Chapter 37

He never pictured himself a father. Children was a subject that rarely came up in conversation, even less so in his thoughts yet he became the father to a little girl, the future leader of Hydra of all things. Raven was a peculiar child to love. In his file they labelled her as asocial and moody, traits of someone wiser than her years. Her test scores were remarkable, her capacity to reason and comprehend new things astounding, but no one realized she was a genius. All her teachers were more preoccupied with her making friends and being more verbal. In person Raven was shy, somewhat willful when threatened. She wasn't opposed to socializing, but rather picky about whom she played with. Janos prided himself on managing to get this far with her. Whenever Raven had a nightmare her first instinct wasn't to soil herself and cry in shame, but to hide. Several mornings he found her curled up under her bed or in the closet in a chrysalis of blankets. Her therapist said she was hiding from her mother's boyfriend, who attempted to drown Raven in a bathtub.

Naturally when he reported this swift plans were made. It was hilarious seeing several Hydra Operatives discussing child rearing tips like war plans. His fellow operative Rita wanted to use firm reenforcement to break the habit. The firmness will harden her, she argued, it'll make her a better leader in the future. If perhaps he let Rita carry out her parenting angle things might have been different but, something possessed him to object. I believe I have a tactic that will not only stop these terrors but threaten our relationship, a little tender loving care, as they say.

Several times he got up in the middle of the night to comfort Raven. Night one was a failure, Raven hid in her closet convinced a man was lurking under her bed. Night two, he spoke with her through the crack of the door. He never spoke to her so long, exhuming energy to soothe her. By night three she called out for him flinging herself in his arms significantly calmer than the previous nights. She begged him to stay and naturally he agreed. Never once did he expect nor plan for her vulnerability – her need for cuddling. Her frail heart beating against his, frightened breath in his neck, those wide eyes staring up at him. Then she began to talk.

"My mum used to sing to me, can you sing to me?"

"I don't know any Irish songs," he told her. "Only Hungarian ones, I'm afraid."

He thought that would dismay her but she insisted, "Sing me a Hungarian song. Please?"

Was it that soft hiccup that won him over, or the way she held onto him for the entire night? Either way that fateful night he sung to Raven, the girl stole him. It all began with that moment. Little by little, Janos grew to love Raven more than he adored anyone. He taught her Hungarian, let her help in the kitchen, gave her irreplaceable first editions to browse through, let her play the piano that was previously forbidden to her. Rita criticized him immensely for it. You're compromising the mission. We are not to be her permanent guardians. How could you become so easily attached? But it hadn't been easy, Janos knew his career was going to be lassoed to Raven. It didn't matter anyone, he wanted to be her father, to love her, guide her, and watch her grow.

"Guess what today is?" A bright voice bellowed from behind him. "It's a very special day."

Janos smiled to himself, Raven was seven years old almost eight. Each day creeped closer and closer to her learning her purpose. Janos wanted to be the one to tell her, but how to breach the subject? She was a smart girl, she understood many things once explained simply. He had to tell her, as much as he hoped to let this illusion go on, work had to be done.

"May I have a hint?" He asked, eyes trained on the contents of his skillet.

"Uhhh," he heard her delightfully hum. "It's a very special day for someone like you, and it only comes once a year, and it's not your birthday."

He genuinely did not know, which amused him. What seven year old could be so clever? Raven thought up the most darling things. She even had a nickname for him, her Wax Face Papa. When he asked her why she picked that title she bluntly said, your face stays still like a statute but you're not marble, so you're out of wax. He could only imagine what she would bring to Hydra with her ingenuity.

"I give up. You're much too clever for me." He moved the skillet off the fire to cool on the plates. As he was in motion he spied Raven holding something. For a split second he thought she found one of his guns and was going to shoot him. Unlikely, but in his line of work it was possible. After a blink he saw it was a video camera, the same one he used to record her invention demonstrations for his superiors. He told her not to play with it.

"Raven," he scolded as he set the table. "What did I tell you about the camera?"

