A Threaded Web

A/N: This is going to deal with some issues, so I'm going to warn you about the worst one right now; suicide. There will be mentions of suicide and death and cutting in this fic, along with some other disturbing topics. This is not for those easily triggered. Regarding the disclaimer; I do not own Naruto.

The First Thread

The fall of one is the fall of another, a thread connecting them and pulling everyone down, one by one. Commonly, this thread is not specified to have a color. Some like to speculate that it is white, for life. Some say it is red, for love. Others might like to call it black, for hatred. But the thread binds everyone together no matter the color, choosing to show that everyone is connected whether to each other or to others connected to those that fall first.

It began somewhere in the middle, a knife reaching towards one person.

His hands are shaking. Not so much that he falters, but enough that his fear shows through.

He is afraid. It's stupid. He feels like an idiot, worse than- no, he can't think about anyone else right now. He's killed before, he's seen blood. He doesn't have anything to be afraid of, anymore. He knows how this goes. He knows how to make this work. And he knows the best and quickest way to get it done. He's seen it happen right in front of him. He knows.

But still his hands shake as he reaches towards his own skin. The cut he makes is jagged, uncertain. But only the first cut.

The one that follows comes easier, harsher. Now he knows how it feels, how freeing it feels. Every cut he makes after that is better. A straight line. Deeper. Every cut he makes after that bleeds more, and quicker.

It's like he's in a daze where nothing else matters. He doesn't notice. Not the time, not the temperature, not the place. Not the way his feet stop holding him up and the wall refrains from helping him stay up.

It's only when he's too weak to continue giving himself that release, that he notices the mess he's made.

There's no one left to clean it up, and he should do that before he sleeps so it doesn't stain. He should do that-

It is unusual for Sasuke to be late, so when he is, everyone notices. Sakura, who arrives first, thinks he'll be there soon. She doesn't consider it late until Naruto arrives, and Sasuke has not yet showed up.

So she frowns, and instead of greeting Naruto back, she replies, "Have you seen Sasuke-kun?"

"Bastard isn't here yet?" She wants to yell at him and hit him for calling Sasuke that, so she does. It's not that she doesn't think Sasuke can defend himself or anything, it's that he shouldn't have to, and really, he shouldn't have to deal with the loudness of Naruto, so early, either.

When Kakashi arrives, he doesn't give an excuse, like he always does. His eyes sweep over them, counting them, "Maa, where's my third little genin?" And when no one seems to have an answer for him, continues. "We have a mission today, so since he hasn't showed, let's go pick him up, alright?"

Naruto laughs obnoxiously, "Bastard's later than sensei! He's never gonna hear the end of this!" But his grin falters, because it's unusual for Sasuke to be late, he's known that since the Academy. He's a little worried. Just a little bit. They're a team, after all. Team 7. The very best. Can't be the best if the Team isn't whole. They watch each others backs and pull each other up when they're having trouble getting up on their own. His definition of a Team is family.

They troop through the village, and through the tension, Naruto bothers their sensei about the mission, asking what it'll be, saying it'll be easy. Sakura yells at him, but she's just as relieved as Kakashi, because the silence and the tension and the worry bothers them more than Naruto could.

There are no signs that anything is wrong, when they arrive, there's no loud noises or any messes to show that something has happened. So maybe he slept in, they think. Kakashi aims to knock on the door and call for him to open up, but before he can, Naruto has grabbed the handle and is opening the door like it was never locked to begin with.

There's a tinge of hysteria when the usually cheerful boy crashes into the room and calls for Sasuke, and Kakashi makes note of it just in time for the smell of blood to reach them. Part of him muses that this must be the cause for hysteria, and then Sakura is rushing past him, the vary actions of her Team enough to frighten her. They're calling out for Sasuke, and it's the silence that comes from Naruto, just a bit ahead of him, that speaks volumes on it's own.

What he finds, when he enters the room, Sakura behind him, is a reminder of times long passed.

Another failure to add to his very long list, it seems. The dull eyes looking at nothing is a very good clue to how bad of a failure it is.

It's like the whole world has been turned on it's head. Naruto is silent. Still. Just as still as Sasuke. And Sakura is screaming. Crying. Clinging onto what is left of Sasuke. Begging him to wake up like he had on their C-rank-turned-A-rank.

But Kakashi has done this before. He knows how this goes. He sees the blood, the wounds, he recognizes what this looks like. It isn't entirely the same, but the amount of blood and the still body and the smell of death reminds him of that time. He follows that time, too. He turns around and he leaves. He finds someone more responsible than he has ever been capable of, Umino Iruka, and he tells him nothing more than to hurry to where Sasuke lives, that Naruto needs him.

And then he goes to change, because he won't be able to take a mission the way he looks, and he may be banned if he waits too long.

Kakashi has done this before.

He makes it somehow, there's a A-rank he can take that is just dangerous enough to get his focus. Just dangerous enough, with enough possible complications, that he won't have to go back for a while. He won't have to be there and watch them lower the body of his student into the ground. He has enough memories of coffins being buried as it is. He thinks that if he has to see that again, knowing exactly who he had failed this time, with all the connections to everyone else he'd ever cared about, he'll break into tiny little pieces, smolder into dust. So he doesn't.

He doesn't wait for Naruto or Sakura, he doesn't wait for the moment where he'll see a deaddeaddead Sasuke wander along with them.

Kakashi closes his eyes for a few seconds, to try to get the image out of his head, but it takes only those few seconds to be reminded of them.

He is reminded of his father, who chose to end his life, the man he pushed to his death because he had been a foolish little child that didn't stop to think for a few seconds. He'd thought he knew what he was doing and he'd been wrong. He hadn't expected to find his father deaddeaddead and with so much blood-

Rin would have been disappointed with him, had she still been around. He acknowledges it just as much as he acknowledges that it was he that killed her. Their sensei had been a Fuinjutsu Master, he'd been together with another one of those. His sensei's sensei had been just as good as them. There had been a way to fix her, to stop her from doing the bidding of Kiri that did not involve dying by his Jutsu, his hand through her chest. He'd killed her. That was his mistake. For thinking he could use that Jutsu to save her.

That's nothing against Minato, though. His sensei had managed to keep him alive, he'd given him a reason to live, and he hadn't done the same for his student. He'd failed his own sensei by being the horrible one that he was, for both the student gone and the son he should have watched from the beginning. Minato-sensei would have been very disappointed with him. At least half as disappointed as Obito would be angry. Because he kept failing Obito over and over.

He failed Obito when he let him die. He failed him when he killed Rin. He failed him when sensei too, died. And he failed him when he couldn't see what Itachi would do. Those were still nothing compared to his most recent failure. To have allowed a child to take his own life. He knows Obito would have seen it, Obito would have helped Sasuke. Obito would have done better.

He had failed, and this time it hadn't been an adult that had chosen this life, that had jumped in front of an attack meant for a teammate or even someone that had chosen to be a distraction for the sake of the Team.

This time he had failed another child, a young boy that had been so lost, so empty of life and happiness. A child that had been forced to grow up so quick, too quick.

The painpainhorridpain in his chest whispers to him that this is what it feels like to lose. This is how it is to have something to truly cry about.

But Kakashi can't feel any tears. The only eye visible remains dry. His Sharingan cries for him, then. Obito cries and screams for the last good Uchiha that had been left in this world. Obito cries for the loss of the child where Kakashi can only watch. It becomes a problem, because his headband can't contain all the tears, just the pain, but Kakashi doesn't care about it enough to try to fix it. He just keeps moving. He keeps running from his failures like he always did.

Here he won't have to look at them. He can forget. He will forget. And it will stop hurting.