I'm In California Dreaming About Who We Used To Be

There was an awkwardness between Emma and Killian, and she knew Henry felt it. She also noticed that Henry was getting more and more attached to Killian at the hip, following him around and asking him questions about his childhood.

Emma was thankful Henry never asked where Killian was those ten years. She had a feeling her son knew there was something they weren't telling him, but she also knew her son was sensitive enough to know whether it was something he should bring up or not.

"Mom says you used to take me sailing?" Henry asked as he followed Killian to the table as Killian began packing lunch and dinner for the boat ride they were taking.

"The three of us used to go to the marina and sail for hours in the afternoon."

"Really?" Henry turned to Emma. "Mom! Why haven't you taken me sailing since?"

Her eyes darted to Killian's quickly before focusing back on Henry. "You know there's nowhere we could sail in Storybrooke."

"That's not true! There are boats to rent by the docks. Why haven't you ever taken me?"

Emma swallowed before walking over and grabbing the sunscreen. "It's too cold to go sailing for nine months of the year, anyway." She refused to admit that at the beginning, it was because she couldn't bring herself to be around anything that reminded of her of Killian, and then it sort of became a habit to stay clear of the docks. "Besides, I don't really know how to sail. That's all your father."

"Oh, believe me, lad, she was my best first mate," he joked, even if it didn't quite reach his eyes, a sadness in his voice only she could hear. "I'd choose her to be by my side in a thousand lifetimes."

The double meaning wasn't lost on Emma, and so she swallowed, turning away from him to find something to do – or, at least not to let him see how he still affected her.

"Are you a good sailor, Killian?"

Killian gave Henry one of his award winning smiles. "The absolute best. You'll have nothing to fear with me as your faithful captain."

Henry rolled his eyes, but stood with his back to Emma while she began spraying some sunscreen on his back. "Do I have to wear a life vest?"

"Yes." Emma and Killian said in unison.

Henry frowned. "Why? If you're as good as you say, I have nothing to worry about!"

"Because even though I'm the best captain around, the water is not always as kind." Killian said. "Don't worry, your mother and I will have ours on, too."

The three left the hotel room and made their way to Emma's car, hopping in and driving the short way to Mist Haven Marina and rented the boat for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Like the captain Killian always was, he brought their boat onto the lake, taking them out like it was the easiest thing in the world. It surprised Emma, how quickly Killian was able to get out, since there was no chance he was able to sail when he was in prison. But, as he was by the helm sailing the ship away from shore, Emma couldn't help her mind drifting to all the afternoons they spent on the sea.

Henry was smiling the entire time, running from each side of the boat to the other and looking out at the water. Sailing was natural for him – of course it was. Water was in Killian's blood, and he clearly passed it on to Henry. Killian even said, all those years ago, that if he could do everything over again, he would have joined the Navy and worked his way up.

But he didn't, and he went to jail.

Emma shook her head as she tried to ignore the thoughts, instead focusing on her son's happiness – the glee in his voice something she hadn't heard for a very long time. Killian always had a way of getting people to let go, to make them the child they were. He'd done it with Emma every day they had spent together. Even in some of these moments, with their son, she would forget that she had responsibilities and a life back at home, making her stay in the here and now.

The afternoon went by in a blur. There was laughing – a lot of laughing – and, after Killian stopped the ship and let them just drift with the waves, everything became normal again. They had lunch, went fishing, took pictures, and merely enjoyed the moment.

But, the afternoon drifted to the evening, and after they finished their dinner, they lied on the deck and went stargazing. Killian pointed to all the constellations, teaching Henry about the North Star and the different constellations and the mythology behind all of it.

Emma let her mind drift with the words. She even closed her eyes for a few minutes, before snapping them open as soon as she heard what Killian was beginning to say.

"And over there, you see those six stars? That's Cygnus. It's a swan and it soars high in the summer."

"Like our last name!" Henry replied with a huge smile.

"I actually nicknamed Emma after that star." He continued, still pointing to the stars that made up the Swan.

Henry bunched his face in confusion. "Who's Emma?"

She knew Killian realized he had let something slip, and his eyes darted to Emma's before slowly answering his question. "It's someone I knew from long ago." He turned back to Henry. "Someone I have long lost."

"Where did she go? Why did she leave?"

"Sometimes things aren't meant to be, and we were young, foolish."

Emma's chest hurt, but she stayed exactly where she was for the half-hour it took Henry to fall asleep. As soon as she determined that the soft in-and-out breaths of her son were from sleep, she got up and walked over to the edge of the boat, sitting on the bench and looking out into the ocean.

He didn't say anything, but Killian had walked over and sat next to her – the only reason she knew he was by her was because she felt the seat dip. He didn't try to put his arm around her – like he would ten years ago – and he didn't try to comfort her. He merely placed his body next to hers and waited for her next move.

Finally, she snapped, turning around and pushing his chest. "Why the hell did you call me Emma in front of Henry?"

"It was a slip of the tongue, love. He didn't realize I was talking about you, anyway."

