Effie's urgent meeting was about the stupid wedding dress. I nodded along and pretended that I was interested while her and Cinna discussed whether they should recreate the one I wore for the interview. They decided against it because they felt that it might stir up too much controversy. In the days following that one, I was constantly mocked for my tears by a Johanna and Finnick. That's what happens when people have a lot of spare time, no jobs, too much money and find it enjoyable to make others uncomfortable, they begin to mock everyone. About everything. Every second of the day.

Later that week President Snow has Peeta's and my family brought from District twelve to the Capitol. After many days of bothering Haymitch about it, I managed to convince him to let Gale come too. Prim and my mother both were fascinated by the Capitol. All the wealth and luxury was ridiculous compared to the seam. "People in the districts are starving." Gale spat, obviously disgusted by all the spectacle. Him and I hated the frivolousness of the Capitol and all it's people. I thought It was crazy when our house in the Victor's Village has full electricity and heat in the winter. But that was nothing compared to the large neon signs and stadiums using enough electricity in an hour to power District Twelve for a decade.

Peeta's father looked happy to see him. I'm sure his mother was happy too, but she never really showed any emotions so I wasn't truly sure. She told him that he needed to eat more because he was getting too skinny. In reality, he was just losing his baby fat and becoming more muscular from all the time spent in the gym. No one could become 'too skinny' in the Capitol unless they wanted to. Rye rolled his eyes at his mother's comment, "He's getting fed better than you could ever feed him. And Peeta is not too skinny, I don't think his body has changed at all. You just want to fatten him up so you can put him in your oven and eat him."

His mother sends him the dirtiest glare I've ever seen as she looks over her middle son up and down. "If that was my plan, I am surely failing at it. You're a twig."

Rye crosses his with arms and leans against a wall. "The ladies love me." His mouth curls into a smirk.

Peeta's oldest brother Barley starts to laugh. I've never seen him do anything or have an expression that was not a scowl. It must be genetic. I wondered if my child was going to have his mother's constant frown. I think their fight was done, but his mother continues, "Well the ladies won't love you anymore when you have no money when I fire you from the bakery. So you won't be able to take them on those silly dates you're always on. Tell me if they still love you then."

Rye lopsidedly grins at his mother, "Peeta will take me into his house and raise me along with him and Katniss' non-existent child. I will refer to him as 'father' and he will pay for my dates." I never realized that Peeta lived alone. But it made no difference to his family if they lived in the Victor's Village or not. While Peeta's new house was larger, the family home already had heat. As much as I disliked Peeta, it still upset me to know that he had that whole big house to himself. He was still a kid, we both were.

"Have fun with that." His mother said rolling her eyes. Rye muttered something that either was 'witch' or 'bitch'. Both were appropriate descriptions of his mother. I'm sure she didn't hear him because he was not slapped upside the head.

...

After our families came, Peeta and I barely saw each other. He spent his days with his brothers and often Finnick. Johanna floated in and out, she was often drunk up in her apartment. And when she wasn't, she would spend hours in the training room throwing axes or flirting with Barley. Barley was tall like his other brothers, but was stockier. He did not possess Rye's skinniness, but was built more like Peeta. He was extremely stern, and didn't care about going on dates or doing anything besides his work. His blue eyes weren't lively like Peeta and Rye's, but a colder, icier blue. Peeta said Barley used to like to read a lot in his spare time, but hasn't since Peeta was reaped. I guess that's what happens when you spend your whole life being a good big brother, but couldn't save your sibling the one time they actually needed your protection. But he couldn't change the age range of the Games. If he could, that would be one hell of a quarter quell. I can see in Barley's eyes that he still feels a bit of anger towards Rye. He could have volunteered for Peeta, but he didn't. Peeta described Rye as a "coward" and I understand why. Family ties are broken on reaping day- everyone knew that. Even though volunteering for the Games is something most people wouldn't do, I can see the way that he avoids his problems and I can determine that the reaping was one of many times where he showed his cowardice. Peeta still probably resented him too. But they all should be fortunate that it wasn't Rye in the arena. He would be dead in five minutes. And if he wasn't, I wouldn't help him. I owed Peeta, not him. But wouldn't Peeta want me to save his brother? That would be considered a proper payback. He saved my sibling, so I would save his. No, I decided that would not be payback for saving my life. Saving Rye would never be worth it. I would have left him in the arena to decompose and die a slow terrible death.

