In Pieces

by

A.K. Hunter

Chapter One

Everyone grieves differently.

Gwen had shared that little gem at the funeral, when he'd admitted that he hadn't cried yet, couldn't cry yet, and had asked what was wrong with him that he couldn't cry for the woman he loved.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Don't compare your grief to anyone else's. It's yours and yours alone, and how you deal with it is your business."

Six days before Jenny had passed away, when, after almost a year of pasted-on smiles and ever-wilting hope, he'd broken down, begging to know how he was supposed to live the rest of his life without her, she'd offered him nothing but truth.

"Happiness will be there when you're ready for it. Take all the time you need."

Two years had come and gone since he'd buried his beautiful, kind, vibrant wife, and Kevin Ryan didn't feel any closer to being ready for happiness than he'd been in that horrifying moment when her heart had stopped beating.

Kevin took a long pull from the glass of beer in front of him. Dive bars weren't really his thing, but he didn't really know what else to do, where else to go.

It should have been Jenny's thirty-second birthday, and he'd punched a suspect who had been mouthing off during interrogation. The tears still hadn't come, but he'd grown accustomed to the hot grief that flared at inopportune times—he hated that side of himself. He hated the daily fight to keep his broken pieces together.

"I know today's difficult for you, but you can't assault suspects," Beckett had told him. "What can I do to help?"

"Everyone's moved on with their lives," he'd said, "and half the time I feel like I'm still in that hospital room. Why can't I get a handle on this?"

"Because it's not about control. Grief demands to be felt."

Kevin didn't have a response to that. Control was the only thing that had kept him together for the last two years. He wasn't about to give up the only thing that kept him sane, the only thing that allowed him to live a somewhat normal life.

"Take the rest of the day off. Tomorrow, too."

"But—" Time off was the opposite of what he needed. How was he supposed to fill all those empty hours?

"I can't have you on this case, and you need some time to get your head on straight."

He'd wandered around the city for a while, and then, like an oasis in the desert, the filthy establishment had appeared in front of him.

Kevin was careful to not drink beyond his limit. He had to stay in control of his faculties. It would be reckless to let loose when there were so many terrible things in the world that he couldn't control: murderers, the Knicks' losing streak, cancer.

"This seat taken?"

"Nope." He took another drink, coming dangerously close to the bottom of his glass. He'd have to pace himself.

"Thanks," the soft feminine voice responded. "A Black Russian, please," she said to the bartender.

It belatedly occurred to Kevin that the woman beside him might want to talk, and when he glanced over at her, she seemed entirely absorbed in her cell phone. Her slim, graceful fingers, moved furiously over the touch screen. Her face was hidden by a curtain of red hair.

She didn't want to talk to him then. That was fine. He turned back to his beer.

An older man sandwiched himself between the redhead and Kevin. His elbow encroached upon Kevin's personal space as he leaned against the bar, grinning at the redhead. "Hey, gorgeous. You look a little lonely."

She didn't even acknowledge the man. The bartender set her drink in front of her, and after thanking him, she took a sip, still absorbed by her phone.

"That's a pretty strong drink for a little thing like you," the older man continued. "You sure you can handle it?"

Her head turned the slightest bit before she returned to her phone. "Does your wife know you're here?" she asked with disinterest.

"How did—" He shook himself. "I'm single."

She ignored him again. Kevin looked the man up and down from his limited perspective, wondering how the girl had known he was married.

His hand closed over her pale arm, and hackles raised on Kevin's neck.

"Hey, look at me when I talk to you," he said.

With a long-suffering sigh, the redhead turned to face the man, yanking her arm out of his grip. "Sorry, grandpa, but I don't waste time on pathetic old men looking to sow some expired oats. Why don't you take your lechery and Viagra to someone who's actually interested."

Kevin bit back a grin. His night had just gotten a hell of a lot more interesting.

Embarrassment colored the man's features. "Fucking bitch," he muttered. "Someone should teach you manners."

"Who?" She snorted. "You clearly don't have any."

He invaded her personal space with a growl, and in an instant, Kevin grabbed the back of the man's jacket. "I think the lady would like you to leave her alone."

The man frowned, and Kevin's voice dropped to the tone he reserved for suspects and convicted criminals. "Step away. Now."

When the man finally relented, the girl wiggled her fingers at him. "Bye, grandpa."

The man stomped away, and Kevin's eyes shifted back to the redhead, seeing her clearly for the first time. He immediately understood why she'd gotten so much attention. Thick red hair cascaded over her shoulders, stopping at the waist of her dark green dress. Large blue eyed lined with smoky makeup glittered at him from her pale, flawless face. A small smile tugged at her ruby lips. "You didn't need to do that," she said. "I could have handled him."