"But what if he did? How would we explain that?"

"But he didn't, Emma! He's no wiser now than before that your name is not Leia, and his Liam. You've…" He paused, taking a breath. "We've nothing to worry about."

Emma looked over at their son, letting out a long sigh, the anger slowly slipping away, her entire being filling with sadness. "I'm sorry I didn't wait for you."

"Ten years is a long time, love – it would be foolish to think you wouldn't try to move on and build a better life for you and Henry."

"But that's the thing, Killian." And, out of nowhere, her voice cracked, and she could barely get the words out as she pressed on through her cries. "If everything was opposite, if I were the one to go to jail and you raised Henry by yourself, I know that you would have waited those ten years for me, or fifteen, or twenty, if that's how long my sentence was." She put her hand up to her eyes to attempt to hide the tears that were begging to spill over.

Killian looked down and his hand and slowly moved it towards Emma to take it in his hand. She welcomed his fingers, lacing them together in a familiar way. He didn't say a word, proving to Emma that he, indeed, would have waited for her.

"Your silence speaks volumes, Killian."

Killian quickly shook his head and closed the small distance between them, until their bodies were nearly connected from head to toe. "I'm not thinking that, love. All I'mthinking about is what I can do to wipe those bloody thoughts from your mind."

"You're trying to tell me you wouldn't have waited for me?"

"I'm trying to tell you that you're not a bad person because you didn't."

They adjusted on the sit until they were both resting their backs against the railing, Killian's bad arm draped over Emma's shoulder, their hands laced across their body. Emma rested her head on Killian's shoulder as they sat in the sweet silence of the sea, looking at the sky.

"You never told me you named me after that constellation."

She felt Killian's sad smile against her head. "Do you remember the first time I called you it?"

"No."

"It was the night of our first kiss. We were sitting on the beach watching a meteor shower, but you were much more interested in looking at the stars in the sky." He pulled her in closer. "I tried to tell you we could look at the stars any old night—"

"But I said that it didn't make them any less beautiful that night. Yeah, I remember that night, too."

"Well, we spent the night looking at the constellations instead of the shower, and it was after I pointed out Cygnus that you kissed me." She felt him shrug underneath him, "So I began calling you "Swan". It just felt right."

Emma took a deep breath. He smelled exactly the same as she remembered, being on the lake enhancing the memories of every moment they spent together. "I remember that night a little differently."

"Oh?"

Emma nodded her head. "It was the first time I had ever seen you dumbstruck." She teased, imagining his young face from over 14 years ago – how he brought his fingers up to his mouth and just stared at her in shock.

"It was a hell of a kiss," he joined in her laughter. When it died down, he let out a small sigh. "It was the night I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else again."

Emma sank even further into his embrace, determined not to look at him. "Please tell me you'll move on, Killian. I need to know you will be happy."

There was no response.

She lifted herself away from him, grabbing his hand and pulling it up and over her head and backing away. She opened her mouth to ask him again, but he was faster, surging forward until the two of them became one.

And, instead of backing up like she should have, she gave in, tilting her head to the right to deepen the kiss. She closed her eyes, letting herself relax into the moment and remind herself of how good this used to be. He brought his hand up to cup the back of head, and she brought hers to his collar, her knuckles turning white from the intensity of her grip.

Her heart began to race, and she needed to remember to breathe. And, while she was able to pull back, it wasn't for long. As soon as she felt their breaths dance, she leaned forward, licking his bottom lip, as if asking for the entrance that he eagerly allowed.

It certainly wasn't their first kiss, or even their first kiss of the weekend, but it felt like it because she had gone so long without the feeling of his lips on her own – the one in the hotel room merely a ghost of the rawness of this one.

She pulled back from him, bringing the back of her hand up to her lip to wipe away any residue left there, trying to control her breathing as she came back down from the high. "I think…"

"Anything," he said as he leaned in forward – not touching her lips, yet, as if waiting for her to settle again.

"I think you should take us back," Emma replied, leaning away from him and standing up, hugging herself and backing up. "I think… I think we need to—"

He stood up and was by her not even a second later. "Tell me you don't feel anything, and I'll turn this ship around. Tell me that you don't want to be with me anymore and I'll spend the last day with my son without any obligations from you. Tell me that it's over and I'll sign the damn papers when we get back." He reached forward to place his arms on each of hers. "Tell me that you truly don't want us, and I'll move on."

Emma's bottom lip began to tremble as she looked at him, shaking her head. "I'll always love you, Killian, but sometimes that's not enough."

"Why? Why isn't it enough? It was before!" He brought his hand and stump up to her face. "I love you, Emma Jones. Why don't you see that you do, too?"

She brought her hands up to hold his wrists. "Why can't you see that it's better this way? Graham is… He's stable, Killian. He has a job, a home, he doesn't have to worry about providing for us because he can."

"And why can't I?"