A slow and terrible death was a perfect way to describe watching Barley be flirted with by Johanna. Her type was hard to get, and he was probably the hardest person to get in all of Panem. All her efforts were put towards him because she had run out of other guys and did not like the men of the Capitol. They were too prissy and clingy in her opinion. She needed a "real man" and apparently Barley was the perfect example of that. He ignored all her advances, which only made her more intrigued. Barley was twenty-three, an age that most people in District Twelve were married by. But he didn't care about getting married, especially getting married to Johanna. Most girls in the District would marry him. He was tall, muscular, smart, attractive. He resembled Gale in that sense. Girls always used to giggle when they saw Gale, but he wasn't interested in them. Johanna described him as "Gorgeous" but then said she couldn't be with someone who was better looking than she was. And anyways, they would kill each other within a day.

Early in the evenings she would burst into our apartment and start screaming at Peeta about his brother. She would roll her eyes and complain for hours at a time. Peeta told her to wait for him to come to her, but she didn't listen. She didn't wait, people always would flock around her. She was Johanna Mason, probably the most famous victor story before a Peeta and I came along. She was beautiful, smart, and cunning. She had never been denied by anyone before, and it infuriated her. How could a baker from District Twelve not reciprocate her attraction towards him? This only made her try harder.

At night, after Johanna went off sulking back into her room, Peeta and I would have awkward, drunken sex. We both felt awful in the morning, but Snow was getting suspicious. Somehow I had not become pregnant yet. We couldn't stand to look at each other sober because of what we were doing, why we were doing it, and because of everything that's gone on between us. We've lied too much, seen too much, said too much to be normal around each other again.

...

I remember the last night Peeta could stand to look at me. It was the night after we had went on the date and first had sex. He walked into my room and leaned onto the doorframe. "Raise your hand if you feel used." His hand slowly rose up and his eyes bore into mine.

I roll my eyes at him, "How did I use you? Last time I checked, you were using me to keep yourself alive." We both were using each other in truth. But neither of us wanted to admit that we depended on the other.

"Let me think..." He puts his finger on his chin "Everything last night. You used me for sex to make yourself feel better. You hate the fact that Snow is in charge of who lives and who dies-"

"Well who isn't upset by that?" I screech cutting him off.

He scowls "Can you not let me finish a god damn sentence? You hate it so much that you're trying to control everything you think you can. And you hate the fact that you can't protect your family because you think that's the only thing you're good at. The only way you can protect them is by getting pregnant so you're trying to do that as hard as you can so you can feel like you have a purpose again." His face had turned pink and I'm sure mine has too. "You just want to get out of that hole you've created for yourself for self loathing, and you feel like using me is the only way to get out of it. But let me tell you something Katniss, it doesn't work! You can't use other people to solve your self made problems. You need yourself, and I am not encouraging you to lock yourself away like you always do. That will only make your problems worse. And as much as you like to tell yourself the opposite, you have not mastered the art of being alone. I don't think it's possible to. You haven't been truly alone since the reaping, and you'll never be truly alone again."

"I didn't use you and I don't hate myself." I snap, my mouth turning into a straight line. "You just want my pity. That's what it is! That's all you wanted since day one! 'Let me get Katniss to feel empathetic towards me. Emphasis on the pathetic part. Maybe after all these years I'll get her to love me after years of stalking her and never saying a word. Let's ruin her life and set her up in a position where she has to marry me and have my child so she's stuck with me forever. And then tell her how much she has hurt me to try to make her see how much I love her. That will work one hundred percent! Haymitch even told me it would!'" I know my imitation of him went too far, but I had already crossed the line. I was only going to go further. "Sorry to break it to you, Peeta. You plan to woo me didn't work. I will never work as hard as you may try. I'm still here, and I'm still not in love with you. You're only making yourself look like a lovesick fool. But I'm beginning to think that may be what you actually are." By the end of my speech I'm out of breath. I know once again I has hurt him. Pain rimmed his eyes and his mouth and even his hair looked less bright than it had before. A slight urge to walk across the room and hug him takes me, but I couldn't. I gave up that right a long time ago.

"If you think that's it, then you must really not think highly of me." But it was quite the opposite, I thought higher of Peeta than anyone else I had ever known. It's something that Haymitch and I had realized a long time ago. Peeta was the only victor of chance. He was truly deep down better than all of us. "I loved you Katniss. I really did. And for a while, I thought that you might of loved me back, or at least had the potential to. And when I realized that it could never happen, I had hoped that we could be friends, or at least stand each other. As you've mentioned so many times, we are stuck together for the rest of our lives. And I thought we were on the right track. But you must have only been pretending there too. I applaud your acting skills, you can even convince people who know that it's fake."

