Being a demon was a hard job.
In general being anything could be he supposed.
But in general he wondered how he went from nobility among human and demon kind to a lowly butler. Then he looked at the child he was serving and remembered.
It was never a choice in the first place. The boy favored his mother for now, but he would grow in time… He could already see his features shifting as the days and months stretched on.
That this child was still his…
Sebastian closed his eyes as he sat on the roof of the manor, thinking back on his life. What a fool I was… For ever thinking he would ever be the same…
I should tell him… Yet I'm so scared to tell him too…
Ciel barely remembered those times. Not as well as he claimed to. Otherwise his mannerisms would've tipped him off right away. The light teasing… Focusing on his studies and trying to encourage him to do his best. Taking care of him far more than any simple butler would… And oh had he in his lifetime seen plenty of other demons forced into servitude and do it only to what would entail them a good meal.
Not Sebastian.
He had further ties then a mere contract.
And of course… He never knew what I really was… He believes that marking is a contract seal… And I let him believe it because I was afraid he wouldn't accept me back as I truly am…
He had made plenty mistakes as a demon… One of which was falling for a young woman born to nobility.
And for him… He wouldn't ever regret it… But how he wished he could go back to those simpler days. Living as a noble, content to only act when he had to as the Queen's Guard Dog even though he loathed that name with a passion.
And sacrifice wasn't something he wasn't aware of. Before he and his love had their child, they had cats that were much beloved. After their child kept turning red and sneezing whenever around them, they gave up said animals so he wouldn't be ill all the time.
He also made many mistakes disguising as a human. It was easy to use fortunes of those he had previously made a contract with, to build up a name for himself. It was quite easy to fool people into believing he had simply always been there. A demon's influence was strong and he was one of the best at his craft. But it was harder becoming a husband. It was harder becoming a father…
And when he had to live his own nightmares in losing his wife and then having his son taken…
He would say he wished he had never fallen in love… But… He sighed as he looked over the silent gardens.
It would mean the one thing in both the underworld and the human world that still mattered didn't exist.
His life as Vincent Phantomhive was long dead…
Now… He had to continue it… Whether he liked his predicament or not.
He knew it was cowardly. Why sit and ponder while he could've just been straight with Ciel since day one?
Because he knew how loose a child's lips could be. His own son was all too gleeful at the tender age of five to rat his father out on whatever it was he was doing that they knew would anger the missuses. And he also knew his son's triggers…
That he would be questioned why he couldn't save his mother.
Why he was what he was.
And the biggest one he was terrified to hear:
"Did you even care for me in the first place?"
He would rather Ciel remember their previous time together as he remembers it. A rosy, joyous time for all involved.
Because as much as it hurt him… He still had a job to do as a parent.
Maybe he would tell him one day. Maybe he wouldn't.
Because while he was one hell of a butler…
He felt like one hell of a failure of a parent.
I'm so sorry Ciel...