AN: Yeah, the title doesn't really relate to the content of this fic, other that it sounding like a pretty good description of Danny. (It's one of the bad summer movies on TV in Gravity Falls, from Into the Bunker.) The title is 40% of why I'm writing this, since I felt that there should be a fic with that name in this category, but I promise that I do have a plot.

There will be SPOILERS for Gravity Falls up until AToTS aka episode 32. BIG spoilers. (Spoilers so big that I don't want to write the episode title because it sort of gives it away.) You have been warned.

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Visiting the Relatives

The landscape rolled past them outside the car window; forests interrupted by the occasional farmland.

Danny's level gaze didn't leave the window, even as he grew bored with the never-changing countryside. At least he wouldn't have to look at it for long, the way his dad was driving.

Jazz seemed to think that was a bad thing, given the small disapproving noises that escaped her lips every time the vehicle swerved. She was trying to read, but that was a hard to thing to do when their dad was behind the wheel.

There was a barely there beep and Danny pulled out his cell with hurried motions. He almost dropped it as he saw Tucker's name on the screen. What if they had gotten hurt while he was gone? What if... He shook his head to rid them of the thoughts before he read the text.

Boxy needs a hobby.

Danny smiled as the tension left his body.

After much nagging, his friends back home had agreed to text him every day to let him know that they were alright. Danny had argued for hourly updates, so that he could fly over and save them if they needed it, but Sam had rightly pointed out that Oregon was literally on the other side of the country. There was no way Danny could make the trip in less than a day, and if he tried he'd be too exhausted to save anyone.

Sam might have yelled at him a bit for underestimating them, but he knew that if a stronger ghost came through the portal he was always the only one who could deal with it.

If nothing like that happened, the small secret army consisting of Sam and Tucker (with the sort of unwitting help of Valerie) would be able to manage.

That was a pretty big "if".

He has 1. Its boxes xP

Danny smirked as he sent his reply. If it was only the Box Ghost, he was happy to let somebody else deal with it.

Danny wasn't sure of whether it was because they were close to the forest or because he'd spent the last six hours in a crammed RV, but the air in Gravity Falls tasted great. He smiled as he exited the stuffy vehicle and finally got to stretch his legs.

They were on the edge of the forest, by a solitary house. The cabin was all wood, with tin roof that was slowly being overtaken by moss. A long saw was hung over the porch, and there were several axes just laying about on the grass. Even somebody who didn't know could tell from first glance that it was a lumberjack's home.

His mom's side of the family was like that – red haired people who thought living in the woods was the Best Thing Ever. It made Danny wonder what her childhood had been like, for them to turn out like that. He'd never asked, partly because the last time he learned anything about his parents' past he made an arch-enemy.

At least they were visiting the Corduroys and not aunt Alicia. With aunt Alicia, he always got the distinct impression that she didn't want them around. The Corduroys were a more welcoming bunch.

Jazz followed him out into the sunshine, rolling her shoulders with a pained look on her face. "I hate dad's driving."

Danny shrugged, because he was in a too good mood to complain.

"Looks like somebody's happy."

"Three words; ghost free summer. It'll be like... an actual vacation!"

Jazz laughed lightly as their parents got out of the RV and the group headed over to the cabin. Jazz hung back a bit and he stood next to her as their mother knocked on the door.

"Maddie! Jack!" Manly Dan hit his head on the door frame as he exited. A look of pained understanding passed between him and Danny's equally tall dad as they shook hands.

"Uncle Dan!" Danny's smile widened as the tall man grinned down at him. (With such extremely tall people on both sides of his family, Danny had every hope he'd hit a growth spurt soon.)

"Danny!" Dan set a hand on Danny's shoulder in what was probably supposed to be a familiar and pleasant way, but which would have sent the boy sprawling on the floor if he hadn't had ghostly strength. Not falling over earned him an appreciating nod, like he'd passed some sort of test, which made Danny suspect his uncle was well aware of how much force he'd put into the gesture.

Jazz got a much less physical welcome, which was probably for the best. Dan nodded at her and she returned it, in a way that made it clear that they at least didn't hate each other, even if they'd never be each other's favourite relative.

"Kids!" Uncle Dan shouted into the cabin as he waved them inside. "The Fentons are here!"

If Danny hadn't been there before, the flannel covering every single surface would have distracted him. As it was, he was able to give his full attention to his cousins as they entered the room.

As living arrangements were made and bags were pulled inside, Danny walked over to his oldest cousin. "Hi, Wendy. It's been a while."

Wendy smiled at him. Her hair had grown a bit since they'd last seen each other, but height-wise it seemed Danny was starting to catch up to her. If only barely. Stupid slow ghost ageing.

"Yeah, haven't seen you since winter break."

"Best Christmas ever. Do you think my parents will let me go here again this year?"

"Dude, we didn't even celebrate Christmas! We had one of those apocalypse trainings my dad loves." Wend rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

"And that's why you're my favourite relatives."

"You're weird. Oh, hey, did I tell you? I've got a summer job."

"You did? Then what am I gonna do all summer?" Danny gesticulated in an over-dramatic way, to make it clear that he was jesting.

"Go to the arcade?"

"You win this round, Corduroy."

Wendy grinned. "Anyway, I'm working at the Mystery Shack. It's a total tourist trap. You should come check it out, we've got some of the best glued together taxidermy animals in the state."

"With such glowing praise, how could I not?"

"Mystery Shack, eh!?"

Danny jumped slightly as his dad's booming voice sounded behind him.

"Sound's like fun, maybe Maddie and I'll join you."

"You should, uncle Jack. It's right up your alley." Wendy smiled at her not-actually-uncle.

Danny simply raised an eyebrow at the smiling Wendy. A cryptozoology themed tourist trap was perfect for the Fentons, but nobody in their right mind thought the Fentons were perfect visitors for a cryptozoology themed tourist trap.

AN: This chapter turned out much shorter than I'd originally planned, since I removed a scene that didn't really work, but I didn't really know what to add to it. Future chapters will be longer. Feel free to think of this as a sort-of-prologue if that helps.