"It's special!" She explained. After setting it up on the table she swiftly hide something behind her back that she had put in her chair. "Guess my riddle Uncle Janos, you have to!"

"Raven, my darling, your breakfast will get cold." He knew she'd obey his authoritative tone – to a degree. She was so stubborn for someone so small and sickly.

Relenting with a sigh, she handed him a card. "Happy Fathers day!"

This was the moment he realized why the time to prepare her for training was so short, he always found that detail highly unusual. Attachment equalled permanent compromise. Seeing the childishly decorated card, with hand drawn kitchenware and mathematical symbols, startled him. She loved him as easily as he did her. Perhaps they were made for each other.

"A father's day card?" He gathered her into his lap. "It's beautiful." He kissed her temple. "Our first father's day. It is a fitting moment for the camera."

Raven beamed, knowing she bought her way out of a scolding. What a devious little thing she was, it was the sign of cunning leader, he told his superiors. If she loves to concoct schemes for fun, imagine what she'll do with incentive. But Janos didn't want to think of that as yet, he wanted to enjoy today.

"Now eat your breakfast Raven," he said. "It's getting cold."

Again, knowing she had him all wrapped up around her finger, Raven grabbed her plate pushed it beside his and declaring her permanent seat in his lap. Her younger years had been devoid of singular bonding, making her crave these childish comforts even though she was getting too old for them. Rita had no patience to wean her off them. In turn Janos had enough heart to indulge them.

"Use your knife and fork please," he warned. Raven had this unbearable habit of using her fork as a two-in-one instrument. He wouldn't tolerate bad table manners no matter how precious Raven was, he had to raise her after all. When he first met Raven she came off as a shy mouse, only capable of nipping and scurrying if threatened. Putting it bluntly, she was a wild mutt, needing to be housebroken. The second time he met her before the formal adoption he met the girl behind the trauma. Scraped knees, messy hair, running with boys, up to no good. It was such a pity, Raven was absolutely a gem when dressed up but she despised it. Even under his care she was incapable of keeping her hair tidy. Daily he found himself trying to smoothen unruly strands.

"What is it?" She wondered.

"Peaches and cream omelette," he stated. Her nose wrinkled in suspicion. "You won't know if you don't try it."

"You mushed a dessert and breakfast together," she muttered, still uncertain.

He could see how eager she was to pick out only the peaches and flee. At least she loved fruits, with her bad heart she needed a strict diet. "If you try one bite," he said, "I'll let you help me cook tonight."

That got her interest. "You're so fussy when you cook."

If anyone else were to dare use the word, fussy, to describe him he'd swiftly remove their tongue. When Raven said it, it was sweetly disarming. He smiled, combing her stubborn strands into place. How did she get so unruly in such a short time? "I won't be if you try the omelette."

With a sigh she relented, picking up her cutlery in the way he instructed and took a bite. Her surprise brought a smile to his face. Her second bite was wolfish and for the sake of her joy, he let it slide. As she ate, he decided to broach another subject.

"Raven? Do you remember what I told you about Hungary, where I came from?"

She bobbed her head, very consumed with the new food before her.

"How would you like if you and I saw it for ourselves? Budapest?"

Raven was too wily for blind gifts. "What about Auntie Rita?"

Here was the part he was most fearful of, the topic of Hydra. "Auntie Rita won't be coming back. She and I had different views about how we wanted to take care of you. It's just going to be us from now on."

Raven put down her cutlery, wary and dejected. "Was it my fault?"

"No. Between you and Auntie Rita, I'd always pick you." He rang a knuckle along her rounded cheek. "When we go to Budapest, you'll meet some friends of mine. Colleagues," he corrected. "And your studies will be getting harder."

"I thought you took me out of school because work was too easy?"

That was the excuse they gave the teachers and her social worker. Public school was a waste on Raven, she got into fights more often than actually learning anything. "Yes, but remember what I said? I said that you were made to do amazing things. And I want us to start focusing on those amazing things."

