The Ending.

I guess this chapter could count as an epilogue of sorts..? I don't know.

5 years later...

"Guys! You're back!"

Maria ran up and hugged the half-awake seventeen-year-old twins as they stepped off the bus.

"Oh man I missed you so much!" With that, she gave them an extra squeeze.

"Missed you too, Maria," Dipper rasped. "Could you let us go? We need to get to the Shack."

"Oh, right, sorry."

She let go and stepped back, beaming happily. She wore simple blue overalls with a pink T-shirt, her hair tied up in a ponytail. The brunette seemed oddly hyper.

"Maria, are you feeling okay?" Mabel slowly asked as she rubbed a fist in her eye.

"Yeah, never better," the woman replied as she bounced a bit.

"Okay..." Dipper said hesitantly. He reached for his bags "I'm just gonna take my stuff and go..."

"Ooh! That reminds me!" Maria cried "I gotta show you something."

"Can't it wait until we unpack?" Mabel asked groggily.

"Nope!" came the chirpy reply. She gathered all of their stuff and levitated it behind a tree as they followed. "Ready?"

The twins were seriously confused. They don't see Maria for, what? Three years, and this is what happens? They realized they didn't answer her question as she looked at them expectantly, already taking their silence as a yes.

"What did you want to show us, exactly?" Dipper asked.

"This!" Maria snapped her fingers and the three of them appeared on the Mystery Shack's back porch in a flash of purple smoke.

"Holy—!" Stan's lounge chair fell backwards as he choked on his soda.

"I finally got teleportation down! Whoo!" Maria ran circles around them, arms in the air as she celebrated her victory.

The twins leaned on each other, slightly dizzy from the experience. Ford walked out, his own can of soda in hand. He took in the scene in front of him and sighed as he shook his head.

"You okay, Stanley?" he asked his disgruntled brother.

"Sure, I nearly got a heart attack, but I'm fine," Stan replied sarcastically as he coughed.

"You'd think you'd be used to it by now," Ford said as he patted Stan's back.

"Are we missing something here?" Dipper asked as he looked over at them, his head still spinning.

"Oh, hello Dipper, Mabel. When did you get here?" the old man asked as he looked up.

"We just got off the bus, actually," the boy said tiredly.

"Maria was the first to see us," Mabel cut in as she lazily gestured to the still sprinting woman.

"Hey Ford!" Maria said happily. "The twins are back! Didja see them?" She disappeared and reappeared closer to him. "Didja, didja, didja?" She kept teleporting closer and closer with every word until she was uncomfortably close. Cue sweat drop falling from the back of Ford's head.

"Maria!" Bill's voice was heard in the distance, getting closer. He emerged from the bushes dressed in his signature sweater and top hat combo. Upon seeing Maria, he immediately breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness. You found her."

"Hey Bill! See the twins?" She straightened herself and waved. "They got back a few minutes ago. I got to the bus stop first!" She pointed at herself proudly.

Bill walked up to the Shack, sneaking cautious glances at the at the ball of pep that bounced around the porch.

"Hi, Shooting Star. Hi, Pine Tree." The blonde lightly waved his hand in greeting, smiling nervously.

"Yeah, hi," Dipper said briskly. "Mind telling us what's going on?"

"I thought I was the only one who could get that hyper," Mabel said in awe as watched Maria.

"Uh, yeah. You see—" Bill started, only to be cut off.

"Can we get candy? Or how about pickles? I'm craving pickles." Maria rambled on about which food she was hungry for. She noticed the others looking at her and stopped. "Do I have something on my face?" she said as she attempted to peer at her own face. "Is it chocolate? I love chocolate. Can I have chocolate?" She looked at them all expectantly.

"We can get some chocolate on the way home," Bill said gently, as if trying to calm a feral dog.

"No! I don't wanna go home! Home is boring! I wanna run while I still can!" She made to run away until Bill caught her by the arm, stopping her in her tracks. "Can't catch me!" she said before she teleporting a few feet away. She ran off, leaving the others behind.

"Oh no..." Bill groaned, face-palming. He snapped his fingers, disappearing in a flash of blue.