She frowned and scrunched her eyes, hating how she had to tell him her dark thoughts. "How do I know if we get back together that you won't go back to your old life? You're an ex-con, Kill. You're not going to be able to work because no one will hire you, and what are you going to do then? You'll have to start stealing again, and drag Henry and me into it, as well."

"How do you know I would? Could you not wrap your mind behind the idea that I've changed? That people will look past the criminal charges and hire me?"

She shot her left hand towards Henry. "You refused to tell your own son that you went to jail for ten years."

He pointed his finger back and her. "You told him I was dead. You have no right to blame me for keeping information from him."

"I did it to protect him, us."

"You did it because you're embarrassed of me, of what you used to be." Her heart began to beat fast, hating that ten years and four days later, he could still pinpoint everything, seeing her like an open book. "You're too bloody stubborn for your own good, Emma. You're afraid to let me in because you're afraid that maybe your perfect little world wasn't as perfect as you thought!" He began walking towards the helm. "You're a coward, Emma, and now Henry is going to suffer without a father because of it."

"Don't you dare bring Henry into this, Killian. He was happy before you came back. He already had a father in his life, and you burst his little bubble. And now we have to go back to Storybrooke and he has to look at Graham every day and think about how he's met his real father, and how I broke up this family because I chose him over you."

"Who's Henry?" Henry asked, rubbing his eyes. Emma hadn't even noticed him wake up, realizing that she and Killian were clearly louder than they thought. "And why does Killian keep saying the name Emma?"

Emma couldn't keep it in anymore, finally letting herself give in to the sadness that had overcome her body. She pointed at Killian, shouting, "He's your son, Killian. Youexplain everything to him. You explain why you weren't in his life for ten years." Before anyone else could speak, she began walking to the stairs that would bring her to the captain's quarters.

She began shaking as she paced the room, and not a moment later, Henry was down by her, giving her a big hug. "Don't cry, Mom."

"I can't help it, Liam. It's really difficult for me to be around your father." She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Did he tell you anything?"

"No. I told him I didn't want to know why he was gone for ten years. He's back now, that's all that matters." He pulled her in tighter. "He's turning us around right now. He said we have to return the boat before we get charged for having it too long."

Emma rested her chin on Henry's head as she nodded her head. "Are you having a fun time with Killian?"

There was a pause before he answered. "Yes. I'm really glad I got to meet him."

"Good."

The ride back was strained and awkward. Killian stared out the window the entire time as Henry pretended (unsuccessfully) to fall asleep. Emma kept her eyes on the road, even if her mind kept drifting, refusing to look at Killian next to her.

Once they got to the hotel, they "woke up" Henry, and the three of them went to the elevator, taking the few short seconds it took to get to their floor.

They silently walked the empty hallways, floating through the moment as they crept towards the room. A left, a right, and then their door came into view.

And the man sleeping in front of it.

"Is that…"

"Graham?" Emma asked, running ahead of Killian and Henry until she knelt in front of him, shaking him awake. "Graham? What are you doing here?"

He slowly opened his eyes, clearly groggy from the trip here and the late hour. "I missed you…" He said, reaching forward to kiss her. Emma responded to his kiss, trying to make it as good as Killian's earlier, but it was difficult. She could just feel Killian staring at the two of them in the background, and all she could think of was how destroyed he must be looking right now.

He pulled back and ran his thumb across the apple of her check, smiling as he stood up, helping Emma up with him. He brought her in a hug just as Henry showed up at their sides.

"Liam!" Graham asked, turning to him. "How was the trip?" He opened his arms, as if asking for a hug.

A hug that Henry was suddenly hesitant to give.

Henry slowly walked into his arms and put his arms around Graham. "It was great. You had nothing to worry about."

"I'm glad to hear that." He turned back to Emma. "Can you open the door now? My neck hurts from the plane trip, and sleeping on the floor hasn't helped."

"Oh, right…" Emma bit her lip as she pivoted towards the door and placed the keycard into the lock. "How long have you been here?" She asked as she slowly opened the door.

"A couple of hours. Where have you guys been?" He stepped into the room after grabbing his suitcase, Henry following him in.

"Killian took us sailing," Henry said as Emma stood frozen at the door.

She turned her head to the side, seeing Killian standing by himself in the hallway. Even from the far distance, she saw the red in his eyes, and it took every ounce of self control to keep herself from running over there to hug him and make the pain go away.

"You coming, Leia?" She could feel Graham watching her unusual behavior, stepping out into the hallway with her. "What're your looking at?"

"Graham, this is Killian," Emma said, her voice breaking as she said the words. "Liam's father."

As if snapping Killian out of some sort of daze, he sauntered over to the door, holding out his hand to him. Emma saw Killian swallow before saying, "Pleased to meet you."

"You, too," Graham said, looking slowly at Emma, as if asking for permission to speak to him. "I, uh, wasn't expecting you to be here. I thought you'd be your house."

"The same could be said for me, I suppose," Killian replied, dropping his hand when Graham didn't reach for it. "Where are my manners, come in, come in."

The three of them entered the hotel room, seeing Henry sitting at the table, not breathing as he watched the scene unfold.

