Strength and Healing

Chapter 1

AN: Here it is! The first chapter of the sequel to Strength and Courage! If you haven't read that, you should before reading this story because there is a lot of information in that story you need to know to read this. That being said, let me know if you have any questions. I wanted to wait three days like I usually do between chapters but I was just too excited, so here is your gift for 200 reviews, haha. I have SO MUCH planned for Emily and JJ in this story. I am also playing with the idea of not having flashbacks in every chapter, as some of you suggested. We'll see. (I promise they won't completely disappear.) I also got some requests to have Em's mom in this story. I was already on planning on that, so your wish is my command. As always, please follow and review and let me know what you think! *THIS CHAPTER IS VERY HEAVY—MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING HERE*

Disclaimer: I do not own CM characters. They belong to ABC, CBS, etc., but not me. If I did own them, neither actress playing these women would have been fired and Jemily would be an actual canon thing.

I also want to add that I fortunately do not suffer from PTSD. I don't know exactly how it works, but I want to do my best to treat JJ's situation with care. So, please correct any mistakes I make, particularly involving this subject. TRIGGER WARNING for conversations about rape and violence.

–Gabby

"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."

-Unknown

She was trapped. She had no means of escape, no way to get out. She was going to die and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She was too weak to fight him, too weak to break the cable ties, too weak to continue her in vain attempt at the words "no", "stop", and "please". She closed her eyes. She was too tired. Her life was over, and his would be the last face she would ever see. That thought alone caused her eyes to snap open. Emily. She would never see her wife ever again. She wouldn't hear her voice, feel her touch, look into those beautiful eyes…

"Jennifer."

The sound of his voice saying her name made her vomit…again. She tried to ignore him. Don't ever let the sadist believe he has caused you pain. She had a hard time doing this when a sharp kick was delivered to her already broken ribs. She bit her lip to stifle the cry, and a drop of blood touched the floor.

"Jennifer."

The cut on her arm had been dragged all over the dirty floor. It occurred to her that she could die of gangrene before he even got to strangling her. She didn't know if that was a bad thing. "Please…."

"Emily." He had scoffed at that. He had laughed at her saying her wife's name. She would never want her ever again.

He was there. He was talking to her, touching her, on top of her.

"Jennifer."

She was screaming as loud as she could, but the paralytic had made her weak. "Please, no!"

"Jennifer."

He sounded strangely feminine. The way the name flowed from his mouth wasn't sinister. It was gentle.

"Jennifer, please."

What was he begging her for? What kind of game was he playing with her now?

"Please let me go! Please don't hurt me!"

"Jennifer, I'm not going to hurt you. C'mon, sweetheart. Please wake up." The voice was pleading with her. It sounded desperate.

"EMILY!"

Emily had to dodge her wife in order to avoid being hit in the face with JJ's head. The brunette took a minute to make sure her wife was aware of what was going on before slowly approaching her.

"Emily?"

The older profiler nodded. "It's just me," she whispered, hesitantly walking forward before sitting on the bed next to her wife.

"Was I asleep just now?" JJ's voice was weak and labored, as she was breathing heavily and her heart was beating out of her chest.

Emily nodded slowly. "Are you going to be able to calm down?" The woman wanted to comfort her wife, but her first priority was ensuring her physical safety.

Realizing that her breathing hadn't slowed, JJ began to panic, shaking her head vigorously. It didn't seem possible, but her heart began to beat faster. Emily became afraid as well when she noticed that her wife was becoming pale. She wasn't getting enough oxygen and she was going to pass out.

The first thing Emily wanted to try was physical contact. In the year since JJ's abduction, Emily had learned that touch either calmed JJ down instantly or it made the situation worse. Could Emily afford to take that risk?

Knowing she didn't have any more time left, the brunette planted a gentle, but rather firm kiss on her wife's lips. Now, this was done with some forethought. Emily had noticed over time that sometimes when she kissed JJ, the blonde would stop breathing for a moment. It wasn't long enough to cause any damage, but it was long enough for her to restart. The brunette likened her improvised technique to a defibrillator in a hospital. When a patient's heart is beating erratically, doctors shock it into stopping, and then starting again with a new rhythm. Luckily for Emily, it worked.

Once the brunette pulled back, JJ's breathing slowed significantly and the color returned to her cheeks. Emily herself had been running on adrenaline from the moment she woke up to her wife's desperate screams. She had been on high alert as today was the first anniversary of JJ's abduction. Emily's breathing began to slow as well and once she trusted her own voice to be relatively calm, she spoke. "Are you okay?"

It was obvious JJ didn't want to talk about it. "I'm fine."

Emily steeled herself. "I don't believe you."

JJ instantly threw herself into her wife's arms. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

"Hey," Emily spoke tenderly, gently wrapping her arms around her vulnerable wife. "It's okay. I promise."

This all felt like such a regression for JJ. She was working without any major problems, she and Emily were even making love semi-regularly again. She had thought she'd gotten her life back. Emily instinctively knew that through the fear the nightmare had caused, the fear that the first anniversary of what had happened to her had caused her to revert back to her state when it first happened was what was really distressing JJ.

