Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to 'League of Legends'. This is written solely for entertainment, not profit. Please don't sue me, Rito.

Rated MA for rough sex, angst with ten capital "A"s, dominance / submission, dubious consent, role reversal, gender confusion, self harm - this is heady stuff. I really don't want to upset anyone. If anything in that list makes your skin crawl, then I'd advise you to look elsewhere. I've tried to make this cathartic rather than cruel, though it's not my place to judge my success. If you've read my previous fic, Prey, well... it's rougher than that.

This story is the fifth in a series, following Infinity, Dreams, Vengeance and Prey then preceding Faith and Reprise (also on this site). I've tried to make each story coherent on its own but reading them in sequence is recommended. There's one plot-thread revolving around a pseudo-Alternative Universe which may come out of the blue if you haven't read Dreams and Prey but everything should still make sense. You can crack on if you're feeling brave.

For those who have been following this little saga. We're back to Sejuani's POV.

This is femslash, a story about romance between women. If you object, I advise you to stop reading.

Gemini

There is no pride in waiting for death. Should war not claim us, we duel a worthy successor, hunt a legendary beast or wage our final crusade upon the Freljord itself.

We do not care for parents in old age. If they can't raise a knife to their throats, we draw their final circle with dignity, preserving our memories of their strength.

I won't lie. When you love someone, you cherish every moment and the last is never enough but we must put aside our covetous grief and perform our duty.

Volibear, why have you forsaken me?

I am Sejuani… at least, I was.

In exchange for my life, and a chance to save the Freljord, I had pledged my soul to Kalista. I believed that as long as I could swing a flail and give orders, I played my role. No one, apart from Volibear, had to know my loss.

However, the gloom was no static, unchanging backdrop. It was a direction, endless tracks running downwards. I could only follow. Every day I sank further and further, no rescue, no respite.

While I could form plans to keep the Winter's Claw from extinction, I was a poor conduit, lacking energy to provide oversight and enforcement. Volibear neglected his congregation to manage both tribes at once. My people respect how I clawed out of the grave but respect will not feed their bellies or slake their bloodthirst.

I lose all sense of time. It passes in theory, recorded in Volibear's schedule and Udyr's reports but I do not feel the progression. I think I sleep during the day then wake at night. Here, the two can be one and the same. I drag my bones outside and look at the stars but the stars tell me nothing.

Natural philosophy claims our world is hostile or indifferent. I believe our world is merciful, without Ashe's groundless interference.

How do I know?

Because nothing lasts forever.

My pain will end, in love or death.

I once had infinity.

The morning is cool, and I have the stamina to review my war table. The carved bones that signify large units have not shifted for weeks. Udyr and Volibear sit in council.

I hate being the smallest person in the room.

Once, only Volibear had the privilege to see under my crystal horns. Udyr has invited himself into my confidence. He talks with the spirit world and soon learnt about my deal with Kalista. Fortunately, he doesn't use that knowledge for personal gain. I would have to kill him otherwise, which would be a waste of his talent. While my condition remains private, I would sooner keep him close.

By his tell, the Winter's Claw were just a convenient weapon against Lissandra. Following my descent, I thought he'd leave to find a stronger bulwark. Respect is a cardinal vice to him but I have earnt something.

He doesn't remain seated for long. 'I've searched high and low. There's no sign of the Demacians.' Walking laps of the table, he makes few changes on Avarosan territory. 'With all that insufferable noise, you'd think Ashe would have enough cavalry to mount the world.'

Volibear harrumphs. 'Are you disappointed?'

'I prefer to be outnumbered, and I know the Demacians. They'd follow me blindly into the wastes and freeze to death. We could then attack the Avarosan base while their attention is elsewhere.' Udyr scoffs at Volibear's lack of enthusiasm. 'It's not like you to shy from a challenge.'

Volibear doesn't bite immediately. 'While Sejuani recovers, any battle against a larger force would be suicidal. There's nothing to gain from seeking death.'

'I would keep that from your berserker friend.' Olaf's impatience grows each day but he is too unreliable in small, precise engagements. I can't use him right now. 'You have one less flail but so long as your troops have Sejuani's direction, your edge remains.' Udyr's tiger spirit materialises, flashing an obscene gesture. 'Her frailty has made you soft. A mother bear would express anger, not fear.'