"Wow, Liam sure does take after you," Graham noted as he went over to the table and sat next to Henry, as if claiming him. "It's like he's a mini-Killian."

Emma looked between the two men, unable to bring a smile to her face as she chuckled. "Uh, yeah. Did I not mention that?"

"No, you didn't."

"He's definitely my son," Killian replied, as if claiming him. He walked over and sank down onto the bed, staring at Graham with death in his eyes.

"Have we met before?" Graham asked, tilting his head to the side. "You look really familiar…"

Killian shook his head as he reached behind his ear to scratch his neck. "Can't say that we have, mate."

Graham reached his hand up to stroke his chin. "I could have sworn I've seen you before."

"I've been here in Arizona for the last ten years. Have you visited at all?"

Graham's eyes narrowed as he continued to stare at Killian. "No, this is my first visit." Killian then raised both his arms in an "I don't know" motion, and when Graham saw his single hand, he drew in a breath. "Oh my god, I know where I know you."

"What—"

"You're that one-handed guy that just got out of prison. You've been all over the news lately." Graham reached forward and opened the computer, shutting all of Henry's homework as he found his way to Google and began typing Killian's name into the search engine, "Jones and the Mills Mansion" popping up behind it. He clicked on the top link, bringing him to a page with Killian's mug shot and turning it for everyone to see. "You got out of prison, what, five days ago?"

Killian drew in a breath as he sat up straight on the bed, his eyes darting to Henry as Graham began spilling all of his secrets.

"He… What?" Henry began.

Emma looked between the three boys, not knowing whom to address first. She didn't get a chance, because Graham suddenly turned to her, his face in pure shock. "Your ex-husband is a convict?"

"I didn't…"

"Wait…" Graham said, and it was in that moment that Emma understood why exactly he was the head detective, putting pieces together slowly and slowly. He turned the computer back to himself and did some more typing before drawing in a large breath and pushing the computer away from him.

Emma looked at the screen and saw that Graham had opened up Wikipedia and found the page on Killian. A picture of her from 10 years ago, with blonde hair and contacts, smiling at the camera with the words, "Emma Jones, Killian's wife" was listed under family life, along with a line about how Killian Jones had a son named Henry.

"Graham, I can explain…"

"What did he look up?" Henry asked, grabbing the computer before Emma could close it. "Mom… Is that you?"

"Liam, I—"

She saw Henry reading about it, about them, when he finally looked straight into Emma's eyes. "Killian kept talking about Emma because that's you…" Henry looked towards Killian. "And you called me Henry because… Because…"

"Liam, Graham, if you just let me explain—"

Henry shot up and nearly sprinted to the patio door, slamming it after he stepped out into the warm Arizona air.

Emma didn't know whom to talk to first, so she began walking towards the patio door before she felt a rough hand on her arm. "I'll talk to the lad. I don't think he'd listen to much you'd have to say right now," Killian said as he walked past her and out onto the patio, leaving her and Graham alone in the hotel room.

The hotel room was eerily quiet as Emma walked over to the table and sat down next to her boyfriend. "I'm sorry, Graham, can you let me explain myself?"

Graham's hard stare looked straight through her, but he nodded his head, as if giving permission for her to talk. "Killian and I were young, you have to remember your first love, don't you?" Graham didn't show any sign of answering, so Emma continued on.

"Well, he became a sort of partner in crime, but then we kind of became more, and then we had Henry and we got married and—"

"I'd prefer to find out why I've been calling you "Leia Swan", Henry, "Liam", and thinking your husband was dead for over eight years."

Emma bit her lip before nodding. She reached over and placed her hand on top of Graham's, and found it to be a success when he didn't pull his hand back. "I was at the Mills Mansion with Killian the night he was arrested. The last thing he said to me was that I needed to run away from New Mexico – that's where we were at the time – and get new identities for ourselves. I didn't know if I would be indicted, too, so I had to run away. I only just found out I had been cleared of all charges ten years ago when I watched a news segment on Killian's release date."

"You're trying to tell me that for ten years, you pretended to be Leia Swan and lied to everyone about who you really were?"

Emma let out a sigh as she glanced out the window. She saw Henry and Killian hugging on the deck, and in that moment, she was positive that Killian would have been a wonderful role model and father to her son. She turned her eyes back to Graham. "I had to. I thought I was going to be arrested and that Henry was going to be put in the system like me. I couldn't do that, I had to be there for my son. And then I met you," she brought her hand up to his cheek. "I met you, and being Leia Swan wasn't a ruse as much, but more of who I was. I hadn't been called Emma in ten years, until five days ago, and I barely registered it the first time Killian said it."

"I believe you," Graham said after a while. "I'm still mad, but I believe you, even if I have no reason to trust you anymore."

"You have too big of heart," she said, leaning forward to kiss him. "I love you."

It was short, but it sealed a deal that they would get through this, that this was going to be the big hurdle in their life together, and eventually, they will get past this.

