15. I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now

He felt like it had been a year. In fact, it had been just two weeks.

Marui entered the locker room and stopped in front of his locker. It was still there, untouched, exactly like last time he had been there, the day of the ranking matches. He didn't know why he would expect anything different.

His racket, his shoes, his spare uniform - everything still in place.

It was almost as time hasn't passed at all, inside that locker. Somehow, it was a comforting thought.

"Bunta". Jackal was standing in the doorframe. An older student had to push him away to enter. Jackal apologized, then reached Marui, who had just started unbuttoning his jacket. "How are…", he hesitated, then shook his head. "I'm glad you're here". He smiled, in a typical Jackal way.

"Wait to say that". Marui winced. "I'm gonna complain. A lot".

Jackal rolled his eyes. "You say it as if it was news".

"I'm gonna complain more than usual".

It was always like that, with Jackal, since they were children. Every time they fought - or better, every time Marui threw a tantrum out of the blue, which, he had to admit, happened a lot back in the days - the next day, for Jackal, it was as it did never happen at all. If Marui was willing to act as nothing happened between them, even if he was the one and only that made it happen in the first place, Jackal was glad to follow after.

At first, Marui thought that it was because Jackal didn't have any other friends, aside from him. But that didn't change, even when Jackal started meeting new people, making new friends at school and around the neighborhood. He was just like that. His nature, maybe. Marui couldn't relate at all.

"I'll leave you to Yanagi, then". Jackal started changing into his tracksuit as well. "It's been asking about you for a week. He'll be glad to be able to talk to you today".

He was indeed a good person, but he could also be a true bastard. Well. He wouldn't have been Marui's friend for years otherwise.

"I won't say anything without my lawyer", he replied. He hesitated between shorts and track pants. He decided he didn't want to come home sweaty.

"Yanagi is your lawyer". Jackal looked at him. He was suddenly serious.

Marui didn't even ask him why.

"He's the one who spoke with the seniors", Jackal said. "Since you didn't attend practice for more than ten days, they meant to count you as retired from the club. He asked them to wait another week". Marui felt his gaze on him. He kneeled down to tie his shoes. Jackal sighed. "Guess he knew you better, right?"

Marui said nothing. Yanagi had tried to contact him, multiple times. He called him. He texted him. Marui ignored them all. He didn't dislike Yanagi, but it wasn't like he wanted to talk to anyone at all, let alone someone like him, who always knew way more than he should.

He knew some people needed to talk about their problems to sort them out. Marui never felt like it worked for him.

"I guess". He didn't want to discuss it. "How is it?", he asked instead. "Practice, I mean".

Jackal shrugged. "Usual stuff. I'm mostly practicing with Yagyuu, lately. Yanagi seems to have reprised his old role as club's unofficial manager, if you ask me".

"I won't be surprised". Yanagi had been like this since his first year, when along with Yukimura and Sanada had joined the club only to take it over in just a few weeks. Yukimura had been the light. Sanada had been the pillar. Yanagi had been the brains.

"He's barely practicing, at least while he's at the club". Marui got the hint. He didn't find hard to image he went to practice alone, outside club hours. "That means he's something in mind, if you ask me".

"And when does he not", Marui asked, with a smile.

"He's chatting a lot with the club manager", Jackal added. "Yagyuu says she has something in mind, too".

Or maybe Yanagi had put something in her mind, Marui thought. He couldn't find it that hard to believe.

He didn't think Yanagi to be a bad person. But he couldn't believe he was a good one, either. Well, who was, among them? Jackal, maybe. Marui couldn't surely count himself as one. But Yanagi… There always was something sour, in his kindness. He never fully realize it, before what happened at the Nationals.

Speaking about the Nationals…"Tell me", he turned towards Jackal, "have you heard of Akaya, lately?"

Jackal expression become stiff. "Yeah". He clenched his teeth. "He asked me about you, too. Multiple times".

Marui stayed silent. He had thought many times about texting Kirihara, or just dropping by to say hi; he was sure he had even mentioned it to Jackal, once or twice. He just never did. And certainly he didn't feel like to, in the last two weeks, despite having plenty of time.

"And what did you say", he asked Jackal, without looking at him.