Her fingers flew into her mouth, her odd version of thumb-sucking. The nervous habit was the sign to leave a subject be but he pushed. If you never pushed, nothing would happen.

"We can visit Spain again," he offered. "You liked the Valquez ranch, didn't you?"

"Uh huh."

"If you do well with your studies when we go to Budapest, we'll visit there again. You can see Felix."

The Valquez family were the swine feeding off the labour of Hydra. Rogelio Valquez, despite being a necessary evil for his tastes, sickened him. He hated having Raven around such a crude man, especially with his tastes. Of course he knew, if Rogelio ever laid a finger on Raven he'd make him suffer unspeakable horror. His son however complicated things, Felix Valquez was no intellectual nor as brutish as his father. He was destined to live off his father's wealth in ignorance until his dying breath but Raven adored him, trailing after him like a bewitched chick. Felix was hardly impressed with Raven at first, however she won him over with her peculiar charm with little effort. Janos even caught him doting on her. Cuervita, he called her, little raven. He would help make the transition into Hydra easier, which meant he had to steady his hand for a while where it concerned Rogelio.

"Really?" Her face lit up like a cosmos at the mention of Felix. "We can go to Barcelona? And I can ride the horses again?"

"Yes," he promised. "We will go and you can play with Felix but, only if you do well." Raven responded well to a reward system. It kept her on track, obsessed to finish well and timely.

Forgetting her manners she leapt up and hugged him fiercely. "I'll do my very, very, very best. I promise!"

"We may have to start practicing some Hungarian as well," he said prying her way before she knocked something over. He had to push her, if he didn't others would twist her arm. Under his instruction the transition would be less painful. "So when we go you can order all the sweets you like, as long as you speak perfectly."

If he showed his superiors all the progress he made with Raven, they could stay together. Alexander Pierce was half on board with the idea of one primary caretaker. Keeping Raven with one person constantly ensured that she'd be kept secret. If he could prove that despite her rough beginnings Raven would be ten times the genius of both Starks combined, everything would be fine. She was brilliant and magnetic, with all the necessary skills she would rule the world. It won't be easy but he could do it and so could Raven, all he had to do was push her little by little.

Raven was smitten, Janos never thought he'd see the day. It was Raven's twelfth birthday and her only request was to have a certain someone attend. Normally he ignored any fickle favoritism Raven extended to operatives and associates. The girl was growing up, this was a part of life. Not to mention it was precious to watch, the way she'd smiled at any temporary beau, make conversation or clumsy impress with her hobbies. This one however had him nervous. Unlike the others, handsome operatives, roguish marksmen and intellectuals, this was a girl and not any girl. Shin Eun Gi, an adolescent assassin. It would probably be over overnight and then there would be another, he told himself this repeatedly. It's a phase, she's maturing because we wanted her to grow up fast, she's curious. Shin Eun Gi is different and not like anyone in her circles, she was a novelty.

He was no bigot, he simply couldn't see what made Shin Eun Gi so special. Yes she was a beautiful girl, a swan with the lethality of cobra. But she and Raven had nothing in common. Raven was a genius, read extensively, kept to herself and liked to have layered discussions. Shin Eun Gi, at fourteen years old, had some command of English but only strictly knew about fighting and killing. Although he did catch her reading a fashion magazine once. A beautiful girl, but glorified battle fodder. Raven shouldn't get attached to someone who was built to burn out fast, he didn't want her to get hurt. Her connections should be with people that can further her career, give her influence and teach her things. Janos had this discussion with Raven numerous times, still she exhausted her energies to befriend Shin Eun Gi. If he had to chose he'd prefer she got attached to her older brother, Kyung Gi. At least she would have a competent partner but Shin Kyung Gi was like another Felix, a big brother to tease and scheme with.

Eun Gi's father wasn't pleased either. Many times he caught him berating Raven for her attentions on his daughter but it did little to dismay her. Like a goblin she found kooks and crannies to visit her friend. That's how Janos knew he was in trouble. He even caught her practicing hangul in the study. Eun Gi knew no English so Raven learned Korean, just to be speak to the girl. A niche skill that might come in handy but ultimately a waste of precious time. He was extremely concerned for Raven. On one hand if she got more involved with Hydra and its operatives then she had motivation to lead. On the other hand, this could create complications. Raven needed partnerships not gal pals.