"So, why did you come back here?" Graham asked, after a while more of silence.

"You were talking about marriage, and I realized I could never marry you until I divorced Killian. The divorce papers are in my bag, and I'm just waiting for Killian to sign them."

A small grin turned up on Graham's face. "You were getting a divorce because I mentioned getting married? Does that mean…"

"Yes, I was picturing a future with you before this all happened."

Graham opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he heard the patio door slide open. Henry and Killian came in grinning at each other, Killian's handless-arm on Henry's shoulder. Graham's face dropped at the sight, but held his tongue.

"Liam," Emma began, walking over to Henry and putting her arms around him. "I'm so sorry I lied, kid. I promise I will never lie to you again."

Henry stood still for a moment before finally reaching around her back. "It's almost 1:00, and I'm tired."

"Don't you want to talk—"

"Killian's told me everything I need to know." Henry interrupted, his voice harsher than she's heard in a while. "I'm going to bed. Try not to be too loud."

He walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers, leaving Killian, Graham, and her on the other side of the room.

"I think…" Emma held a hand up to her forehead. "I think I'm drained, too. Goodnight." Emma went over to Graham and gave him a small peck, walking over to Killian after and squeezing his shoulder before going on the opposite side of the bed.

The last thing she heard was Killian telling Graham to take the couch, and that he's slept in much worse places than the patio of an upscale Arizona hotel.

She didn't open her eyes when she woke up, all the memories of the previous night still fresh in her brain. It felt as if the whole thing didn't happen if she just wouldn't open her eyes, like it would become real as soon as she woke up.

Henry was snoring next to him, and she could smell coffee in the distant. She was debating waking up to have some of her own until she heard Killian and Graham's voices coming from the table across the room.

"Thank you for taking care of Emma and Henry all these years," Killian said in a hushed tone. "Emma's right when she said that you're the stable one, that if I never went to jail and we stayed together, there could have been more serious consequences than a 10-year prison sentence."

"You don't need to thank me," Graham replied. "I love them – they've been my family since Leia—Emma let me into their lives."

There was a pause before Killian continued on. "What was Henry like as a kid?"

"What do you mean?"

"I knew him as a baby. Tell me your favorite father/son story when he grew up. I've only gotten bits and pieces from what Emma's told me, and nothing has been through the eyes of a man," Killian explained. "Tell me about what it was like?"

She could picture the smile on Graham's face when he tried to figure out what to say. "There was this one time when he was, oh, six or so, that Liam – I mean, Henry – wanted to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels. It was summer, and I took the day off to just be with him." Emma heard Graham let out a breath. "I put his little bike into the backseat along with a helmet and his hand, knee, and elbow pads, and we drove to this empty parking lot by the station. And he was just so scared, but he pretended that it was no big deal – like he knew exactly what he was doing. He was terrible at it at first, he couldn't even get a full pedal in before falling down. But he was determined, and he kept on riding and riding and falling until he finally did it. He was so proud of himself."

Emma was about to sit up and talk to them when she heard Killian speak again. "I can't leave Arizona for a year." She heard one of them shift. "You're all leaving and it's going to be another year before I see him again."

"Believe me – Henry is going to want to call you every night to tell you how his day went."

"Emma says that, too…" Killian sighed. "Make sure they're okay for me, alright?"

Emma finally opened her eyes to see the two men, sitting opposite of each other at the table. She sat up on the bed before sliding out and making her way towards an empty seat next to Graham. "We better start packing. What time's your flight, Graham?"

"12:30 – I bought a ticket for the one you're on."

Emma smiled before turning towards Henry. "Liam! It's time to wake up!"

She saw Henry shift in the bed, groggy from staying up so late. "Five more minutes."

"Sorry, kid, but if we're going to make it to the airport on time, we have to start packing." Emma stood up and walked over to the closet and pulled out her and Henry's suitcases.

Henry got out of bed and began picking up his clothes and books, shoving them haphazardly into the suitcase.

Emma began doing the same with her own clothing – a little more graceful than Henry, albeit. But, while Henry seemed to be ignoring her, she was doing everything in her power to avoid Killian.

They parted once, and it nearly killed her. It was so hard to think she was going to do that, again. The first time, it was by force. This time, it was by choice. Her choice, and that's what made it so much more difficult.

Graham began packing his own bag, and Killian the little duffle bag he had after coming out of prison. Every once in a while, he'd stare at Emma, a look on his face as if saying, "Can we talk?"

Emma refused to look at him, knowing she'd break if she did. She had to be strong – for Graham, so he thinks she's truly moved on, and for Henry, who is about to leave the father he just met. Killian began helping Henry pack his things, since his bag had been so small, and the sad smiles on their faces were breaking her heart.

After what seemed like too short of time, the room was packed, and there was no reason for them to still be there. Henry immediately went to Killian and threw his arms around him, finally crying as if the realization that he was being separated from his father truly hit him.

Emma couldn't look at the sight, but she wasn't able to turn off her hearing.