Kevin shrugged. "A simple thank you would do."

"I'll do you one better." She caught the bartender's attention, bringing him over with a come hither gesture. "What's your poison?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

She looked him up and down. "You look like a Scotch kind of guy." She turned to the bartender. "Two Lagavulin. Neat."

Kevin was surprised by her choice. He did like Scotch, but it was well beyond what he was allowing himself at the moment. "No, thanks—"

"Come on, Mr. Hero," she said with a brilliant smile that warmed him from the inside out. "Let this damsel in distress buy you a drink."

He sighed. It was all too easy to give in to her request. "You sure you want to drink that after a Black Russian?"

"Do you show this much attention to all the ladies you meet in bars?"

"I, uh—" He didn't know how to answer that. Truthfully, she was the first woman he'd spoken to in a bar since before he and Jenny had gotten serious. That thought sobered him. "No, I don't."

If she noticed the change in his demeanor, she didn't mention it. "I must be special then, huh?"

Her warm presumptuousness brought a small smile back to his face. "I'd say so."

Their drinks were placed in front of them, and she held hers out to clink against his glass. "Cheers."

The warm concoction slid down his throat with ease, and he felt a little tension slip away.

"Blech." His companion's face scrunched up. "I keep waiting for the taste to grow on me, but it's still terrible. Glad to see you liked yours."

"I never caught your name," Kevin said.

"I never said it."

"I'm Kevin," he said, offering his hand.

The redhead took it with a small smile. "It's nice to meet you, Kevin. You can call me Sally."

A crease appeared between his eyebrows at her words. "Is that actually your name?"

"Maybe. Maybe not." She licked her lips, and his gaze was caught by the gesture.

A warm thrill trickled down his spine. "So... Sally, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

She snorted in response. "Why would you think I'm a nice girl?"

He looked her over, trying to find an answer to her question. She was beautiful, funny, free-spirited, even brave. Didn't those things make her nice? "You haven't given me a reason to think otherwise," he said quietly.

Something shifted in those large eyes, and she glanced down at her empty drink. If he hadn't been watching her so intently, he would have missed it completely. She recovered, another smile stretching across her face. It didn't look genuine. "Careful, Mr. Hero. You keep saying such nice things and you'll make me blush."

She caught the bartender's attention again. "You want another drink?"

He didn't. The Scotch was burning pleasantly in his belly, and there was a looseness in his shoulders that he hadn't felt in years. "Are you trying to get drunk?"

"Is that a problem?"

He nodded. "I like you sober."

She frowned. "I'm not exactly sober right now."

"Then you definitely don't need another drink." When the bartender finally made his way over, Kevin cut her off. "She'll have a water. And we'll be closing the tab for the night."

"You're kind of bossy," she said, running her fingertips over the back of his hand. The light touch sent pleasurable chills down his spine.

"Is that a problem?"

"Just surprising. I'm usually better at reading people."

He caught her hand in his, drawing circles on the inside of her wrist beneath the faux-pearl bracelet. Satisfaction filled him when he felt goosebumps raise on her skin. "And what kind of reading are you getting on me?"

She considered him again, her eyes suddenly intense as a soft smile pulled at her lips. She leaned close, and the scent of strawberries washed over him. Her voice was low and sultry. "Let's just say I like what I see."

Her hand wrapped around the back of his neck, holding him in place as her soft lips pressed against his. Kevin was frozen in place for a moment, and she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, sinking her teeth into it, demanding his response. He grew hard against his jeans, his fingers twining in her hair as he kissed her back. His tongue caressed hers, and she moaned into the kiss.

Kevin jerked away from her embrace, shock and guilt spilling into his stomach. It was Jenny's birthday. What was he doing making out with some woman in a bar?

"What's the matter?"

"I just..." He didn't know how to explain himself. How he still mourned for Jenny. How his need for a strict routine and control was antithetical to kissing a beautiful woman in a bar. "I'm not that kind of guy."

"Who is she?" the redhead asked, and Kevin stopped.

"What are you talking about?"

"The woman who made you sad. Who is she?"

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but couldn't gather his words. "How do you know I'm sad?" He realized belatedly that he hadn't refuted her claim.

"Observation," she shrugged. "Look, why don't we get out of here? You look like you've had a lousy day. I've had a pretty bad one too. A bad month, really. We can help each other."

Kevin shook his head, that irrational, inconvenient anger boiling beneath the surface again. "Why the hell would I go anywhere with you? I don't even know your real name."

