An AU, in which Ryan and Esposito were once friends as teenagers. Kevin was on the track to college and his dream of becoming a cop, while Javier was on the road to a life of crime, until something happens one night that changes their lives forever. Now, Esposito is the homicide detective that we know and love and Ryan is a low-level criminal on the hook for murder.

Rated T for some language and references to drugs. Rating may be changed for later chapters.

No slash, just plenty of bromance-y goodness.

Chapter 1:

Never Let Me Go

There was so much blood. It was on his hands, his arms, covering his new shirt. The shirt was a gift, from the person who the blood belonged. Its coppery smell filled his nose, making him gag. There was too much. He pressed his hands into the wound making the poor boy cry out. "I-I'm sorry." He stuttered.

Sharp eyes met his. "I'm scared." The boy said weakly. "It… hurts. It really hurts."

He opened his mouth to offer comfort but loud voices filled the alleyway and he froze. They were coming, coming for him. He didn't do what he was supposed to.

His hands shook in fear and his gaze drifted to the boy's pale face. He had a kind face, a sympathetic face, they would take pity on the boy. But they wouldn't spare him, if they were angry he'd be dead in minutes. The voices came closer, making him panic. Desperation over took him, hands pulled away as his mind raced. "They'll like you." He said quietly as he stood. "Just be yourself and I'm sure they'll let you go."

Kind eyes looked at him, shrouded in terror. "What?" He squeaked.

He backed away, his feet itching to run. "I… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kevin."

"Javier?" The boy squeaked. "Please Javi, don't leave me. Please!" He reached out and grabbed desperately at his arm. Voices formed into shadows on the dark alley walls and he couldn't do it, the fear was too much. The need to escape overpowered him, he shook Kevin away and he ran. The voice of his friend followed him, tearing at his soul. "Javier! Please Javi, I'm scared…. Javi!"

That voice followed Javier Esposito for years. From the day they met to the night he left him behind, the boy had been his best friend and had changed his life for the better. It was that night that made Esposito pull his act together. He focused harder on school, graduated and joined the army, becoming a valued member of the Special Forces. Once he was released he became a police officer at the NYPD, and shortly after a homicide detective. Life had turned out good for Javier. But he always knew that one day, somehow, it would all come back, and he would have to face what he had done.

That very day started like any other, Esposito was minding his own business, finishing up some paperwork he'd been putting off far too long, when a tall brunette approached. Kate Beckett stopped at his desk and tapped her three inch heels to catch his attention. Reluctantly Javier looked up. "Can I help you Beckett?" He asked cautiously, taking note of her tense posture.

"Oh I don't know detective." She said sharply. "Can you?" Kate dropped into the vacant seat behind him and motioned to the empty desk it belonged to. "Do you know what would really be helpful to me?" She asked, not waiting for a response. "It would really help me if my junior partner could keep a partner of his own for longer than a month."

Esposito sighed, his eye on the desk that had been cleared only a few hours ago. "Captain Gates told you huh?"

"Oh, are you wondering if she told me that your latest partner asked for a transfer after only a week? Yes, Javi, she did." She crossed her arms. "That's got to be a new record for you. How many partners does that make this year?"

"Six." He answered, feeling like a kid being scolded after school. "But it's not my fault." He shot in a weak defense. "If Gates would send me someone worthwhile instead of these CSI: Miami wannabes then maybe they might stick around longer."

"It's not your fault? Not even a little?" She asked doubtingly, eyebrows raised. "Because I heard this last one asked for a transfer this morning after you yelled at him in the breakroom and made him cry."

"I had no choice." He squeaked. "When you sent us to go pick up that suspect yesterday he got distracted and we nearly lost the guy. Dumb ass mistakes like that could have cost us worse."

Beckett leaned forward and rubbed her forehead. "Javi." She sighed.

"No!" Esposito snapped. "Don't 'Javi' me. I need someone I can trust, someone who I know will have my back, no matter what. I just haven't been able to find that yet."

Her eyebrows drew together as she thought. He had her. There was no denying that connecting with your partner was important, it made all the difference when it came to life and death. "Okay Javi, you win." She admitted. "But maybe try giving the next one at least two weeks before you make him cry." She gave him a small grin and he couldn't help but smile.

