Puppy Love

"Joker, mail call!" snapped the Arkham Asylum guard, stopping outside Joker's cell.

The Clown Prince of Crime looked up from his game of solitaire, surprised. "For me?" he asked, taking the letter from the guard. "But nobody ever writes me letters!"

"Guess it's just your lucky day, clown," said the guard. "Though the handwriting on the envelope's pretty sloppy – could just be a crank letter, or more likely it's from some nutball as messed up as you."

"Or from a kid," commented Joker, looking at the childish scrawl on the return address. "Janey Bennett, 1922 Copper Beach Grove, Motor City, Michigan. Gotta be a kid – that'd be the only kinda person dumb enough to send me their address!" chuckled Joker. "People know better than to send the Joker crank letters, Sam, unless they wanna get a crank letter of their own laced with Joker toxin. And there are no nutballs out there as messed up as me – I'm a little insulted you think that."

"Gee, sorry to have hurt your feelings," muttered the guard, sarcastically, as he headed off down the hall.

"You will be, when that timed Joker toxin bomb releases in the break room," murmured Joker under his breath, as he opened the letter and read its contents.

Dear Joker,

My class is studying criminal behavior so I thought I'd ask how you became a criminal. My Daddy says you're the most dangerous criminal around, and he's really glad Motor City is so far from Gotham City so he'll never have to deal with you. He's the mayor here, but he says people couldn't pay him to be mayor of Gotham City. I don't believe him, because people always pay him to do stuff when he thinks I'm not looking, so I'm sure people could pay him to be mayor of Gotham City. Plus Daddy lies a lot so I don't believe most of what he says anyway. But he and my teacher say that criminals aren't people like us, and that you have to have a really messed up mind to be one, so I guess I want to know why you're so horrible, how you became a bad person, and if there's any way I can help. Before Mommy left, she told me I should always be good and kind to people, and I guess that goes for bad people too. But if you're a bad person, you probably won't even answer my letter, but I would be really grateful if you have the time and if it's not too much trouble. Thank you!

Janey Bennett

Age 12.

Joker reread the letter immediately, intrigued, and then shrugged. "Well, it ain't like I got anything better to do," he said to himself. "Nothing but time in here, at least until that bomb goes off and I bust outta here. Hey, Sam!" he shouted at the guard.

"What?" demanded the guard.

"Can you get me a pen and paper?" asked Joker. "This requests a reply, and I hate to keep a captive audience waiting."

"You serious?" asked the guard. "You want a pen and paper to write a letter?"

"Well, what else would I want it for?" demanded Joker.

"Last time you folded the paper into an airplane and stuck a detonator on it so that it would blow up when it hit someone, and it took out Sid's ear," said the guard. "And you stuck the pen in Matt's eye."

"Well, this time I want them to write a letter," snapped Joker. "Geez, you use a pen and paper as a weapon once and people hold it against you forever! You can trust me, Sam. Just read this for yourself," he said, holding out the letter to him.

Sam just looked at him. "If I touch the paper, is the toxin on it gonna infect me through the skin?"

"There's no toxin!" snapped Joker. "It's an honest to goodness letter from a kid! You should probably talk to one of the shrinks about that paranoia, Sam, before it starts taking over your life!"

Sam shrugged and went to go get the Joker what he asked for. When he returned, Joker sat down and began to write.

Dear Janey,

I read your letter with great interest – I'm not usually the type who gets mail, so it was a pleasant surprise, to say the least. I was intrigued by some of the things you said about your family, particularly your father. It must be pretty cool to be the daughter of the mayor – maybe you could tell me more about what life is like with him. I was also sad to hear about your Mom leaving – I hope you still get to see her from time to time. Kids deserve two loving parents, and it's a sick joke when grown-ups act like children towards each other, and then end up hurting their own children.

As for me, I appreciate the offer of help, but I honestly don't think there's much you can do if the combined power of the shrinks, cops, and Batman can't help me out. They're the ones who need help, not me – I'm a fairly happy guy. Batman could probably use a hug or something, but whenever I try that, he punches me in the face. Anyway, I appreciate the thought, and the letter, like I said. Usually the only people who ask me questions are paid to do that, or ask them while they're beating me up demanding to know where the bombs are, and it's truly touching for someone to take the time out of their day to write to me, and to send kind wishes. I'm not a bad person, Janey – I'm a comedian. The problem is not everybody gets my sense of humor, and so they lock me up in here. Everyone's a critic, and comedy's a hard gig. But I believe you gotta follow your dreams, no matter how difficult they are, or what's the point of living?

The truth is, criminals aren't any different to you, or your teacher, or your Daddy. And we don't all have some tragic backstory that made us who we are. People just see the world in different ways, and most people are colorblind, like dogs. Did you know dogs are colorblind, Janey? Well, they are, and most people are too. A few of us, though, we can see rainbows. And we try to tell the people who only see the world in black and white all about the rainbows and the colors, and they lock us up for it because they think we're crazy. Well, crazy's a matter of perspective, especially when you're a dog that's seeing rainbows. And you shouldn't be punished for seeing the world differently. I hope that makes a little bit of sense to you – kids tend to understand the world better than grown-ups anyway.

