How to Become a God

One billion years ago, there were still four Kaoishin. The Elder Kaioshin was still young. Bibidi had yet to cast his first spell, let alone summon Majin Buu. The Earth has not even begun to cool and Namekians have not taken their first step out of their ocean. Yet there is one constant: the God of Destruction. But how constant is a constant?

OoOoOoO

Mirku woke up with a groan to the blare of his alarm as sunlight came in through the slits of his blinds. He slapped a paw down on the alarm and sat up on the edge of the bed and gave a yawn and a stretch before heading to the bathroom. He had to get ready for work, after all. Being the strongest fighter on his planet was great and all and had led him through many adventures that had allowed him to meet his friends and future wife… but it sure didn't pay any bills. He looked into the mirror and scratched under his chin. He was a lanky white cat with blue eyes and floppy ears that came down to his shoulder blades. Most people confused him with a rabbit the first time they saw him. He reached for his toothbrush when suddenly his entire building began to shake. That wasn't normal.

Mirku ran out to the balcony of his apartment to see war jets, hundreds of them, hurtle overhead, streaking across the jade Diodon sky under the wings of enormous battle cruisers. Down in the street he could see tankwalkers stomping down the boulevard. Mirku hopped off the balcony and flew into the air to look down on the city below. It was like the entire Diodon military was coming out for… what, a training exercise? He could barely make out two specks in the sky. He thought he was the only person on his planet who could fly. What was going on?

No sooner had Mirku have that thought then the cityscape was absorbed in fiery explosions as the machines of Diodon's military might burst apart. Enough collective power to level a nation and it was wiped out in a second. Mirku charged towards the two specks with both fists forward. He knew he was wearing pastel blue pajama pants and a baggy white shirt so he didn't look like a terribly heroic figure, but he had to do something! He was Diodon's greatest martial artist!

The sight that greeted Mirku was… not what he'd expected. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to wrought such destruction but this had not been it. A barrel-chested green turtle tortoise in a toga with a shining golden clasp and a laurel wreath upon his head accompanied by an effeminate blue man with tall white hair and some sort of staff. To say nothing of the blue man's outfit.

"And who," the blue man asked amicably, "Are you?" Something wasn't right here. Mirku couldn't sense any energy coming from them but some part of him knew that their power was incredible. Still, he had to be brave.

"I am Mirku!" he said and slapped his palm against his chest, "I am Diodon's greatest warrior! This destruction will not be tolerated!" The tortoise laughed out loud. "What the hell is so funny?!" he asked indignantly.

"Oh, it's not you specifically," the tortoise assured him, "It's just that… every planet has warriors that had these same speeches. 'You cannot kill these people! I am this planet's hero! Your violence will not stand!'" he laughed again and Mirku balled his fists in rage. "You stand in the presence of Munshiin, the God of Destruction!" the tortoise said, jabbing a thumb proudly at his chest. The blue man cleared his throat and Munshiin sighed. "And my associate, Whis." Whis gave a genial wave.

"Why have you come to Diodon?" Mirku asked in confusion. "Our world hasn't done anything to warrant this aggression! What are you here for?" Munshiin laughed again and Mirku couldn't stop himself from delivering a lightning-fast roundhouse kick that struck Munshiin in the cheek… but the God didn't flinch.

"I am here to destroy this planet. It is the way of things." Before Mirku could even blink, Munshiin drove a palm into Mirku's chest and sent him hurtling across the horizon. Mirku desperately tried to correct himself as he flew through the air and was finally able to stop himself by throwing out his arms and legs.

"How did he do that?" he muttered to himself before coughing out a mouthful of blood. He watched the orange liquid flow down to the ground in shock. How could Munshiin be so powerful without having an energy signature.

"You're still alive?" Munshiin asked in mild surprise from behind Mirku. Mirku leaped away and spun around, startled. "I have to admit, that's fairly impressive for a mortal." Mirku clenched his fists until his knuckles popped and adopted a fighting stance.