"Do you think Operative Shin will let Eun Gi come to my birthday party tomorrow?"

"Raven," Janos sighed. "You asked me this five times yesterday, and my answer has not changed. It depends on whether she has a mission and is granted leave from her base."

"Her mom said she would let her," Raven fretted.

Madame Lee, Janos thought retaining a groan of frustration. The woman allows her child to be soldier, without fully understanding what that means. Operative Shin is wise enough to know his daughter has to be vigorously trained to do her job well. The two girls are distracting each other and it would only result in consequences. Not that he was worried about Raven, he would protect her no matter what, but her heart was beyond his reach. When Eun Gi suffered her preordained fate nothing could shield Raven's heart from the grief.

"I'm sure," he said, despising his lie as it left his lips. "If she doesn't come, she will have a good reason." Hopefully Operative Shin will forbade his daughter and this folly will come to an end.

Raven threw herself into her sitting chair, dismal as Romeo without his Juliet. "I bet," she scoffed. "She said she would," she muttered, daring the universe to defy her birthday wish.

On the day of Raven's birthday party Eun Gi indeed came. Janos coached himself to not show any disappointment, it seemed like this was destined to end in tears after all. Eun Gi had made her way into their intimate home movies, solidifying herself into their memories. Not matter what happened, Raven would look back and remember the beautiful girl who came to her twelfth birthday party. Her excitement distracted her from paying other notable guests attentions. Namely Alexander Pierce who bestowed Raven with a Hydra pin, an honor declaring his favor for her to lead. In true Raven fashion her remark was both infuriating and darlingly, it's looks like a little octopus. Rogelio and Felix Valquez had the audacity to laugh. That's what I always thought too, Rogelio chimed in, you guys need a new mascot.

One of these days he was going to kill that man, slowly.

Eun Gi's gift was a welcomed diversion from the slight but he was never going to invite those two anywhere again if he could help it. The girl coyly handed Raven a small box while her brother and mother stood on the sidelines like breathing figurines. Operative Shin had refused his invitation; rude yet appreciated.

"I brought you… present."

Her English was thick and clumsy but Raven beamed like she was told a sonnet. And the box was so divinely wrapped Raven reacted too favorably. He told her a thousand times not to show favoritism as not to offend her guests, some were influential individuals. Her unabashed attention was seen by all, and Janos could sense the curiosity around the two brewing.

"It's beautiful… Thank you." Once Raven found her way through the wrapping she let out a small gasp. "It's a knife?" She pulled out the knife, admiring its handle. "It's a viper! It's like something out of Game of Thrones!" She told Felix.

The only reason he allowed her to have those books was to encourage her learn the importance of political ties and alliances. If her tasks were fun she carried them out with enthusiasm. It seems like she was more entranced with the aesthetics and characters than learning anything useful.

"Very light. Super sharp." Eun Gi gave Raven a thumbs up, indicating its quality.

Janos had explicitly said, no weapons as presents. Raven was a scientist, a thinker, any other tools would distract her from his fleshed out program. And why did it have to be a reptile? Raven adored them. She would never let it out of her sight and he could never dispose of it behind her back.

"It's beautiful. I love it!"

She'll cut herself on it, Janos thinks woefully. Then she's going to want to learn to use them. Then she's going to want to learn to fight with them. He could see it all before him now. A glass of wine finds his hand, he sips longer than he should. This was why he was supervised all of her associations, Raven had to be around like minded people to keep her on the right track. If she saw anything new or interesting, she'd throw herself into it until she mastered it. Eun Gi would make her knowledgable in weapons and assault tactics, but that was not his concern.

"Come, come," Eun Gi beckoned Raven to her side. Obediently she did and Eun Gi put the knife in her hand angling her arm like a puppet. "Target," she requested.