Volibear growls. He has grown too cautious but I owe my dearest ally some leeway. Breaking up their quarrel, I state. 'Even if I were at full-strength, Ashe knows your method. You've attempted similar gambits with no lasting impact.'

Udyr grins. 'Your esteem for the little rogue is eternal… and wise.' He brandishes an arrow, decked with a narrow cylinder. 'She was in your lands, again. Evidently, your scouts are no match for her.'

Volibear jumps to his feet. 'When did you know this?'

'Don't accuse me of games. I ran here as fast as I could.'

'You saw her fire it?' Volibear lunges for the cylinder, crowding Udyr's personal space.

'Of course,' Udyr stands his ground. He makes a point of handing the package to me. 'Her movements are very distinct, as are mine to her, no doubt.'

I brush the cylinder with hesitant fingers while the squabble endures. The hasty, blurred seal is Avarosan, deep within a surplus of bloody, bulbous wax. It is not the work of a patient, thrifty scribe. Ashe likely fastened it herself in poor conditions, more troubled with the safety of the message than appearance. I'm disturbed, as a notorious perfectionist like Ashe doesn't perform anything roughly… not without reason.

Volibear continues. 'Why didn't you follow? We might be under attack.'

'Look at our map!' Udyr sounds like a teacher, scolding a child. 'Ashe couldn't lead an army this deep without my knowledge. However, she could bring enough people to lay a trap.'

'We have riders there! Why not use them?'

'Have you forgotten? I'm outside your chain of…'

'No!' Volibear snaps. 'Like it or not, you're an inspiration. Our skirmishers would obey your commands without argument. If you weren't so damn set on avoiding all responsibility, you could have ended this war!'

'Your war.' Strolling away from his expertly sown chaos, Udyr pauses, beyond striking range. 'Besides… I thought your chieftain would appreciate Ashe's words more than her scalp.'

He can't say that openly. My voice is cold as my pulse rages. 'Get out.'

Udyr leaves, curiosity fed. I slump across the table, pressing my brow to the damp wood. Figurines tumble as the cylinder rolls across our map. I feel the ground shake when Volibear sits back down. He says, 'I respect him as a warrior but his arrogance can be… trying.'

'We conceal things and he discovers them. So long as the pattern holds, Udyr will behave like he's one step ahead.'

'Even if we told him everything, he wouldn't change. It could make him worse.'

'He is what he is. We needn't dwell on him.' I raise my head. 'Volibear?'

'Yes?'

My nails dig into my palms. 'Break the seal. I do not fear the contents.' Of course I do, yet I'm still prideful, insisting on my bravery to someone who knows me too well. 'But I fear hiding them.'

Volibear struggles. The lid is apparently screwed on. His large paws can't find a secure grip. I feel ashamed for mocking his dexterity with my simple request. He loses patience and bites off the top. His mouth curls back from his long teeth. 'Ugh… the wax is flavoured.'

'It might be poison!' If he dies, I will never pardon my carelessness.

'Enough to kill a bear?' His chops undulate. 'Winter berries. I half-expected blood.'

I breathe a sigh of relief. 'You honestly think that's her way?' Memory stirs. The pillow case that she fired across our border, weeks ago, bore her life's mark. 'She could use her own, I guess.'

'Or anyone's. You are blind to her cruelty.'

'I've endured it long enough.' While I speak, Volibear unhooks the string binding the vellum, using a single claw as a needle. 'She's the one who lives in denial of her true nature.'

Volibear nods grimly. 'She's a dangerous woman.' He taps the letter. 'Do you really want me to see this?'

'You don't think we've shared enough?'

He backs away from reading, unhappy with my answer. 'That's no reason to continue. Ritual needs purpose.'

I'm not in the mood for one of his lectures. 'After all you've done, I can't withhold my confidence.'

'You should honour me with your judgement. Your misguided sense of obligation does me no credit. We are people, remember, not beads on a divine abacus.'

'Are you refusing my trust?' I scowl. 'Warriors have died only to serve me.'

'Why let fools decide your worth when you could use your strength and wisdom to prove yourself? Create a new world. You don't have to bow to the present.'

I know what this is really about. He's in denial, hoping a mortal could reason away Kalista's geas. I may have to repeat myself eternally while his ghost follows mine. 'You know the price I paid. I have no mental blocks, no trauma. She took away my power to conceive the future.'

'You can rise above her!' Volibear's basso profondo wavers in anguish. 'Kalista's nothing more than a tool of base want. You can write a new page, right now. Tell me… what is your wish? Do I read Ashe's words… or not?'

