I'M SO SORRY THIS HAS BEEN SO LONG. First, last chapter got like 5 reviews so I wasn't super motivated to work on this, and then when I was it DELETED TWICE.

But it's okay because this is the best version I've written so far :). Next chapter won't be nearly as long.

Chapter 7

SPOV

She bit down on her lip. It was ridiculous how nervous she was to do something so mundane, but she truly valued her opinion, and she would take into account whatever she had to say. "You're probably wondering why I brought you here."

"It's probably because I'm cute and grown ups like to buy cute kids ice cream."

She laughed at Abby's matter of fact opinion. She wanted to cry for the little girl that had already lost so much, including her beautiful hair, but she just couldn't because she still hadn't lost her contagious, positive attitude. "I guess that's true. But mostly I had to ask you a question. So your Grandma and your Dad will pick us back up here in an hour after they go get your medicine."

"A question?" She perked up. "Did my daddy tell you how good I am at Math? I bet it's a math question. Ask me what 2 + 4 is, Miss Spencer!"

She was actually laughing now. "Hey Abby, can you help me figure out what 2 + 4 is? I've been wondering for awhile."

"It's 6!" She holds up both hands, one with two fingers and the other with four fingers. "See! Six!"

"You are good at math," Spencer praised. "and I know who I'll come to for help with all of my math problems now. But I actually have another question for you, if that's okay."

Abby nodded vigorously, a little ice cream on her nose. "I like questions. And I like you too. My daddy looks at you like you're his favorite person ever, so I think we should be friends. I want you to be one of my favorite peoples ever too."

She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to do it. "That's kind of what I wanted to ask you, kiddo. You know your daddy used to be my boyfriend, right? Do you know what that means?"

"That you get to kiss each other whenever you want to," she recited like someone told her that before. "Johnny asked me to be his boyfriend, but I told him no. I don't want to kiss boys, they're gross."

Spencer grinned. "That's exactly what it is. I was wondering if you would mind if I was your daddy's girlfriend again? It's okay if you don't want me to be, I promise. You're his daughter and you come first, okay?"

Abby nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Because if you were my daddy's girlfriend you could come around all the time. And we could have ice cream and smores and maybe you could play Barbie's with me!"

Spencer sighed in relief. "I'm glad you think so because I really want you to be my friend too, Abby. I used to-" she paused, biting down on her lip. "I used to have a little girl a lot like you, and I miss her a lot sometimes."

"You used to? Where is she? Can she come over and play?"

She closed her eyes, completely unwilling to cry right now. "She's not here anymore. She was really sick for a long time, but she's better now in a better place," she explained, trying to use words that a 6 year old might understand."

Abby didn't talk, but she slowly nodded her head. "I'm sorry," she said, touching her hand. "What was her name?"

"Reagan," Spencer smiled sadly. "She was getting ready to go into Kindergarten when she got sick, so she would be a few months older than you if she was still here."

"Can I see a picture?" Abby asked, some of her excitement coming back. "I bet she was so pretty, just like you."

Spencer smiled, pulling out her wallet and showing Abby the picture of Reagan, who was just about at the same point in her treatment as Abby was now. Her beautiful, bald baby.

Reagan frowned, looking at her reflection in the mirror at the hospital. "Mommy?" She waited until Spencer's hand was on her back before asking her question. "Can someone still be beautiful if they have no hair?" She asked as she shifted the scarf on her head.

Spencer felt her heart shatter at the question, but by the grace of God she managed to keep a straight face. "I've never seen you look more beautiful, baby."

Luckily Abby didn't notice as she swiped at a stray tear below her eyes. She was too busy examining the picture. "She's so pretty! And she's got no hair like me! Does that mean I'm still pretty too?"

Spencer couldn't stop a tear that time. Why were girl so focused on their outside appearance? It was one of the most tragic parts of their current society. But it gave her an idea. Before she could say anything else to Abby, Toby and Mrs. Cavanaugh walked into Dairy Queen. "Did you ladies have a nice lunch?" Mrs. Cavanaugh asked in a soft, happy voice.

She knew the happiness had more to do with her and Toby than it did anything else. Mrs. Cavnauagh had been more of a mom to her than her own mom ever had been, and she couldn't have been happy when Toby told her what he had done.

"We did, Grandma!" Abby squealed. "Miss Spencer is my best friend now."

Toby stood grinning behind his mom, and that alone was enough to make her heart jump. God, she loved him. "Are you guys ready to go?" She asked softly, not taking her eyes off of Toby.

Mrs. Cavanaugh snorted. "Abby and I are ready to go. You and my son are going to spend some time together. You've missed a lot of time and have a lot of catching up to do." She wagged her eyebrows suggestively, causing Spencer to blush a deep read. "I never liked Jenna much," Mrs. Cavanaugh laughed. "Probably because I missed you, dear." She gave Spencer a one armed hug before walking out with Abby. "If I see you two before Sunday night I will personally make sure you regret it."

She watched them go before turning to Toby with a half smile. "Who are we to argue with that? Want to go back to my apartment? We can walk back from here."

He nodded. "What did you want to talk to Abby about?" He asked softly.

Honestly, it didn't matter what she talked to her about so much as the fact that he trusted her with his daughter to the point that he hadn't needed all the details. She smiled a little bit, looking at the ground. "I um- I wanted to make sure that she was okay with us."

He stopped them on the side of the road, gently turning her so that she was looking at him. "What?"

She didn't want to meet his eyes. It felt stupid now. Why did she think that it was a good idea to ask a 6 year old's permission? And what if she had said no? Would she have walked away? Would she have had the strength to?