"Uhhh…" Raven searched the room. "The vase, with the pink flowers."

He stole that from a collector, it was near priceless. "Perhaps we should do this outside?" He suggested.

Neither of them heard him, using Raven like a catapult, the knife flew across the room hitting the vase with a definitive crack. It was in pieces before it touched the ground and in the wall by the time the room was applauding. Janos took a deep breath, mentally counting as he exhaled. This girl was not suitable for Raven, absolutely inappropriate.

Janos couldn't control Raven anymore. With the failure of Project Insight and the regrettable events that followed, a rift wedged itself between them. He thought some space might have been good for them, it was grave error. By the time he saw Raven again, months later, she was entirely changed. Her words bit whenever she spoke, if she spoke at all. Living on the Valquez ranch made his little lady something short of a crude sailor. The words that came out of her mouth, the filth she picked up from those people and the characters she befriended. She was more suited to be captain of a squadron of savages than a polished leader. And nothing he did undid the months of bad influences, if anything she rebelled more.

Worse of all was her increasing sisterhood with Shin Eun Gi. Something about that girl pulled a playfulness out of Raven, any arrogance too. It reminded him every second he saw them together that Raven wasn't his daughter. She was a Stark, inclined to hubris and several unsavory qualities. Janos had hoped that by showing her all the wrong with the Stark legacy she would be repulsed by them. As with many things, Raven never did what he expected. Shame made her bolder, insults fueled grudges and she spat on expectations. His well laid plans turned to dust and nothing could turn back the clock.

He shouldn't have reacted so poorly when she released the Winter Soldier. She was a child, he was a plaything to her. Of course she'd pity him and make a shortsighted decision. But he had been furious, this was the perfect moment to eliminate the Avengers, to regain control of decades in the shadows. And it all failed because of a man with blue eyes and a metal arm tugging at his daughter's heartstrings. She pitied the downtrodden and lonely, befriending those she should step over. The Winter Soldier was the biggest sign of his failure. Raven dotted over the man, she fed him sweets and told him stories. All the operatives saw was a girl manipulating a weapon to her will with trifles but he knew Raven. And it would only get worse. All the training, the years and hours of drilling it into her head that the Avengers were the enemy, that Tony Stark was his enemy, wasted. Who wouldn't react without thinking?

He had struck his child, something he never did, and it spun into a cataclysm. He didn't know she would fall that way. He didn't know it was acidic. He didn't know it was burn the moment it touched her. All Janos could do was hold her, beg for forgiveness while she screamed and cried, stiff and near epileptic. When she healed hate calcified within her heart, and his little girl was no longer his anymore.

He swore he'd never hit her again, but everything kept spinning out of control. Along with the idealism and misplaced sense of heroism, even her face was becoming more like theirs. The way she pushed her hair back was just like Howard Stark wore his hair. Her smile was a young, half drunk Tony Stark. Their would be no hiding soon, she was a miniature Stark and the resemblance haunted him. Mocking his hopes of erasing that man from their lives. Whenever she got imprudent he saw the Stark in her, the ingrained mannerisms he was too incompetent to replace. Those eyes of the murdered Maria Stark and audacious tongue of Howard Stark, the smirk of Tony Stark. Every time he looked at her she became more and more like them, less and less like the pup who stole his heart. So he struck her again and hated himself for it. He didn't want to hurt Raven but… Why was she so loyal to this man who only took off his pants to create her, with no care?

"Raven, what were you doing?"

She turned off the camera and tossed it into her purse. "It's Eun Gi first soiree, I thought at least one person should enjoy themselves."

The ghost of Tony Stark hovered over her face. Why did she have to act like such a Stark? "You are expected downstairs," he said in a clipped tone.

"Fine," she huffed. She offered her hand for a sheepishly quiet Eun Gi. "Come on Eun Gi, I'm off to play the slag."

The coarse language was the worst of her new bad habits. To hear her utter such crass words made his fist clench. "Raven," he muttered warningly.

"What?" She feigned innocence. "I only said the truth."

