You Mannequin Me Crazy

Sakura stared Naruto's apartment door worriedly. Ever since Naruto failed to retrieve Sasuke and recovered at the hospital he hadn't been seen outside of his apartment. Sakura bit her lip and tried to ignore the guilt gnawing at her stomach. She should have never made Naruto promise to bring Sasuke back. His failure to keep his promise had no doubt sent him into a spiral of depression. Sakura stood there for another five minutes trying to willed herself to confront Naruto before finally got her nerve and moved up to his door.

She was about to knock when she heard Naruto's voice. "...you...uke...dirty...ore." Was Naruto talking to somebody? Maybe she should came back later? But Sakura's curiosity got the better of her and she leaned against the door so she could her the conversation better. However Naruto had already stopped talking and no one else seemed to be speaking, all she could her a soft sucking noise. Was Naruto talking to his ramen again? Naruto spoke up again and this time she heard him say "I knew that you would never really leave me Sasuke."

Wait what?! Sakura's eyes bugged out. Sasuke was here the whole time! Sakura ripped Naruto's door off its hinges and saw Naruto making out with a mannequin on his couch. "I- what?" said Sakura in confusion.

"Sakura-chan what are you doing here!?" said Naruto his voice panicked as he tried to hide the mannequin behind his back.

"Naruto what in the world are doing!?" she said horrified.

"I wasn't making out with Sasuquin! How dare you even accuse me of such a thing." yelled Naruto. Sakura turned her eyes away from the Naruto towards the mannequin. It was wearing the same clothes Sasuke always wore, had red googly eyes and a black wig that looked like a ducks butt on its head.

"Naruto I clearly saw you making out with that mannequin of Sasuke just now. Don't even try to pretend you weren't." said Sakura colleting her wits.

"Okay so maybe I was making out with Sasuquin, but Sasuquin isn't a mannequin of Sasuke! It's a complete different Uchiha! Hi- her name is Satsuki." he explained.

"There are no other Uchiha." said Sakura unimpressed.

"Well of course there aren't anymore." said Naruto rolling his eyes. "I fell in love with her before the massacre happened and after she died I was unable to move on. It's really tragic and stuff."

Sakura gave Naruto a flat look and said "You are so full of it Naruto. You're a terrible liar. That is clearly Sasuke and... you are in love with Sasuke! It's kind of obvious in hindsight I don't know how didn't notice it before. It's kind of embarrassing really."

"Sakura don't be silly. How can I be gay? I have a crush on you." said Naruto reasonably.

"Oh my god! I am your beard!" said Sakura scandalized. "I don't know if I showed be flattered or offended!"

"For the last time I am not in love with Sasuke!" shouted Naruto loudly as he threw his arms up into the air causing the Sasuquin to hit the ground. "Shit! I am so sorry baby! I didn't mean it!" Naruto hurriedly scooped Sasuquin up and embraced it close to his body.

"Hinata is going to be so devastated." said Sakura sadly.

"Who?" said Naruto blankly.

"Hinata, you know the Hyuga heir?" At his continued blank expression. "She is shy and faints a lot? You almost got her killed in the preliminaries? Really?"

"Doesn't ring a bell." said Naruto with a shrug.

Sighing and shaking her head Sakura looked at Sasuquin again. Despite herself Sakura had to admit Naruto did a good job constructing Sasuquin. " Naruto I have to ask it's so life like how-"

"What! Don't be ridiculous! How could I have possible made it anatomically accurate! How dare you accuse me of watching him in the shower!" said Naruto outraged.

"I... I was going to ask how you got the wig to match his hair so well." said Sakura eyes now glued to Sasuquin's lower body a trickle of blood coming out of her nose.

"Well I didn't steal his hair from his brushes over the last six months if that's what you are suggesting." said Naruto.

"O...kay." said Sakura edging away from Naruto. "Wait a second! You have been trying to steal Sasuke-kun from me!"

"What." said Naruto flatly.

"Admit it!" she said pointing her finger. "You stole his first kiss! Your constantly getting physical with him! I have seen the looks the two of you have been exchanging! Well I am not going to let you win Naruto!"

"Please like you can beat me. Shit. I mean I don't know what you are talking about Sakura-chan." said Naruto hastily.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto and growled "What the fuck do you mean that I can't beat you."

Naruto opened his mouth to say something before closing it. After a moment he smirked at Sakura and said "I mean you don't got a prayer of beating me in the race for Sasuke's heart. Let's be real here I am already miles ahead of you."

"What?!" screeched Sakura. "There is no way I am going to let you beat me!"

Snorting he said "Right. Like you said I am already his first kiss and unlike you I can actually have things in common in with him. Face it Sakura I have already won."

"That's it, Naruto from now on we are love rivals!" declared Sakura.

"Bring it billboard brow." said Naruto smugly.

"Gladly you whiskered moron." Sakura stood there glaring at Naruto before she cleared her throat. "Um do you think I could borrow Sasuquin sometime."

"Hands off my man you slut!"

AN: I REGRET NOTHING!