Disclaimer I do not own Fairy Tail...no shit

Chapter 1

A boy with pink- I'm sorry- salmon, hair walked out onto his porch with a stack of burnt pancakes; just the way he likes em. He plopped down on a chair and started to dig into the glorious burnt feast before him. He had his fork halfway to his mouth and his mouth wide open in preparation of the mind blowing flavor he was about to have oral with; when he suddenly stopped stock still. His eyes narrowed and he angrily slammed the fork and plate down on the table. "The fuck!" He shot up and marched back into his house muttering absentmindedly, "I forgot the goddamn, motherfucking, cocksucking, hot as hell and easy to blow coffee." When he entered the kitchen, he saw his dad sitting at the table…..drinking his coffee. "Goddamnit, old man! Stop stealing my shit!"

The said old man looked up from the paper he was reading. "And here I thought I had such a wonderful, loving son that wanted to make his caring and hardworking dad a nice cup of coffee...or as you put it, shit." Hell it almost tasted like shit since his son liked it black.

"Ughhh, you know what?!" The boy fumed, steam rising in his ears. "Fuck it, drink the shit, I'm too tired to make more."

"You know that's the point of coffee, right Natsu?"

The said boy glared at his father. "Fuck the shit." He turned his heel, grabbing his pack of cigarettes, and eagerly walked back to the meal that was making him almost want to jizz in his pants just thinking about. He stood in front of the table on the porch, never having wanted to kill an inanimate object more in his life. His food was gone….his food….was gone. "Someone's fucking with me." He said blandly, one step away from laughing at his own misery. "Someone's trying to fuck me in the ass with a shit covered stick." He then looked up at the sky. "There's no point though, the stick will just get shittier once it's been in my ass." He declared it to no one as if he just proved someone wrong. He lit a cigarette and sighed. "I'm glad you're around, my beautiful fucking slut." He looked at his beautiful cigarette with adoration. "Don't let anyone else blow you though."

"STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF, SON!"

"OLD MAN, YOU KNOW I'M TOO DRUNK TO NOTICE!" He yelled back. "Am I really that drunk if I know I'm drunk." He stomped out his cigarette and went back into the house again, not ready in the least to get ready for school. "When the hell are you leaving again?"

"Tomorrow, I'll be gone for a few months. Don't miss me while I'm gone."

"Like hell, old man. Good riddance." They both smirked. It was an odd way of saying 'I love you', but those words weren't either of their styles; like father, like son...or so they say.

Natsu rummaged through his room, ignoring the naked girl lying on his bed. Only occasionally stealing glances at her large chest. 'Does she have inverted nipples? That's weird, I could have sworn they were poking my cheeks last night.' He finally found the clothes he was looking for, and put on his baggy, black jeans, tight, red muscle shirt, and his white scarf. Slipping on his black converse shoes, and slinging his black backpack over his shoulders, he stalked his way over to the girl. He stared at her nipples and decided to see if he could perk them up a bit, because shit they just looked so depressed. He bent down and took one in his mouth. 'Mmm a much better meal in the morning.' He swirled his tongue around it and sucked on it. He grinned in triumph as it started to get hard. He was amazed that she was still sleeping. He wanted her gone when he got back from school, so he decided to wake her up, and hopefully leave her sexually frustrated. He continues his ministrations on her nipple, and slipped a finger down her dry folds. 'Goddamnit, well maybe if it hurts she'll wake up.' He slipped a finger inside her, albeit with a little too much effort for his liking, and pumped back and forth. Finally she began to stir.

"Mmm… oh yes!" She moaned and grabbed his hair. He bit down on her nipple, making her yelp, and pulled back sticking his now wet finger into his mouth.

"You should really leave, unless you wanna give my father a good fuck."

"Excuse me? You're kicking me out?! I thought we had something special!" He rolled his eyes.

"Look babe, you're cute, but I don't date. If you want more fun, just walk downstairs in your birthday suit, god knows my dad needs a good release, but make sure you leave soon, sweet cheeks." He winked and slapped her tit before he walked out, ignoring her yelling.

As he went back onto his porch his eyes went wide. There was his empty plate and fork sitting on the table. "Am I fucking high right now?" He shook his head and walked towards his black Lamborghini, cuz he was rich as hell. He sped off, wondering if there were raccoons or some shit with highly intelligent brains as to put back a plate where it got it. "Someone's definitely fucking with me."

So someone at my work thought it would be really funny to steal my lunch. So as I sat there on my break, lunchless, I wrote this. Because fucking shit, I was mad and hungry...I still don't know who did it...