"That you were an idiot", Jackal sighed. "And that he should text first, if he wanted to talk to you".

Well, that was harsh, but Marui couldn't deny it, could he? If he really cared, he could've at least texted him. Marui didn't feel like he didn't care. He cared. But his actions spoke otherwise, and there was nothing I could say to defend himself.

Kirihara hadn't texted him either, though. It didn't make him feel any better.

"And how he's doing?", he asked, instead.

Jackal looked at him. Marui open his mouth to say that he really wanted an answer, he wasn't asking just to show that he cared, but then he remembered he was Jackal he was talking with. Jackal, who knew him well enough not to need to hear any excuse.

"He's fine", he said, eventually. He smiled. "He didn't have a nice time lately, but he's better now. Yanagi and Yukimura went to check him too".

Marui glanced up. "Did they?", he asked. "Why?"

"Call him and ask him, Bunta". Jackal sighed. Then, his expression softened. "I'm serious. Call him. You'll make him happy".

"Yeah, I know, I know". He remembered Kirihara, during his first year. A little brat that kept throwing himself against a brick wall, over and over. Marui couldn't help but liking him lots. "I wasn't in the mood to make anyone happy lately". It sounded like a lame excuse. It was.

"I'm not judging you, Bunta", Jackal sighed. Well, maybe a little, Marui thought. "Just… Call him. When you feel like to. Or text him. Just let him know you're there".

But am I, Marui wondered.

He took his racket from the locker. He weighted it in his hands.

Yes, Marui though. Yes, I'm here.

"I will", he told Jackal. Then narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure I'm still in group C?"

Jackal sighed. "Come on", he said. "We'll be late".

Marui saw him as they were leaving - as Jackal was summing up the last two weeks of practice, as if Marui has simply been on vacation, or something.

"…so this team is confirmed until the end of the Prefecturals", Jackal was saying. "After that-"

"Jackal".

"…there'll be another selection, so it's important that we-"

"Jackal", Marui pulled him by the sleeve. "Look".

He tried to make it subtle. But he failed.

Just as Jackal stopped talking, Yukimura turned his head and saw them.

Marui opened his mouth to say something, but, before he could speak, the door in front of Yukimura opened; he greeted Marui and Jackal with a nod, then went inside. The door closed behind him.

"What he's doing here?", Marui asked.

"In the Captain office?", Jackal said. "What do you think?"

"Oh", Marui said. "Oh". He turned to look at Jackal. "Let's find Yanagi, can we?"

"So now you want to talk to him", Jackal sighed, as they started walking towards the courts.

Marui searched his pockets for a gum. "Well", he smiled, "that's all about what he wants to talk about".

Why was he happy to have seen Yukimura there? He did not know either. But he was; and he didn't care to question it.

Yukimura had never been to the Captain office.

In fact, it wasn't that different than the one they had in Junior High. Just a small storage room with a computer, and a bunch of folders for the documentation. It was a little bigger, that was all.

Morimura closed the door, then went to sit at his desk. He signed Yukimura to take a sit in front of him.

"I'm listening", he simply said. No greetings, no superfluous words.

Yukimura appreciated that. He sat down.

He knew exactly what he wanted to say. He had no more doubts, at this point.

He had looked for the Captain right after the matches ended, the day before. Rikkai won 5-0, so at least he wouldn't find him in a bad mood.

As he had approached him, Morimura hadn't looked surprised.

"I was wondering when you would come". Morimura stared at him from the other side of the desk, his arm crossed. He didn't seem hostile, this time. At least.

"You were expecting me", Yukimura said.

Morimura moved the papers away from his side of the table. "Kinda". He almost smiled. "I didn't understand exactly what you and Matsui were thinking, but I'm glad you decided to quit with that nonsense and come to talk to me instead".

Of course he was talking about that scene with Atobe.

"Listen", last think he wanted, was to look like a desperate idiot, "I had nothing to do with that".

Yanagi could've stopped it. He said he just let her do it, because she seemed very confident of what she was doing, he told Yukimura. Sure. He could bet all of his money he just wanted to see what she was capable to do, to collect his data on her as well.

