WARNING: Suicide.
You have to reset.
You have to.
Going back is the only way to fix the hellhole you've created. Maybe you can do something useful again. Do good. Make everyone forget.
Your body quivers. Squirms with the consequences of what you're about to do.
You can feel your sins crawling on your back. They weigh on your neck. Are you really about to take away everyone's perfect future? All for your own ego?
What will they think, when they realize... what you have to do?
That the only way you know how to go back... is to die?
Will they blame themselves?
You have to make sure that's not the case.
Wrist still bleeding, you fish a pad of sticky notes and a pen from your desk. In a quick hand, to keep the blood from dripping onto it, you write:
"I'm sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. Please don't blame yourselves. It's not your fault. I'm doing this because I have to. It's the only way to be happy. I love you all more than life itself. Please believe me... I'll be back soon. - Frisk"
You rip it off and stick it to your desk.
You can hear the murmur of voices downstairs, but you can't hear what's being said.
Now, the question of what to use...
You sneak into the bathroom and open up the pill cabinet. Your sleeping pills. You'd had them for a while now, ever since your grades started slipping and Toriel took you to the doctor. Your dreams... Well, the nightmares, really, kept you from sleeping sometimes. You hadn't taken them for a while, since you felt as though you were getting better. You fill a cup Toriel always keeps at your bedside with tap water, then return to your bedroom and lock it.
Your heart pounds and you want to scream. Setting the cup down, you pop open the bottle. Gulp. Pour the rest of the pills into your hand.
Twenty. Would that do the trick?
Probably.
Your body is small, so it won't take long...
You're shaking so much the pills - little more than white tick tacs, really - can barely stay in your palm.
Shivering, you prepare to swallow the first dose.
There's a hand on your shoulder. "kiddo -"
You scream and whip around, facing Sans so fast the pills scatter into the air and hit the floor, almost as though they were rain drops being flicked from your hand. On instinct, you drag your sleeve down in attempt to hide the cuts.
"S-Sans..."
He just looks at you, then at the pill bottle. He rips if from your hands. "your sleeping pills... were you about to take them all?!"
"S-Sans, no... I..."
His eyes travel around the room, at all the scattered doses of sleeping pills, and his bone-brows furrow. "frisk..."
"Really! I..." You swipe at your hair with the dripping wrist without thinking.
His gaze focuses on the blood.
He grabs your wrist. Rips back your sleeve. His hands shake as he sees the damage you've done to yourself. He takes hold of the other and does the same, follows the lines with his bony fingers. You pull to get out of his reach.
"Sans, let go -!"
Then you see it. The glow in his left eye.
With a flash of blue light, you find yourself back in a familiar golden room. Looking at your blood soaked hands. A skeleton boy stares you down from across the hall, blue eye wide and blazing.
The irony makes you dry heave.
"so, you like pain, huh kid?" He spits, hand glowing blue as well.
Oh, fuck.
In a second you're slammed against a wall. Then against a pillar. Then tossed to the floor. You struggle to stand, legs and hands shaking. The blood on your wrist and hands is smeared against your palm from the motion. Your body aches and you can barely breathe.
"Sans..."
You're flying again. BAM! Ceiling. BAM! Floor.
Your body wraps around pillars and curls in on itself. If your bones could break, they would.
Every one of them feels 100% crushed.
"Sans," you weep, tears spilling from your eyes at the pain. Why is he doing this? Why is he so angry...? It's just you, this time! No one else... You didn't want to hurt anyone else...
"you like this, kid?!" He snaps, advancing on you. You cringe and duck away from him.
"Please, stop..."
"stop? but i thought you wanted to hurt yourself. do you not like it when I do it?"
"Please..." You're blubbering now. His shadow falls over you. "It hurts..."
"and cutting yourself earlier didn't hurt you? the way you tried to kill yourself didn't hurt me?"
"You don't understand, Sans!" As you look up at him, you know that even if you tried to fight back, you could never beat him.
You never could beat him.
He killed you again and again and again in this same hallway a lifetime ago, when the little voice, Chara, made you kill everyone you loved.
You'd only gone back that time because you needed to escape. Needed to vent something. The situation had become too much and you felt like you could punch something.