"Alexis," she breathed, not letting go of his hand. "My name is Alexis." Her thumb moved soothingly over his knuckles. Her large blue eyes weren't watching him with pity. Instead he saw genuine interest and something akin to need in those blue depths. She didn't look at him like he was broken—not like everyone else. Instead, she made him feel wanted, desired. Like he was special, like he was the one doing her a favor. Kevin realized that he wanted to keep it that way.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Alexis nodded. "What do you want?"

"I want to forget."

She gave him a small smile. "That sounds good to me." She gestured to the bartender. "We're going to need to re-open that tab."

Kevin stayed with the redhead until last call. Despite his desire to forget about his pain, he hadn't drank much more. Just another couple of beers. Alexis was so captivating he hadn't really needed the alcohol to forget.

The girl was a fucking genius. Spurred by his interest, she'd talked his ear off about everything from current events to physiology to literature. He'd found out she'd lived in Paris, LA, and had recently settled in New York. Somehow they'd gotten to the topic of his Irish heritage, and she'd demanded that he teach her every single Irish word he knew. Kevin wished he knew more than a simple handful of words. She'd given him a beautiful gift: distraction. The least he could do was give her a few new vocabulary words. Her mind at work was one of the most fascinating things he'd ever seen.

She'd hit the bottle harder than he had, and with her model-thin frame, he thought for sure he'd be picking her up off the floor. She held it together well, and only rolled her eyes once when he'd pushed a second glass of water her way. She seemed to enjoy his attention.

"Álainn," he said.

Alexis repeated it, paying close attention to the lilt of his speech, but not quite matching it. "What's that mean?"

"Beautiful," he said with a grin.

Color danced across her pale cheekbones.

"Come on, lovebirds. It's closing time. Get out of my bar," the bartender said.

They glanced around, surprised to see they were the only patrons left. A little shock jolted his system when he realized it was four in the morning. "I haven't been out this late in years."

"You're showing your age," she winked. He'd felt uncomfortable when he'd found out she was only twenty-one. That discomfort eased as she continued talking and he realized that with a mind like hers, age was just a number. He had a feeling that she'd done a lot more with her twenty-one years than he had with his thirty.

Alexis slipped a coat on over her eye-catching dress as they walked out together. She swayed a little bit, and he gripped her elbow to keep her upright. "I told you not to drink so much," he admonished.

"I'm fine," she responded. "More tired than anything else." Still, she leaned on him as they walked out of the bar, and he didn't mind the soft weight of her body against his side.

They stood outside for a moment, neither one willing to admit that it was time to call it a night. She hadn't made another pass at him since the first time, and Kevin felt both relieved and disappointed by it.

"You sure you can get home okay?" he asked.

"I'm sure. The walk will wake me up."

"How far is it?"

She told him her address, and a frown pulled at his lips. That would be a long walk, and it wasn't exactly in a good part of town. His mouth made the decision before his mind did. "You can come home with me."

Her large eyes widened. "What?"

"It's not safe for you to be walking home this late. I'll take you home in the morning." The more he thought about it, the more sense it made.

"You don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself. You don't owe me anything."

"I know," he said hastily. "Just let me do this for you, okay?"

Her head cocked to the side, and she bit her lip. All of his attention focused on her delicious-looking mouth. She stepped a little closer, squeezing his hand. "I'm not ready to say goodbye, either."

Warmth washed over him, and he grinned at her confession and the way she'd called his bluff. "Come on, then."

The cab ride back to his place was quiet, but the silence was comfortable. Once they'd gotten situated in the cab, her fingers had entwined with his. He might have been worried if it didn't feel so right. The guilt and anxiety that he'd been able to call upon at any time in the last two years was mysteriously absent. What was happening to him?

He unlocked the door to his apartment, and it wasn't until Alexis had stepped inside that he realized what a potentially huge decision he'd made. She was the first woman he'd brought home since Jenny.

Alexis' eyes scanned over his apartment. "This is the cleanest bachelor pad I've ever seen."

The thought send a wave of sadness rushing through him. While his apartment had become rather masculine and utilitarian, he didn't think of it as a bachelor pad. It was still his and Jenny's home.

"What's the matter?" Alexis had noticed his somber expression. "Did I say something wrong?"

He shook his head. He didn't know why, exactly, he didn't want to tell her the truth. Maybe he didn't want to see that same pity in her eyes that he'd seen on the faces of everyone else. Maybe the pain was too precious to share with someone he'd just met. Either way, he kept it close to his chest. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just—you were right. I am sad."