"He lost another one?" Richard Castle questioned as he approached the two detectives, he gave a cheeky grin. The writer had become part of their family a few years back. Esposito didn't liked him at first. He had weaseled his way in between his relationship with Beckett. But after the first time the writer had saved her life, he began to warm up to him. Castle had proven himself over and over to be a valuable member of their team, and now Esposito even considering him his friend. Castle's eyes fell on the empty desk. "One week, that's a new record."

"Shut up." Javier hissed, swiveling back around in his seat. But at the sound of crinkling wrappers he turned back. "Did you bring lunch?" He asked with a grin when his eyes fell on the paper bags in the other man's hands.

Rick nodded. "You're favorite. Triple cheeseburgers." Esposito's mouth began to water as the tin foil wrapped deliciousness was passed to him.

Beckett's phone rang at her desk, she rushed in quick taps to answer it. "Thanks bro." Espo said with a smile. "I'm starving."

"Sure, all that yelling can make a man tired." Castel chuckled and took a bite of his own sandwich. "So did you really make him cry?"

Esposito waved a dismissive hand. "He was too sensitive anyway, if I hadn't made him cry I'm sure something else would have."

"Looks like we'll have to wrap lunch back up boys." Beckett said from her desk. "We got a body." Esposito let out a loud groan, but with a glare from his superior he decided it best to put the sandwich away and followed her out.

A short time later they were all standing around a body found in the middle of his New York penthouse. "Do we have an ID?" Javier asked the medical examiner with a grin.

Lanie Parish grinned back. "Yes." She answered. "This little piece of heaven is his." She glanced around the gaudy penthouse, decorated with bearskin rugs and horrendous pieces of art, if art is what you could call it. She shook his head. "I'm no detective but I'm guessing our man here was single. His name is Robert Sharp." She motioned to the body of the man. He was in his fifties, dark hair and eyes, and was currently sporting a knife to the chest. "I think cause of death is obvious but it looks like he died sometime between eight and ten o'clock this morning."

"Robert Sharp?" Castle questioned. "How do I know that name?"

"Probably because we've had him in the precinct several times before." Beckett answered. "He's been on the narcotics division's radar for quite some time for drug trafficking. There was also a murder we tried to convict him for about a year back but we've never been able to pin a thing on him or his known associates." She knelt down and looked him over. "Looks like someone got to him before we could."

An officer came and cleared his throat, catching their attention.. "Excuse me Detectives," He interrupted, he motioned to a girl standing in the doorway. "That is Lisa, she's employed by Mr. Sharp to come in and clean every week. She's the one that discovered the body."

Esposito nodded. "Thanks, I'll take it from here." He stepped away from the others and introduced himself to the nervous girl before starting his questioning. "Can you tell me what happened?"

She slowly nodded, her hands still shook as she tried to recall the incident. "I um…" She swallowed and Javier told her to take her time. "I… I came in this morning to clean. I knocked several times but Mr. Sharp didn't answer so I used the key for the times he's not home. When I came in I heard movement in the living room. I thought it was Mr. Sharp so I called out but no one answered."

Esposito took notes down quickly. "And then what happened?"

The girl fiddled nervously with her hair. "I went to the living room to make sure everything was okay but before I could reach the doorway this guy came rushing out, he…" Her face went pale. "He had blood all over his hands. He ran pass me and out the door and when I came to the room I found Mr. Sharp…. Dead." She shook more at the thought.

"Did you get a good look at the guy?" Esposito asked after giving her a moment to calm. "Could you give a description?"
"I… I didn't see his face well but he was um… white, and about your height, maybe a little shorter, he had brown hair I think. That's all I remember, it happened so fast."

Esposito nodded. It was to be expected. Not everyone could memorize people's faces in a split second. "Thank you that's very helpful. Just one last question, what time was it that you found Mr. Sharp?"

She thought back. "Close to eleven I think, I usually come around noon but I was ahead of schedule today."

Javier thanked her again and returned to the others, recounting the information. "Well, if he had blood on his hands then they'll probably be fingerprints somewhere." Beckett reasoned. "I want everything swept. If this guy was messy enough, we'll have him in no time."

