AN- So, in History class the other day, the teacher mentioned that America's foods were all stolen from other countries, citing Germany's hamburgers and Italy's pizza as specific examples. This gave me an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful, awful idea! And so, I present this story, born from that wonderful, awful idea, and 100% not to be taken seriously. So, I thank you for reading, I own absolutely nothing but my wonderful, awful idea, I preemptively apologize for some of the jokes, and please enjoy! -Twilight Joltik

Heroic America's Legendary Quest for the Perfect Food!

Chapter One- Ideas are dangerous things to have!

As most stories did, this one started with lunch. Specifically, the light lunch of three McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers, a large fries, a Diet Coke, and a milkshake that America brought into a world meeting one day. He ate them as he did everything else: loudly.

While America ate, Germany attempted to talk about… well, something. It was very boring and technical, and frankly about half of everyone there was only pretending to listen. Like Canada. Who no one even realized was present, as usual. The other half were actively not listening and making no attempts to pretend that they were doing so. Such as Italy, who probably would have been asleep had Germany not kept telling him in particular to stop dozing off.

Naturally, Germany was rather fed up with all of this, so he enacted his Standard Meeting Procedure: pretty much blowing up in everyone's faces. "We are talking about actual issues, and none of you are taking this seriously!", he screamed. Okay, he screamed a lot more than that, but it's probably best to spare any readers of the full version, which singled out pretty much every last person that was doing something other than paying perfect attention. Also known as everyone in the room.

This went on for quite some time: going from actual problems ("Estonia, I know you are blogging, but it would be very nice if you would look up from your computer for five minutes and pay attention!") to minor nitpicks ("And England, please stop casting hexes on Spain- and no, I do not care if he cheated against you in Battleship!"). No one really cared, though, and kept on with their naps or texting or plots for world domination. America, in fact, didn't even realize Germany had started talking about anything different until he heard him add "America!"

"Yeah, man?", the country automatically responded, mouth still half full.

"Please stop eating your culture's mockeries of my food so loudly during important meetings," Germany requested. For precisely the one hundred and eighty second time since they had started having these sorts of meetings.

America raised an eyebrow and swallowed quickly. "Uh, hello, this is my food!", he corrected, pointing to his half-eaten hamburger. "I mean, other than like, hot dogs, pizza, and apple pie, how much more American can you get?"

"Hot dogs were my creation as well," Germany said, slightly surprised that his words had actually been noted by America that time. "And none of those other things you mentioned are of your making either."

Loud laughter came from America. "Ha, yeah right! Sure, you've got your whole sausage thing, but what, are you going to tell me France invented french fries?"

"Actually, those are mine," Belgium flatly noted. "And my big brother invented 'your' appl-"

"Ooh, and pizza is mine!", Italy proudly interrupted, all his sleepiness driven away by the talk of food. "So are meatballs, but you sort of invented putting real big ones in spaghetti, so I'll give you that."

Germany nodded. "Yes, very well, Italy. Now, America, can you perhaps stop taking credit for other people's ideas?"

No response. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, America was completely quiet. Though Germany would have liked very much to think that his excellent counter-arguments had forced the country into contemplative silence, this was not the case in the slightest. Actually, had he known what was going on beneath the glass of Texas, he would have probably spent the rest of the meeting telling America how terrible his ideas were.

Unfortunately, Germany was not a mind reader, and therefore was not privy to the horrors of America's so-called "excellent ideas".

To give readers an idea of what was going on inside America's head, one must see his exact line of thinking, because America's conclusions are rarely ones of perfect logic:

Essentially, he first registered that basically all the foods that mattered (excluding whatever Belgium had said, as he kind of just figured most things she said involved her "superior" waffles and therefore didn't listen because he liked Eggo just fine, thank you,) had been invented by Germany and Italy.

He then remembered that those two were basically besties. And then, he wondered vaguely if those two ever cooked together, because if they did, it'd be like, totes awesome.

While he was thinking all of this, he saw Hungary showing Austria something under the table, and was like "Hey, those two used to be married or something, right?", but not out loud. That would be weird had he said it out loud, and probably for the best because it might have tipped everyone off as to what he was about to come up with.

And then, while still thinking of food and Germany and Italy, everything sort of clicked. People that were married cooked together and made food, so presumably, countries that were married would like, cook their country's foods together, right? So, if Germany and Italy got married, and they were responsible for all of the most amazing foods, then what sort of holy-freaking-awesome food would result from that union?

His mouth watered at the thought. Hamburgers and pizza and hamburger pizzas, that would be like, the best thing ever.

He had to make this happen. Such perfect food deserved to exist within the world, and he alone could make it so! As the hero, it was his responsibility to the world to grant it such awesome food!

And so he formulated a plan to make his dream a reality, all while Germany continued on berating others for never actually doing any productive nation things at nation meetings meant for productivity.

AN- And so GerIta Shipper!America is unleashed! I don't know why Hetalia stories always seem to start with these meetings, but they're a convenient place to have everyone together to get the ball rolling for whatever plot the writer has in mind, so I'm not complaining! I'd meant to make it a G8 meeting, but then I realized that I probably wasn't going to get Belgium or Hungary or Estonia into the story any other way than in a meeting, and I had to involve poor Belgium and her erroneously named fries somehow. So, thank you for reading! -Twilight Joltik