Complexity

Author's Notes: AU in terms of altering certain events in the book/movie. Edward has proposed to Bella but she requests more time to embrace her mortality while she can in light of the Volturi's stipulation in Eclipse.

The supposed calm after the storm was a different kind of nightmare and emotional journey for me. I thought that I could finally settle down and have a slightly normal relationship with the Cullen family once the terrifying threat of Victoria's army was vanquished.

However, a time of peace and stability seemed foreign the more I interacted and stayed with the Cullen family. There was still the looming shadow of the Volturi over the horizon, waiting impatiently for my painful transformation into a vampire. I no longer had a choice in the matter whether I wanted to become one and Edward could no longer rationalize my mortality as a way to leave me.

I should have felt some relief with that knowledge…Someday, I will be a vampire and in turn, Edward and I can finally be happy together.

Instead, there was only emptiness, melancholy and dread.

Having even a single day to just be a normal, teenage girl for once was an absolute blessing and I craved it now. And in those rare moments of tranquility, when Alice assured everyone and myself that nothing bad was going to happen…I was able to finally breath.

I could feel the difference in my demeanor, my mood and my appetite without the fear of someone or something coming after my life. I could see myself standing a bit taller in the mirror and my cheeks fill out with a healthy diet.

Even though I assured the Cullens that I wasn't regretful for the forced circumstance of my humanity, I'm certain they felt wholly responsible and remorseful judging from the tortured and forlorn gazes I have sensed when they thought I wasn't aware.

Requesting to be alone on those days when the sun was bright and sunny must have cemented in their minds that I was regretful or at least contemplating all the things I would have to sacrifice. Edward, with his tormented golden eyes, had smiled wistfully and nodded in understanding at my request.

I felt terrible…But they reassured me they completely approved of my need to be human and normal for as long as possible and that no matter what happens, I will always be welcomed into the fold.

And here I am, with limited time to spare as a human, my mind drifted through various philosophical musings and serious contemplation about mundane matters and…Charlie. What am I going to do about my father?

I've been feeling like an absolute asshole as soon as I realized his position as a father and saw with new eyes to the whole picture and a different perspective. A perspective in which I had ignored and mostly neglected to protect others, including him, from being casualties in the supernatural realm.

And that sadness and guilt would weigh heavily on my heart. I have just reunited with my father and in less than a year…I will cease to exist as his daughter…My awkward yet patient father. I refused to imagine his reaction when I would have to disappear from his life.

Every chance that I could spend time with Charlie, I have asserted and cherished whether it be fishing at the crack of dawn with him and Harry Clearwater or watching sports on TV with him on the couch.

At first, he seemed thoroughly surprised that I would rather hang out with him than stay with the Cullens but I reassured him that he was far more important to me right now and I left it at that.

He has suggested I hang out with Jacob too, but he is unfortunately another element of the supernatural realm I was desperately trying to avoid but I wasn't going to tell my father that. I've begun to run out of excuses of avoiding Jacob but Charlie doesn't pry or pressure too deeply which I'm so thankful for.

Another item on my mortality checklist was to be more active in school with my friends and enjoy the so-called "drama" of being a teenager. Although, I wouldn't say that I am mature beyond my age; it would be nice to be worried about little things such as classes instead of life and death situations.

However, my truck seemed to be running on its last legs. It was increasingly more difficult to start and has abruptly died on me on several occasions. It made me realize how deeply embedded I am in the supernatural when my go-to mechanics are either an ice queen vampire or an emotionally unstable werewolf.

The first handful of times my beloved truck failed on me, I acquainted myself with the local car mechanic and he suggested time and time again that I simply junk it and acquire a new car because it is a miracle that my truck is somehow still able to run to begin with.

He humored my pleas to revive my deteriorating truck and I left the shop each time with a promise to him of getting a new car but it hit a little too close to home. It was far-fetched but the truck was like a reminder of my delicate humanity and a token of Charlie's love as his gift to me.

I couldn't throw it away. Not just yet. I wasn't ready. Surely, it can be fixed.

And with that notion, I had to finally choose someone to help me out other than Richard, the mechanic.

I couldn't decide for the life of me who would be the best choice considering both scenarios were extremely awkward and tense for different reasons so at first I did a coin toss. I assigned heads for Rosalie and tails for Jacob.

It landed in favor of Rosalie two out of three times which meant I would have to come to terms with my fear of displeasing Rosalie with her icy demeanor over diverting Jacob's persistent affections and smoldering brown eyes.

I considered it for a long moment and then grudgingly agreed that fate was right: I needed to be able to have a normal conversation with Rosalie. She and I needed to have some semblance of a familial bond if I was to become a Cullen one day.

She has revealed to me her horrific experience as a human before being changed which has made it even more difficult for me to make eye contact with her. When I glance into her golden eyes…Even for just a moment, I can see the palpable pain and sorrow she has endured swirling within those depths.

It was similar to Edward's eyes but there was a sharp edge to it. A deep mistrust of people forcing her to build layers upon layers of walls around herself. I didn't think in a human lifespan I could have ever gained Rosalie's trust enough to get a glimpse of her true character.