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised", Morimura sighed. "She's a huge help for all the paperwork, but some of her ideas…", he shook his head. "For instance, she seemed to take this one very personally". He looked at Yukimura. "At first, I thought she was taking it too personally, if you know what I mean. Then I had to sit and listen for half an hour of explanations and plans for the next five years of the team, or so", he sighed again.

"So I'm here because I'm part of her plan", Yukimura said.

He had found odd that the Captain had immediately accepted to meet him. He had expected to be left waiting for a week or so. Instead, when he approached him, demanding to talk to him, Morimura had simply looked at him.

"You came, then", he had said. "Come tomorrow in the office before practice. We'll talk there".

Did he really have to thank Matsui for that? The thought didn't appeal him much.

"Not at all", Morimura said, instead. "You're here because you can be part of my plan. I understand her reasons, but this has nothing to do with me. I can say I appreciate her good will, but", he smiled. "Well, in one thing at least she's right. My main concern now is the current team. We'll have a long journey ahead, Yukimura-kun. You don't need me to tell you".

Right, Yukimura nodded. Prefecturals. Regionals. And then, of course, the Nationals.

"The question now is", Morimura added, "can you be part of it?"

Yukimura blinked. Then blinked again.

"Last time we spoke", he said, "you didn't seem eager to have me as part of your team".

"Last time we spoke", Morimura replied, "you didn't seem eager to be part of any team, Yukimura-kun. But I guess that, if you're here now, you've changed your mind as well".

Did he? He recalled how it went back then. The challenge, the loss. The desire to show everyone who he was, what he was capable of.

Did it really matter, in the end? Yukimura could still feel the urge, the panic, as Yanagi had called it, to give his everything, to conquer the mountain top by running up, faster, faster than anyone else - faster than himself, too.

Last time, he had wanted Rikkai to be his team. Now, he wanted the same thing. It was just the meaning of that little possessive adjective that changed completely.

Belonging, he thought. Not ownership.

And still…

"You said you didn't need a player like me", Yukimura looked up. "But that's my tennis. I won't give up on who I am".

Morimura stared at him for a long moment.

"I'm not asking you to", Morimura he replied. "The only thing I'm only asking you is not to use the club as your personal showroom".

Yukimura didn't reply.

"What I need doesn't change", Morimura continued. "I need a team I can rely of. I need a team that shares the same goal, and I need a team that respects my role, as I respect all of them". He looked at him. "I don't care if you like me or not. I don't care if you think you can be better than me. If there's any problem, I'm here. I'm listening. But I need to know I can trust the people I have in front of me. Can you understand that?"

Yukimura had never needed it. He had never needed to demand from respect. He had always got that. There wasn't any other option.

But, as Yanagi reminded it, it was a different team now. Different Captain, different people.

Patience is the key.

His goals hadn't changed, after all. But he needed to enter the palace, to know how to conquer it.

"I think I can", he said to Morimura.

"I really hope so". The Captain leaned back. He searched through a pile of papers, behind his desk. He pulled out a sheet.

"This is your entry form", he put it on the desk, in front of him. "It's still valid, if you want. Afternoon practice is compulsory. Morning practice is compulsory for everyone who wishes to compete in tournaments. You'll be put in Group C. Advanced".

Yukimura glanced up. He remembered clearly being sent in Group A until the end of summer - which was the primary reason that made him leave the club in the first place.

Basic practice for almost the entire tournament season? The thought himself was enough to make him sick. The mere idea of wasting all that time was unbearable.

He heard Sanada's voice in his head. "Then why are you acting like you're running out of time?"

Yukimura shook his head. He didn't want to think about that again. "And concerning the tournaments?", he asked, instead.

Morimura looked at him. "We'll be holding Ranking Matches again, after the Prefecturals", he said. The look in his eyes told Yukimura he clearly remembered their last conversation as well. "Don't give me any reason to forbid you to attend them".

Yukimura nodded. "I won't", he said.

"Fine". Morimura sighed. "I've had enough of self-centered players, who value nothing but themselves, and themselves only". He glanced at him deep in the eye. "Try not to be one of them, if you can".