Both sets of Pines twins were quiet for a moment as they stared at they spot they last saw him.

"What just happened?" Mabel asked, breaking the silence.

"She didn't tell you?" Stan said as he stood up.

"Tell us what?" Dipper asked as he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"She's—" Ford's explanation was cut short as Maria reappeared next to Mabel.

"Leave me alone!" she cried before hiding behind the younger girl.

Bill appeared a little while after. "You can't keep running around like this. You're gonna hurt yourself!"

"I'll take Mabel hostage!"

"Wait, what?!" Mabel barely had time to react as Maria grabbed her arm and disappeared, leaving Dipper to fall over as the support of his twin was taken out from under him.

"Well, that's just peachy," Bill grumbled as he sat down on the front step, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Okay, now I'm scared," Dipper said. He scanned at the others' faces. "Is there like, a ghost or something inhabiting Maria's body?"

"Oh, there sure is something in her body." Stan's comment made Bill turn red and bury his face in his hands.

Stan shuffled inside the Mystery Shack, leaving Ford and Bill to explain everything. An awkward silence stretched out until Dipper's eyes widened in realization, the dots slowly connecting in his head.

"She's pregnant?"

"Took ya long enough to figure it out," Bill said, his voice muffled behind his hands.

"How long?"

"Month and a half."

Ford nudged Bill with his soda as he sat down next to him. Bill took it and pressed it to his forehead.

"How long until she comes back with Mabel?" Dipper asked, now worried for his sister. He sat down next to Ford, holding his head in his hands and gazing out into the forest.

"I don't know," Ford answered hesitantly. "She took Stan last week and wouldn't tell us where he was until we gave her a giant bar of Cadbury."

"Best we can do is wait until she comes back with her list of demands," Bill sighed.

3 more years later...

"Hit the deck!"

Bill scooped up a clueless child from his crib and jumped behind the couch as the basement exploded in a flash of teal flames. A 3 year old girl crawled up, beaming proudly. She sat in the door frame as Maria trudged up the stairs, groaning audibly.

"You okay, Mommy?" the toddler asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, sweetie," Maria coughed as she scooped the little girl into a hug. "Note: Never practice magic in the basement." She pulled the little girl away to look at her. "Think you can remember that?"

"Yes sir, Mommy sir!" the little girl chirped.

"Is it safe to come out yet?" Bill asked from his hiding place.

"All clear!" Maria called back.

Bill stood up, firmly clutching a babbling baby boy in his arms.

"Ba ba pbhlt!" the boy squealed as a small orange spark appeared in his hands.

"Oh no," Bill groaned.

"Y'know, I warned you about this before Tilly was born," Maria said as she set Tilly on the ground.

"Yeah, I know, I know," he sighed as he put the baby back in his crib. "I just didn't think they'd start using magic this early."

"I'm pretty sure it has something to do with your 'bloodline'."

"Sure, blame the dream demon."

"Whatever. Just be glad they can't read yet. That's when the real trouble starts."

Bill had opened his mouth to reply when there was a small thudding sound. The couple looked around to see Tilly happily playing with her toys on the ground, and Lenny missing from his crib. No sooner had they realized this than a drop of spit fell on Maria's shoulder. The three of them stared up at the the gurgling baby, who was stuck to the ceiling as naturally as if he was lying on the ground, a strand of saliva dangling from his mouth.

"Wooow." Tilly gazed up at her brother, who giggled in response.

"Wonder what #3's gonna be like..." Maria murmured.

Bill tore his gaze away from the baby to look at her. "What?!"

"Heh..." Maria laughed nervously, hiding her hands behind her back. "I, uh, didn't t-tell you?"

"I don't think that turned out the way you wanted it to, sir," a man in a futuristic suit said.

"I know," Time Baby replied. "But at least he's not bothering me anymore."

"Might I ask you something, sir?"

"What?"

"Why did you send him to her in the first place?"

Time Baby shrugged. "I thought she would beat him to a pulp. This turned out better than I thought it would."

An thus ends my weird little story.