Esposito stared at his computer, trying to keep himself busy as the fingerprints were being ran, it was in times like these he really did wish he had a partner to talk to. They'd found plenty of prints. The guy was indeed messy. This would be an easy open and shut case. Which was good because it was getting late and he was tired, ready to call it a day. He finished his now cold cheeseburger and tossed the wrapper in the trash. It bounced off the rim just as an officer handed him the results. Javier jumped up and thanked him excitedly, rushing over to Beckett's desk where she was chatting with Castle. "Got the results!" He declared, not even taking the time to read them.

The murder board had a few crime scene photos pinned to it along with a photo of Robert Sharp when he was alive and well. A short list of what little information they had on the crook was scribbled below his picture, it ranged from trafficking drugs across the border to assault on workers that he suspected did him wrong. "I kind of hate solving this guy's murder." Castle said, his eyes running over the list. "He's a scumbag."

Beckett sighed. "Yeah well, we don't get to pick and choose. A murder is a murder." She nodded to Javier who was scowling after being interrupted. "So who was the guy running from the scene?"

Esposito smiled now that the attention was back on him. He flipped the file open and slid out a page. "Looks like the prints belong to…" As his eyes scanned the paper his blood ran cold. Everything else around him faded as he read the name a few more times.

His face must have gone a few shades paler because Beckett stood and was eyeing him warily. "What is it? Espo?"

"I, uh…" His throat felt dry. God did he need a drink, a strong one. The files slipped from his weak grasp and the papers scattered across the floor.

Two pairs of eyes watched him as he stood frozen to the floor. "So who is it?" Castle asked as stooped to gather up the papers. He pulled out a photo and slapped it up onto the murder board. Esposito dropped onto Beckett's desk as he stared at the face in the picture. He was older now but it really was him. It was all finally coming back.

Beckett slipped the paper out of her frozen detective's hand, still watching him with concern. She read the name aloud. "Looks like the fingerprints belong to… Kevin Ryan."

"Are you Javier Esposito?" The voice was timid as it interrupted his solitary lunch.

Life was not easy for seventeen year old Javier, he was a trouble maker. His mother was raising him on her own and he did his best to mind her but when it came to other figures of authority he had problems. Actually, when it came to other human beings he had problems. He was short tempered and got in plenty of fights, with teachers and classmates alike. Which lead to him being bounced from school to school in hopes that one might be a better fit… they never were. He stopped trying to make friends, it never ended well.

So when this skinny white kid showed up in front of him a few days after starting at his new school, he chose to ignore him, hoping he would go away. He didn't look up or respond in any way and after a few minutes he was certain the boy would leave… but he didn't. A tray slid into the spot across from him and the boy sat down. "My name is Kevin, Kevin Ryan." He held out a hand but still Javier didn't look up. He focused on the meat on his plate, trying to figure out what kind of meat it was pretending to be. The boy shifted in his seat. "This stuff is pretty gross isn't it, I like it when they have pizza."

Was he really trying to have a conversation? Didn't he know who he was, he was certain he had already cemented his reputation in this new school after he'd gotten into a fight in the hallway the day before. It would seem he would have to drive it home with this dense boy.

Javier let out a heavy breath and slammed a fist on the table, making the boy jump. His head finally snapped up and he opened his mouth, prepared to tell the kid to get lost but he stopped. Deep blue eyes caught his attention. He'd never seen eyes so blue before, they calmed him, but he had no idea why. Kevin took the hesitation as his opportunity. He stuck his arm out again. "Kevin Ryan." He said, reintroducing himself. He pulled his hand away when it was still left unacknowledged. "You're new right? I'm a grade below you I think. But I noticed you eating alone the last couple days and thought you might like a friend. I know what it's like to be new, it's no fun. So you're name's Javier right? I like that name, it's different. Mine is so boring, Kevin. I doubt there's as many Javier's as there are Kevin's."

Javier stared at him, annoyance growing. Did he ever stop talking? "What the hell do you want?" He snapped, making him twitch again.

Kevin shook his head. "Nothing really. I just thought you might-"

"I don't want a friend." He interrupted. "Now leave me alone." He dug back into his food, hoping it was the end of this annoying kid.

"Oh." He sat quietly, poking at his lunch, but never left. "Javier." He said making him look up again. "Javier… Javier, I just like the way it sounds. It's fun to say. Javier… Javi, Hey! I like that, can I call you that?"

He sent a death-like glare over the table. "No." The word came out cold enough to make their lunches freeze over. "Now, go away before I punch you in the nose."

