A/N: Hello readers! Sorry I was MIA for a bit there. Lost my mojo. Anyway, here's another flashback between Fitz and Mellie. I've been trying to find a fanfic forever that was about after 1x7 when Mellie tells Fitz about her and Olivia's plan to save Fitz' presidency. I wanted to read about how awkward it would be for them to try and conceive Teddy. But I never could find one, so I decided to write one! It turned out a little different than I planned, but let me know what you think. Oh, and there is some foul language, fwi!

Enjoy and let me know what you think and if you have any ideas for more Mellie or Mellitz related chapters.

Mellie took her time in the shower. There was no rush on the agenda this morning. She had no meetings scheduled, no tasks on her to-do list, no appearances to be worrying about. It was a rare day in the life of a first lady, and she should have felt relieved. But she didn't, she felt anxious. And she couldn't shake the feeling. Her mind wandered back to the conversation she had had with Fitz and Olivia a few days prior:

"And when I tell them it was you and me on the tape, I will also share my outrage about the replaying of our private moment in such a public, reckless, and irresponsible manner by the gossip-hungry left leaning main stream media, and how upsetting it's been for our family, especially at such a fragile time, given that I'm newly pregnant…"

Mellie sighed and covered her face, letting the scalding water wash over her hands until they turned pink and tingly. What had she been thinking? She had been willing to do anything to save Fitz' presidency and she had been proud of her and Olivia's plan. It was a smart scheme, brilliant actually, but what Mellie had stupidly overlooked was the fact that her and Fitz hadn't actually slept together in years and there was a reason for that. Big Jerry had made sure to ruin that part of their marriage. Fitz didn't know about the rape, but he knew the romance was definitely gone between them. They both knew it. It was so painfully clear that sex between the two of them was not going to come naturally. Fitz had tried to initiate the last two days, finally having come to terms with his mistress and his wife's plan. But each time Mellie made excuses: I have an interview with GMA, Fitz. How about tonight? I have a migraine. Let's get it over with in the morning. Well, now it was morning and Mellie still wasn't ready. She had left Fitz in bed, snoring, but that was an hour ago. Enough time for him to get up and shower in one of guest bedrooms, surely, Mellie had reasoned. She convinced herself he would be gone and finally turned off the shower. She opened the glass door and reached out for her towel, wrapping it around herself, she stepped onto the bath mat.

"Mellie," a familiar male voice snapped. Mellie jumped in surprise and let out a yelp, the towel falling around her feet.

"Fitz!" Mellie groaned, quickly gathering the towel from the ground and holding it to the front of her body.

Fitz looked away awkwardly and shoved his hands in his the pockets of his pajama pants, "I was just wondering," he started through gritted teeth, "if we were gonna…do this, because I really need to get this over with and move on," he tried to look back at Mellie but caught a glimpse of her backside in the mirror and jerked his head away again.

Mellie rolled her eyes and whipped the towel around herself again, "Right now?" she asked, angrily. She felt her guards go up automatically; putting on the mask of irritation instead of showing Fitz how she really felt, which wa scared and embarrassed.

Fitz sighed, "Mellie, you're the one who came up with this insane plan, remember? Not me."

"I know that, Fitzgerald, and it's a damn good plan and you know it." Mellie crossed her arms over the towel and frowned. Her heartbeat was increasing rapidly and thumping a mile a minute. It was so loud she wouldn't have been surprised if Fitz could hear it.

"Mellie, listen, it's not a secret. The world may be in the dark about our marriage, but in here," he gestured around the bathroom, "we don't have to pretend. I don't want to be intimate with you right now… and I can tell you don't want to either, I mean you haven't in years, really, let's be honest. This plan of yours and Olivia's…frankly, it sucks. I get it, it saves me, and I'm thankful for that. But a baby? Do you really want to have another child, Mellie?" Fitz paused and Mellie stared blankly back at him so he continued, "I mean, let's just put the whole having sex thing to the side for a minute, do you really want to put your body through this for the next nine months to birth yet another child that we don't have time for?" Fitz' anger was escalating, "This is a life we're talking about!"

Fitz stopped abruptly, his hands balled in tight fists at his side. He waited for his wife to respond, but she was just standing there wide-eyed with her mouth slightly open in shock.

"I…" Mellie began, and then looked up at the ceiling. She was trying so desperately not to cry; she had been putting up a strong front for so long. Her façade was starting to crack.

"Are you…are you crying?" Fitz asked incredulously, "You have got to be kidding me, Mellie," his voice was soft but degrading.

Mellie looked Fitz straight in the eye, "I'm not crying," she said forcefully, although there were tears beginning to pool.

Fitz shook his head and sighed, "I don't get you."

Mellie just stared at her husband. This stranger, more like. How had they gotten to this awful place? They used to be in love, they used to understand each other more than anyone else in the world. Now there was nothing between them but resentment and confusion. Mellie was at a crossroads. She could do one of two things: she could either break down and be honest with Fitz, finally try to fix their marriage or she could shell up again and just do her duty as First Lady. She thought for a moment. But the answer was simple. Mellie was not about to break now, she was very skilled at this cold and callous person she had created, she just needed to shift her mind a little…

Mellie smiled suddenly. It wasn't a sweet smile or friendly by any standards. It was calculating and mischievous. She dropped her towel to the ground and stared at her husband meaningfully, "You don't have to get me, Fitz. You just have to fuck me."