I try to look tough, but it's quite obvious that I am awkward in this situation. "It's not my fault you couldn't keep up with the game. It's all games with these people."

"It's not just them anymore. Katniss, you started playing more than they ever have." He slams his fist on the doorframe. "You're throwing yourself into all the other game pieces trying to self destruct. Stop with the games and find something real. You've gotten so lost on their game board that you can't find finish. I'm done with your games. Have fun playing by yourself." After that he just walks off into his room and locks the door. I didn't speak to him until the next morning.

...

Snow set up a brunch for Peeta's family, mine, Haymitch, and Effie. To make it better he said that he was coming to get to know our families better. The last time Snow saw my family was the meeting before the Victory Tour where he warned be about consequences of lying to him. He knew that I was seeing Gale, and that petrified me. I had never wanted him so close to Prim again. And now we were all sitting at one long table together. He looked more venomous than I had ever seen him. Even Gale had managed to make himself look respectable in a white shirt and gray suit jacket.

He asked us how we all were and everyone responded with a smile and "Great. Thank you for asking." Barley mumbled a string of syllables that didn't resemble any sound from the English language. Even Rye was polite and didn't say any rude comments to Snow or anyone else at the table. But he was trying avoid eye contact with Gale. I secretly wished that Gale would beat him up again. That would certainly make for an interesting meal. Effie and my mother make small talk to clear up the silence, but tension still remains.

"So how's your stay in the Capitol been so far?" Effie asks cheerfully.

Everyone nods their head except Barley who I'm surprised to see talk. Especially being the only one to respond. "It's nice and all but there's this little troll that follows me around." I snigger a bit.

"An avox?" Effie seems a bit confused, her purple eyebrows scrunch together and move further up her forehead.

Barley shakes his head "I wish it was an avox. It never shuts it's mouth. Like one of those small rat dogs. A woman- I didn't know if she was old or young or even a woman. You Capitol folk make it much too confusing, but she had one of those at the airport and it wouldn't be quiet. I'm usually against violence towards others, but I would be lying if I said that the thought of kicking the dog really enticed me." His mouth remained in it's usual straight line.

Haymitch chuckles loudly "He means Johanna."

"Yes that thing." Barley cringes slightly.

"That's my girl." Haymitch smirks. "Doing exactly what I taught her. Push and push and eventually the door will open."

Barley rolls her eyes "Her legs are already open." He mutters.

Effie gasps at the eldest Mellark boy's comment and decides to switch the topic slightly. "Haymitch you really shouldn't be giving advice to well... Anyone. Especially relationship advice. You're quite single, so it must not we working."

"Sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but you're quite single too."

Effie rolls her eyes. "I'm single by choice."

Haymitch laughs loudly "If that's what you want to tell yourself." Snow glares at the table and Effie and Haymitch stop bickering. He looks right at me, the trials have begun.

"You look a bit frazzled, Miss Everdeen. Would you like a drink?" His snake eyes resemble ice and I feel my palms go moist.

I nod slowly. "Yes please." Peeta squeezes my thigh hard from next to me. I kick him in return, and then I remember the pregnancy. "Some water would be nice." Snow creepily smiles at me and signals an avox to pour me a glass. "I just wanted to thank you for allowing us to stay in the Capitol. It means a lot that I can get the best things available for my family in this time of transition."

Snow tips back his glass of red wine. "I thought we were closer than that Miss Everdeen. I know you hate it here." I try to interject, but Snow cuts me off. "You wish to be back in District twelve. So you can spent some time alone with your boyfriend."

"Peeta and I get a lot of time alone here." I say looking fake lovingly at Peeta.

"No not him. The other one." His eyes focus on Gale who looks very uncomfortable with being the center of the conversation. He never raised his hand in school because he hated the stares of other people. Whenever the teacher asked him to give an answer he would just respond with 'no comment'. Everyone knew it wasn't because Gale was stupid because he wasn't. He got much higher marks than I ever did, he just was disinterested in socializing with others. That's what I liked about Gale, we could sit in silence and still be content. Unlike Peeta, who's driven by love; Gale and I are both driven by survival. And the best way to survive in District 12 was to stay silent. It was nice because I had always had a liking towards the silence. Some of our best moments were those in the woods just remaining. The world didn't move in those hours. Everything stayed in place until one of us broke the bubble.

