Dear Diary,

I am apparently in trouble again. Vati is making me write a list of things I am not allowed to do so I will remember.

I will not steal little garden gnomes from the neighbors' front porch, no matter how cute they are.

I will not lock West in the closet to make him stop crying.

I will not bite West's head.

I will not throw rocks at the playground.

I will not throw West.

I will not play with any of Vati's weapons.

I will not shave the cat.

I will not ride Vati's best hunting horse up the stairs.

I will not call people bad words.

I will not color on the walls, because it takes a lot of work to erase coloring from the walls, evidently.

I will not put Roderich up in a tree and leave him there.

I will not feed West beer

I will not throw potatoes at West's head.

I will not have any fun, apparently.

Well, that is my list. I hope Vati is happy.

Dear Diary,

I will not make fires in the house.

Dear Diary,

Today is very boring. I wanted to play knights but West didn't want to be the bad guy who got killed, so I couldn't have any fun. Then I had to go to the market with Vati, and I had to hold West's hand. His hand was all sticky and disgusting, so I let it go but then he got lost. And get this, Diary- I got in trouble and he didn't! Where is the justice, I ask you? I wasn't the one who got myself lost! Now I am in my room to ponder my crimes. What crimes? Also, West is a crybaby.

Supper will be soon. I am getting sick of potatoes. And there is only so much one can do when one isn't allowed to color on the walls. It seems wrong that The Awesome Me is a prisoner in my own room. I want to go pick on Roderich or hang out with Antonio and Francis. But alas, I am here until supper. And all I'll get out of that is more stupid potatoes.

Dear Diary,

It's snowing! West and I made a snowman and used Vati's pipe for him. We named it Sherlock. Only then Vati wanted his pipe back, so now I need another pipe, or else a cigar or something. I'm not allowed to smoke, though, so I don't even have one! I'll just have to steal the pipe again.

Also, I threw a snowball at Arthur Kirkland's annoying baby brother Peter, and now I'm in trouble with Vati again, and Arthur, because apparently hitting babies with snowballs is frowned upon universally. And I didn't even get to go sledding yet! I asked Vati if we could get some reindeer, but he said no.

Dear Diary,

I want my own bobsled. Today I just had to use my wagon, but it was still fun because I borrowed the neighbors' sled dogs and attached them to it and they pulled me and West around the neighborhood! It was really fun until Vati found out.

P.S. Vati says it's only borrowing if the people know you took the thing you borrowed.

Dear Diary,

I will not shove snow down the back of Arthur's shirt, no matter how angry I get that he won't let me take his garden gnomes.

Dear Diary,

Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet another man's garden gnomes.

Dear Diary,

The Awesome Me has found a new desire. This Christmas I want world domination. 3:)

Dear Diary,

Today we went to get a tree! I wanted to carry the saw, but I'm not old enough. We went to a tree farm and West and I played hide and seek, but then West got stuck in a Christmas tree and Vati had to get him down. We did not purchase that tree.

Finally we decided on a tree. Vati cut it down and West and I yelled "Timber!" as it fell. Now we have a tree right in our very own house! We got to decorate it, and I only broke a few ornaments! Also, I am not allowed to play with the Christmas lights.

Vati picked me up and I got to put on the star. Then West and I each made a wish. West wished for a giant bag of candy that never ran out. I wished for world domination. And garden gnomes.