He forced himself to look at her. She watched him with complete understanding, and her fingers entwined with his. "Do you still want to forget?"

"Is it wrong to want an escape?" he asked. Part of him felt like it was wrong. Like allowing himself to stop thinking about Jenny was selfish.

Her hand glided up to his cheek, and he found himself leaning into the warmth and comfort her touch provided.

"You don't have to be strong all the time, Kevin," she said softly.

Again, he expected pity, and instead she'd shown him understanding and kindness. Gratitude didn't even begin to cover it.

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are?"

A small smile lit up her face. "Show me?"

His head dipped down, and his lips brushed over hers in the lightest, barely there caress. He grinned when her breathing sped up at the simple gesture. When they'd kissed earlier at the bar, it had been fueled by lust and alcohol. This was softer, and somehow more intimate.

She took his hand and led him over to the couch, and rather than sit beside him, she crawled into his lap. Her dress slid up her thighs as she straddled him, and he hardened at the heat that pressed into his lap from between her legs.

Her lips found his again, and his hands twined in her hair as he leisurely kissed her. Her nimble fingers found his tie, carefully unknotting it and tossing it over the back of the couch. The buttons of his dress shirt were next, but she was moving too fast for him. He wanted to savor her, to draw out every moment she spent in his arms. He hadn't felt so peaceful, so content, in far too long.

His hand wrapped around the back of her neck, squeezing just tight enough to get her full attention. Alexis immediately went pliant in his arms with a soft whimper. When he tipped her head back, his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth, she opened for him, her tongue caressing his when it dipped between her parted lips. He reached a new high, drinking in the taste of her mouth and the sweet-strawberry scent that wrapped around him.

Her fingers found his shirt buttons again, and he didn't stop her. She only undid the top four, then attacked his throat with her lips and tongue. She rocked forward on his lap as she lay a line of kisses across his collarbone, and the friction caused little tendrils of pleasure to spark low in his belly. She nipped and sucked at his throat, her fingers undoing the rest of the buttons while he was distracted by the sensation of her mouth across his skin.

Cool air hit his chest and shoulders as she tugged his shirt off, and that slight chill gave him a brief moment of clarity.

"Alexis?"

She tore her attention away from his body, and he almost regretted interrupting her. Those large blue eyes were darkened by desire, but her gaze softened as she looked at him, a question in her eyes.

"I want to see you again," he blurted out.

"What?"

"I told you before—I'm not that kind of guy. I don't do one-night stands. And once tonight is over, well, I want to see you again."

"Oh."

Heat rushed into his face. He was making a fool of himself.

Her answering smile was surprisingly shy, and it set his heart on fire. "I'd like that."

Kevin claimed her mouth for another kiss. His time with Alexis didn't feel like the meaningless hookups he'd indulged in when he was younger, but he felt much more at ease knowing that this wouldn't necessarily be a one-time thing. He liked her, and she seemed to like him as well. He didn't want either one of them to feel used in the morning.

Alexis sucked on the tip of his tongue, and blood rushed southward. With a moan, he reached for the zipper of her dress. He slowly pulled it down until it settled against the middle of her back, and shock and desire rooted him in place as she climbed to her feet and pulled the zipper the rest of the way down. Her dress pooled on the floor around her feet, exposing every inch of her body that her lace panties didn't cover. God, she was almost too perfect. For a long moment, he did nothing but stare at her, his eyes drinking in the swell of her breasts and the trim of her waist. He took her hand, pulling her back into his lap.

"Gorgeous," he breathed.

A pretty blush spread over her cheekbones. His hand shook and his heart raced as he dragged his fingertips up her waist. He stopped under the curve of her breast, drawing teasing circles there.

Her head fell back with a moan, and he continued the teasing caress. He couldn't quite bring himself to cross that line.

Alexis' fingers entwined with his, and she slowly, gently brought his hand up to cup her breast. They both moaned as her hard nipple brushed against his palm. It was all the encouragement he needed.

He shifted his weight, pressing her into the couch. Her legs immediately wrapped around his hips, and he saw stars when her heat pressed against his erection, separated only by a few layers.

He rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, then dipped his head down to take the hardened bud into his mouth. Alexis writhed beneath him, moaning at his touch.

She unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans, freeing him from his confinement. His cock jerked when her small hand wrapped around it, her thumb spreading the precome that had gathered on his tip.

"Fuck," he moaned against her breast. He grabbed her hands, pinning them to her sides. "I am not going to last if you keep doing that." He was already worried that he wouldn't last long enough to bring her pleasure. Two years of celibacy had made him as eager as a teenage boy.

