Chapter 16: Panic Sets In, Unable to Cope

After Bash had left her in her room, she had showered and dressed in a simple pair of purple silk pajamas. She had placed her phone on the charger next to her bed, and pulled back the covers to curl beneath them.

She had fallen asleep almost instantly, a dreamless sleep that thankfully seemed to actually rejuvenate her slightly.

That was, until the nightmares had creeped into her dreams.

Mary felt the gun smacking against her skull in her nightmare, the pain and anguish that filled her soul at the thought that she wouldn't see Bash again. She screamed in her nightmare, screamed his name but was unsure if she had been screaming out loud.

Tossing and turning had plagued her, and she wasn't able to wake from it. There were tears spilling forth from her eyes as she remained trapped in her nightmare beneath her covers. She wanted to wake up, needed to wake up and forget the pain that was coursing through her emotional state right now.

...thankfully her phone rang right then, and she heard it.

Mary jolted awake, crying out as she frantically reached for her phone and slid her finger to answer it.

She put it to her ear, sniffing as the sobs were made evident in her tone. "H-hello?" She practically whimpered into the phone.

Part of her hoped it had been Bash, she hadn't checked, but she had a gut feeling it was him. And she knew that he wouldn't like hearing the fact that she was crying right now. She sat upright in her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin as she shakily held her phone to her ear.

His worry was apparent in his voice as he spoke, "What's wrong?"

Mary shook her head, "Can you...come here, please?" She said between small sobs, feeling her body shake as she tried to forget her nightmares.

"Bash please!" She begged through another bought of sobs as she dropped her phone onto her bed, burying her face in her hands as she let herself go and just sobbed in her bed.

And then he was holding her in his arms in a second; almost as if he had been there the whole time.

His strong arms lifted her crumbled form from the tangle mess of her sheets and brought her close to him, tucking her head under his chin as his hands gently moved the hair from the front of her face, wiping at her cheeks and rubbing the length of her arms and holding her hands.

Yes, he wasn't good at handling people who cried, but he knew exactly how to handle this from her. Her fears, her sadness, her ache. It wasn't something he had to second guess, nor was it something he had to hesitate towards. Her vulnerability and neediness pushed his own trepidations and troubling thoughts far from his mind as he gently rocked the frail girl in his arms.

"Mary, Baby, Mary," he whispered, "It's okay, baby, it's okay."

Mary felt him instantly, and her arms reached up and tangled around his form, crushing him to her as she shook her head.

"It was like...it happened all over again..." She sobbed into his chest, burying her face in the fabric of his shirt. Her hands grasping at the back of his shirt, clinging tightly to it as if she would break out of this reality at any moment.

She knew that he didn't handle her crying well, but he was here, and there were those names he was calling her again. Oh god how she craved the safety of his arms right now, she didn't want him to leave again, but she knew he had too. And very slowly, she began to calm in his arms, clinging to him as tightly as possible. She didn't want him to go, oh no she didn't want to face those nightmares over again when she closed her eyes.

Her body was still shaking slightly, but she clung to him as tightly as possible and she couldn't let go. Despite everything screaming at her that she had too, she couldn't possibly let him go right now.

"Don't...let me go...don't let them get me..." She pleaded with him, sniffing as her sobs slowly started to cease.

Something slammed into him, hard. It made his throat dry, made his hands tremble yet still at the same time as they traveled to her hair. Made his heart stutter, stall, stop, and then beat so wildly in his chest that it hurt. It was something he hadn't felt before and yet, he knew the emotion wasn't foreign to him.

There were remnants of memories that flitted through his mind. His mother, mainly. Grief stricken. Drunk. Violent. Full of self loathing. The one time he had fought off her attempts of abusive, only to see her crumble before him, sobbing over and over again about his father. That was the first time he ever openly admitted to loving his mother, the first time he thought he could hate his father (prior to ever meeting him; a lot had changed since then), and the first time he felt overwhelming pity for someone. The first time he had ever wanted to chase away someone else's demons.

And now, there were so many familiarities to his past and the present. The overwhelming pity for the girl he cradled in his arms, the slow boiling anger coiling in the pit of his stomach at the cause of her distress, the strong desire to chase away her demons.

But all of that was not as apparant as the overflowing wealth of emotion that seemed to travel from his heart to his fingertips. It was how it made him feel as it did so, that made it not quite the same as ten years before.

Yet it was all these revelations that made him realize, unlike mere hours before, that he meant it when he promised that he would never let her experience those emotions ever again. He whispered this to her against the shell of her ear as she slowly quieted. He knew, somehow, that he'd always be one step ahead when it came to her safety, that no one would ever catch him off guard again. He'd protect the peace of mind of the Scottish queen, even if one day such a vow would kill him.

