To Embrace

Disclaimer: I don't own Arrow.

Chapter 11: Batter

Thea licked the sweet batter from the spoon and a satisfied noise escaped her sugar coated lips.

"If you keep eating it there will be none left for the actual cake," Raisa warned and promptly grabbed the oversized spoon from the younger woman's grasp.

The brunette couldn't help voicing her disappointment as her treat was taken from her. "I couldn't help it Raisa, you know this is one of my favorites!"

The older woman chuckled. "I'm well aware Miss Thea. Its a wonder you and your brother ever got any cake at all on your birthdays the way you too would sneak in here while I was baking. Let me get it in the oven and we'll have tea. You can tell me all about this mysterious boy you have been seeing while we are waiting for it to bake."

Thea didn't try to hide her surprise at Raisa's knowledge of Roy. When she returned home that day and popped into the kitchen for a snack before she got started on her homework she recognized the ingredients laid out nearly instantly and the sudden realization of what day it was hit her hard in the chest.

It was Oliver's birthday. She had been so wrapped up between school, her night excursions with Roy and her upcoming interviews for her internship that she had completely forgotten her supposedly dead brother's birthday.

"I don't know what you mean." The oven closed and Raisa leveled a look that said she wasn't getting out of this. Thea sighed and took her favorite blend of tea down from its place while the older woman put the kettle on the stove. "It is not what you think."

It really wasn't, unless Raisa somehow knew about Thea and Roy's nightly activities which included interrupting some small burglaries and petty crimes. Roy was starting to complain about not taking on anything bigger but Thea convinced him that they needed to start small, see how they worked together. They had yet to make the news but the youngest Queen knew it was only a matter of time. "He's a friend."

"Just a friend?" The tone was highly skeptical and Raisa's lips quirked as if to say Thea wasn't going to fool anyone with that defense.

Thea sighed and wondered why she was even bothering trying to maintain there was nothing going on between her and Roy because the fiction that Raisa believed would provide her a very convenient explanation as to where she spent her nights in the future.

"So, what's his name?" Raisa asked as she poured the hot water into the tea maker Thea had finished preparing.

Her response was interrupted by her phone chime. Looking down at the lit up screen, a bright smile formed on her face. "Look!" Thea held up her phone to show the picture that just arrived. "Park has been sending me these non-stop!" The new baby So-Mi was absolutely adorable in Thea's opinion. Park was absolutely enamored with his new daughter and talked non-stop about her if Thea let him. He had only returned to work recently and though Thea missed Diggle's subtle and biting humor at times it was good to have her gossip hen back.

Raisa cooed at the photo as expected before returning the phone to Thea. "His name?" she repeated with a pointed look.

Thea furrowed her brow in frustration but huffed out, "His name is Roy and it really isn't a big deal. We're just friends."

The housekeeper nodded. "Well I'm sure Mr. Merlyn and I would very much like to meet this Roy. You should invite him to the manor sometime."

Hazel eyes narrowed. "You and Tommy have been chatting have you?"

"Just once or twice when he dips into the kitchen for a quick bite." Raisa deflected as she poured the tea into cups. Thea reached for the cream and sugar while contemplating this information. She highly doubted it was only once or twice.

Tommy had been not so subtly probing into the time that they didn't spend together, asking questions about her friends and school life that he hadn't cared about before. Thea suddenly remembered the day she learned about Casper and Tommy asked about her bruise. She reached out to touch Raisa's hand. "You know I would tell you if anything or anyone was bothering me right?"

It wasn't wholly true but Thea had taken to sharing with Raisa and listening to her advice. They had always gotten along but Thea had a new appreciation for the woman who ran Queen Manor and cared for her family. Raisa got far more details than Moira about what exactly was going on between Thea and her old friends. Not that she let their behavior bother her but her old group of friends had been giving her a harder time than usual. It was mostly immature teenage stuff like heckling her in the hallways, spreading a few nasty rumors and the like.

The housekeeper smiled and squeezed Thea's hand in return. "I know, but sometimes we don't always want to talk about the things that bother us the most."

