Alright, so I decided to go ahead and poster chapter three. It's kind of short but it gets to point. I will try to add two chapters to two of my stories that I am currently writing, which will be Untitled and Formidable. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and PLEASE leave me some reviews, it's kind downing not getting reviews. Thank you to everyone who do leave me reviews, I truly appreciate them! They honestly make my day. Have good Thanksgiving ( for all those to celebrate) and an good weekend! Take care.

Mr. Dick Wolf owns all rights to Law & Order SVU and the characters.

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"I do not want to be afraid

"I do not want to die inside just to breathe in

I'm tired of feeling so numb

Relief exists I find it when

I am cut " - Plumb

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One in the morning is the time of the day that the streets were quiet and peacefully dark. She walked with smoke in hand down the empty streets of her neighborhood, taking a drag from her cigarette. Replaying the event that happened earlier in the day, if it wasn't for Fin pulling her out; she probably wouldn't have been here right now. How deeply she hated him for that, all she wanted was it to end. The only thing she was actually grateful about was her babysitter taking Lilly overnight, though she had to lie saying she was working late.

The cold air hit her face turning her milk skin red and her eyes match the color of the sky, along with her inner core. There wasn't a single star in sight, it was as if her dark cloud completely masked her entire reality. Her mind was an utter blank, nothing but numbness and the need to drink. And those voices. The blonde continued walking about the streets until she stopped at her usual corner store. One last drag before throwing the butt on the side, she walked into the warm building. She made no eye contact with the clerk, he already knew her routine. No conversation, she never made any effort to even knowledge the man. It was the usual grab a bottle of Jack and twelve pack of beer, and head back to home. One would say she looked like a pretty blonde zombie walking down the street, looking lifeless.

Upon entering her apartment, she quickly made her way to the kitchen and places the bottle of jack into the freezer, and the pack of beer in the fridge. She removed her coat placing it on top of the counter before she cracked open a beer. The blonde turned around as she took a sip of the bottle, her eyes automatically met with the infant's bedroom. She walked into the bedroom slowly as if it was haunted, but it did feel haunted to her. Leaning against the door her eyes scanned the dark bedroom, she wonders how a mother could have more hate towards their child than love. Closing the door behind her, Amanda head to her living room.

She lit up a sandalwood incense and played same overplayed Doors album. The blonde sat down on her couch, allowing her back to rest comfortably onto the couch. Her mind once again became cloudy as her veins trembled with the beat of the music. The overwhelming feeling of sadness and hate filled her every core, she hasn't felt this way since her father left. Amanda inhaled deeply taking it in her favorite smell as it filled her lungs, hoping it would calm her energy. Her eyes closed as she envisions life to be better than what it has become. She has hoped that having Lilly would have brought her family closer, but everything fell apart. No, it was Lilly's fault but she was the closest thing that remind her of them. The blonde hair and those beautiful blue eyes, even her smile reminded Amanda of her mother. She did not want to feel this way about her own daughter but the feeling was overpowering. And the only way to get ruin of it was to drink it away.

One beer became another, and another, and another; which eventually it turned into a whole bottle of Jack being half gone. Her mind was running in circles much like the room around her as she sat on her couch completely numb. The voice in her head disappeared after the sixth beer and third shot of Jack but the suffocating feeling still cave in her chest. The incense died long ago but the smell still lingers in the air. Knocking on the front door startled the blonde, she leans in setting the jack on the top of her coffee table.

"The fuck?" she mumbled under her breath.

Getting up she stumbles to the door and begins to unlock it, without checking who it is. The door chain stops her from fully opening the door, the surprise of the jolt caused her to giggle and fall. She quickly in an unsubtle way gets up and removes the chain from the lock, this time allowing her to open the door completely. Her eyes land on to a pair of brown eyes, they were fuzzy but at this time everything around her was blurry.

" Wha—wha-What?" she slurred.

Olivia lets herself into the apartment building, the place was dark. The living was surround by empty beer bottles and harder liquors. The mist still lingered in the air causing the brunette to have little view, the music in the background vibrated into her ear. It wasn't the same warm homey feeling that she felt months ago. Her eyes quickly went into the baby's room, and she hurried in there to be met with an empty room.

"Where is Lilly?" she shouted from the bedroom

Amanda stood in the middle of the living room grabbing the bottle of jack, taking a shot from the bottle before answering the annoying brunette. "She's…she's.. sitters"

Olivia walks over to the Amanda and removed the bottle from the blonde's hand. They've had their fair share of drunken nights but she had never seen the blonde this drunk. Their eyes met once again, her bright blue eyes were pitch black, she couldn't read her soul. Her milk soft was now turned gray, her once soft lips were dried up and discolored. The brunette placed her hand on the blonde's bare arm, she winced at how cold the blonde felt. It was at every moment she realized Amanda was in a much darker place that anyone had imagine.

"Amanda" Olivia whisper softly

The blonde couldn't stand staring into the brunette's brown eyes, the feeling of the brunette trying to read her was upsetting. Her stomach acid was raising and her nerves began to hike up, she was shaking. She felt sick. Maybe it was all the drinking but with those brown eyes starting at you back with nothing but pity was what truly triggered her sickness. Those same brown eyes that not so long along looked at her with such awe. Unable to hold it any longer, she runs into the bathroom and falls onto her knees. Her face met close with the toilet bowl as her body forcefully threw up every piece of vile. She felt warm presences near her, and a pair of soft hands pull back her hair while the other rubbed her back. She couldn't fight anymore, she allowed this affection for the moment.

The blonde coughed out her last vile into the bowl, she turned her head to meet again with those brown eyes. She didn't have the strength to fight the brunette off, everything around her was blurry and spinning. The blonde stood back up with the help of the brunette, the blue eyes watch carefully as the brunette turned her shower on. The touch of the warm pair of hands on her made her wince, weak she allowed brown eye girl strip her naked. She could feel those eyes staring at her fragile body. With help Amanda stepped into her tub as the warm water hit her delicate skin.

Her eyes remained close and her head fell down in shame and pure drunkenness, she could feel the brunette grab a wash rag from the small closet in the bathroom. The blonde felt pathetic as the brunette began to wash her down with soap, cleaning her up. She was frozen and her mind was foggy as she felt the brunette soapy hand with the rag wander and wash onto her most private places. Her hair started to smell like strawberries instead of beer and smoke, and the gray from her skin was washed away. The blonde opened her mouth widen as the brunette brushed her teeth, and it wasn't till then she felt her lowest.

Olivia walked the blonde into the bedroom, which upon turning on the light she was met with empty bottles once again. Ignoring the mess around the room, she grabs a pair of pantie and oversized shirt from the drawer. She handed Amanda the pantie but she was too out of it to able to slid on them herself. After quickly sliding on the pantie, she puts the shirt onto the blonde who was there standing with little balance. Olivia removed her gym shoes before turning off the lights .

The blonde could the brunette's gentle touch, the way she guided her onto her own bed. Her skin met once again on the cool sheets as her head softy hits the pillow. She felt brunette crawl on to the bed and sink into lying next to her. The touch of brunettes soft hands was comforting as it caressed her cheek after it tucked her blonde lock behind her ear. Amanda turned around and her back fit perfectly next on to Olivia's front like a puzzle. Before her eyes forcefully shut, she felt Olivia's arm lay across her stomach bringing her closer into a spooning position.

Amanda's body gave up after playing war with itself. She fell peacefully asleep with tight arm wrapped around her, protecting her from herself.