Tatsumi halted as he saw a crowd gathered around the dragon pen – not exactly a common sight, considering Esdeath's damn pet was prone to gobbling up anyone foolish enough to stray close enough. Daidara was among them, towering over everyone else. He seemed to be having fun.

"S'cuse me," Tatsumi said as he shoved his through the crowd. His fellow beast heard him coming, grinning from ear to ear when he turned to look at his younger companion.

"Excellent timing, Tatsumi! The show is just about to begin."

Tatsumi leaned past the larger man to look into the pen. A handful of soldiers, strongly intoxicated judging by the unsteadiness of their steps, was making their way toward Esdeath's dragon. Even lying down in its sleep, the monster was still like a small hill.

"The fuck are they doing?" Tatsumi demanded.

"It's the oldest hazing ritual of this legion," Daidara explained, so eager he was hanging over the fence. "Touching the scales of Esdeath-sama's dragon after having downed exactly six shots. Wanna bet over how many of them're going to get eaten?"

Tatsumi looked at him in disbelief.

"What? C'mon man, that beast sleeps like a rock. It's been weeks since anyone got pegged."

Just then, one of the shit-faced soldiers had made their way to the finish line. Tatsumi cringed as the guy pressed a gloved hand against a plate-sized shell, but nothing happened. The giant slept on.

"See?" Daidara grunted, his voice suggesting he might've taken one shot too many himself. "It's all good … though it kinda sucks. I bet on at least one of them biting the big one… or maybe it should be getting bitten by the big one. Get it? HA!"

Maybe it would've been all good, if one of the soldiers had not done something so unexplainably stupid that Tatsumi would always regret not getting the chance to ask him just what the fuck was going through his mind when he walked straight up to the dragon's head and put his arm inside its ear.

"Holy crap," Daidara shouted. "Someone buy that guy a cigar!"

The dragon's eyes flew open, glowing like cinders in the dark.

"Fucking hell," Tatsumi muttered as he jumped over the fence.

"Tatsumi!?" he heard Daidara yell behind him. "No, don't do that, man! I need the money! Bros before morals!"

The cold was purged from his skin as Hermes enveloped him. His control of it was still less than optimal, but it would have to do for now. The snow flew into the air like mist as he shoot forward.

Too late. Quick as a viper, the dragon's head dipped down. A pair of jaws strong enough to crush stone closed around the drunken fool severing all four limbs from his body.

"Oh, thank god," Daidara howled, and Tatsumi imagined him dragging a hand across a sweaty forehead.

Tatsumi turned ninety degrees, focusing his attention on the remaining four soldiers in the pen. Three looked like they were about to make it out, but the one who had touched the scale had fallen on his back, and now the dragon had noticed him. It lifted its hind leg, its intention no mystery.

Tatsumi jumped, launching himself into the side of its head. It wasn't nearly enough to render it unconscious, but certainly adequate to knock the beast off balance. The ground shook as the dragon stumbled to the side. Unfortunately, to accomplish this, Tatsumi had killed all his momentum. If not for the armor, he would have broken his shoulder when he hit the ground.

Crap, he thought as Hermes evaporated.

At once, one of the beast's red eye was on him. It pulled its head back, ready to strike.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!"

The dragon's head dipped down again, but a moment before Tatsumi was turned lunch, the flat side of Belvaac came crashing into its side. The dragon reared back, flapping batwings kicking up a ton of snow. Tatsumi had to put his hand up to keep the icy particles from blinding him completely.

"BWAHAHA!" Daidara roared as he spun the teigu axe in his hand. "See that, Tatsumi? That's how you tame a-"

The axe slipped from his grip, sailing through the air for a couple seconds before landing in the snow half a dozen meters away.

"Oh crap," Daidara burped. "Drank too much."

The dragon's tail whipped around, smacking the big man like a fly. He flailed with his arms and legs as he flew through the air, until he landed a good distance away, saved from a broken neck by the snow.

The dragon lifted its front paw. Tatsumi threw himself to the side. A claw as large as his arm missed him by a couple centimeters as he stumbled to his knees. The monster opened its mouth, thick spit hanging from sharp, yellowed teeth.

It lunged for him, jaws apart, and Tatsumi put his hand up. No. No way it could end like this. He hadn't done anything for the village yet.

