Amongst the long running comic series by Jack Chick comes the tract that would be admired by the Westboro Baptist Church, Sin City.
*Shows a front cover of Frank Miller's Sin City*
No, not that Sin City, I'm referring to the crappy one...
*Shows the cover of the tract*
That's the one!
In this story, a priest gets assaulted by couple of members from the Village People for holding up a homophobic sign citing Leviticus in the middle of a gay pride parade. You know, if you're going to hold up a picket calling homosexuality an abomination and citing Leviticus, can't say you're not asking for it, even if it's technically not a hate crime. Also this particular section of the Bible beloved by Westboro is against anyone who wears clothing that has more than one kinds of material, basically making majority of us heretics by that standard.
However, to be fair what happened to the priest can be considered a hate crime, making this ironic but this wouldn't be the first time a Chick Tract would make the opposition over the top evil.
*Shows the covers of several other Chick Tracts*
Later on, the priest would be sent to the hospital where he gets attended by a stereotypical gay reverend who has a demon sidekick attempts to preach to him about how god loves everybody along with some other stuff which actually sounds much more reasonable than whatever the hell Jack Chick was trying to convey. However, in the world of Jack Chick, having reason and rationality is something that is promoted by the devil.
Frankly, I'm not surprised.
*Plays a clip from The Waterboy*
"Ben Franklin is the DEVIL!"
Everything is the devil!
Then brace yourself for the usual Chick formula we have all been waiting for as a colleague of a homophobic reverend who happens to resembles Adolf Hitler will show up and preach to the gay reverend about the evils of homosexuality. After several panels of boring lecture and light finding conversion, the gay reverend suddenly became straight within seconds. Guess if you change after hearing some half-baked nonsense from the Bible that wasn't even used in its full context as well as the logic that can rival that of a typical Ed Wood movie, you're easy to brainwash.
Ugh, why the hell I'm doing this? Just how many more?
Time to get this over with...
Starring:
Jesse Lee Peterson (Malcolm)
Freddie Mercury (Gay Police #1)
Gay Glenn Hughes (Gay Police #2)
Night Sky Gear from Straw Hat Samurai: Duels (Random costume worn at the gay pride parade float)
Hitler (Bob)
Jack Thompson (The organizer of the gay pride parade who appointed the gay reverend Ray)
Big Gay Al (Ray)
Gremlin (Demon)
Michelle Obama (Malcolm's wife)
Jack Shit City!
You know, when it is stated in Leviticus about homosexuality, it doesn't mention anything about a woman lying with another woman as she would with a man. Basically that means Leviticus is a-okay with lesbianism.
Hmmm...when you think about it, aside from the crap about the different fabrics, Leviticus is actually awesome!
Malcolm wakes up to find himself tied up on a chair and as his eyes began to adjust to the darkness surrounding him, an effeminate voice said, "You have finally woke up despite going easy on the chloroform we have prepared for the day when you attempted to interrupt the parade."
The priest saw several shadowy figures standing in front of them as the light turns, revealing them to be members of a budding boy band known as "The Merry Boys".
"Our objective is to spread our message of love to the entire population." one of them said.
"Yeah, once that happens, the world won't be able to resist our conquest!" the other said.
Stunned, the priest then said, "I knew you abominations are up to no good, but to think you're planning to target the entire world..."
But then after a moment of thought, he then ask, "...but how are you going to conquer the entire world? There's not enough of you fags to spread your sinful nature unless you have an entire...oh my god...the entire community are in on it aren't they?"
The merry men then laugh and one of them who resembles Lance Bass from 'NSYNC said, "No, the gay community weren't in on the plan as they wouldn't have been on board from the beginning so we have to do this ourselves."
"And besides...since you won't live to reveal our plans, we'll might as well reveal our true identity."
One by one, each member of the boy band unzip himself and the skin then falls away like a cheap piece of clothing. Soon, five small crablike creature emerges from what used to be five men.
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
"We are the crab people!"
"We've been forced to live underground for thousands of years!"
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Malcolm was shocked, the creatures that resides underground? While he had heard rumors but it sounded nothing more than something from a television show where the writers ran out of ideas and winged it at the last second just to beat the deadline.
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
"You demonic creatures...there's no way you will succeed, believe it!" the priest yelled.
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Taste like crabs, talks like people...
The crab people then returns to their disguise and zip themselves back up.
"That's what they all say but so far none have succeeded in thwarting our plans of conquest."
"Once we turn the entire world's population into metrosexuals, the resistance against us will be futile!"
Before Malcolm could respond, one of the disguised creatures pulls out a gun and shoots him in the head.
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Craaaaaaaaaaab people!
Taste like crabs, talks like people...
Author's Note: Yeah I was drawing blanks on this one so I did what Matt Stone and Trey Parker did in 2003 while working on that particular episode, wing it!