"Henry, I'm going to move to Storybrooke as soon as I possibly can."

"That's a whole year away! Can't I stay here with you?"

Killian chuckled. "You can't up-and-leave right now – that's not how life works."

"But, we missed out on so much."

"I know." There was a pause. "We've spent 10 years apart, another one will feel like nothing. Plus, you'll have your mother and… and you'll have Graham."

There was an odd shuffling next to her, as if Graham was having a hard time listening to this conversation just as much as she was. When she looked at his face, she realized how awkward he felt. She turned to him and gave him a hug. "We have to get going," he whispered, kissing the crown of her head.

"I know," she replied. "I just don't know how to break that up."

"I can't be the one to do it, Leia. Liam is already going to hate me for not being his father – I can't be the one to break up their bye."

Emma nodded, turning around and walking over to Henry and Killian. She placed a hand on Henry's shoulder, unable to look Killian in the eyes. "It's time to go, Liam."

She felt Henry's body deflate as he reached forward and brought Killian into a big hug. "I love you, Henry. Take care, lad."

And Emma's heart officially broke at the way Henry said "Bye, Dad."

When he finally leaned back, Emma, Graham, and Henry began to walk towards the hotel room door until he heard Killian. "Uh, lass? A word?"

Emma gave Graham a look before turning around and taking a deep breath. "I'll meet you guys at the car." Graham nodded and they both continued out the door.

Once it was closed, Killian ran up to her, his hand and arm sliding down her arms. "Please, Emma. Please stay. I love you – I love Henry. I can't… I can't be without you both in my life."

"Killian…"

"No, Emma. I just…" He leaned forward pulling her head towards her in a last ditch attempt to convince her to stay. And, she'd admit, kissing him was like a drug, and as he dragged his tongue against her teeth, she knew she never wanted to stop.

But she forced herself to pull back, anyway, hating the sad look on Killian's face as she did. "Henry and I have to go back to our lives in Maine."

"But—"

"It's been nice playing house for these past four days, Killian. But it wasn't real. This bubble we were in? It was pretend. I'm Leia Swan now."

"I—"

"Henry, Graham, and I will come visit on his spring break, and then I'll help you move to Storybrooke after the year."

That was when the tears started to fall. Killian reached forward and brought her into a big hug. "Don't leave, Emma. Please, don't leave."

She felt her eyes prickle with tears as her shirt dampened with his tears. "We're going to miss our flight if we don't go now." She hated how much her voice wavered as she took a step back, avoiding his eyes. "I guess this is goodbye."

"Is this what you really wa—"

"I'll let you know when spring break is. And I left my phone number on a sticky note so you can contact me whenever you get a phone. Henry's going to want to FaceTime you as soon as possible, so just call me when you figure it out. And the divorce papers are right there on the table." She pointed to the packet. "Go get a lawyer and have them fax my lawyer when you sign them."

"Emma…"

"Goodbye, Killian." Her voice finally cracked as she turned around, rolling her suitcase with her out the door and slowly shutting it.

She felt numb on the elevator ride down, and when she got to the car, she saw Graham and Henry were already in the car, waiting to go.

She slid into the passenger seat, looking down so no one saw her red eyes. "Let's just go."

"You okay, Leia?" Graham asked as he reached over and grabbed her hand.

Emma nodded her head. "Yeah, this was just a reminder of how hard it was last time I left him." She turned around to look at her son in the back seat. "Ready, kid?"

Henry stared out the window and didn't respond. Emma slowly turned back to Graham with a puzzled look on his face. "We've been given the silent treatment."

Emma lifted her head up in understanding. "I see."

She then saw Killian exiting the hotel in the distance, his head down and his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. "Let's go." She averted her eyes as Graham pulled forward, away from the hotel, and away from her first love.

She'd like to say, "out of sight, out of mind." Killian wasn't coming back to Maine with them, and they were on the airplane, flying further and further away by the second, so she shouldn't have been thinking about him. But, of course, her mind disagreed with her.

Henry didn't talk to her the entire plane ride, making it even more difficult not to think about the man she left behind, her first love. But, that was the thing, right? It was afirst love, not a final one.

She looked over at Henry, who was watching out the window, and thought about what their life would have been like. Really thought about how a life with Killian as Henry's father would have looked like.

They for sure would have had more kids, that's something she was certain about. Killian had taken to parenthood immediately 12 years ago, and there was no way that they wouldn't have had another one or two, if not more, kids right now. Would they all look like Henry?

She hoped they'd look like Henry, because that meant they'd look like Killian.

Emma shook her head, trying to ignore the thoughts, but they kept floating in without her permission.

Family photos, trips to the beach, Christmas, New Years, everything floated in her mind.

But, then she thought about how she could have that with Graham. She wasn't too old to have children; they could have one or two little ones running around within a few years, if they chose. Graham has always liked being a father to Henry, there was no way he'd protest to the idea if Emma brought it up.

In fact, he'd probably be willing to start a family without being married because that's who he was. He's never needed a piece of paper saying they were husband and wife – he just needed her in his life.

