#LovePotionPuckentine.

(Chapter 1)

SAM: "Uggghhh! Come on! Stupid pants! Pull UP! How the heck did you ALL get so skinny?"

CAT: "Maybe you eat too many ribs."

Sam Puckett stops struggling with her black jeans for a second.

"Maybe you eat too much fried chicken." Cat Valentine continues cooly from her side of the bedroom.

Sam glares at her roommate with narrowing eyes.

"... Maybe you're just getting fat." remarks Cat with a knowing smile.

Sam walks slowly - comically - across the bedroom, holding the waist of her jeans as they squeeze tightly around her thighs just underneath her buttocks. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said buttocks in front my readers.

SAM: "...what? didjyou say?..."

CAT: "... welllll... maybe you consume more caloric energy than you expend during the course of your day to day activities is all. Just sayin'."

Sam's face screws up into a snarl as both her hands reach up to choke a bichon when the doorbell suddenly rings

CAT: "Ding Dong! I'll get it!" squeals Cat as she races out of the bedroom to get the front door.

SAM: "Heh... 'Dong.'" mutters Sam, followed by the phony laugh track.

Cat darts across the living room and opens the front door. Her friends Dice and Goomer walk in.

"Oh hey Dice! Hey Goomer! What's up?"

"Cat," begins Dice "I've got some good news and I've got some bad news."

"Well, you can't win 'em all I guess." remarks Cat.

DICE: "So the good news is, I've been making some money... A LOT of money... selling a new... let's just say... 'potion'."

Cat's eyes and voice suddenly light up like a firecracker "A POTION?! What kind of a potion? A MAGIC potion or some other kind of potion?"

DICE: "Well... that's where the bad news comes in..."

GOOMER: "Hyuk.. heh hehh hehh..." Mumbles a smiling Goomer, as he stares strangely at Cat. "It's not the size of the potion it's the motion in the potion huhh hehh heh."

DICE: "... it's the other kind of potion I guess. It's a new drink that's suppose to make you... you know..."

CAT: "Babble like an idiot?"

DICE: "Well," continues Dice, shyly. "... it makes you... want to... you know... 'love' someone..."

Goomer picks up a lamp from a table and begins to kiss and pet it gently.

DICE: "... or some THING. And Goomer drank a whole bottle of it this morning when you're supposed to only take one teaspoon per day MAX!"

CAT: "Oyyyggghh... I remember what THAT'S like. ... or do I?" recalls a confused looking Cat.

DICE: "I just need you and Sam to help me look after him for a couple of hours until he comes down off this stuff. Please? I can't take him to the hospital because this stuff is illegal in fifty-one states and I don't want anyone to know I'm selling it!"

CAT: "Wow, Dice, this sounds like a really bad idea. I mean... even I think this isn't a very good plan. Putting a large, strong, hopped-up, feeble-minded, love-thirsty MMA fighter in a house with a five year-old boy..."

DICE: "TWELVE!"

CAT: "... and two adorably hilarious teenage girls JEEEZ I WONDER WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN DICE?! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG, DICE... if that IS your REAL NAME!?"

Sam unceremoniously walks into the living room wearing no pants but just a tshirt and white panties.

SAM: "So I've decided this might be a new look for me from now on. Sure some will call it lazy. Some may even call it indecent. But Mama calls it 'Freedom.'"

GOOMER: "FREEEEDDDOMMMM!" yells a hopped-up Goomer, as he charges at the unsuspecting Sam with his arms wide open.

"GOOMER NO!" screams Cat and Dice in unison, as the camera zooms into Sam's terrified face just before the opening theme song begins.

(Clap clap) 'I'm never that far... no matter where you are...'