Kevin bit his lip. "Okay, but I'll be back tomorrow. I'll bring you some of the cookies my mom made yesterday. They're delicious, you'll love them." He stood and grabbed his uneaten tray of food. "See you tomorrow Javi." Javier shot from his seat, the chair sliding out from underneath him. Kevin took off running and he hoped it would be the last time he ever saw the blue eyed boy.

It took some time to track Ryan down. His last known address was a bust, he'd been evicted several days sooner. His photo and description were placed out on watch and they were still awaiting word the next morning.

Esposito was sipping his coffee nervously from one of the tiny cups belonging to Castle's espresso machine. The writer noticed as he handed a cup to Beckett. "Is everything okay?" He questioned to the fidgeting detective.

"Yeah." Kate chimed in. "You've been acting really strange since yesterday."

He'd chosen not to tell them about his relationship with their suspect, in fear of being pulled off the case. Everything was bound to come to light but for now, he didn't want to face it. "It's nothing." He said through a shaky voice. "I'm just ready to get this case over with." Besides, it was a long time ago, it shouldn't matter now. But if that were the case, then why was that familiar feeling of guilt tugging at his nerves.

"You look tired." Beckett said with a sigh. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

How was he supposed to sleep when his dreams all consisted of the same thing? Blue eyes, old friends, and lots of blood. "It's nothing." He repeated. "I'm fine."

Kate raised an eyebrow. Clearly not buying it. "Well, have an extra cup of coffee, I need you awake. We're going to question Ryan together when he gets here."

Esposito choked on his coffee. "They found him?" He managed to cough as Castle hit at his back.

Kate rubbed his shoulder as he regained his composure. "I got the call a few minutes ago, they're bringing him in. Are you sure everything's okay?"

Javier tilted his head. Maybe it would be best to clear the air now. He opened his mouth to confess his sins when a commotion in the bullpen made him stop. "Let go of me!" A voice roared as soon as the elevator doors opened. Two officers struggled to drag a man down the hall. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

Hairs stood up on the back of Esposito's neck. He recognized that voice.

Kevin Ryan fought back in their grip. Despite being much shorter he was making life difficult for the two officers that held him. "This is unlawful arrest! You can't prove anything!" He thrashed and struggled and refused to be pushed forward. His leg kicked out and he knocked a nearby chair clear across the bullpen. All eyes were on him.

"That's our suspect?" Castle asked with a heavy swallow. "Seems like a handful."

Esposito couldn't help but let out a laugh. "You have no idea." He said, earning him confused glances from his team. The officers disappeared around the corner with the defiant man still in hand. He dropped the coffee and straightened his jacket before heading toward the observation room.

Captain Gates was already waiting inside. Her presence made Esposito nervous. They all looked at the man through the two-way mirror. To Esposito, he hadn't changed much, from his gentle, innocent features to his slight stature. His hair was still a soft brown and styled just right, although slightly disheveled by all his struggling. He was pale and skinny. And of course, his most noticeable feature was still his deep blue eyes that seemed to glow even in the dim light of the interrogation room.

However, there was one thing that was different, the familiar blue eyes were bloodshot and rimmed by dark circles. His behavior was off and when you added that to the volatile behavior and restlessness, Javier came to one conclusion. "Is he high?" Esposito asked, wishing his voice hadn't just squeaked.

The Captain nodded. "Looks like it. This might make your jobs more difficult detectives. Perhaps we should put him in holding for the night and wait it out."

"We can handle it." Beckett said firmly. "Ready Espo?"

He swallowed, hesitating slightly. "Yeah." He left the room, grabbing Kate's arm before she could open the interrogation room door. "Uh, Beckett, I need a favor."

She looked him over, eyebrows knitted. "What is it?"

"I uh…" His throat was dry again. "I know him… Ryan."

She nodded knowingly. "So that's why you've been acting so strange. So who is he?"

Javi dropped his head. "It's uh… complicated. An old friend of sorts. But, can you give me lead on this one?"

"Sure, of course." Man, was he grateful for this woman. Not even a second thought. He just hoped she would keep the same attitude after this was over.

He gave her a small, grateful smile. "Thanks. Just uh, he's a good person… okay." He didn't give her a chance to push further before opening the door.