Just like how Killian needed her right now.

Without warning, she unbuckled and stood up, stretching and walking to the bathroom. She locked the door and looked at herself in the mirror.

As she looked at herself, she saw how wrecked everyone saw her. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but also hanging with bags from the late nights and early mornings of her trip. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her bottom lip to look normal, a small pout affecting her face too much.

She splashed some water on her face before opening the door and going back to her seat.

It didn't help the dark thoughts clouding her mind.

It was nearly 6:00 when they got back to the apartment. Henry immediately went into his room and slammed the door, shouting that he didn't want to be bothered. Emma sighed as she walked over to her own room and dumped the contents of her bag onto her bed, separating it into dirty clothes and other items.

Graham came in after her, reaching his arms around her waist and bringing her into a hug. He kissed the space in between her ear and jaw. "I really did miss you," he murmured into her skin.

Emma turned around in his arms and linked her hands around his neck. "Me, too." She stood on her toes to reach his lips before sitting down on the bed. "I'm exhausted, it's been a long couple of days."

Graham nodded his head in agreement. "I think I'm going to take a shower and order us dinner from Granny's."

As he went into the bathroom, she walked over to the closet and took down her "Killian Box". She went to the loose brick and got the key, turning towards the patio door and going out into the cool Maine air.

She opened the box to find the everything exactly where she placed them last time. She found her ring and slipped it on, just for one more second, before pulling out the ones she already looked at to see the other ones she had stored.

She didn't hear the door open and only realized someone was next to her when she felt Henry looking over her shoulder. "Hi, Liam."

Henry stared at the picture in her hand before reaching over and bringing it up to his face. It was a picture of Killian and Henry at a Fourth of July parade. Henry was smiling at the camera in an American T-shirt with Killian staring at him, laughing. "You said you didn't have any pictures of me from New Mexico. You said they were lost when we came over."

"I only have these few in this box." Emma looked at Henry over her shoulder. "Would you like to see some of them?"

Henry nodded, taking the seat next to her. Emma dug through the pictures until she picked one up and laughed. "This was a picture of you and Killian sleeping on the couch. You were such a colicky baby, and the only way we could get you to sleep is on Killian's chest." She passed it over to him. "He'd often fall asleep with you."

Henry's face lighted up at the picture, and there was something about seeing Henry look at these pictures that tugged at her heart. She went back to the box and picked another one. "Oh, and here's a picture Killian holding you in the hospital." She passed it over to him. "He was in love with you from your very first breath."

"And here's one of your second birthday!" Emma said, reaching into the box. "It doesn't have Killian in it, but it's you and me, and you always wanted to know what you looked like younger."

Henry stared at the pictures of himself as Emma kept passing over new photos. "So are you a natural blonde then?"

"Yeah. The brown hair is dyed."

"And what about the glasses?"

"I used to wear contacts. Got rid of them when I was on the run so people wouldn't recognize me."

Henry turned back down to the pictures Emma had given her when she went digging through the box again. It wasn't until she picked up one of her and Killian holding the camera out, kissing each other that she broke down.

"What's wrong?" Henry asked, suddenly concerned.

Emma brushed it off. "Oh, it's nothing." She stared at the picture of them, happy and in love, and it physically hurt her to remember that moment.

Henry passed back all the pictures except the one from the Fourth of July. "Can I keep this?"

Emma nodded, reaching over and ruffling his head. "Of course."

Henry gave a small smile as he stood up, staring at the picture. "I can't believe my dad's alive." He lifted his head to look at Emma. "I can't believe I finally met him."

"I'm sorry you missed out on ten years. But, like he said, it's only one more. And we'll go and visit him on your spring break, I promise." Emma stood up to stand by him. "And I bet, as soon as he gets a phone, he's going to want to FaceTime you every night."

"It won't be the same, though."

"What do you mean?"

Henry sighed. "When he does move back here, it's not like he's going to live with us. He might be in Storybrooke, but I'll still be living here, with you and Graham."

"Is that so bad?"

Henry shrugged.

"Graham has always been here for you, Henry." She liked how it felt on her lips, to call him by his given name to his face. "Graham loves you."

"I know, I know." Henry said, turning towards the door. "And I love him, too – don't get me wrong."

"Then what do you mean?"

Henry scanned her face before dropping his eyes. "I guess I don't understand how you're able to move on. I've only been with him for four days, and Killian not being here hurts so much that it's hard to see straight." He rubbed his thumb over the picture of the two of them. "But I guess that's the difference between you and me."

"What? That I decided that it was best for us to come home?"

"No. That I actually know what home means." Henry opened the patio door. "Graham said dinner will be delivered any minute." He walked into the house, still holding the picture.

He shut the door, and she was alone again. She walked back to the box, and took out the final picture in the box she hadn't looked at yet – the one she strategically put upside down in the bottom because it was the hardest to look at.