"You'll find I'm full of surprises!" he declared bravely and charged at Munshiin. The tortoise flickered out of existence but Mirku was able to follow him, chasing him with punches and kicks and elbow strikes. He let fly with a powerful knee that would have cracked the moon towards Munshiin's chin… and went right through him. Mirku looked around in disbelief. Had he been chasing an afterimage?! He was vaguely aware of a shadow over him and looked up just in time to see Munshiin flicking down on his head with two fingers. Then everything went black.

Mirku woke up to find himself lying in a crater in the pavement and looking up at the sky. Well, the planet was still there so he couldn't have been out that long. Mirku dragged himself out of the crater and fought through the pain. He couldn't give up. He couldn't let Munshiin win. Munshiin landed on the street in front of him crossed both arms over his chest.

"Well you certainly don't want to die," Munshiin teased, "But you're certainly not going to rope-a-dope a God." Mirku grit his teeth and felt more blood seeping out of his mouth.

"Bastard!" Mirku hissed out and ran at Munshiin again. He threw a punch as a feint but flipped over Munshiin's head and threw out a kick to the back of the tortoise's knee when he landed. Munshiin stumbled and Mirku knew he had something now! He ran around to the front again and let out a salvo of dizzyingly-fast jabs that peppered Munshiin all over and sent the Destruction God staggering. He slapped his hands together and swung up with an axehandle blow under the chin that snapped Munshiin's head back. Mirku grinned with satisfaction… until Munshiin lowered his head to smirk at Mirku.

"I let you get in a few hits so that you would feel like you did not die completely worthlessly," he told Mirku, "But you should know that you never had a chance to defeat me. A mortal can never harm a divine. But I commend your spirit and will give you a painless death." Then his grin turned malicious. "Just kidding." He flicked his wrist and Mirku felt his arm snap at the elbow. He watched half of his left arm fly down the street with open horror. Just… just the wind from that attack had sliced through flesh and bone! Munshiin grabbed his head in one enormous hand and held Mirku high in the air before head butting him. Mirku went flying and could feel that his muzzle had shattered. Even as he flew away, Mushiin was already beside of him. He sent a knee up into his back… and Mirku felt his spine snap. He tumbled across the street and couldn't feel… anything anymore. He watched Munshiin ascend into the sky and could barely see him hold a hand overhead.

"N… no!" he wheezed out in a pain-soaked whisper but he could already feel himself choking on his blood. He couldn't die like this! His mind drifted to all his friends and family. He couldn't let them all down! All the battles that he'd fought and the lessons that he'd learned in his life… how could it all come down to this?

"I have found your planet's warriors wanting!" Munshiin spoke in a booming voice that filled the world. "Know that their failure has condemned you! Know, too, that it is Munshiin the Destroyer who ends your world this day!"

"I…" Mirku grunted and was shocked to feel his fist clenching, "I will not let you…" Something broke inside of him, as if chains had been ripped off of his spirt. "I will not let you destroy my world!" he bellowed. He felt his bones realign as a greater power than he'd ever known filled him up. He stood up and rose into the sky, awash in purple aura. He looked down at his hands… both hands, to see long black claws. He couldn't tell that his ears were sticking straight up or that his eyes were yellow but it was clear that something had changed. "What's happened to me?" he whispered in astonishment. He decided it didn't matter and looked out towards the horizon to see Munshiin. Now he could sense the God's power. Now he knew where he stood. "Round two." he said resolutely and flew at him full-speed.

Less than a second later he was in front of the tortoise and was driving a knee into his face. The mighty God of Destruction flew away and rubbed at his snout in shock.

"You…" he stammered, "What… how are you… what are you?" Mirku smacked one fist into his open palm and smirked.

"Just a regular guy who's a hero for fun," Mirku said and cracked his neck. "Diodon is under my protection! Let's go!" He flew at Munshiin who growled in response.

"I won't need more than half of my power to beat you!" he declared and met Mirku in the air. The shockwave of their collision blew down skyscrapers and burst apart clouds. They punched and kicked and blocked but now Mirku could see flaws in Munshiin's style. He relied on overwhelming power and struck in bursts but lacked any range. He was able to dodge him now. And the craziest part was that Mirku was still holding back.

Munshiin recovered from a jackhammer burst of kicks that sent him down towards the ground and thrust out his palm in a rage. "Die!" he roared as green-yellow bursts of energy flew out of his hand like a meteor shower.