"Roy is a good friend, but he's not someone who my mom would approve of." Thea sipped her tea, thinking that was the most diplomatic way to put it. Rather than her mother was an unapologetic elitist who would most certainly look down her nose at a high school dropout with juvie record. "I really like spending time with him. He isn't getting me into trouble. Don't worry about that." It was Thea getting him into trouble really. Not that he wasn't perfectly willing to go along with it.

Raisa nodded and seemed to be satisfied with the would be teenager's answer or knew it was all Thea was going to say on the matter so she changed the topic. "How are you today?"

Sometimes Thea forgot how refreshingly direct Raisa could be. It was clear what Rasia was asking and the younger woman blinked quickly as old and new grief melded. She swallowed down the urge to tear up. "To be honest I forgot it was Oliver's birthday today." She looked down at the fine china cup. "How terrible is that?" The younger woman shook her head. "Some sister I am."

The housekeeper tisked softly. "Now now, do not feel guilty for healing Thea."

Thea couldn't help the frown that formed at the word 'healing'. 'Healing' was what she was incapable of. Being unable to 'heal' was exactly what brought her to this point. She still wasn't sure if that was her largest flaw. It certainly wasn't a strength.

"I feel like I've lost him all over again," the admission was a brutally honest echo of how Thea felt when Oliver did return home and she barely recognized the person he had become. Raisa would take it to mean her inability to recollect Oliver's birthday. It was something that had been on Thea's mind for a while.

What would happen when Oliver returned home? She wasn't the little sister he was expecting. She was twisted and stained and broken. He would surely notice it. How she had fooled everyone into believing she was still a teenager albeit a more responsible one than she used to be still amazed her.

"You were living in the present, as you should. You will never forget Oliver," the older woman said with genuine empathy in her eyes. "None of us will." Her eyes crinkled. "I remember when Oliver turned 10. You were only a few months old." Her smile was luminescent as she dropped her gaze to her teacup, lost in the memory. "He doted on you and he was very concerned that you weren't old enough to try his birthday cake. He insisted a piece be cut for you."

Thea's eyes stung as she swallowed tightly. "No one's ever told me that story."

Moira who Thea knew had been standing out in the hallway entered the kitchen. "He was very excited when you were finally able to eat cake. He loved feeding you and watching your face for reactions to new food. Sometimes in a not so charitable way. He gave you a wedge of lemon more than once."

Raisa stiffened at her employer's arrival. "Mrs. Queen, may I get you anything?"

Moira's face was soft as she shook her head. "No, thank," she paused, her lips turning slightly up, "Actually I would very much like to join you and Thea."

If the housekeeper was surprised by the request she didn't show it but Thea did not keep quiet. "You're going to have cake?" Her incredulity was apparent.

"I know its hard for you to imagine at times dear, but I like to have fun too, indulge in something sweet here and there," Moira replied with more sass and humor than Thea remembered her mother being capable off.

The bark of laughter that escaped Thea was a pure reaction without calculation or control. "When I see you eat an actual whole piece of cake I won't have to imagine it."

Moira merely smiled before taking the spot next to her daughter. "So about your upcoming graduation," she began.

Thea groaned. "No, no party, no gathering, no formal dinner, no celebration of any form please."

"I don't understand why you don't even want to have your friends over."

Hazel eyes caught the subtle shift in Raisa's expression, communicating her discomfort. "Mom," Thea said gently not wanting to further fan the flames, "I'm sorry that I can't explain why I feel the way I do, but please, can you just respect my wishes. And lets not have a discussion about me today." She reached for the older woman's and and gently squeezed.

Moira sighed, clearly communicating her disappointment but squeezed back. "Of course."

Crisis avoided Raisa proceeded to serve Oliver's birthday cake. The trio dug in to their first bites.

"Raisa, this is devine!" Moira gushed.

Thea chuckled before taking her own bite. "We had this cake at my birthday dinner too mom, didn't you try it?" She asked knowing that the answer was no. Her mother's grey green eyes narrowed and the matriarch took an even bigger bite in retaliation. Thea snorted.

"Oliver," Moira's voice shook slightly as she said her son's name, "when he was little would always wake up on his birthday and race down to the kitchen. He loved watching you bake his birthday cake."

"More like, he wanted to lick the spoon like someone else I know," Raisa added with a warm smile directed at Thea.

All three women chuckled.