Emma was about six months pregnant at the time. She had lifted her shirt above her stomach, revealing her pregnant belly, so Killian could feel Henry's kick. She was laughing because Killian decided that, instead of just placing his hand on her stomach, he began kissing it.

There was something about that picture, seeing that raw moment of pure happiness that snapped something in Emma.

She was still in love with Killian, that she's never truly let go of her first love.

Sure, she was able to hide that part of her with fake names and a faithful boyfriend, but after being around him, after touching and kissing him, and seeing who they were and what they meant to each other, it opened a hole that she knew could never be closed again.

Emma shut the box, realizing what she had to do. She quickly ran inside and put the box on her dresser, sticking a few clothes into a backpack and grabbing her purse.

"Graham, can I talk to you for a minute?" She called from her room.

"Dinner's here — Wait… Where are you going?"

Emma took a deep breath as she stepped towards her almost-fiancé. "Graham, you know how much I love you, right?"

Graham took a step further into the room. "How come I feel as if a "but" is coming up?"

Emma gave a weary smile as she stepped closer, cupping his face. "However, I gave away my heart a long time ago, and I can try to pretend to give it to you, too, but you'll never fully have it."

"You're going to throw away eight years together because of, what, a four year relationship with a man you used to break the law with? Who you all but forgotten until six days ago?"

Emma shook her head. "No. I'm not throwing anything away, Graham. I'm just… I'm never going to be able to give myself to you knowing in my heart that it beats for Killian." Emma turned around and grabbed her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder. "I'm going back to Arizona." She looked back at Graham with hooded eyes. "Will you watch over Henry for me? I understand if you won't – I can call Granny or something."

"Henry…" Graham looked out the door towards the kitchen, as if trying to see him. "No… No, I can watch him."

His voice cracked when he turned back towards her. "Thank you," she murmured, stepping up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "I'll be back by Friday, I promise."

"Friday."

"And then, then I don't know what. I just, I have to get back to Killian."

Graham walked over to the bed, sinking down and looking like he just saw someone die. Which, if she were being honest, wouldn't be too far off from what happened. They've been together for eight years, lived together for five, been talking aboutmarriage, and she's just leaving him.

"Goodbye," she said, running out the door.

She kissed Henry on the head. "I'll be back soon, Henry."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Arizona."

Stepping into the Arizona airport for the second time that day, she noticed how different it was at night. The artificial light was needed now that the sun had set, causing a dimmed atmosphere. But Emma didn't care. She raced to the car rental and asked for whatever car was available, paying whatever price as she ran towards the parking lot.

It was only after she started the car that she realized she had no clue where he was. He wasn't going to be at the hotel – with no money, he couldn't afford it – and clearly he didn't go apartment hunting while in prison. He didn't have a phone she could call, and he could be anywhere by now. She hit the steering wheel, understanding the stupidity of the plan.

She sat back in the convertible, closing her eyes. It was nearly 2:00 in the morning, due to the time Maine had a flight to Arizona. She tried to figure out where he would go, what he would do now that he was a free man meandering Arizona. She opened her eyes and looked at the sky. There were no clouds that night, and she could see every single star in the sky. And that's when she knew where he'd be.

She put the car in drive and, despite how tired she was, she drove and drove through Arizona. She continued to drive to a little beach in the heart of the state.

And, sure enough, in the distance, she saw a black figure, lying on the very beach they had their first kiss.

She ran – actually ran – until she was standing over him. He was frowning, in his sleep, and if the wrinkles on his forehead were any indication, he was clearly having a fitful slumber.

She brought her hand up to his forehead and ran her thumb over the lines. Killian jerked awake, looking around to find who was touching him.

When he finally focused on Emma, his face bunched up in confusion. "Did you guys miss your flight?" he asked, groaning when he sat up.

Emma grinned, but shook her head. "No. Henry and Graham and I all got back to Storybrooke safe and sound."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I came back."

"Why?"

Emma scooted closer, still kneeling in the sand. "You got in my head, Killian." She ran her hand through his hair. "And your son made me realize that home wasn't in Storybrooke with Graham, but with you, wherever you are."

Killian's face morphed into pure happiness. "What are you saying, love?"

Emma reached past him, digging through his duffle bag until she came to the unsigned divorce papers. She grabbed them and crumpled them into a ball. She stood up and ran towards the edge of the lake and used all of her energy to throw it.

It didn't make it far, though, and Killian dove into the cold lake, swimming the short distance until he reached the ball of damp paper. He took it and threw it further away, and when they couldn't see it anymore, he turned around and smiled.

Emma laughed as she entered the water, walking until she was right next to him. She placed an arm on each shoulder, linking her hands behind his neck. Her face dropped, suddenly becoming serious. "Being back in Storybrooke felt wrong, knowing you were still here."

"You know I can't come back with you when you leave again."

Emma leaned forward, brushing her lips across his softly. "You know that the only reason I'm going back is to pick up Henry and pack our stuff."

"You're moving to Arizona?"

"We're moving to wherever you are."

"Well, then." He hugged her even closer. "Welcome home, Swan."