"So much for no range," Mirku muttered and tried to dodge the blasts. A few still hit him and he grit his teeth from the pain. One ball nearly hit him in the face and he batted it away. That second of distraction allowed the God to attack and he drove a fist up into Mirku's gut. He gasped in pain but grabbed the wrist in both hands before delivering a head butt to give Munshiin a receipt. He let go to deliver a backflip kick that struck the tortoise under the chin to send him somersaulting into the sky. "You think you can decide who lives and dies?!" Mirku spat as he followed Munshiin up and struck him with powerful punches to send him higher and higher into the air until the stars were visible. "You like to throw around your power when you think no one can stop you! Well how does it feel now?!" Munshiin responded with an axe kick that struck Mirku down on the snout and drove him back towards the ground.

"Enough!" Munshiin bellowed as he continued the assault. He flew down with Mirku and punished him with earth-shaking punches. "I saw the first lights of existence at the dawn of eternity! I am a being the likes of which a flea like you could never understand! My infancy was longer than the entire history of your planet! I am Munshiin the Destroyer! Now taste my full power!" he pressed both palms into Mirku's chest and blasted him with blinding red light that burned into his flesh and scorched his fur. Mirku slammed back down into the ground and the beam Munshiin fired at him blasted the entire area around him for miles into a sheet of glass.

Mirku picked himself up with a groan as broken glass slid off his back like water and shook his head to clear it. It was only when his ears did not flop against his shoulders that he reached a hand up and realized that they now stood straight up.

"Huh," he muttered despite everything, "Whaddaya know?" Then he looked up at Munshiin and felt the power and hatred radiating off of him. He really wasn't holding back anymore. So Mirku couldn't afford to, either. He hadn't meant to. He just didn't understand how much power he had so it was difficult to call it up. But now he had to. He reached deep inside and threw back his head with a roar. The ground cracked under him and flashed with his new purple aura as his cry grew louder and the entire planet seemed to tremble under his feet. Finally he opened his eyes and knew he had drawn up all of his power. He also opened his eyes to see an enormous volley of energy blasts heading for him. His eyes widened in momentary panic before he responded in kind to neutralize the blasts with his own orange-red bursts.

"You fell for it!" Munshiin declared triumphantly from behind him and Mirku whirled around to meet a barrage of rapid-fire punches with his own. The ground trembled and shook underfoot as their punches met in equal measure. "You can't defeat me!" Munshiin insisted although it was unclear if he was trying to convince Mirku or himself, "I am the God of Destruction! I am inevitable! It's useless to defy me! Useless, useless, useless, useless-"

"Shut up!" Mirku snapped and swiped out with his claws to scratch Munshiin across the eye. "I am so sick of your bragging!" He drove the tips of his fingers into the God's stomach and felt them sink into the flesh. He drove an open palm into the side of Munshiin's head and watched him dig a trench into the glass beneath their feet. Munshiin dragged himself to his feet and stared in disbelief at the blood flowing from his stomach with one good eye. Mirku guessed it was the only time he'd ever been hurt.

"I… I have had enough of you!" he shrieked as his body trembled with a mixture of rage tinged with fear. He flew into the sky with enough force to shatter the glass under him and the shards were sucked up into his contrails. He broke the sound barrier as he soared into the upper atmosphere. "This is your death, do you hear me?!" he called down frantically, "The death of you and everyone on this planet!" he raised his hands high overhead and they filled with an awesome blue light. "I'll reduce your entire solar system to ashes!" With his newfound powers of sight Mirku watched the tortoise actually turning away from Diodon. And only then did he realize the madman's plan!

"Son of a bitch!" he hissed out before taking off into the sky in a desperate attempt to intercept. He was going to destroy the sun! He pushed himself to the edge of his newfound speed but could already see that he was too late as he watched Munshiin lower his arms and thrust his palms towards the sun.