Slowly more stories of Oliver's childhood were shared. Thea felt her eyes water when her mother mentioned the story of Robert, her father scolding Oliver for taking her rollerblading. She rubbed the scar on her elbow and remembered how gentle he had been, how he had called her a brave girl for letting him clean and bandage the cut.

Thea cleared her throat. "I'm gonna take a walk." She smiled at Raisa. "Thank you for letting me bake with you." She squeezed her mother's hand before she stood.

"Are you alright dear?" Moira questioned, her gaze gentle and concerned.

Thea nodded, "I just need some air, sugar buzz, don't want to sit still." Both her mother and Raisa looked after her with a touch of worry as she walked toward the back of the house. Her feet traveled a familiar path as her mind wandered further back than she usually allowed it.

Her feet took her to the graves. The brunette couldn't remember the last time she had visited them, probably the day of her arrival. She sat down on the cold, damp spring ground and took in a shuttering breath.

"I'm sorry dad." And she was sorry. The not seventeen year old knew now that Robert Queen was no saint. But no parent lived up to the idol that existed in a child's mind.

Robert Queen made a choice when she was born. He made a choice to love her, to accept her, to raise her as his. In her confusion, grief, anger and pain Thea had turned away from the memory of that man. It was a mistake she wasn't going to make again. He might not have been a good man, but he had chosen to be her father. She would never dishonor that choice again.

Her hazel eyes turned to Oliver's headstone. She couldn't wait for the damn thing to be torn down again. The first time she had been upset. This place was one of solace for her. But now seeing Oliver's name etched in stone made her cold and the anxiety of what could happen, what did happen was paralyzing. She could not afford to be paralyzed.

In a few short months, one summer, Oliver would be home again. Her headstrong brother would be rushing down the path that their father set him on. Thea wouldn't be letting him go down it alone.

Someone approached from the south and the faint smell of men's cologne drifted towards her before her other brother came into view.

When he reached her he plopped down beside her without ceremony and she leaned into his side as he put his arm around her. Out of all the new friendships she had formed after coming back her relationship with Tommy was probably the most important to her.

"How you holding up kiddo?" His voice was rough, clearly expressing his own grief. The throb of guilt Thea felt at not letting everyone know Oliver was alive and well was hot and sharp.

"Fine. It gets easier, you know? Some times at least."

"Yeah, I know." They sat together for a time and for once Thea wasn't thinking about what was to come the next day, the next month, the next year.

A shiver ran through Tommy and Thea couldn't help her soft huff of laughter. "Come on tough guy. There's a cup of coffee and a piece of cake waiting for you in the house probably."

"Cake before dinner Thea? You'll ruin your appetite that way," he mock scolded as he let Thea pull him to his feet. Thea slid her arm into the crook of Tommy's just like that first day they decided to put the past behind them. She glanced back for one last look at the graves. "They'd be proud of you."

Something tightened in her chest at the surety in her brother's voice. "You think?"

"How could they not be?" It was a rhetorical question but Thea could come up with plenty of reasons why they shouldn't be proud. "Hey don't go there Speedy it's in the past," Tommy chides gently, bumping softly against her.

She wondered for a moment what he meant before she realized he was referring to her former drug habit. It was a time in her life she hadn't given much thought to since coming back and Tommy never mentioned the time he confronted her about it. "I never thanked you for that day."

Her brother's soft laugh was a bit of a surprise. "Gratitude was nowhere near what you were feeling at the moment." He saw the face Thea made and he squeezed her shoulder. "But even though I doubt it was that one time that made you turn things I'm glad that you did. I'm proud of you too Thea." The warmth that filled her chest was unfamiliar but not unwelcome.

As they made their way back to the house Raisa's words from earlier, that she hadn't given much thought to before came back to her. "You were living in the present."

Was she though? Could she ever truly live in the present when the present was her past and she knew what the future held?

Feeling her brother's warmth at her side and looking up at Tommy's relaxed and content face Thea knew at the very least she was going to have to try.

A/N: This was a chapter that I really struggled with whether or not to include. It doesn't do much to move things forward, but sometimes when there is a lot to be done in other chapters I don't have time to sort out how complicated everything must be for Thea emotionally. And I don't think I did it much justice in this chapter but it always felt odd to me that Robert Queen was pretty much forgotten.