As much as he loathed this new side to Raven, she had command of a room. On her best behavior she moved with grace, spoke eloquently with men from all walks of life. A sense of pride soothed the burns of her outbursts. Despite their differences she always did her job. Eun Gi on the other hand was a cowed peacock, unable to speak and unable hold her own. It was about time she learned her place in Raven's world. Perhaps after tonight he could speak to Raven and explain that for all his missteps he meant well. He could use Eun Gi's shortcomings to broach the subject. If they couldn't be parent and child again, hopefully they might learn to be civil.

Just as he concocted his plan he heard the band start to play a waltz. Raven was a wonderful dancer, if there was ever a time to act it was now. They could talk as they danced, settling it once and for all. He made a step to invite her to dance when Raven walked away, heading toward Eun Gi. He couldn't hear what they said nor lip read the Korean Eun Gi spoke, but when Raven offered her hand ther was no mystery. She asked her to dance in front of all these people. Had she lost her mind? Surely Eun Gi wouldn't dare embarrass herself knowing full well her father would hear about this.

The air left his body when Eun Gi took Raven's hand. Side by side they walked to the very center of the floor. Raven instructed her into the starting position and with a smirk began to dance. Everyone stared as the shorter Raven lead the taller Eun Gi. With complete reverence they moved as one, catching everyone's attention. Several gentlemen scowled and ladies looked with disdain but his wild girl didn't care. Her hand held Eun Gi's waist, hand supporting her back smiling warmly to soothe Eun Gi's fear. And to add a teaspoon of gaul she spun Eun Gi. Her green dress flared like a fan holding onlookers hypnotized, she tugged her back catching her by the waist. It was a photo finish, immediately made into mischief with Raven's toothy grin.

The song ended, the display was left behind with it. Janos kept watching inquisitive at what other shenanigans they could get mixed up in. He saw something no one else did. When Raven let Eun Gi go, something changed in the way the girl gazed at her. Like Cupid's arrow had shot her in the back. No, it couldn't be…

When he gets the call Janos nearly ran out of his flat half dressed. Raven's hurt, she's in the hospital. He had to replay the words to himself to keep calm. A giant robot came into the house, it nearly killed her. No one could shoot it down. The creature was Stark's creation, corrupted by the Specter. Raven likely knew it was too unstable to tame and kept Hydra from further crippling itself. Many leaders were lauding her foresight, nodding at the type of leader they were moulding. He didn't think about that, only that his little girl was hurt. He scarcely recognized her, they had her wrapped up tightly in a polite body cast.

"Her left shoulder was dislocated and broken in two places," Felix told him in near tears. "The fall knocked out two back disks. She's got a concussion – t-t-two fractures on her skull. And a burn on her ankle, when it grabbed her."

The list registered to him but he was transfixed by her fingers, wood splinters and blood caked under her nails. She was crawling away, being dragged back. The image was too horrendous to bear. Did she cry out for him, thought of him once? Or did she blackout, cursing his name? It was him who brought her into this life.

"Why did you leave her alone?" He entrusted Felix to her and he left her unsupervised. His hand found his throat slamming the boy into the wall. "You left her alone."

"She's alone all the time," he wheezed. "She was going to head to -"

He was cut off by the sound of someone coming into the room. Shin Eun Gi, still dressed in her uniform, hair in a ponytail, gun slung across her back. Their eyes met and Janos's hate came out, this was who Raven adored most in the world. Not him, not Felix, but this girl. A part of him wanted to choke her, steal whatever Raven found so wonderful about her and douse himself in it. The glassy tears in her eyes stopped him.

"Where is she?" She asked them. He suspected she meant, how is she, but said nothing on it.

"She hasn't woken up." Janos let her into the room, watching as she fell to her knees beside the bed. Not touching Raven but assessing how badly she was hurt. It was smarter than weeping but still, the closeness felt wrong somehow. The way she stared at Raven as though she was Snow White. Holding her hand she pressed her face into her knuckles. The tenderness went unnoticed by Felix, too caught up in his own brush with death but Janos saw. Her lips pecking her bandaged hands, the tears she rubbed into her other palm. Faintly he heard her whisper to Raven, "Don't fly away from me. Don't fly away from me."