When you are the void, you can't form judgements in one. All I can think about is one step, following another, two seconds before, nine seconds, fifteen… Volibear makes a request. I fulfil. 'Presumably, she's worded her message for prying eyes. Read.'

I see no triumph in Volibear's careful movements, unrolling Ashe's letter. Perhaps, he is not as bull-headed as I thought, and his end was merely to reinforce the habits of leadership while venting some angst. He's good at small victories, finding reasons to carry on.

He snorts. Apparently, the very sight of Ashe's handwriting offends him. 'She means to cause trouble from the first line.'

'Give me her words then your thoughts… if you must,' I grumble.

'"Sejuani, my love."' Why do sweet nothings have this much power? Glow-worms dance in my stomach. 'I'm glad someone else didn't find this.'

How strange are these times if Udyr sets our benchmark for discretion? 'Are my tribe so restive that Ashe's taunts have weight?'

'An excitable few might infer sincerity. The point is that she feels bold enough to call you such without retribution. Her tone is dominance.'

It amuses me how neither of us took Ashe's endearment at face value. 'Hmph, I always thought love was a kind of submission.'

'Or a finely tuned jealousy…' Volibear seems distracted, as though sensing a new threat. 'Rather than track her prey, she begs you to jump into her mouth.'

I shudder. No one stalks the Winter's Wrath but… with the thought of being prey… I feel hot breath, rolling over my neck, lascivious claws upon each flank. How much I resented ownership of these wide, useless, child-birthing hips! At least, my heavy, swollen bosom can intimidate with the right presentation but why must I be the chosen wall for nature's graffiti? Why paint a vulgar target on a body, built for carnage? 'What else?'

Volibear removes all ardour from Ashe's tale. '"I worry that our bond is killing us both. My recent actions brought shame upon Avarosa, pushing me to find solitude. I'm haunted with dreams of your broken form. Please come to Fjölnir Spire. Though we may not resolve our differences, we might answer questions, unmask lies or end rumours."'

I catch Volibear's glance. Three silent words pass between us, "Or start them".

Awkwardly, Volibear continues. '"I may have desires no mortal woman could ever suppress but I don't ask for reciprocation."' He pauses, while I cover my blush. I recognise a plea to my tribe, Ashe declaring herself a passionate leader who cares not for my wishes. The combination of guile, battle, sex and love rouses me greatly. She can be magnificent. '"I merely ask you to come alone. While this letter is not an ambush, I could arrange one if your nosy pet shaman crosses my dreams again."'

I stow my rage, knowing Ashe's flair for manipulation, but this looks bad on Volibear. 'How could she know about you?' While he walked through my sleeping mind, I couldn't sense him. Unless new powers have joined our conflict, I have to assume he's been talking with her.

'She's… misinterpreting.' If he tries to weasel out of an answer, my hope is gone. Volibear's the only person I fully trust. 'I can't… view her from a distance. All I can do is call. She might hear something and reply but it's like shouting from a well. At best, you can hear pain, joy… the words themselves often distort.'

I'm relieved, having already figured out where this is going. 'So why did you call her?'

'No reason… it was a moment of weakness. I… had to convey your suffering and my… helplessness.' Volibear hangs his head. 'All I heard was turmoil, a demand for you to reach out, as if it's your burden to leave your tribe. Still, I should have been strong enough to bear my troubles, and wise enough to show prudence. Your trials are privileged information. I betrayed your confidence. I'm sorry.'

As always, he blames Ashe, and he blames himself even more. I just wish he'd blame me. 'You told her about Kalista?'

'No.'

'We're okay then. I died on top of her, came back and left in your arms. It would look strange if you didn't lash out.' I lay my hand on his gargantuan paw. 'I'll say one thing. I trust you to carry my weight. You should trust me with yours.'

'My old eyes are failing. It is hard to find space upon your back.'

'Your eyes are fine. I'd rather you break my spine than let me go on like this.'

'I…' Volibear shields his brow. 'I'm not having this conversation again. We talk in circles.'

'It is a straight line and you won't follow me to the end.'

'"Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made."' One of Volibear's favourite sayings about us. He means it as a compliment. 'You know full well there is no path. You have the freedom to…'

'Yes, if one has the means. Do you think a lame beast, walking a figure eight within a cage, is free? You should leave her to the wolves or march her to the slaughterhouse.' Pushing off the table, I force myself upright. Once, I could perform one-handed pull-ups in full armour. Now I can barely stand. 'Is there anything else?'