That desire became lethal. It summoned Chara's soul. It wasn't you... but it was, all the same.
"You don't get it... it makes me feel..." You can barely see him through tears. "It makes me feel better..."
He slams you against the wall, voice cracking when he hears you cry out. "you don't think i'd do the same if i had skin?"
What? Looking up, you see for the first time that he's crying, too.
"Sans..."
"please, kid... don't do this to us. to me. to yourself. i'm serious... d-don't... don't leave us alone. i swear... i - i'm here for you. i know what it feels like... i... i was there when you..."
"What?"
"when you killed everyone... papyrus, toriel... hell, you almost killed me."
"Then why don't you want me dead?! That's even more reason for me to -"
"but you weren't you. i could feel it. you were suffering... and i don't want you to suffer now. not like i do."
"Sans..."
He gets down on his knees and hugs you. "please, kid. promise me. promise you won't hurt yourself anymore. promise me you'll come talk to me. and i promise i'll help you no matter what. we can make this better. i can talk to the others for you. they'll understand. they won't be angry at you or hurt. you'll see..."
"Sans..."
"promise me, kid."
"Ok."
"ok, what?"
"Ok. I promise."
He hugs you tighter. "come on. let's go home."
There's another flash and you're sitting on the floor of your bedroom. Crying in Sans's arms. You hug him close. Feel the bones.
There's a knock on the door. "Sans, Frisk? Is everything ok in there?" The doorknob rattles, but your door is still locked. Sans gets up and opens it. "Is everything all right."
"yeah, tori. we were just talkin'."
"Frisk, are you crying...? And - oh, my, your pills!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." You weep, curling up into a ball and wishing you could disappear.
"she was trying to take one and i scared her by coming in. sorry, kid."
"We're all very worried about you, Frisk..." She steps on the paperclip, looks down at it, then at you. "Frisk..."
"you might wanna give her some space, tor."
"Sans, what's going on?"
"tor-"
"Frisk, have you been...?" She looks horrified and sad. You can't meet her face. Her eyes fill up with tears.
"tori, come talk to me downstairs. i can tell you everything there. that ok with you, frisk?"
You don't move for a minute, then slowly nod. The jig is up. Mom knows... There isn't much you can do now.
"ok, kiddo. are you ok to be alone right now, or do you want someone with you?"
You shake your head. "I'm ok."
"gotcha."
He leads Toriel downstairs, and again is the murmur of voices. You don't want to hear what theyr'e saying. They seem pretty upset, though...
After a few minutes, they calm down, and it's Sans's voice, specifically, that you can hear, most likely explaining how you feel, and what he wants them to do about it.
You hear footsteps. One after the other, they all file into your room. Undyne is first, then Toriel, then Alphys, then Papyrus and finally Sans. Undyne lifts you up and sits on your bed, carrying you bridal-style. The others crowd around her, sitting with you.
Cuddling with you on the bed.
Keeping you warm.
Keeping you safe.
Not letting you be alone.
"I'm sorry," you whimper, tearing up. "I'm so, so sorry..."
Alphys picks up the note you wrote, and, reading it, hugs you tighter, as if she understands. She crushes it with clawed fingers.
"We gotcha, punk." Undyne murmurs, gripping you harder, like it's a competition. "We're gonna cherish you so hard."
You let out a choking laugh, then sigh.
There's something you have to do.
"Can I... show you?" You ask gently.
"Show us... what, my child?" Toriel asks, though you know she knows what you're talking about.
"The cuts."
"Frisk, I don't think -"
"I need to," you reply. "I have to do it for myself... No more hiding anymore."
There's a moment of silence, then you see Toriel nod.
"Very well, Frisk. If that's what you need."
Undyne and Alphys let you go and you get to your feet, backing away from the bed.
You close your eyes. You can feel the eyes watching you, you can feel their warmth. The pain in your back from being slammed into wall after wall.
You can feel the familiar ache in your bones. The itch in your skin.
You can feel their support, flowing to you from across the room.
You can feel the wool of Toriel's fur in your sweater. It's suddenly too much for you.
You take a deep breath...
And roll up your sleeves.