so long, had only been too scared to even admit it to herself and that was her one chance.

"And I blew it."

The door next to her suddenly opened. He stepped outside, looking at her.

5 Hours to Midnight

This time he zipped her dress completely, before putting his shirt back on.

Neither of them dared to be the first one to speak. She figured he was just as confused and shocked about what happened then she was.

Never, in a million years, in all of her dreams did she expect this to happen. She knew that she indirectly initiated it, but still it came as a surprise.

The moment she felt his fingers on her skin she wanted to know what exactly was going on inside of him. She needed to know, everything inside of her screamed for the truth. And so she decided to be courageous. She flirted offensively, giving all in, putting her heart out there. He did the same.

She glanced at him, trying to understand what was going on inside of him right now.

He looked like he was struggling with himself, almost guilty.

"I'm sorry." He said suddenly.

She blinked. He was sorry? "For what?"

He gestured around. "This."

"Oh." She felt stupid for not saying anymore, but she wasn't sure what to say. He felt sorry. He felt sorry for sleeping with her, he regretted it. He felt sorry when she did not. Felt regret when he did not. So maybe her heart was into this but not his. But why did he do it then? Because he had feelings for her and needed to know what they meant?

"I'm not the type of guy to do this." She wasn't sure if he was telling her or himself.

"But you did." And so did she, it was a fact.

He nodded, avoiding eye contact. "You deserve more than this."

Now she almost laughed. "I choose what I deserve." She said firmly. "And I don't think we did anything wrong." Was she expecting it to happen? No. Was it rushed? Probably. Did she enjoy any second of it and would make the same choice again in a heartbeat? Yes.

He went through his hair, which already looked like a mess. "Gosh." He groaned. "What did we do?" Now he looked at her and it wasn't the look of love and passion he gave her before, it was just confusion. "This shouldn't have happened."

She bit her lip, trying to stay calm. Her mind was telling her to let him explain, that he didn't mean it like that and deserved the benefit of a doubt, but her mind wasn't the important part right now.

"Then why did you do it?" Her voice started to tremble, she hated it for doing so.

"Caitlin." He sounded so soft, so sweet and gentle that she wanted to strangle him.

"Why?" She demanded. "If it was such a horrible thing to do, why did you do it?" She knew the moment she said it that she was overreacting and not rational at all, but she couldn't stop.

He reached out his hand, trying to touch her cheek but she took a few steps backwards. He looked so hurt and she immediately felt sorry for it. But there was no going back. Not from this and she didn't just mean the touch.

"I did it because I wanted it. Wanted you."

That confused her. "But you said –"

"I didn't mean it like that." There was clearly frustration in his voice. He was trying to find the right words, if there were right words, but didn't manage to do so.

"What does this mean?" She took a step towards him again. "What does all of this mean?" Did he want a relationship? Was is just sex? Was is love?

"I –" He hesitated.

"Maybe you should take the food and go ahead." She straightened her hair. "We are already late for the party and the others will wait for us."

"But Cait, we should –"

"We can talk later. Or not. Maybe we shouldn't talk at all." She faked a smile. "We are friends Barry, we are good at being friends and we both been through enough." It was the second hasty decision of the day, but one that didn't feel as right as the other did.

"Caitlin, listen to me." He grabbed her hand, she pulled it back.

"Please go." She managed to sound strong. "Let's not ruin us." As if everything wasn't already in ruins now.

He looked defeated, but obeyed her wish. He left and she sank down on the bathroom door crying and wondering how a perfect moment quickly turned into a nightmare.

3 Minutes to Midnight

"Caitlin."

"Barry." She got up, looking shaky on her legs.

He immediately wrapped his coat around her. "Cait, what are you doing? You're freezing."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." He said. He could tell she had been crying and he hated himself for being the reason for her tears. Just because he was too scared to tell her how he felt. Too afraid to ruin their friendship. He almost laughed at the irony, because exactly that was happening right now.

"Go back inside, Barry. I just want to be alone."

This time he wouldn't do what she asked him to do. Listening to her earlier was a mistake. Leaving without a real explanation was a mistake. "No."

She looked confused. "Barry, you don't have to stay. I don't blame you –"

"Would you just listen to me?" He cried out. "I don't regret sleeping with you! I regret everything I didn't do or say!"

3 Hours to Midnight

He couldn't even look at her and she couldn't look at him. He was glad for all the other people there and the food. Eating was always a good stress relief.

Still, every time he even briefly closed his eyes he was back at her apartment, in the bathroom, his lips on her skin, his hands all over her body.

"You look like someone ran you over with a tank." Iris said, wearing a ridiculous party hat.

"And you look like you did on your seventh birthday party." He countered.

She pinched his arm. "Don't be mean." She pointed her finger at him, laughing.

He wrapped his arm around her. "You having fun?"

"Yes. But you don't."

"No." He confessed.

"Wanna tell me why?"