Volibear says flatly. '"Yours in hope, Ashe."' Moving through torchlight, his giant frame casts a long shadow, plaintive blackness deepening his gaze. 'Please don't go.'

'What are my choices? Die from risk or die from inactivity? You keep urging me to flex my will. Now I'm finally taking action.'

'You're letting Ashe control you.'

'By meeting her challenge? The Winter's Claw fight. We have no purity of action because, without opposition, we have nothing. You saw this when you dragged your tribe out of their coma.'

'I did so to thwart ruin. Your actions will hasten it.'

'Ashe kept me alive once.' I remember starving myself in her dungeon to foil her advances. Rather than let me die, she forced life into my body with her tongue and set me free, while chains of love entwined us both. 'Here, I'm wasting away. Confronting her may give me time.'

'…enough to die from ten thousand emotional cuts.' Volibear changes tack. 'Fjölnir Spire is no clan's territory for good reason. Without an escort, you might fall prey to the Freljord itself.'

'That's a fine way to go, and Ashe's threat was clear. We both know her capabilities.'

'Even if you trust Ashe to lay down her bow, do you trust her followers?'

'I know Tryndamere wouldn't cross her.' Naturally, survival is the greasy barbarian's one talent. You could throw him into a volcano but some ledge would break his fall. 'The rest of them have no reason to go near Fjölnir Spire without orders.'

'Apart from her yeti rider. Nunu goes everywhere.'

Volibear's reminder is welcome. That innocent looking child is a Frostguard, worth a whole squad of pampered Avarosan. 'True but we have our own pest. Have Udyr run interference away from our supplies. Nunu will pounce. Olaf can ensure we don't lose all to Willump's gut.'

'I was hoping Udyr could watch your back until the final approach. At least endure my company within our lands.'

'You know that Ashe's hawk spirit sees farther than before. She'll panic if you're by the south-eastern border.'

'Sejuani, please…' Volibear takes my hand, almost kneeling so he can look at me, face to face.

When I finally cross over to pay Kalista for my sustained presence… I wouldn't call this "life"… dear Volibear will have my protection between acts of vengeance. Guiding him back to full height, I look up, although thoughts conspire to drag me down. He should remember me standing tall, undaunted by his power. 'Volibear, your friendship is worth more than I could ever say… but I would surrender all my wealth, material and otherwise, to spare your might from sorrow. Perhaps I was never born to lead us to victory. Perhaps the future belongs to you.'

His paws rest on my shoulders. I couldn't survive his embrace. Even his gentle grip is like a vice, moulding joints and cartilage as if they were spider webs. 'No… this is only the pain talking. You can get through this. Please don't give up.'

'I will never give up. Our fight is eternal, so you must organise the Winter's Claw in my absence, rather than wait for my return.'

'I am a spiritual guide and a warrior, not a general.'

'You have wisdom, courage and foresight. Our forces heed your words and follow your charge. All you lack is experience and that comes with time.' It's easy to forget how recently Volibear came to prominence. He rules with such grace that our people underestimate his rapid learning. I suspect he is coy, regarding his intelligence, to break with the past. 'You may never reach Ashe's level. Few do… but you could reach Tryndamere's. If Ashe's words have any truth, he might lead our opposition.'

'He'll have better counsel.' Volibear's huge form swells then compresses with a deep sigh. 'But I can hold your fort while you slay your dragon.'

I smile. 'That is the best way to think of this… another dangerous quest of many.'

'Perhaps… I had faith then.' We've beaten impossible odds together. 'As l do now.'

For so long, hope has been a prayer to another culture's god, an emotion I could recognise but never truly grasp. Occasionally, faith grows from a real sense of the divine, other times, an expression of the heart's deepest wish. For an outsider, knowing is impossible. Who am I to question his words? All I can do is reply, 'thank you.'

Volibear pads the length of my war table, as though surveying ancient ruins. 'Do you have any guidance?'

It's a pleasure to review battle instead of my failings. 'Leave Udyr to his own devices. He may be wilful but he's a good skirmisher who knows when to go in and out. While he's drawing attention, damage their infrastructure then back off. Ashe's rangers will grind you to a halt within her lands if you go too deep. We can't win through guerrilla warfare alone but, as a holding pattern, it works. You can develop your knowledge while Udyr keeps them busy.'