"We had a feeling this would happen." Emily pulled away slightly so her wife of five years would make eye contact with her, but kept her arms tightly around her. "It's the way PTSD works, my love. It's nothing we can't get through." She didn't say it, but Emily also thought that this had happened before with the women who had abused JJ in the past. She used to have nightmares about them all the time, especially the first one, a sadistic ego-maniac named Erin. The brunette moved one arm in order to wipe her wife's tears. JJ had calmed down significantly. There was nothing like the power of Emily's touch and voice.

The blonde nodded. "I know that. It's just-"

"I know, baby," Emily interrupted in understanding, turning to check the time on the clock by their bed. It was nine in the morning. Because Emily had foreseen this, however, she had requested the week off for both of them. Hotch and Strauss were more than happy to grant it to the two agents.

"Thank you," JJ said, grateful that her wife wasn't going to make her finish that sentence.

Emily nodded. "Of course." The brunette had kept one hand on her wife's back in order to center and comfort her, and had continued to move it up and down slowly in a soothing manner. "Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was just another nightmare about being in Shaffer's basement," JJ clarified, knowing that Emily would worry that she'd had the nightmare of Emily forcing JJ to have sex with her. Thankfully, it only happened once, but it didn't stop the women from being wary of the possibility of it happening again.

"I wouldn't use the word 'just' in that sentence," Emily reminded gently, gingerly brushing a piece of JJ's hair behind her ear.

Suddenly, Emily remembered something that always comforted JJ when she was feeling down or insecure. "Would you be okay here for a few minutes if I went out to buy ingredients for blueberry pancakes?"

JJ instantly smiled. She nodded. "You don't have to do that though."

Emily kissed her wife's cheek. "I know. I want to."

She jumped out of the bed and slipped on some sweats. "Call me if you need me. I'll be ten minutes away."

"I probably need a few minutes alone to take a shower anyway."

Emily narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, knowing JJ often used showering as a way to metaphorically cleanse herself when she felt dirty.

"I'll be better when I have some pancakes, Em…" JJ laughed.

Emily kissed JJ. "Ten minutes away," she reminded.

"I know," JJ replied as Emily made her way to the door of their bedroom. "Love you."

Emily blew her a kiss and signed "I love you" and then left the room and, grabbing her wallet and keys, she walked out the door and closed it behind her.

It was around the year mark of JJ and Emily's relationship that the blonde had the worst bout of nightmares. It was an every night deal, and after three or four, JJ made and concerted effort to keep herself awake.

After much convincing on Emily's part, JJ finally gave in and allowed herself to doze.

It was less than an hour later that she was screaming.

Emily was of course somewhat of a hypocrite as she did not sleep either. She couldn't bear the thought of her girlfriend being as scared as she got after a nightmare and not being able to comfort her. JJ always told her that she was fine, but Emily knew better. She reminded herself that she was right as she reached over to gently shake her girlfriend. "Jen."

JJ continued to writhe and jerk around, seemingly trying to escape from something. Emily spoke louder. "Jennifer."

Still nothing.

"JJ, please." Emily only used her girlfriend's nickname when she was desperate, and not knowing the extreme effect it had on her, used it to get her attention.

JJ shot up in bed. "Jennifer," Emily said slowly, "you were having a nightmare."

JJ sighed. "Thanks for waking me up."

"What was the nightmare about?" Emily asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting her girlfriend of one year to be able to talk to her about what happened to her in her past. Emily wanted JJ to feel comfortable confiding in her about the trauma she suffered at Erin, Brittany, and Elizabeth's hands (at the time, Emily didn't even know their names).

"You know," JJ replied blankly. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay," Emily replied, trying not to make her frustration evident. "I won't make you if you're not ready."

The blonde got out of the bed wordlessly and went to take a shower.

Emily arrived at their local grocery store a little later than she expected to. There was a little traffic and she had gotten a call from a worried Penelope Garcia, who wanted to know how JJ was doing on the year anniversary of her abduction and assault. It was a sweet gesture, but Emily was in a rush to get home to her wife, so she told Garcia she couldn't talk and that she'd update the team later.

The brunette strode into the baking goods aisle, looking for flour. She knew exactly what she was searching for, so she finished shopping quickly. In ten minutes, she had bought flour, eggs, sugar, oil, butter, and blueberries, and checked out at the cash register.

Emily walked with her wagon to the car, loading it in an miraculously short amount of time, and then put it back by the store.

She stopped when she heard a voice she vaguely recognized.

"Hey, Emily!"

She turned around and thought the only appropriate words for the situation. Oh shit.

AN: I was going to make it hard for you all to guess who it was, but then the rest of the chapter fit itself together and now it's easy to figure out. This story is going to be all about JJ and Emily fighting demons (and saving angels) from their past, so get ready! Please review and let me know what you think and what you want to see happen!

Thanks everyone!