"Potter, James."

Normally, hearing that name, I would relax—I mean, almost everyone could sort a Potter—but after my experience with Sirius, I feel less confident. It's not that I fear to discover some dark secret—I'm sure they would never be like the Blacks—but you can never be too careful. The Potters are brave and loyal and chivalrous, but they can also be cunning when they want to, and more important, they're smart enough to hide their slyness, so I prepare my self to shout either Gryffindor or Slytherin as soon as I touch Mr. Potter's dark, messy hair, just in case.

"Sly—Gryf—Slyt—Gr—"

"Hey, don't you dare sort me into Slytherin just to even the... score. I thought Godric Gryffindor created you but you seem more biased to the Lord of the Snakes if they ask me. You would think you'd rather sort students into your master's House, which is where I belong anyway, just so you know."

Wait, what? This kid sounds like a troublemaker.

"No, you misunderstood. I was just weighing my options, Mr. Potter. And even if it was indeed Lord Gryffindor the one who gave me life, I equally respect each one of the Founders."

A snort reached me.

"I'd never sort anyone into a House just to even the score. In case there were—I don't know—no Slytherin, well, there would be no Slytherin. Period. End of story."

"Hey, can you make it happen? Because it would be really cool!"

I'm already tired. Can a Hat develop headache? I'm sure I can. "No, I can't make it happen. Now, can we please go back to your sorting?"

"Sure, go ahead and sort me into Gryffindor. Quickly, or I will set you on fire."

"Wait, I still have to read your mind, you know, and your heart. But I can't do that if you keep distracting me." I sigh. "But you must me very brave to dare threat me. I'd already guessed so from Sirius' memory. I'm sure you'll become the best of friends."

"Sirius! You two talked about me? Well, of course, I'll be the most popular guy in the School. Oh, and by the way, we're already the best of friends and soon everyone her will know."

"Please, Mr. Potter. Can't you just be quiet? All this excitement prevents me from doing my job."

"NO, I can't!"

Why am I not surprised? If we weren't in the Great Hall, I'm sure he would be jumping up and down by now. Actually, now that I think of it, it's probably not the thought of a hall plenty of students and teachers that still keeps him back.

"Hey, Hat, do you think I could just stand up and say you sorted me already?"

Do I even have to answer?

"Wait, I have a greater idea," the boy says. "Now, we just stay here and talk until five minutes have passed. Then, you can sort me." Having said that, he tries very hard not to think of anything.

"Why?"

"Well, I can see everyone with a brain—and whatever Snivellus says, this rules out every Snake—everyone will be interested in Sirius now. And what about me? I need something to make me famous. A Potter into Gryffindor is a lame story, and I certainly do not want to go to Slytherin—Sirius and I have plans. But a Potter who is a Hatstall? Now, that's a scoop! And it would add some charm and mystery to my already attractive personality. That red-haired girl will only have eyes for me and—"

Oh, for Merlin's sake! What? I'm too weak to reply to him. But I may still play along for a while and get some nice time. The Sorting Ceremony is usually so boring. Year after year, everything's the same. And it's not my fault that Godric had a mischievous side; he should have been more careful when he created me. They told me to sort students, but they never said anything about being up to good.

When I focus on Potter's chat again, he's talking about green-eyed children. He is just eleven!

"Alright, alright... GRYFFINDOR," I shout in his ear.

"Hey," he sounds indignated. He looks at the hourglass. "But it's not five minutes yet." He pouts and I can't help but think he's rather nice, after all.

The Professor is about to pull me off but he stops her so I can say to him, "I'm sorry, I really couldn't do that. But don't worry. There's Quidditch if you want to be popular."

"Yes, yes. Well, bye for now. But I'll find you and make you pay!"

Mischief managed, I think satisfied.

A/N It wasn't supposed to be so long. I mean we all know James is entirely Gryffindor material, but for some reason he didn't want to get sorted while I was writing this story, so I thought that adding some humor could not do any harm. I really hope you all enjoyed my take on James' sorting. Let me know, please!

Dedicated to Houseofthebadger :)