I laugh as if he's saying a joke. Peeta joins in after a while and then the whole table except Snow is laughing. "They're wrong about you not having a sense of humor Mr. President." Rye says from the corner. Snow does not look amused. I wonder if our fake laughter sounded as fake as it did in my head. Rye continues, "I have never seen a pair more in love. We all know how devoted my little brother is to her. It's actually quite pathetic how devoted he is to her. And she doesn't scowl at him like she does to everyone else."

"Well she does a little bit." Peeta says lightly his smile beaming at Snow. "Gale and Katniss are just very good friends. More like siblings at this point. Almost like my friend Delly Cartwright back home." I thank all the high power for Peeta's ability to ramble on and on. He never fails to make a crowd listen. "I would do anything for Delly, but there's nothing more than friendship there. I would never kiss her or anything. Katniss and I are too in love to every thing about anyone other than each other."

"I snogged her once or twice." Rye shrugs.

Peeta rolls his eyes "You've snogged everyone once or twice."

"Including the mailman." Barley adds in moving his eyes up from the table.

Peeta lightly chuckles. "Can't forget about the mailman. But you see President Snow, unlike what every single book and movie has ever said, a boy and a girl can be friends and not feel anything towards each other." I catch Gale's eye and we both make awkward faces at each other. So far, I was failing my trial. My execution was so close I could almost smell it.

"Very well." Snow says confidently the corner of his lip curled up. "Just hope that your baby doesn't come out with his face." Gale's jaw clenches and I know he's getting angry because I'm getting angry too. We both had awful tempers and Snow only brought the worst out in them.

"I'm really hoping it will look like Peeta." I gush. The tone of my voice was so sweet I felt as though I was going to vomit. "I hope it has has his dimples." I run my index finger over Peeta's left cheek. "And his eyes, and his smile." Snow does not look pleased for me to change the topic on him, but it's the best thing I could do at the moment. Gale looks relieved to be out of the conversation. Secretly, I know he's upset with what I'm doing too. He hated that I touched Peeta all the time, even though he knew that it was all just for show. I look over at his face and then over to Peeta's. Gale is all contrast, dark hair, bright eyes. While Peeta was all bright and sunny. They look their parts, Peeta the lovesick golden boy, and Gale, the boy from my poor past. They both were destined for greatness, and neither of them were aware of that. But I... The one who caused the fight was destined for nothing. War brings some people to glory while others fall back into the shadows. Except there was no war, at least not one that was being fought by more than one side.

...

After the brunch concluded Effie, Haymitch, Peeta, and I were on the elevator going up to the apartment. Effie looks peeved, Haymitch looks rather bored, and I couldn't read Peeta's face. Haymitch grabs himself a drink and flops onto the couch, a bit of amber liquid splashes on his pant leg and I practically hear Effie cringe. "Well that was fun," He bellows. His voice isn't tinged with sarcasm, but he doesn't seem serious either.

"I feel humiliated." Effie snaps. "I just try to make them and myself look as good as possible, and you have to go and mess it all up."

"Not everything is about you, sweetheart." Haymitch rolls his eyes drinking half his glass and thrusting the cup it on the table.

Effie scowls at him "I'm supposed to one who makes you bunch look good. How am I supposed to get promoted to a better district if I can't even control my victors?" She shakes her head grabbing Haymitch's drink and finishes it.

Haymitch stands up and walks around the chair Effie's sitting on. "Number one, there is no controlling anyone. Katniss over here listens to no one and that's why she's first on Snow's hit list. Peeta becomes a loose cannon once you put a camera in front of his face. He will say anything to save all our asses even though his stories are getting crazier and crazier. And I just don't listen to a word you say. Number two, you are not getting any kind of promotion to a better district. So get over it. You've been with me for sixteen years and you're still here. He's leaving you here hoping that you'll snitch on all of our plans. And you wouldn't do that Effie, because if you do, you're dead too. So smell the roses because you'll be here for a while." Death was the topic too often between our little team. But I guess when you're being threatened with it every second of your lives you have to learn to embrace it. I try to conjure up the image of a twenty four year old Haymitch, but I can't. Even though I've seen the video of his games, nothing pops into my head. I can't imagine him as anything other than the middle aged drunk I saw in front of me. He wasn't angry like the Haymitch in front of me was. He was a sad broken boy who gained all the material items in the world, but lost the things he loved the most. That's why him and Peeta got along so well; Haymitch saw him as a young version of himself. He was only trying to protect Peeta from what he could become. Peeta had lost the vision of me, the one that he was in love with. The person that meant everything to him was replaced with a brutish girl who couldn't control her anger. He was just a boy. The games ended our childhoods, but we were still children. And children need dreams and things to hold onto when things got tough.