She didn't have to think hard to find the answer inside of herself. Of course she would have. She knew what it felt like to watch your child go through something as agonizing as cancer treatment... to wish with everything inside of your heart that you could take their place. To fight like hell to keep a hold of some shred of hope, even when it felt like the world was crashing down around you. She knew what that felt like, and there was no way in hell she would have tainted that process by stealing any of Toby's attention away from an unwilling daughter.

She smiled sadly at him. "I wasn't going to force myself into your lives if your daughter wasn't feeling it, Toby. I'm a big girl, I would have found a way to make it, but she needs you right now. And I wasn't going to screw that up by sticking around if she secretly hated me."

He still looked shocked, she couldn't read his true emotions. "And what did she say?"

"Basically she asked me to be her best friend," she laughed. "And she thinks that dating means you can kiss someone whenever you want."

Toby's shock broke way to a bright smile. "I love you, Spence. Will you please give me another chance now? I promise I'll never hurt you again."

She wanted to kiss him and hold him and never let him go. The fragility of life was something that she understood on a personal level now, but she couldn't do it yet. "What about when things get hard again, Toby," she whispered. "I trusted you before and..." she trailed off, not wanting to say it.

He framed her face with his strong hands and looked into her eyes with an almost tangible passion in his gaze. "I will never leave you again. I promise. I could barely do it once, I could never do it again."

She closed her eyes, thinking back to the last time he said something like that.

"What are you so upset about?" She asked him softly.

He shook his head, his forehead in his palms. "I just heard something that I don't like," he sighed.

"Because it was a lie?" She asked softly, scooting closer to him and putting a gentle hand on his knee. They had been friends for their entire life, but the dating thing was still fairly recent to them. She wasn't sure this was what she was supposed to do.

He shook his head a second time. "Because it's true," he disagreed lightly. "and I don't know what to do about it."

"Tell me," she whispered. "what can I do?"

He glanced at her, his eyes a little blood shot. "Your dad came to talk to me today..."

She closed her eyes. Her damn parents, getting in the way of everything that she wanted. "What the hell did he do?"

Toby smiled a little bit, and it made her chest flutter. She would have done anything to see that smile; literally anything. "I'm not sure I should tell you," he said softly. "I think you'll be more upset by it than I am."

"Well now you have to tell me," she insisted.

He signed. "He was in line behind me at the grocery store. He just had some words of caution for me."

"Toby-" she protested, but he continued before she could make any other demands.

"He told me to be careful, basically. He said that you already loved me too much, and that you would follow me into hell if I asked you to," he paused. "Which I wouldn't. You know that right? You know I wouldn't ever let you get hurt? And I damn well never would ask you to do anything that would hurt you."

She nodded furiously. "Of course," she whispered, not denying the part about walking into hell for or with him. She would follow him anywhere.

Toby nodded. "Well he basically asked me to consider whether I wanted you to or not," he said softly. "I know it sounds stupid, but-"

She cut him off. "It doesn't sound stupid. It sounds like my dad putting his nose where it doesn't belong."

"I know. I know, but he's right, Spence. You can do better, and maybe you-"

"If you finish that sentence I'll punch you in the nuts, Toby Cavanaugh. I have everything I want and need right here," she insisted. "My dad can kiss my ass if he doesn't like it."

Toby smiled a little bit, as he always did when she got mad. It was really insulting, but right now she was happy that he was still here. Toby had a tendency to run when he was feeling overwhelmed. She could work with this, but if he left her... that she couldn't deal with. "You can't leave me," she whispered, adding it as an afterthought at the end.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her down into his lap, wrapping both arms around her. "I'm not going anywhere."

She didn't see it at the time, but that was the beginning of a long struggle with her parents, one that did eventually end with him leaving. God, she wanted to believe in him. There wasn't much that she believed in in this world, but her trust in Toby had been the one constant in her life; that was until he broke it in a way that she thought may have been irreparable. Now she wasn't sure. Her heart wanted to forgive him, but her brain was holding her back.

He didn't speak, he just pulled her into a hug. His arms felt just as safe and secure as they always had. She felt like nothing would ever be able to hurt her while he held her. And that was when she knew. He was still the same Toby. He was the Toby that always walked on the side of the road with the cars and let her go first up to the tree house. He was the Toby that never ate the last piece of pizza and always let her have the orange dreamsicle while he took the gross fudge one. He was the Toby that tirelessly went door to door delivering girl scout cookies with her. He was the Toby that punched Noel Kahn in the face for making her cry, and he was the one who unapologetically took a month of detentions for it. He was her Toby, and one mistake, albeit a horrible one, didn't change that.

She believed him.

"Okay," she whispered into the skin of his neck, shivering as his arms pulled her even closer.

"Really?" He breathed, almost as though he didn't believe her.

She nodded, hesitating before leaning in and kissing him with all the passion she could muster, not at all concerned that this was a very public street. He responded earnestly, losing on hand in her hair and using the other to keep her upright. She put a hand on either side of his face. She never wanted to move. She never wanted to escape from this moment, but they eventually broke apart for air. "I want to do something," she whispered.

He tucked a stray chunk of hair behind her ear and looked at her questioningly. "I um-" she bit down on her lip. "I want to go shave my head."

"Spence-" he breathed. He just looked at her for a second before kissing her again. It contained just as much passion without the length. "A-are you sure? I just don't want you to do something you aren't sure of."

She smiled and nodded. "I'm sure. I wish I had done it for Reagan. Abby asked me earlier if she was still pretty with no hair, and I think it would do her a world of good to see another girl going bald," she paused. "I think I'll still look pretty great," she laughed.

"You'll be the most beautiful person on the planet," he whispered. "You've always been stunning, you know that. But you're just- indescribable. You've left me speechless, Hastings."

She smiled softly. "I love you," she offered in a whisper, the first time she had said those words to someone besides Reagan in 5 years.

His eyes welled up with tears that she pretended not to notice. "I love you too."