'That sounds… possible.' Volibear's dry consideration gives me cheer. Facing reality will achieve more than weltering under my false light. 'Your troops have to provide more feedback. I've noticed you make decisions based on very little information.'

'Once you know the pace of local wildlife, weather, patrols, disease, consumption…' I gesture across our map, 'you can surmise a lot. However, you're right to ask what you don't know.'

'Good. If you don't return, your army, your legacy, will shed every last drop of weak Avarosan blood and nourish the Freljord for generations to come!'

Volibear's hatred of Ashe frightens me. His equilibrium is a precious rock and I'm pulling him over a cliff. 'Our goal is to conquer the living. After that, you can avenge the dead.'

He nods without answering. I pray that's not a dark omen. He stretches a paw across the map, silently converting the span of his claws to miles. 'Fjölnir Spire is two days and two nights on two legs.' He snorts with dull humour. 'You could easily spend two days… conversing.' His pale snout wrinkles. He clearly suspects Ashe's intent and my resistance, how quaint. I suppose I'd feel the same in his place. 'Without complications, you'd be there and back in a week… or less?' The last qualifier is an obvious plea.

'There will be complications. Make it two.'

Volibear's fur crackles. 'That puts you at far too much risk. What are you planning to do with all that time?'

'Simply watch her, liberated from her culture's interference. I want Ashe to realise her potential, away from lies and hypocrisy. You've seen her in battle. Imagine that without limits!'

'She might be worse than Lissandra.' He moves his head, like he's peering through a smokescreen. 'Promise me, you won't lower your guard, however bold her approach.'

'I'll avoid sleeping with her. My judgement is flawed enough.'

'That wasn't my concern. I'm sure you won't pursue congress. That isn't… your way.'

Volibear's perusal of my dreams gave him an excruciatingly candid view of my sexual behaviour. He shouldn't raise that knowledge without my permission but I can't expect his memory to work or fail at my command. 'From your hesitation, you don't mean to praise my self-control. Out with it.'

'You don't claim any spoils or tribute while many of your tribe, and your victims, beg your favour.'

He's not wrong. I picture those men and women, fierce raiders who become simpering fools to "serve" their leader. One of our most promising spear-throwers wasted hours of her time, sewing erotic attire, learning to dance and plucking her body hair to catch my gaze. I repaid her with exile to my north-eastern border. The Frostguard will teach her what skills I truly need. 'Really, Volibear? I may be young and virile but I have standards. No one is worthy.'

My words make Volibear curl, as if he's fighting an urge to wrap himself around me, preventing unseen blades from tearing seams, cloth and flesh. 'A… hunter does not ask her quarry to prove its worth.'

I feel goose bumps all over my sensitive, abhorrent skin. I wish I could rip it all off and replace it with rocks and ice. 'Are you saying that I am hunted?'

'I pray not. I lose enough sleep imagining threats to your person.'

Concealing my response with action, I prepare to leave. 'Well, if you insist on living in fear because of me…' I speak through clenched teeth as I struggle with my gloves. 'Then I will spare you the shame and hurry to my fate.'

'You can spare me nothing.' Volibear's quiet words break my stride. 'After all, if shame were so easily destroyed, why value pride? Every true feeling is an everlasting scar.' He lumbers to see me off, his massive form laden with care. 'Whatever your course… even if you pass on… I will always think of you, Sejuani, as a parent worries for their cub. You may thank me or curse me. Nothing will change.'

My legs nearly buckle. I've known my place in Volibear's heart for a while but never so plain. He was denied fatherhood in his prime due to his radical beliefs, only to be sterilised through vindication, a brutal countermeasure to prevent one bloodline hoarding power from a chosen ancestor. The storm is cruel but wise, knowing residual energy leaps from every spark. Volibear, more than anyone, feels the rightness of his tragic fate.

I cover my warm eyes with little corrections of my fringe, 'then I will thank you, rather than add to your pain.'

'I'd rather you cursed me than felt responsible for my happiness but…' a sigh darkens the compliment, 'you're a good woman, Sejuani.' My body feels like a strange costume. "A good woman"? What does that phrase mean to someone like me? With growing apprehension, I study my helmet in silence until Volibear continues. 'If you're not back in two weeks, I will come for you.'

There was nothing more I could say to ease our parting, nothing at all.