Well, I'll sign off for now. I hope you'll write back and tell me a bit more about your life and your family. I'd be very interested to hear all about you, the kinda girl who thought writing to the Joker would be a good idea.

Your friend,

The Joker.

Joker finished the letter and then stuck it in an envelope, copying the address Janey had given him. "Sam!" he called. "Can you mail this for me?"

Sam examined the envelope. "I'm running this through the toxin scanners before I do," he said.

"Fine, you do that, Mr. Paranoia!" snapped Joker. "I may be a sick freak, but where's the joke in murdering a child who wrote me a letter? You tell me what that punchline is!"

"I can't – I ain't crazy," retorted Sam, heading off with the letter.

A few days later, Joker got another letter from Janey.

Dear Joker,

Thank you so much for writing back to me! My teacher gave me an A+ for my project, so thank you for helping me out! You're right – you must not be a bad person if you'd take the time to write back to me. I don't think you sound so crazy, and I was wondering if maybe we could keep writing to each other, like pen pals. I don't have a lot of friends at school or anything, and I can't really talk to my Daddy, and you signed my letter 'your friend,' so I hope you were serious about that, since maybe I can talk to you instead.

The truth is I'm not very happy most of the time. I live with Daddy in the mayor's mansion, and the kids at school think I'm the luckiest girl alive, but I don't feel like it. Daddy works all the time, so I'm alone a lot. Mommy left me when I was little, and I don't know where she is now – Daddy won't tell me, and she doesn't call or write or visit. I think Daddy made sure she doesn't – I remember them screaming and fighting a lot before she left, so I think they must not love each other anymore. And sometimes I feel like it's my fault they split up, like maybe they don't love me anymore either. Maybe Mommy and Daddy blame me for them splitting up, and that's why they both ignore me. I just feel very lonely all the time. Maybe someday you can come visit me, and I can show you my toys. It would be nice to have someone to play with, since Daddy never seems interested.

All Daddy is interested in is work, and his secret meetings he thinks I don't know about. He thinks I'm not looking through the keyholes when he accepts the bribes, or talks about taking money from the city treasury. I guess that's why I always thought that criminals had to be bad people, since Daddy does bad stuff and he's a pretty bad person. But you don't seem so bad – you don't talk to me like Daddy does and tell me to shut up or that you're too busy to listen, or that you don't care. You actually take the time to talk and write back to me. I hope one day we can meet and maybe go out for ice cream. I love ice cream, do you?

Your friend,

Janey.

Needless to say, Joker wrote back instantly.

Dear Janey,

So sorry to hear that you're not very happy. Nothing sadder than unhappy people, I've always thought, especially children. I know what it is to be lonely – try being locked up in a cell sometime! The important thing is to have a positive attitude and try to smile. Things always seem a little better if you can just put on a happy face, and things always do get better, Janey, so don't worry. Maybe it doesn't seem that way right now, and maybe you don't feel there's much you can do, but try not to mope or you'll turn out like Batman. Try to see the rainbows, rather than the black and white.

Things with your father do sound difficult, but try not to worry – I have a plan to help you out. I promise I will help make things better for you. What are friends for?

I will most definitely be coming up to Motor City to see you the moment I'm free, which should be very shortly. I can't wait to see all your toys, and get some ice cream. I also love ice cream – what's your favorite flavor? Mine's chocolate, but I'll buy you any kind you want, with extra sprinkles when we meet. I can't wait!

Your friend,

The Joker.

Joker decided to mail this letter himself, so he called Sam over and stabbed the pen in his throat. "Not the eye, genius, see? There was no reason to be paranoid!" he snapped as Sam fell to the ground with a gurgle. A few moments later, the bomb went off in the break room, flooding the corridors with Joker toxin. In the chaos, Joker grabbed Sam's keys and unlocked his cell, removing himself from the asylum, posting the letter, and catching the next flight to Motor City, after sending Carl Bennett, the mayor and Janey's father, an email that threatened to reveal his corruption unless he handed Janey over to his custody and confessed to his crimes. If he didn't, Joker warned, the citizens of Motor City would suffer.

And suffer they did. Carl Bennett refused to humor the Joker, who retaliated by infecting the blood supply of Motor City with Joker toxin. Six people died before Carl Bennett sent for the assassin Deathstroke to take care of Joker. Deathstroke instead exposed Carl's corruption, he went to jail, and Janey went to live with her loving mother, who had been desperate to see her every day since the separation, but had been forbidden all access by her domineering and dangerous former husband.

Before Joker returned to Gotham, he and Janey did indeed go out for ice cream, where Janey asked if they could always be friends and pen pals, which Joker agreed to. It was a good joke, he thought, doing something heroic like this, not that he was gonna make a habit outta it. But it was fun being hero for a day, almost like Batman, except for the whole killing innocent people thing, of course. Couldn't get rid of all the fun. Besides, he had a soft spot for kids – they were the only kinda people who always laughed at his jokes.

They kept in touch for a few years, but gradually lost contact, and soon Janey Bennett was little more than a distant memory to the Joker. A distant memory that was about to intrude on his life in a completely unwanted and unexpected way.

Ten Years Later…