No… absolutely not…

Any illusions he has about Raven and Eun Gi evaporate when Raven announces she moving to Seoul. The month before she announced she had a clean bill of health and was ready to move. No one else seemed to care where Raven called home, so long she was reachable. Janos had other fears, more untraditional fears. Every since the waltz that stare Eun Gi aimed at then oblivious Raven, chased him like a poltergeist. He wasn't a fool and the girls had only gotten closer. Operative Shin had told him that Eun Gi constantly visited Raven in Sokovia and in Spain whatever chance she had. Felix thought nothing of it, he was blind like everyone else. She wasn't going to be there all the time, they all said. If there was one thing Janos knew it was Raven, and their closeness was more than friendship.

In Seoul those girls would be entirely unsupervised, free to do as they like. Although they hardly listened to anyone before. All those bad habits would flourish and Raven would be lost to him forever. There would be no repairing their relationship.

"Are you sure about this?" He considered himself prideful but he would beg for Raven. "There is no need to go so far away. And a city with a Stark Industries no less… Unless that was your plan."

"Why do you always have to bring up Tony Stark? I want to live in Seoul because I like it! I'm sick of Rogelio asking me about my chest whenever he sees me. Besides Eun Gi is only going to be there between her missions, I'll have a place of my own. Not to mention, there are so many healthy foods in South Korea, it'll be good for my diet."

She was lying through her teeth. This was all about Eun Gi. He tried numerous times to guide her in the right direction but she held steadfast in her fascination with the pretty battle fodder.

"Very well. You're old enough to make your own decisions… Just promise me you'll take care of yourself."

Raven narrowed her eyes and he smiled. She knew he was being less than truthful, his clever girl. "What?" She accused.

"Nothing," he assured her. "I just… You've grown into a very lovely girl."

"Take that back," she griped. "I'm an ugly pain in the arse. You aren't allowed to say otherwise."

"Never. You are aggravating but it's a part of your charm." He wished touching was allowed, after scarring her Raven recoiled from everyone that wasn't Eun Gi. Just thinking of her infuriated him, that unworthy girl being the only exception to the rule. "If anything happens, anything," he stressed, "you'll call me?"

Raven made a noncommittal noise that broke his heart. Had he fallen so far from grace, even after he tended to her?

"I…"

"Stop," she begged. "I just… I said that I forgive you, because I guess I deserved it in some way. But you can't tell me how to go on from there."

"I understand but," he cleared his throat. "May I hold you, one last time? Like I used to when you were little?"

She stared at his arms like they were a guillotine. It was a huge request but he needed something to prove that he was truly forgiven. If she would only bear it, for the both of them. "No," she said. "You can't."

His arms hung at his sides, fists briefly clenching. "Do you know how much I love you Raven? I raised you."

"So what?" She roared. "And I didn't -" She bit her lip reigning in her temper. "I'm leaving and your offer has been noted." As she gathered her remaining bags for the taxi she said, "You always think it was only you that lost something."

His invincible girl, cold and strong, he couldn't be prouder. At the same time she broke his heart. He was warned that Raven may never forgive him for putting his hands on her. She was inclined to cut off those who abused her. They nurtured that ruthlessness and now it snuck its teeth in his throat. He was so desperate he hired a therapist, a gesture of good faith. She and his right hand man Gyurri said the same thing, when you cross a line you can't step backward. Janos refused to give up on Raven, he couldn't. His whole life, his career had been tethered to her. Someday she will need him and he will be there, and one day she would understand that he loved her beyond sense.

So sorry about the late update guys, I'm kinda tinkering with the pic right now. I wanted to do a chapter from Janos P.O.V. since describing them in the glimpses seemed to so dull and distracting. As always you know what to do, review and leave critiques. You're always allowed to reach out to me if you feel the mood.

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