She grinned up at him, not the least bit repentant. "Should we take this into the bedroom?"

Discomfort hit him somewhere between his heart and his stomach, but he collected himself quickly, kissing her relentlessly until she whimpered beneath him. "I like you right where you are."

Kevin backed off of her long enough to remove the rest of his clothes, and then he redoubled his efforts, his mouth wrapping around her nipple as he stroked her sex over her lace panties.

"Kevin," she moaned, grinding herself against his hand. "Please."

His fingers hooked around the fabric, pulling them down her slim legs. He eased two fingers into her heat, groaning when he learned how wet she was.

A keen escaped her mouth, and Kevin sealed his lips over hers, the thrusting of his tongue moving in sync with his fingers. He could feel her walls tightening around him as her cries echoed in his ears. His thumb drew unforgiving circles on her clit, and his fingers crooked against that sweet spot inside her. She exploded around him with a cry, her walls clenching around his fingers as she rode out her orgasm. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

When her body calmed, he pulled his fingers out of her soaking heat. His eyes locked with hers as he sucked her essence off of his fingers, and her eyes darkened with the erotic act.

She sat up, leaning forward to kiss him, but his hand pressed over her clavicle, his fingers brushing against the base of her throat. Animal satisfaction flashed through him when she yielded to the pressure, allowing him to push her back against the couch. His tongue caressed hers, and he rewarded her compliance by allowing her to taste herself on his tongue. She moaned against his mouth, flying high on the pleasure he'd given her and the erotic tension between them.

"Please, Kevin," she whined.

"Are you on birth control?" he asked. He hadn't needed a condom in years, and he was pretty sure he didn't have any.

She nodded, grinding her hips against his length. "Please."

He draped her legs over his shoulders, his hands splaying over her ass as he lined himself up with her heat. He entered her slowly, groaning as her slick muscles caressed him, stretching to accommodate him. Alexis let out mewl of discomfort and satisfaction, and she shifted her hips, seeking both further stimulation and a release from the unyielding pressure. Kevin moaned when his hips finally lay flush against hers. He definitely wouldn't last long. Could he get one more out of her before he reached completion?

Her hips circled against his, wordlessly letting him know she was ready for more. He must have hit another sweet spot, because her walls tightened and she cried out. Interesting. Kevin pulled back just the slightest bit, then moved forward again. A moan ripped through his chest when another cry flew off her lips and her heat became even tighter. With small strokes, he rocked inside her, hitting that magic button over and over again until she screamed his name.

With a growl, he pulled almost all the way out before thrusting ruthlessly back in. Alexis moaned, arching her hips to meet his thrusts, repeating his name like her favorite prayer. Pressure tingled in his tailbone as he pounded into her, and her moans grew louder when she felt him swell and harden inside her.

"One more," he moaned. "Give me one more."

His fingers found her clit, rubbing circles and pinching it hard as he drove his final thrust home. Alexis' scream seemed to rise up from the depths of her soul, and her body clamped onto him, her muscles rippling around him. Stars burst in his eyes when he found his completion, his shout mingling with hers.

He peppered her neck with kisses as they came back down.

"Oh my god," she gasped.

He gathered her in his arms, awash in the endorphins and residual pleasure that rocked his system. "Yeah," he panted, unable to formulate a coherent thought.

"That was…"

"Mmhmm." He nuzzled at her neck, laying kisses against her sweat-slicked skin. She curled closer to him, and he pulled a blanket off the back of the couch to cover them. His fingers ran up and down her side.

Her eyes grew heavy, but she watched him with a small smile on her face. "I definitely misread you."

"Glad to exceed your expectations." He smirked. She yawned again, curling even closer to him. "Get some sleep."

"You're being bossy again."

"You like it."

Alexis didn't bother to argue. Her eyes closed, and soon enough her breathing evened out. Kevin watched her for a while, marveling at the way she'd stormed into his world, broke down his barriers, and charmed the pants off of him in a matter of hours. She definitely was something special.

His thumb glanced over her sharp hip bone, and he frowned just a bit. She was beyond gorgeous, but she looked like she could use a few good meals. He'd break out the bacon and pancakes in the morning.

He let his head rest on top of hers, and sleep soon claimed him.

Some hours later, as mid-morning light shined in through his windows, Kevin found himself alone on the couch. His clothes had been folded neatly and placed on the coffee table.

"Alexis?" he called.

Silence answered back, and regret dropped like rocks into the pit of his stomach.

She was gone.

Author's Note: Well, here's another one. I just can't seem to help myself. I hope you enjoyed it, because there's more to come! Please, please, please review!