When Yukimura left, he felt a quiet fire burning underneath his fingers. He glanced at the courts, down below, where the early birds already started the warming up.

The sound of the balls reverberated on the locker room's walls. That was it, he thought. That was home.

"What do you mean?"

Jackal looked at him, confused.

"What I said". Marui was short breathed. It wasn't only the fact that he had skipped practice for two weeks, he realized. How long it had been, since the last time he had practiced seriously? Probably before the Nationals. It had been months.

Two days ago, the thought would make him feel like shit. Now? It lit a new fire under his skin.

A fire that didn't improve his current physical form, though.

"I've already told you", he took a deep breath. "I don't think we should play together anymore".

"I've heard you". Jackal sat on the ground, and started stretching his legs. "But I thought…"

Marui sat right in front of him. "I didn't change my mind, if it's that you were wondering". He bent over to grab his ankle.

"Well, so this time you may also want to give me an explanation".

Marui glanced up. Jackal's voice wasn't angry. It sounded hurt.

"It has nothing to do with you", he rushed to say.

Jackal looked at him. "Sure", he rolled his eyes.

Why did it seem a bad-written teen drama couple dynamic? It's not you, it's me. Marui would find it funny, but it clearly wasn't amusing Jackal. At all.

Marui sighed. "Listen". It wasn't that easy to explain. Mainly because he hadn't understood it so clearly either. "It's complicated".

"Only inside your head". Jackal looked at him. "Jesus, Bunta", he sighed. "We lost, right? It's not like we've never been there before".

Right. It wasn't like he'd never been there before.

"I thought those days were over, honestly", Jackal added. "I mean. Not the losing ones. The ones in which you…", he hesitated.

Marui could not disagree with that.

"You know", Jackal said, hesitantly, "both times. When Yukimura… well, when everything happened. And when we lost at Nationals. I had thought you'd go nuts again. But you didn't". He sighed. "That's why I thought it was over".

Marui bit his lip.

Jackal was not wrong. But truth was, he had no idea what had been different this time. But he never had, did he? Last time that happened… when was that? First year of Junior High, probably.

Yeah. That was that. He still recalled how it went, that time, His grades were lower than expected. The tennis practice was hell, day after day. His homeroom teacher had took him aside, and made him clear that if he didn't fix his grades before the end of term he would lose his scholarship.

Marui didn't leave his house for three days, claiming he was sick. He sneaked into his parents' room while they were at work, and looked for other schools to transfer to. He thought about his grandparents, who had agreed to help them with the fees when Marui had asked to join Rikkai. He thought about his parents, the expectations they held for him. And he thought about himself, about the dream he shared with Jackal, when they chose Rikkai out of many other schools, and their happiness when they discovered they both got in.

He allowed his mind to linger on the prospect of an easier path for three days. Then he got back on his feet, and started again.

"Bunta's like that". Once he overheard his grandmother talking to his mother, when they still lived together. "He overthinks for a couple of days, and then everything's back to normal".

Marui closed his eyes. Even if he knew it, it never got any easier.

"What has been that hard this time?", Jackal asked. "I mean. It wasn't even a bad loss", he shrugged. "We got it worse".

Right. Marui looked at him. How many things had happened since the last one, he wanted to ask. He sighed. "It's just…", he shook his head. "It's like going back to the start".

They promised each other to become the number one team in Japan, and they achieved that. Seems that Marui had forgotten how was like before. He had been so used to call himself a genius, to be seen as a genius.

He had just felt tired. Really tired, all at once. Like that mountain was too high to climb again. But the worst thing was…

"Did you see Niou playing?"

Jackal nodded. "So?"

"How he used your defense tactics". Niou didn't have an inch of Jackal's stamina, nor the same capacity to reach every single corner of the court, but hell, he was so good in faking it. Too bad the Captain hadn't fallen into his trick.

"As if it was news", Jackal smiled. "And that upsets you because…?"

Marui sighed. He had no idea about how to explain it without sounding pathetic.

"Listen. That's the level, you know". He knew what he was aiming to. And he would get there. But still… "And I don't want to be the one holding you back. Now I know what I have to do. I know what I should practice". He took a deep breath. "That's why I don't think we should play together".