He entered first. Ryan was still focused on trying to free himself from the cuffs that held him to the table. He shifted in his seat at the feeling of someone else in the room. He placed on a smug grin as they sat down across from him. Sharp blue eyes scanned them both, stopping on Esposito's face. The room was silent and ever so slowly, recognition crossed his features. The grin fell slightly before his smile widened. "Well, well." He said slowly. "Javier Esposito, now there's a face I didn't think I'd ever see again." His eyes shifted, unfocused. "So you're a cop now?"

"Detective." He corrected sternly.

Ryan's eyebrows rose. "Oh, well excuse me your highness. I never would have guess you'd become either but I suppose nothing is quite as I pictured it since I last saw you."

Guilt gnawed deep inside Esposito's chest, it was eating its way out. "Mr. Ryan we have a few questions for you." He said, trying to adopt as formal an attitude as he could manage.

Kevin's eyes shifted to Beckett. He bit down on his lip as he looked her over. "Is this your partner Javi?" He questioned.

"Detective Kate Beckett." She said in introduction, doing her part to let Javier have the lead.

Ryan laughed. "I'm sure you've heard this before but damn you're hot. You've been lucky in all sorts of areas haven't you Javi?"

"Hey!" Esposito snapped. "You will show some respect."

"Sorry, didn't mean to be disrespectful, wouldn't want that." Sarcasm dripped from every word. Ryan couldn't sit still, the drugs raged his system and made him antsy. He pulled at his cuffs and his tired eyes refused to focus. "What does a guy have to do around here to get something to eat?" He whined, still focusing on Kate. "Hey sweetheart, why don't you get me a burger? I haven't had a bite in days."

Javier jumped up, his chair shot out from behind him and slammed into the wall, rattling the mirror. "Damn it Kevin you watch your mouth!" He roared.

Ryan flinched before he smiled. "For a man who's come so far you sure haven't changed much have you Javi? Still that same short temper."

This wasn't the Kevin he remembered. He had no idea who this man was. When he'd seen Ryan's name on that paper, in the back of his mind he'd seen a chance to redeem himself, to find a glimpse of the past and make up for his wrongs. But he saw little hope with this man. Kevin Ryan was not here, there was only this stranger. Or so he thought.

Beckett placed a hand on his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze, calming him instantly. Javier picked up his chair and sat back down. Kate handed him the folder and he pulled out a picture, sliding it across this table. "Do you know this man?" He questioned, pointing to Robert Sharp's face.

Kevin's eyes scanned the photo, Javier caught a hint of fear pass his face. "No, never met him." He lied.

"Then why are your prints in the blood all over his body?" Beckett asked, sliding another photo over, one from the crime scene.

Ryan's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed nervously. "Must be a mistake." He was trying to sound tough, but was failing.

"There's no mistake." Javier continued, feeling a little more confident. "Your prints are all over his chest and the knife sticking out of it. We've got a witness placing you at the scene." Ryan shifted, "What happened Kev? What were you doing at that penthouse? Why did you kill Robert Sharp?"

Kevin's head dipped as he rubbed at his blood shot eyes with his cuffed hands. "I- I didn't… I wasn't…" His head stayed low.

Esposito sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I never would have thought you could do something like this Kev? Have you really fallen so low to resort to murder?"

"I didn't kill him!" He shouted, head shooting up. Blue eyes filled with tears. He tried to force them away but failed miserably. "I hated him but… but I tried to save him. I couldn't watch him die… I couldn't." Javier straightened. There he was. This was the Kevin he remembered. The one who cared so much he would risk his own life… to save a friend. He may not have been lost after all. Esposito saw a glimmer of hope.

Kevin couldn't stay in his seat any longer. He jolted and pushed his chair out from under him. He tugged at the cuffs and the table scraped across the floor. "I have to get out of here." He shouted, paranoia taking over.

"Kev, sit down!" Esposito ordered, he stood and reached for his old friend.

But Kevin was too far gone. He pulled away from the touch. The metal dug into his wrists as drug induced panic pushed him over the edge. "Please, let me go. I-I can't do this. I have to go… please!" Ryan collapsed to the floor, his body shaking violently. Javier could only look on in shame as his friend fell apart. "Please let me go Javi. Please." He sobbed. But he wouldn't let him go. He wouldn't leave him behind, not again.

So this is something brand new for me. I've never done an AU before but I'm having a real good time with this. I hope you enjoyed it and I can't wait to hear from you!