Two giant spikes of ice erupted from the ground, forming a massive X that stopped the dragon short, pushing it back on its hand legs. It roared, but the booming sound shrunk to a whimper as a certain woman image was reflected on its irises. Tatsumi turned his head. Esdeath was standing right behind him, staring at her overgrown pet with eyes that promised suffering. The dragon crawled back, giant tail between giant legs, before sinking down on its stomach.

Esdeath looked down at him. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Tatsumi frowned. "How about saving your drunken, moron underlings?"

Esdeath's gaze fell on the two pair of limbs busy coloring the snow red a dozen meter away.

"So they've starting doing it again, huh?" she sighed. "And here I thought I'd made myself abundantly clear the last time. Who's idea was it?"

Just then, a clearly dizzy Daidara popped his head out of the snowdrift that had caught him, a big lump of white on his head.

"Yup, that's what I thought." Esdeath marched over to her giddy subordinate, Tatsumi right behind her. When Daidara saw them coming, he tore himself free with newly discovered speed and threw himself down in front of his master.

"I'M SORRY, ESDEATH-SAMA!"

She put a heeled boot on his head. During the time Tatsumi had spent around the general, he'd noticed she did this a lot, and she even seemed to have developed different ways of doing it. If the underside of her boot just barely touched your forehead, you could expect a harsh reprimand. If her heel was digging into your skin to the point of drawing blood, there was going to be hell to pay. The way she was doing it now, Tatsumi did not envy the large man. Not at all.

"Explain yourself," she said coldly.

"The temptation got to me," Daidara exclaimed. "I'm ready to face the consequences!"

"Good," Esdeath said, her trademark sadistic grin slowly spreading across her face. "I look forward to see how long you'll last this time."

It was at that point Tatsumi decided it was time to go. He got two steps away before her hand closed around his collar.

"Where do you think you're going?" The breath against his neck was freezing, even in this climate.

He paled. "I-I didn't do anything!"

Esdeath turned him around and pulled him closer. "Now, now, Tatsumi, I can see that you had a rough fall. I'll need to get a look at you in private to ensure everything is as it should be. A veeeeeery good look."

"Er… shouldn't one of the army physicians do that?" he tried, already knowing he wasn't digging his way out of this one. He had managed to ward off all her attempts to get him naked in front of her again for a full month now, and her patience had to be running quite thin.

She placed her hand on the small of his back and pulled him so close he could've counted her eyelashes.

"This is your health we're talking about, Tatsumi. I'm not of a mind to entrust it to anyone else. Let's go."

As she began dragging him towards her tent, it dawned on him that this war over his chastity might be a loosing one.

XXXXX

Days later, he walked up to hole in the ground, not unlike the one where those damn deserters had been held. Daidara sat huddled together at the bottom, his teeth chattering with the frequency of a machine gun. Unsurprising, considering he had been wearing a single layer of thin clothing at sub-zero temperatures for nearly seventy-two hours now.

"Hey," Tatsumi said.

Daidara looked up. "H-hey th-here m-man… h-ho-ow's i-it g-going?"

"I'm fine." He scratched the back of his head. "Hey… uhm… thanks for the help back there. I would probably be dragon food now if you hadn't stepped in."

"N-no p-prob-blem, m-man," Daidara stuttered, his whole body shaking to generate enough warmth. "U-us b-beasts got-ta s-stick tog-gether…"

Tatsumi looked up at the sky for a moment. "Yeah." He sighed. "You want me to go get you some food? I'm sure Esdeath won't notice."

"N-no! A m-man d-does n-not pus-sy o-out of a-any c-challenge! I g-gotta b-beat m-m-my r-record."

"Which is?"

"A w-week m-man. I-If I d-don't i-improve, E-Esdeath-s-sama w-will be d-d-disappointed…"

"That's pretty horrible."

"D-Doesn't m-matter, g-got p-paid!" The big man held up a heavy pouch which Tatsumi guessed contained his winnings.

Daidara grinned, and for a moment, he looked almost normal. Like the kind of guy you'd have a drink and a laugh with. "W-When w-we get t-to the c-capital, I-I'm t-taking y-you o-out for a-a beer, m-man. I-I know o-of a p-place where t-they sell s-shit t-that will g-get you b-beyond w-wrecked … n-no w-weaseling o-out…"

Sitting down on the edge, Tatsumi couldn't help a wry smile. "Fine, fine. It's a promise."