He loved her and wanted to tell her, but knowing their history she wasn't the right person for this kind of talk. "Maybe later."

She accepted that answer and handed him a new plate of food. "Eat. It always helps you."

He was so thankful for her cheerfulness right now.

2 Minutes to Midnight

Caitlin couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't dare to interrupt him now, the words coming out his mouth were too wonderful to be true.

"I'm carrying these feelings for God knows how long and I…I was scared to even admit them."

She could relate to that. She felt the same way.

"What happened today was just the explosion of all of it. What I meant earlier was that I think you deserve to be treated better than just…" It looked like he bit his tongue for a moment, "You deserve more than having sex against a door without much of anything."

She reached out to him, touching his hand. "I had you. That was enough. I don't care how it happened and if it was in a heat of a moment. I care that it was with you."

That seemed to surprise him, but also made him grin.

He played with her fingers, slowly pulling her closer. "I'm sorry about how it went earlier. I can talk so much, but when I need the right words, I don't seem to find them."

"It was a misunderstanding." She agreed. "I wasn't innocent either." She knew she overacted, was too much in an emotional turmoil to think clearly and so was he. They both gave into feelings they harbored for so long for the first time and neither was sure how to deal with the consequences.

"So you forgive me?"

She smiled and nodded. "If you forgive me as well. And tell me all those things you wanted to tell me."

2 Hours to Midnight

Whenever he came into sight she turned the other way. She knew it was ridiculous and they eventually needed to talk to each other, but tonight she just couldn't do it.

She only played out catastrophic scenarios in her head.

If they didn't work this out the other would find out. What about their work as Team Flash? What about their friendship? She didn't want to lose that.

She spotted him again, talking to Jax and Cisco.

She turned around bumping into Felicity. "How are you doing?" She asked quickly, before Felicity, who was way too good in picking up on stuff, noticed her odd behavior.

They sat down. "Did I tell you how Oliver tried to paint the nursery?" Felicity started to babble happily.

Caitlin heard that story already twice. Once from Thea and once from Felicity herself, but she gladly acted as if it was new to her. She needed the distraction.

1 Minute to Midnight

Barry couldn't believe he got another shot. He promised himself that if she would forgive him his stupidity he wouldn't blow it a second time.

"I was scared to lose you. I couldn't lose you. My feelings for you, I guess I never really wanted to notice them. I was afraid of what they could mean, what they would change." It felt so good, so liberating to finally get everything off his chest.

She said nothing, she just waited and listened and was way too good to be true.

"As you might noticed I'm not that good at relationships."

She giggled softly.

"You've been through so much and I guess part of me never saw myself as right for you."

She opened her mouth, ready to protest in typical Caitlin fashion, but he didn't let her.

"But you know what? I don't want to be scared anymore. No more running away or making excuses. Fact is, I do believe I'm the right guy for you Caitlin Snow and you are the right woman, the only woman for me. It took me so long to finally see that, but here I am, babbling and rambling and hoping you feel the same way."

1 Hour to Midnight

The night was getting worse.

Couples were getting cuddlier, others were getting more drunk and Caitlin was looking stunning even from afar.

How could he have been such an idiot?

He just stood there and said nothing. Nothing! He wanted to supersonic punch himself, he deserved it and she deserved so much more than that.

His eyes always fell back on her, no matter how hard he tried not to stare. She was talking to Snart right now and he chuckled at her expression. Deadpan Caitlin stare. The very best. And poor Lenny was getting the full treatment and didn't know how to deal with it.

She briefly looked over to him, only to immediately look back.

This was a catastrophe. This was nuclear. This was Reverse Flash and Zoom and Grodd attacking all at the same time.

As he thought about it, he kind of wished for a supervillain team up right now. At least that meant he could punch things.

Ten

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her as close as possible to his body. Snow was falling down on them.

Nine

She swung her arms around his neck, smiling softly.

Eight

The others were probably storming outside now. They both heard distant noises. Laughter, glasses clinking, people counting.

Seven

"I was scared too." She admitted. "I never wanted to fall in love again. It hurt too much the first time around."

Six

He softly stroke her cheek. "I understand." Her wording made him curious, made him very hopeful. "You said you never wanted to fall in love again." He quoted her. "But now you did?"

Five

She playfully rolled her eyes as he smirked that cocky smirk of his. "What do you think?" She whispered against his lips.

Four

"I think…" He started but then corrected himself, "I know that I'm completely and madly in love with you, Caitlin Snow."

Three

It were the most beautiful words she heard all year. The most beautiful words she heard in a long, long time.

Two

He pulled her closer, his lips almost touching hers now.

"I love you, too." She said.

One

As the clock stroked twelve, their friends and family cheered on the other side of the lab and the fireworks over Central City exploded, Barry Allen slowly kissed Caitlin Snow, knowing that this wasn't just the start of a New Year, but the beginning of a new journey, a new life they would start together.