So he promised, his voice full of the emotions he felt (some he had yet to name), "I won't let anyone take you away from me, Mary. You're safe with me. No one here, now, will hurt you. I won't allow that to happen. I won't let it." His eyes were blazing brightly from the unyielding weight of the sureness in the words he spoke. He tightened his hold on her, pressing her into him a bit more, willing her to believe him, to feelfrom him, how determined he was to live up to all the assurances everyone else around him seemed to second guess.

Mary felt herself relax against him, nodding at his words as she slowly lifted her head to gaze into his eyes. She sniffed some, keeping her arms around him and gripping his shirt as tightly as possible. "What if...the nightmares come back?" She asked him, realizing she wouldn't dare sleep again lest they returned to her.

"I can't face it in my mind again..." She whispered, staring at him as she tried to figure everything out. She knew he meant what he said, she trusted him more then anyone else right now. She realized it all in that moment, there amidst her sheets.

Suddenly she pulled back just enough so that there was a bit of space between them. She hadn't realized just how fragile she was being, and yet she was letting him see her in her most vulnerable state.

"Sebastian...will you...stay until I fall asleep again? And come back before I wake...or have another nightmare?" She whispered, almost inaudibly, but knowing that he would be able to hear her almost instantly. Her fears were stronger then ever right now, so fresh in her mind as she tried to push away the horrible things that had happened to her earlier this morning of all things.

Her hands still gripped his shirt tightly, as if afraid to release him at all. She couldn't let him go, wouldn't let him go right now.

Wordlessly, he covered her hands with his own, before removing them from his shirt as he moved on the bed. He pulled back her covers then tugged her, gently, towards them.

He wasn't sure if he was overstepping his boundaries as he covered the Scottish queen, but he did so anyway before she could protest. He then sat carefully back on the bed, on top the covers in a modest spot beside her, a bit awkwardly. A bit...nervously? He looked at her, hand darting out to wipe the tears from her cheeks as his eyes roamed the features of her face with worry. He tensed his jaw as he quietly regarded her, willing to do anything she asked of him in that moment.

Mary was about to protest, but when he sat next to her she reached out and pulled him downwards. She wanted him to lay with her, and she wondered if he would protest that right now. "Lay with me...and hold me..."

Her words were but a hushed whisper, as she looked at him while trying to move over so he could lay with her. She wanted to feel his arms around her as they laid there, feel the safety and security of his embrace as she drifted off to sleep yet again. She hoped that it would work, to quell the nightmares and enable her to rest peacefully for a short amount of time. "I think...it'll help me fall asleep easier...knowing that you're holding me...fighting away the nightmares..." She whispered again, hoping that he would do as she asked, not as a queen, but as her, Mary.

"Protecting me...with your arms around me tight..." She whispered yet again.

Bash hesitated, mind faltering at her words, stiffening a moment. He regarded her carefully a moment, reading the sincerity in her gaze, making sure he wouldn't be creating for her an uncomfortable experience before reaching down to unlace his shoes. He then turned, his back towards her a moment as he slid the dark colored sweater vest from his shoulders, leaving his checkered plaid button up. A bit awkwardly, Bash maneuvered both guns from the holster underneath his shirt. Placing them both on the night stand beside him (along with his vest) before turning back to face Mary. He moved just enough to pull back the covers and slowly slid under them, feeling the soft material through the black slacks he wore.

Gently he slid an arm under her back and pulled her into his chest, holding her to him as he laid beside her, his head resting against the headboard of her bed as he glanced down at her.

Mary slid an arm around his waist, resting her head against his chest as she closed her eyes. "Thank you...Sebastian." She murmured gently, curling up against him as close as she could, her hand resting on his hip as she did her best to relax and drift off once more. The sheer closeness of his body, the feel of the warmth he gave off was actually sending a small blush to her cheeks as she laid there with him. She wanted this closeness for as long as possible, and knew that she needed to be able to let him go eventually.

She lifted her head slightly, looking at him as she tentatively brought her hand up to rest on his cheek rather then his hip. She shifted ever so slightly, moving upwards more as she lightly pressed her lips to his. Her hand slipping around his neck to rest at the base, fingertips ever so lightly dancing at the base of his neck.

He gave her a reassuring smile as he kissed her back, gently brushing his lips against hers as he found himself tucking loose tendrils of hair behind her ears.

Mary relished in the kiss, continuing it for a moment longer before she pulled away. She laid her head back down on his chest, curling against him as she snuggled beneath the covers and against the one person she felt could keep her absolutely safe.

"Don't leave until I'm asleep...please..." She murmured, closing her eyes as she listened to the beating of his heart.

"I wouldn't dare," he said quietly, his fingers gently running through her soft hair, as he felt her weight on him. He looked at her tenderly as his fingers twirled strands of her hair between them, massaging her scalp and the back of her neck.

Mary drifted off to sleep easier this time, the feel of his arms around her and within her hair helping to soothe any nightmares that dared try to return to her mind.