"Ultimate Xenocide Driller!" he called out and a spiral beam of blue-white light fired from his hands. Mirku flew desperately to intercept it, a task that he recognized was completely insane. The blast was nearly as wide around as Diodon itself! Still he forced himself on and was just barely able to put himself between the attack and Diodon's yellow sun. He could hear Munshiin laughing over the roar of the blast and felt the ever-growing heat of the sun at his back. "You cannot win, mortal! No single living being can withstand my Ultimate Xenocide Driller! If the blast doesn't kill you then it will push you into the sun and your own sun will kill you!" he laughed again and thrust his arms out to press the attack. Mirku cried out in pain as he felt himself actually start to sink into the sun.

"Not now!" he pleaded, "I've come so close! I can't let him win now!" With a desperate strength he brought his hands together and laced his fingers. He squeezed his palms together to force himself to concentrate. It was his best shot. Handed down by his master, this technique had won him countless battles. It had to be enough for this moment! "Hero's Burst!" The round blast that flew out of his hands was unlike he had ever fired it before. It was like a second sun! The blast streaked through space and shoved back at Munshiin, overwhelming his Xenocide Driller.

"N-no!" he cried out in disbelief. This was impossible! He was Munshiin the invincible! The Destroyer of Worlds! How could this random mortal defeat him?! "No! No, no, no! This is impossible!" He broke out into a terrified sweat and pushed back desperately as the yellow-orange Hero's Burst filled his entire field of vision. "Whis! Whis, help me!" he begged.

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Down on the planet below Whis watched the lightshow with mild interest as he sampled some Diodonian desserts. Due to the panic that their world was seemingly coming to an end he didn't have to wait in any lines at bakeries or ice cream shops!

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Munshiin's death shriek echoed impossibly across the vacuum as the Hero's Burst exploded on impact and the God of Destruction vaporized into ash. Mirku gave a weary sigh and flew back down towards Diodon. As luck would have it he landed in the same street as his apartment and sighed again as he collapsed onto a bench on the sidewalk.

"So I take it Munshiin is dead," Whis said from beside him on the bench. Mirku yelped in surprise and fell off the bench. When did he get there? How had Whis shown up without him noticing?! "That means that you are the best candidate to be the God of Destruction."

"No way!" Mirku insisted as he stood back up. "I don't want to destroy anything! And you can't make me!" He took a fighting stance and gave Whis a steely look. "I already defeated your master! I think I can handle you!" Whis gave a tasteful chuckle before his expression suddenly grew icy.

"You presume a great deal, young Mirku," he said in a foreboding tone, "Munshiin was never the master. I was his teacher. If you do not become the God of Destruction then I will find someone else who will. In one hundred thousand years when their training is complete you will be long dead. They will destroy this world. But if you accept my offer then Diodon will be spared." Mirku roared defiantly and swung with a vicious right hook. Whis blocked it with the tip of his pinky. "I understand you're upset," he said softly, "So I will forgive that. But you will not raise a hand against me again." After several seconds of silent contemplation Mirku finally surrendered and fell to one knee. "Very good," Whis said in a teacher's supportive tone. "Now a God of Destruction must have a name. What will yours be?" The word came to Mirku's mouth almost instantly.

"Beerus," he said softly, "I will be Lord Beerus the Destroyer." Whis nodded and flew off with his new charge in tow.

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Epilogue

One hundred thousand years later Beerus the Destroyer looked down upon Diodon. He scratched his head and turned to Whis, his teacher and closest companion. The only being he could consider his friend in all the cosmos.

"Why does this world seem so familiar to me?" he asked while his blue friend scooped a spoonful of blueberries and cream out of a cup and shoveled it into his mouth.

"That," he said despite a full mouth, "Is Diodon, Lord Beerus. Your home planet. For your final test you must destroy it. This is to test your godhood and your ability to objectively carry out the destruction of planets without emotional attachment." Beerus lingered for a moment as he stared down at the little green marble. Memories of a life long-gone. The phantom fingers of a distant past. "Are you all right, Lord Beerus?" he asked. Beerus let out a sigh.

"It's fine," he assured Whis, "Everyone I knew is long dead." He extended a claw and a tiny orange ball formed on his fingertip before launching towards the planet. "They wouldn't remember me, anyway." He turned his back and flew away, not even bothering to see the planet explode. Whis decided it was just as well. Because then he also would not see the statue that had stood these last millennia in his honor.

"To Mirku," the plaque said, "The Man Who Defeated Gods. May We Never Forget Him."