Jackal was already there. With another partner? He could easily compete for a place in the lineup.

He had watched the Kitamura twins play, the day before.

From up the bleachers, his vision had been clearer. A lot. They were a good pair. A very good pair, better than him and Jackal, for sure.

But not that better.

Marui's brain had been working non-stop during their match. The opponents they were facing weren't at their level, but still good enough to show the twins' game limits. They missed chances, they made mistakes. Marui could see them. He hadn't been able to do that, on the other side of the net. They kept him away from the net, neutralizing all his weapons. They worked to make him feel useless, and they succeeded.

He panicked, and they succeeded.

Not gonna happen again.

On the bleachers, Marui could see himself down there, on the court. He could see the strategies he could try, and how to avoid suffering their pressure on his game. More than that, he wanted to try. He could see that there was a lot that he needed to work on, but it didn't make him feel bad. He made him feel better than ever.

"Well". Jackal wasn't smiling anymore. "So you want to practice with someone else".

Marui sighed. "That's not it…"

"So you want to play singles?"

Marui frowned. He'd done it, in Junior High. But singles… had never been his thing. There was a thrill, when a good combination worked, that only doubles could give. Jackal thought him that. And yet…

"You should". Marui turned to look at him. "I mean. If you want. We used to play against each other, before". Maybe, if it wasn't for Marui, Jackal wouldn't play doubles in the first place. Gods knew he was skilled enough to…

"Bunta". Jackal took a step towards him. "Are you stupid?"

Marui frowned.

"Are you stupid, or do you think I am?". Jackal shook his head. "Jesus Christ". He sighed. "We've been playing together for three years. Does it sound like a joke to you?"

"That's not what…"

"Yeah, sure, that's not what you meant". Jackal folded his arms. "What did you mean, then?"

Marui hesitated.

Jackal closed his eyes. "All right. You feel like you need to improve. As everyone else in this club, or am I wrong?" He paused. "But you think that if we practice together, we won't do that?"

Marui didn't reply.

"Hello, Bunta. I want to play with you. And not because we're friends". He didn't even blink. "But because I think we're a strong pair. Well, I don't need to think that. We have results to prove that. I think we can do even better together. And I thought it was the same for you".

Marui felt… Well. Like shit.

Jackal kept staring at him. He wasn't angry. Marui knew he wouldn't be angry even if he really decided to play singles, or if he chose to play with a different partner.

"We had a goal", Jackal added. "Becoming the number one doubles pair in the country. Did you forget that?"

"I did not". Of course he didn't.

Marui was twelve again.

"Doubles is fun", he heard Jackal voice in his memories. "In doubles, you could give more than your 100%, because there's a partner to compensate for your weaknesses. And when you find the perfect combination, that's when 1+1 doesn't equal two, but three. Four. Ten".

"I didn't mean to end it here". That wasn't what he meant. At all. But that was what he said., wasn't it? "I just thought there was a lot I needed to work on. To become stronger. Together".

He loved doubles. In doubles you could be yourself at 100%. There were no boundaries.

"Yeah". Jackal nodded. "And I can't still see the problem in practicing together".

At this point? Marui couldn't neither. Every doubt he had just sounded stupid in his head. He looked at Jackal. He smiled.

"You'll be mad at me".

"Tell me something new", Jackal rolled his eyes.

"And I'm gonna be annoying".

"Same as above".

"More than usual".

"Are you done, Bunta?" Jackal sighed. But he was smiling. "Practice's gonna start". He glanced at him. "Didn't you want to speak to Yanagi?"

Right. A movement around the bleachers caught his attention, as a familiar figure started walking through the courts. "No", he said. Yukimura entered the courts just ahead of the Captain. He reached the other recruits, ready to start practice. "There's someone else I want to speak to before".

Hello!

I think this chapter marked officially the end of the first part of the story. Some things went as I planned, some things happened along the way, but in the end all the dots connected as they should. My brain is smarter than I am probably.
I mean, I know where I want to go with this story, but how I'm getting there? Surprise!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'd love to read what you think about it!

Lots of love,

Fanny

The Prince of Tennis belongs to Konomi Takeshi

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now [Lana del Rey - Young and Beautiful]