"Sixteen years and you haven't changed a bit. Always the optimist." The sarcasm rang in her voice. I imagine Effie meeting him. It must've been a great surprise I think to myself. Effie probably was ecstatic about getting the job for escorting. District Twelve was the worst district, but she probably thought that it was a good beginning part. It also had the winner to the Quarter Quell in it. If only she had expecting him to be a rude drunk who insulted everything that she did.

He strolls across the living room and comes back with a bottle of vodka. He turned the top off and threw it over towards the bar. "What is there to be optimistic about? We're all gonna die. It doesn't matter how genius my plans are, and which the answer is extremely. Snow will always be one step ahead of all of us. He knows everything. I plan on spending the last remaining days of my life doing what I love and do best... Getting drunk."

Snow was always ahead of us, but he didn't have to be. All we needed was a curveball. Something that he would never expect. Peeta and I could not continue to be the happy couple awaiting our child. Maybe we didn't have to be a couple at all... "I think I have an idea-"

"You think you have an idea?" Haymitch asks rolling his eyes. "Do you have one or not? It's a very simple question. Just a yes or no."

I roll my eyes back at him "Yes. I have an idea. Why don't we just do the opposite of what Snow is expecting. He wants a happy couple, let's give him the opposite. Have Peeta and I fight in public. Scream at each other maybe even break up for a small bit. They still won't send us to the arena because they will still think I'm pregnant."

Haymitch nods slightly at me. He looks pleased for once "The Capitol loves a romance, but they love a breakup even more. Have photographers spot you in different locations. Make him spotted with different girls every night. Keep them watching."

Effie beams at me "Have one of them beg for the other back. Katn- no Peeta. More believable that way. Eventually she would have to forgive him for... Wait what should he have done?"

"Maybe make her the one who did wrong. I"m too pathetic to hurt her. Say that I walked in on her with another man. It's not a secret that she has been kissing others." Peeta words are like a slap in the face. It should have made me mad, but I know I deserved it. I deserved so much worse.

"I don't know what's going on with you two." Haymitch says obviously intrigued. "But the cheating thing is good. But it can't be her. No one can question the paternity of your child, which really should have been made by now, but that's a whole different story. You caught Peeta with some random admirer of his. He couldn't deal with all the fame. Too much pressure for a boy from District Twelve. Your little stunt goes on tomorrow. Get ready to show the whole world how broken you both are." I realize that Haymitch is going to play off what many call Victor Syndrome. The fall from grace so many of us deal with. Haymitch himself is a prime example. Annie Cresta went mad. The morphlings barely lived a life. Johanna got angry and began to force herself on others, but I'm beginning to feel that she's only doing that to make Snow angry. He wanted her to sleep around, and she said no. But nevertheless, she suffers from the syndrome. It messes with your mind, ruins your personality all because of the games. I guess people never really leave the arena. It plagues our dreams and our minds. We're stuck in this area, never adults, but never children either. Our childhood ended on that unfortunate reaping day. There is no coming of age tale because there was no coming of age. We were just thrust into adulthood, and never really matured. We all still remain at our cornucopias waiting for something. Like maybe there's some sort of switch that turns when you become a victor. That will make it mean something one day and all the death and destruction wouldn't have been in vain. They expect us to return to live like the way it had been, but only better. But how does one go back? Go back to our old lives? Face all the people that allowed you to be sent to a slaughterhouse like a premature calf. How do they expect people to do that? How did they expect me to do that? None of us can move on because we don't want to move on. We all realize that the switch is never turning on and everyone begins turning to different substances to make them feel for a moment that it did. We continue to go through the motions of life with scared teenagers stuck inside our heads and matured bodies. But we're all still waiting for the answers, and I'm quite certain that we're never going to get them.

AN: I am so sorry that this chapter took so long to come out. As an apology I made this chapter extra long. I originally wrote one around two weeks ago, but my IPad glitched and I lost everything I had on it, including the chapter. So I had to rewrite it and I'm really proud of how it came out.