Rituals and Romance: A Companion Piece to Conjuring a Heart

Author's note: Hello, faithful readers! I've decided I'm not quite ready to leave behind the universe I created in my multi-chapter work, Conjuring a Heart, so I've decided to create a series of one-shots that take place in this world. All of these chapters will occur after the events of Conjuring. The following takes place just a couple of years after the close of the final chapter in Conjuring.

Warning: Some violence.

Chapter 1: The Liar, the Vitch and the Wardrobe Malfunction

"But we are women too:
We may not have the means to achieve nobility;
Our cleverness lies in crafting evil."

— Medea, Euripides

"Damn it, Klaus, I need Lorenzo's head now," Caroline yelled at the hybrid as she struggled to maintain the golden force field her power created around a shrieking Camille.

Klaus threw the shriveled, desiccated flesh to Caroline, who caught it one-handed. "Is this why you insisted upon keeping this gruesome totem around, love? Did you know my mother would make an appearance once more," he asked, glaring at Camille.

"Of course not! My students call me 'Miss Caroline', not 'Miss Cleo'!" Caroline shook her head angrily, glancing briefly at the shrunken head of her nemesis. "Lorenzo was a vile, evil thing. Sometimes such a corrupt soul will leave a powerful mark on its vessel. I decided to keep a token just in case I needed to use it to channel more power." She nodded her head in the direction of Camille, who was still shrieking. "Of course, I didn't anticipate needing to use it as a talisman against my hybrid lover's long-deceased mother who somehow managed to possess the twit bartender."

"Caroline, I admit at first I thoroughly enjoyed the twit bartender's screams, but now it's just irritating — like the rest of her," Rebekah called out from the other side of the protective barrier Caroline had created.

Rolling her eyes, Caroline flexed her palm where Lorenzo's head rested. As she chanted, she could hear Bonnie and Rebekah's voice joining hers as they began the ritual. She couldn't help the smile that graced her lips as the grotesque visage before her caught fire, sending tendrils of red flame across the magical barrier and into Camille. "There — a perfectly soundproof barrier. Also, now Medea can't work any magic and she's bound within the twit bartender's completely defenseless human form."

"Utterly useless," Bonnie snidely added.

Caroline groaned in exasperation, "Seriously? Beks and Bon, you can't still be threatened by the twit bartender! I told you guys to just have one big, sloppy group bang with man-whore Marcel to get over this stupid rivalry."

"Could we perhaps not discuss your rather liberal interpretations of relationships in conjunction with my baby sister, sweetheart," Klaus asked, sighed dramatically. "Furthermore, not to nitpick, but the twit bartender did graduate recently."

Caroline scoffed, "Please. She actually had the balls to tell you she wanted to be your therapist. Because a handful of years in college somehow qualify you to provide emotional support to a thousand years of egocentric, sociopathic violence. That's the epitome of twit bartender reasoning."

Camille struggled against the invisible bonds that held her, shooting Caroline a deathly glare. Cocking an eyebrow, Caroline playfully said, "Klaus, it appears Joan Crawford would like a word. I recommend standing behind the barrier — she may have wire hangers." She released the sound barrier, and the group immediately was accosted by Ester using Camille's voice.

"You dare think you can destroy me, child? My power alone created the vampire race, and it will be by my hand that I destroy it!"

Klaus laughed, "Esther, you don't look especially powerful trapped inside the body of a simpering human. It appears you've met your match."

Ester contorted Camille's face into outrage, "All lies, you filthy abomination! None shall best me!"

Rolling her eyes, Caroline closed the portal she had opened within the protective barrier, having heard enough of Ester's insanity. "Out of curiosity, Klaus, how many more of these crazy vitch relatives of yours am I going to have to put down? It's going to make things incredibly awkward when you decide to bring me home to meet your family," Caroline mocked as she became occupied assembling the remaining ingredients needed to complete the exorcism.

"This should be the last time we encounter a crazy vitch relative," Rebekah said, casting the thistle into the bonfire next to them. "Besides, trying to kill each other is what this family does. A simple exorcism is practically a hug to us. In fact —"

"Speaking of hugs, dear sister," Klaus interrupted, smirking, "I noticed the lingering embrace Marcel pulled you into when we dropped off Hope and Elijah on the way here. I thought you swore off 'lying man-whore Marcel' after the last time you caught him in a compromising position involving an electric blanket, strawberry Pop-Tarts and Bonnie's apprentice baker?"

Bonnie cried out indignantly, "That lying bastard! I taught him that trick! That was a sacred sexy toaster pastry moment we shared! Caroline, next girls' night we're staying in and you're showing me how to turn that man-whore's balls into eggshells. Beks, you in?"

As Rebekah nodded enthusiastically, her eyes glittering with mischief, Klaus shook his head mockingly, "Let's not be hasty. After all, it was Marcel who figured out something was amiss with Camille."

Caroline snorted as Bonnie handed her the ivory-handled knife and dried spring wheat bundles. "Yeah, twit bartender stopped blatantly flirting with him, and he's too much of a man-whore not to notice. So when he started paying attention, he caught her leaning over in those ridiculous low-riders and they slipped down too far, displaying the tell-tale possession mark a body reveals when it's a host against its will."

Bonnie laughed as she set the wheat ablaze. "Wait a minute — the all-powerful vitch's elaborate revenge plot was foiled because of a wardrobe malfunction?"

"To be fair, Bon, I doubt low-riders were frequently worn back in the day when the Mikaelsons were being hunted by dinosaurs," Caroline replied, giggling at the indignant noises Klaus and Rebekah made. Sighing, she squared her shoulders and added, "All right, we've delayed this as long as we can. Let's finish this." She motioned toward Klaus who brought her a large hog.

Bonnie and Rebekah joined hands as they chanted along with Caroline. Flexing her palm, she tossed the remaining ashes from Lorenzo's skull toward the magical barrier, dissolving it. As Camille began screaming, Caroline could see Ester's ghostly presence detach from its host. Caroline called forth the loa spirits, sending Ester into the hog beside her. Unconscious, Camille collapsed on the ground and the hog began squealing. Caroline swiftly slit its throat, finally destroying Ester's tie to this plane.

Grinning broadly, Klaus kissed Caroline's forehead and asked, "Tell me love, do you fancy bacon with our breakfast tomorrow?"